At the last minute

Most of our kids finish their homework the last minute before the deadline. Our slimy contractors wrap up government projects at the last minute too so that they can get paid. We all have been there, when we finish a job at the last minute, it feels like you’ve won an Olympic gold medal or climbed Everest in shorts and flip-flops. We have yet to find a Nepali who has done either of those but let’s be positive and hope that it will happen in the future.

But when it comes to our good-for-nothing corrupt clowns, they seem to find excuses to not get the job done at the last minute. It seems that they are good at putting on an act that everything is going smoothly and at the last minute, they come up with nataks to disagree on everything instead of resolving the disputed issues.

It’s always at the last minute that our loafers fail to find common ground and end the political deadlock. It’s always at the last minute that our blood sucking parasites change their mind and walk away from so-called high-level meetings. Our leeches think that they have all the time in the world. They are not in a hurry because they don’t have to work for a living like most of us do.  They get to loot the state treasury and they want to keep on looting till we have nothing left.

Our clowns have been signing so many agreements amongst themselves to resolve the disputed issues that we have lost count of them. We have been waiting for a constitution for many years and we can wait a few more months. But our clowns come up with their own deadlines and fail to resolve issues on time. It seems that some of us might have a better chance of catching Halley’s Comet twice than hoping for a constitution in our life time.

Deadlines don’t meant nothing for our lazy bums. If you are always late in submitting your assignments in school then you are more than likely to turn out to be a politician in the future. Well, there will be a few exceptions, like Baburam.

Our teachers and parents should look out for kids who are always late at everything. These kids will, in the future, turn out to be the ones running the show. As for all those who follow rules, be it in school or in everyday life, they will just turn out to be law-abiding, hardworking citizens who will pay their taxes and utility bills on time and get nothing from the corrupt government.

You really don’t need a PhD to be a politician in this land of ours. Most of our netas have come this far not because of their vision but their ability to gather up mundrey gundas, extort from byaparis and loot the development funds in their community. 

If you can spew as much venom as you can against others and at the same time inspire local hoodlums to support your thirst for political power then the future is bright if you want to be a neta. Of course, you need to promise local mundreys that they will get bikes, gold chains, and in the future, even advance their career from a mundrey to a mantri.

This is why we must have some kind of requirement of academic qualification if you really want to be a neta. It would be nice if you needed a bachelor’s degree and at least three years of paid job before you were eligible to contest elections. If you want to be a mantri and then someday our pradhan mantri, then please get a masters’ degree. 

And as for the head of state, let’s only allow PhD wallahs to be our Chief Guest at the local jatras in the Valley. But our current crop of netas don’t want term limits or the minimum academic qualification stuff because then they would all be ineligible to even stand for elections.

Let’s hope that our hermit PM, Sushil Da will be the last Prime Minister to not even have a high school degree. And let’s hope that we will have a PM in the future who doesn’t even have a mobile phone. Most of the netas seem to be busy with their mobile phones even when driving around the Valley in our taxpayer-funded luxury vehicles. Either they are playing Candy Crush or talking to their spouses about what’s for dinner.

 Our Home Minister Bam Dev has not even passed high school and look where is he now. He has been our Home Minister a few many times and still can’t get along with the Nepal Police. Well, I guess he should know by now that it’s not as easy to deal with men and women in blue as it is to make couple of buffaloes get on the right track.  

If Bam Dev really wants to piss off our police personnel then he should do the right thing. Come up with regulations that ban the use of foul language, verbal and physical abuse and extortion by our cops against the common citizens.

Yes, our police wallahs have little resources and yet they are doing their best to arrest criminals and provide security to the general public. But when it comes to using their boots and laathis, somebody really needs to teach our men and women in blue that they need to use restraint and not attack peaceful protesters like crazy savages. 

Be patient and not use brutal force.  Request the protesters not to cross the so-called ‘restrict zone’ and offer them a plate of momo each after their peaceful protest is over.

We have seen political brutality since the days of the Pancheys and not much has changed. We have watched our police wallahs beat up monks, women and even senior citizens. The Nepal Police does not discriminate when it comes to showering laathis and boots on protesters. And this week, our Dalit activists, politicians and well-wishers became the target of our police force.

But of course, our Home Minister and Nepal Police don’t have to apologise for their brutality. Our security personnel are here to protect the politicians from the public. We are fighting against Goliath, not just one but a bunch of them.

We have yet to find our David but of course Kamal Thapa and his ‘Hindu’ crew don’t want one. They are just happy with the caste system where so-called untouchables are barred from using the community well or entering the temples. 

Even our super hero Rajesh Dai could do nothing about it. Let us all feel sorry for ourselves. We have all failed as Nepalis. We can only hope our children will rise above religious and caste prejudices and build a better Nepal some day. That day will come if we start teaching our kids now.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com