Bam Dev Must Go!

Our dishonorable Home Minister Bam Dev seems to live in a bubble and has no clue on how to maintain law and order in this land of ours. Why do we have the most incompetent people heading our government ministries? Our politicians only know how to spew venom and blame others instead of talking less and doing more and taking responsibility for their failures.

Why do only lazy bums and con artists want to be politicians in this country? Well, because it's easy money if you do get into power and if even if you don’t, you can work out deals with the government to send some funds your way. Yes, our politicians find common ground only when they get to share the loot.

Why can’t our political parties send competent folks who can lead instead of clueless clowns who only know how to loot the state funds so that the party and its cadres enjoy the loot while the common citizens get the boot?  

It's been more than twenty five years since our clowns showed up and promised us a better future. And it seems that we will have to wait another two decades or more for peace and stability in this land.

This is not the first time that our clown is heading the Home Ministry but he seems to have other priorities like how to plan for lucrative postings and promotions of officers and then extort from them. And on top of that, find ways to get new stuff for the security personnel that they don't really need so that you can fudge the bill and pocket some commission.

When our top government positions are for sale then you can't really expect the person who paid for the post to do his or her job well. After all, the highest bidder will have to recoup his or her investment? And it's the common citizens who will pay for it.

You can teach an old dog new tricks. Yes, it's possible. I have a dog and I have taught him to lay down and act like he is having a seizure whenever he wants to get out of the house and join his local stray friends in the neighborhood.

But our old politicians don't want to learn new stuff.  The world has changed since Bam Dev first showed up in Kathmandu with a few shirts and not even a Rupee in his pocket. And like most of the politicians then, he also seems to have done much better than the rest of the country. 

While, millions of our able-bodied young folks are being exploited for a few more Dinars and Ringgits, our politicians have made millions of Rupees for themselves as they take the country down the drain.

Bam Dev thinks like a Shree Tin. He acts as if he owns this country and the citizens are nothing but nuisance. He drives around in a luxury vehicle, surrounded by armed security personnel. He is fully secured and does not have to worry about bandas. He gets freebies from the state and would rather offer more freebies to his band of thieves rather than provide security to the common citizens.

He should have been the first person to visit Tikapur. I guess our politicians are angry when mundrey gundas get killed but do not feel that pain when police personnel are lynched.Well, it took our security heads four days to finally have the courage to visit Ground Zero and take stock of the situation there.

Bam Dev tells us that the attack on security personnel was pre-planned. Then that means that our security forces failed miserably to prepare for such attacks. It was an intelligence failure and we have no one but the Home Ministry to blame.

Yes, our Home Minister, the Home Secretary and all security chiefs should apologize for not doing enough to prevent the loss of lives of our security personnel as well as the protesters. I think the top civil servants in our Home Ministry and Bam Dev as well must resign and apologize to the families of the police personnel killed in Tikapur. But of course, that's not going to happen.

Why do we need the Armed Police Force if they just want to be mute spectators while thousands of protesters surround police personnel and attack them with slingshots, spades and axes? Sending our Nepal Army to the riot zones is not the solution. 

Our Nepal Police must be better equipped with resources to prevent such incidents in the future. The role of the army is to protect us from foreign invasion. Well, we know we really can't fight our dumpling and dosa chimekis but at least protect our borders and national parks from bideshi criminals and ghaerlu poachers. But don't use the army against our own brothers and sisters. This is not just right.

If the Armed Police Force can't do their job then it's about time to disband them. Why do we have to pay their salaries so that they can protect foreign embassies, INGOs and our incompetent corrupt clowns? 

Yes, our security personnel did their best even without adequate resources to carry out the rescue works during the earthquakes. Maybe, we should just transform the Armed Police Force into a Disaster Management Force. Give them helmets and resources to help our folks during natural disasters instead.

It's not only Bam Dev but our top leaders of our political parties should take responsibility for the fire burning in Kaliali and other parts of the country. It's been weeks and our Terai area is suffering from bandas and violence. 

Our government doesn't seem to care. If you really must deploy the army, then let them protect our highways, so that there will not be shortages of essential goods in the country instead of asking them to shoot our own people.

