Friday, January 20, 2012

Dear chimekis, teach our netas how to fish

First of all, let’s congratulate our security personnel for doing a splendid job in keeping us inside our homes or hidden in our gallis during the dumpling gang’s visit to K-town.

Our police wallahs will be getting new walkie-talkies, the army folks have already gotten new colonoscopy machines hola, and the APF will get some booty too.

Dr. Saheb is probably patting himself on the back again for asking the hot-pot wallahs to stop by for a few hours.

At least the municipality wallahs finally got to do some street cleaning natak, ni. The Chinese had given them 108 trucks to clean our roads and dump our trash a few years ago but the KMC folks are always busy chasing street vendors and collecting parking fees from the mundreys.

And it didn’t matter if you were a Nepali citizen or a Tibetan or a Manipuri guy visiting his pals in the city. If you looked Mongolian, then you were either forced to play ‘freeze’ in the middle of nowhere or hauled to the local police station till Uncle Wen wrapped his visit. Where are our Janjaati warriors?

Our Comrades would probably have gotten more dough for so-called development projects if they had asked all our YCL brothers to wear red bandanas and Commie t-shirts and waved Chinese flags, hola.

If only our netas had the same audacity to stick to a ‘coherent economic policy’ as they do with the ‘One China’ natak, then maybe we wouldn’t have to go around begging for everything from our chhimekis. Kay bhancha ni, beggars can’t be choosers.

We’re hardworking people but our netas have made us look like beggars in front of the world, kya.

There’s no such thing as ‘free lunch.’ So everything our dumpling and dosa wallahs give us does come with strings attached, ni. The Chinese are happy if our police personnel beat up anyone hanging out in Boudha.

The Indians are happy if we keep on importing everything from fuel, khasi and even fresh milk from them. But of course, we have to thank our own political cadres for that since their ‘Nepal Banda’ nataks only helps the Desis since our factories shut down and farmers don’t seem to get any help from the government, either.

Well, the Desis aren’t happy with the counterfeit IC racket but someone always seems to visit our cities and start shooting in broad daylight. I can understand the CIA or the Israelis trying to get rid of them nukie scientists in Iran but why are we letting our chimekis push us around?

Our Foreign Minister is in Japan on medical leave. He also got something like US$30,000 to cover his medical expenses, rey. It’ll probably take an average hardworking Nepali nearly 30 years to make that kind of money.

The average Nepali can’t even afford to go to Norvic but maybe can visit Teaching Hospital in Maharajgunj. At least, the Japanese built it for us, ni.

But let’s not be harsh on our ‘bidesh’ mantri. He used to be a health assistant once but I guess he doesn’t know that we do have highly competent doctors now who can fix his neck or something. And the reason he didn’t visit Delhi like most of our netas is because he didn’t want to piss the Chinese. Now that’s what we call diplomacy.

And our ‘Home’ Minister is now in Delhi with our police chiefs, and like the Chinese, the Desis will also help our police wallahs get some free trinkets. Since our netas are running around begging for everything, why not ask the Desis to give us 50,000 breathalyzers baroo?

Each police personnel can then carry his own breathalyzer and won’t have to resort to smelling people’s breath. And maybe they can check their own just to make sure they haven’t crossed the limit while on duty.

If only our netas didn’t use our police wallahs as their slaves, security guards and scam partners, then maybe we would’ve had a very professional police force, hola. But once in a while, they do make us proud by busting a foreign drug mule or former mantri, based on their instincts, kya.

If there’s such a thing as a ‘Sherlock Holmes’ Prize, then our cops would’ve won that award year in and year out, hola. Hope someday our police wallahs will get more resources and less political interference so they can do their ‘real’ job. And one day, we’ll have faith and trust in the police, politicians, and public servants.

And Shyam Sundar Gupta should probably get an Oscar this year for acting like he was framed by his political opponents.

He’s been an MP, a minister, and hopefully he’ll be legally sworn in as a gangster soon. Not all politicians are gangsters but looks like all gangsters want to be politicians someday.

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