The problem in this country is not with its people. We have been surviving so far without any help from the government regardless of shortages, load shedding, bandas and what not. It's our politicians who need such violence and nataks for their own survival. But one day, the chicken will come home to roost. 

Today, our police personnel and protesters have lost their lives so that our politicians can strike deals with each other on how to share the loot. Let us not kill each other for things that really don't matter to us. We are all brothers and sisters. We all need to learn to help each other and live peacefully together.

Our politicians are parasites, they will suck our bloods and hang us dry when their self interests are fulfilled. It's sad that a bunch of politicians can take this hostage while we the silent majority can't do nothing but only shake our heads in disbelief. 

Our politicians should be held accountable for all this mess. We used the ballots in the hopes that these leeches would do something good for this country and our politicians think they can clean up the mess with bullets. I guess it's about time to show these buffoons the door.

 Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Money, Mundreys & Martyrdom

Our political parties have shut down Terai and other parts of the country for weeks and our incompetent government seems to be least worried about it. Yes, the government doesn't care if common citizens suffer from such bandas because the government has never been there for the people. 

It only knows how to ask for chiya kharcha and treat the citizens as serfs while our civil servants and clowns think of themselves as Maharajas. The Shree Tins left the building a long time ago but I guess the Hukumi Shasan will be with us for a few more decades.

Our netas and their cadres don't have to go to work every day. They don't have to worry about paying the bills because they can always extort the local byaparis to fund their shutdown programs. After all, it's the common citizens who can't go to school, work, and run their businesses and travel. 

It’s always us who suffer the most whereas netas get to show their strength by mobilizing their cadres. And they have no shame to tell us that they are doing all this natak for the people. Yes, our political parties shut down the country so that the people can stay home and spend some quality time with their families. It seems that our political parties really do care about family values.

Our Madhesi parties think they can prolong the 'banda and burn' natak a little bit longer by promising 50 lakhs, jobs and state benefits to the families of those who are killed by the state during protest programs. Yes, all the benefits will be given to the families after our Madhesi parties take over the state government after we are done with the new constitution.  

We all know that our netas are only good at giving us false assurances. You would have to be a fool to believe that they will fulfill their promises. These buffoons are only good at using and then disposing their cadres for their own political self interest. When will our cadres learn and not be blind followers of such chors? 

I guess our protesters don't need the District Administration Offices after we have our provinces. Yes, let's burn down our government offices because we won't have to pay taxes and get our citizenship ID and passports when we have our provinces. Just visit the Chief Minister's personal aide and he or she will take care of business as long as you give him or her some chiya kharcha.  

Yes, you can get everything delivered at your home for the right price. I guess it will be much better than staying in line and running from room to room in our sarkari offices. And your chiya kharcha will go to the politician instead of the state treasury. And in a few years, we won't have any government offices because there will be no funds in the state coffer to run them. 

I think our political parties forget that when they are in power, they will be the ones who will have to build the vandalized and burned down government buildings and provide the necessary resources to civil servants. Yes, our civil servants are inefficient, lazy and rude. And we have no choice but to grind our teeth and wait for them to finish their meetings and tea breaks to receive the services we need.  

But at the end of the day, you will get your nagarikta, passport and other services that you seek if your paperwork is fine. It might take hours or even days instead of a few minutes to get the job done but your job will get done. 

We cannot burn down our government offices and burn their vehicles. Our taxpayers paid for it and we will have to pay for it again if everything gets burned down. Our government agencies are not yet fully computerized. 

Most of the documents are stored in our government offices instead of being digitized and stored in a central server. If we burn them down then it will take a while to prove that we are who we are when we go to our civil servants to seek the services we need.

Our politicians would rather divide the country further to make other chors happy. Yes, we might even get seven or eight states now but our hermit PM is not happy. Well, I guess it's just up to a dozen chors to tell us how many provinces we can have. 

We are not going to get five provinces that touch both the hills and the plains. Our protesters are not happy with six. Our PM is not happy with seven. Then, let us all go for 14 provinces and make everyone happy. Then, who knows, you and I can also be a minister of the state government someday. 

We will have a thousand local MPs and ministers and the taxpayers better pay the federal, state , local and even extortion tax to local hoodlums. So be prepared to get taxed not once, twice or thrice but as many times possible depending on who is raising the funds to shutdown the province. 

After all, there will be losers in elections and when they do not have access to the state funds, they will have no choice but to extort from the public and to do that, they will need mundrey gundas and his crew to do the dirty work.

A year ago, Nepal Police killed 'Chari' , a gangster who was also affiliated with the CPN-UML. Now, they have killed Ghaite, a gangster who was affiliated with the Nepali Congress. As usual, the police call it an encounter and tell us that they had no choice but to fire back after the gangster fired the first shot.  But politicians close to Ghaite claim that it was premeditated murder by our Nepal Police. 

Our netas use the mundrey gundas for their election campaigns. They need the mundrey gundas to extort from local byaparis and other con artists. It is our netas who have protected the mundreys and when things get out of hand, it is them who decide to finish them off.  When will our netas stop using the mundreys for their muscles and money? I guess Ghaite will also be declared a martyr soon.  

Hope someday, our netas will be able to battle it out with each other and win elections fairly based on their vision instead of using muscles and money to sit on the kurchi to loot us all. Our prayers are with Ghaite's family. Don’t blame the police. Blame the politicians who used his muscles and money and will now forget him and groom another mundrey to do the dirty work again. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

The Disunited States of Nepal

How many provinces does it take to make us all happy? Most of us really don't care how may provinces we have because we are busy dealing with shortages of everything and worrying about how to provide for our families with our meager salaries. 

But of course, our clowns have far better things to worry about like how to divide our provinces so that we will have more politicians running the show at the state level. We, the taxpayers will have to feed these lazy freeloaders. 

They will need security, luxury vehicles and free housing and health care. We will have more thieves enjoying the freebies from the state and there is no choice but for us to pay more taxes and get nothing in return. 

Welcome to New Nepal where the mundrey gundas and their masters will continue to have all the fun while the common folks will continue to run away to foreign lands to provide for their families.

Does it really make any difference in our lives when we have our provinces? Nope. Our lives will not be better but might just get worse. But of course, there is no turning back. 

We will have our provinces and let us all hope and pray that our state governments will be efficient, transparent and accountable to the public instead of the usual corrupt and inefficient system we have been used to so far. 

Our incompetent corrupt clowns thought they could just roll over us by drawing up borders and forcing their six-province natak down our throats but I guess most of the folks across the country are not happy with it. While life is fine and dandy here in the valley, protesters are shutting down districts across the country and our government is busy killing and beating them up. 

When it comes to police brutality, not much has changed since the days of our Shree Tins. The security forces only know how to shoot and use their boot against the common folks. I guess our security chiefs did not think that the folks across the country would go crazy and resort to violence to protest the proposed six provinces from our clowns. 

We have no one to blame but our own political parties for teaching us all that we need to hurl stones at security personnel, burn tyres, storm and vandalize government offices, burn vehicles and shut down our own country to show  our strength. If our political parties really want a peaceful Nepal then they should ban all shutdowns and vandalism of public and private property by so-called peaceful protesters. 

Yes, please have that in the new constitution and let us make it a federal crime to shut down the country and burn vehicles be it public or private. But our netas do not want that because that's what they are good at whenever they are not in power. So the problem with this country is not us but them. 

Our political leaders who are supposed to lead us to glory are the ones who are looting us all and we, the silent majority have yet to discover our true strength. If we can get rid of the Shree Tins, the pancheys and the almighty King himself then why can't we get rid of our leeches?

If our loafers are really serious about our provinces then please make sure that each province touches the plains and the hills. Then our folks in each province can enjoy the summer up in the mountains and come down to the plains during winter. 

We cannot have only a Madesh Province or a Hill Province. But of course, our usual bunch of thieves wants to divide the country for their own political interest rather than for the good of the people. 

I think it would have been better if we had just stuck with the five development region model from the panchey days and just turned it into provinces. But of course, our netas want a New Nepal where they have to change everything upside down because we don't want anything to do with the past.  

If we really want to forget the past then why can't we be a secular nation instead of a 'Hindu'  state?  Yes, let us be a 'Hindu' nation once again. And in a few years, invite the monarchy back in and then change our national anthem once again to suit whoever is looting us then. Why are the pancheys still around? They should have left the building a long time ago.

So far in this Republic, our netas and their mundrey gundas are busy ripping off the public and making our lives worse than we had imagined. We had a King once and he and his courtiers had all the fun. Now, we have a dozen mini Maharjas and thousands of cadres looting the state treasury. 

When will it all end? Well, it looks like it never will until our community and social leaders all get together and start a political party. We cannot let criminals and pick pockets run this country down the drain?  We need to start somewhere. We are tired of our socialists and communists netas who in reality are capitalists willing to sell this country to the highest bidder. 

We need hardworking Nepalis who have the experience and wisdom to serve this country well. We need folks with vision not selfish pricks who only know how to fool the public with the same old tricks. We need politicians who can reason with us and make us believe that they are doing the right thing to take this country forward.  

We want them to back it up with action instead of fooling us with empty promises while emptying our pockets.  If rule of law really applied to all of us then most of our clowns would be charged with treason. But who will bell the cat? 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

At the last minute

Most of our kids finish their homework the last minute before the deadline. Our slimy contractors wrap up government projects at the last minute too so that they can get paid. We all have been there, when we finish a job at the last minute, it feels like you’ve won an Olympic gold medal or climbed Everest in shorts and flip-flops. We have yet to find a Nepali who has done either of those but let’s be positive and hope that it will happen in the future.

But when it comes to our good-for-nothing corrupt clowns, they seem to find excuses to not get the job done at the last minute. It seems that they are good at putting on an act that everything is going smoothly and at the last minute, they come up with nataks to disagree on everything instead of resolving the disputed issues.

It’s always at the last minute that our loafers fail to find common ground and end the political deadlock. It’s always at the last minute that our blood sucking parasites change their mind and walk away from so-called high-level meetings. Our leeches think that they have all the time in the world. They are not in a hurry because they don’t have to work for a living like most of us do.  They get to loot the state treasury and they want to keep on looting till we have nothing left.

Our clowns have been signing so many agreements amongst themselves to resolve the disputed issues that we have lost count of them. We have been waiting for a constitution for many years and we can wait a few more months. But our clowns come up with their own deadlines and fail to resolve issues on time. It seems that some of us might have a better chance of catching Halley’s Comet twice than hoping for a constitution in our life time.

Deadlines don’t meant nothing for our lazy bums. If you are always late in submitting your assignments in school then you are more than likely to turn out to be a politician in the future. Well, there will be a few exceptions, like Baburam.

Our teachers and parents should look out for kids who are always late at everything. These kids will, in the future, turn out to be the ones running the show. As for all those who follow rules, be it in school or in everyday life, they will just turn out to be law-abiding, hardworking citizens who will pay their taxes and utility bills on time and get nothing from the corrupt government.

You really don’t need a PhD to be a politician in this land of ours. Most of our netas have come this far not because of their vision but their ability to gather up mundrey gundas, extort from byaparis and loot the development funds in their community. 

If you can spew as much venom as you can against others and at the same time inspire local hoodlums to support your thirst for political power then the future is bright if you want to be a neta. Of course, you need to promise local mundreys that they will get bikes, gold chains, and in the future, even advance their career from a mundrey to a mantri.

This is why we must have some kind of requirement of academic qualification if you really want to be a neta. It would be nice if you needed a bachelor’s degree and at least three years of paid job before you were eligible to contest elections. If you want to be a mantri and then someday our pradhan mantri, then please get a masters’ degree. 

And as for the head of state, let’s only allow PhD wallahs to be our Chief Guest at the local jatras in the Valley. But our current crop of netas don’t want term limits or the minimum academic qualification stuff because then they would all be ineligible to even stand for elections.

Let’s hope that our hermit PM, Sushil Da will be the last Prime Minister to not even have a high school degree. And let’s hope that we will have a PM in the future who doesn’t even have a mobile phone. Most of the netas seem to be busy with their mobile phones even when driving around the Valley in our taxpayer-funded luxury vehicles. Either they are playing Candy Crush or talking to their spouses about what’s for dinner.

 Our Home Minister Bam Dev has not even passed high school and look where is he now. He has been our Home Minister a few many times and still can’t get along with the Nepal Police. Well, I guess he should know by now that it’s not as easy to deal with men and women in blue as it is to make couple of buffaloes get on the right track.  

If Bam Dev really wants to piss off our police personnel then he should do the right thing. Come up with regulations that ban the use of foul language, verbal and physical abuse and extortion by our cops against the common citizens.

Yes, our police wallahs have little resources and yet they are doing their best to arrest criminals and provide security to the general public. But when it comes to using their boots and laathis, somebody really needs to teach our men and women in blue that they need to use restraint and not attack peaceful protesters like crazy savages. 

Be patient and not use brutal force.  Request the protesters not to cross the so-called ‘restrict zone’ and offer them a plate of momo each after their peaceful protest is over.

We have seen political brutality since the days of the Pancheys and not much has changed. We have watched our police wallahs beat up monks, women and even senior citizens. The Nepal Police does not discriminate when it comes to showering laathis and boots on protesters. And this week, our Dalit activists, politicians and well-wishers became the target of our police force.

But of course, our Home Minister and Nepal Police don’t have to apologise for their brutality. Our security personnel are here to protect the politicians from the public. We are fighting against Goliath, not just one but a bunch of them.

We have yet to find our David but of course Kamal Thapa and his ‘Hindu’ crew don’t want one. They are just happy with the caste system where so-called untouchables are barred from using the community well or entering the temples. 

Even our super hero Rajesh Dai could do nothing about it. Let us all feel sorry for ourselves. We have all failed as Nepalis. We can only hope our children will rise above religious and caste prejudices and build a better Nepal some day. That day will come if we start teaching our kids now.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Stop Foreign Junk

Our incompetent government has introduced new criteria for foreign junkets of our clowns and civil servants. We all know that those in power and authority are the ones who break all the laws of the land. This new criteria natak looks good on paper like every other stuff our government comes out with but such nataks fail because our government can't enforce anything.

They fail to take action against our black-marketers, transport mafia, fake VAT Bill byaparis and sellers of adulterated and substandard products. So, hoping that the government will take action against their own chors if they violate such directives is like expecting the Principal to spank the teacher who spanked you. 

If every chor is having fun then you might need a thulo chor to stop the party. Now, we need to organize a competition to figure out who has been on the most foreign junkets in the past year and ask the chor to head the 'Stop Foreign Junk' committee.

Ours is the only land in the world where our hakim sahebs and clowns go on foreign junkets just to spend our taxpayers money. These buffoons think that they are entitled to such freebies because they are in power or top positions in the government. We pay our taxes so that our civil servants and clowns can be fed. We pay our taxes so that these buffoons can take care of their families.

But our taxes are not enough. The funds meant for development projects and to build infrastructure are siphoned off by our freeloaders so that their families can live like kings while the common folks have to wait for Dashain to afford a few chicken wings.

The common folks will have to plan ahead and save for months if they want to take our family to Chitwan or Pokhara. Our hakim sahebs and clowns will look around for conferences and what not and beg the bideshi dalals to invite them. Some get free tickets while some make sure that they get to spend our taxpayers' money so that their families can enjoy free shopping and tour.

Maybe, it would be better if our government also provides free domestic and foreign trips to lucky citizens every month. Yes, give a family of four a week-long trip to Singapore or Bali once a month at the taxpayers' expense. We wouldn't mind it. After all, at least one taxpayer and his or her family get something back from the corrupt government.

Our clowns visit foreign lands but fail to learn a thing or two. They first need to visit an ENT doctor and get their eyes and ears fixed.  Maybe then they will able to see clearly the development in foreign and and listen to the conversations of competent bideshis and what they do to make their land better. 

Our thulo mancheys only know how to use their mouth and that too only to beg for a few Dollars or scholarships for their kids whenever they visit their masters overseas.

If our government strictly enforces the so-called new criteria then corrupt thulo mancheys will have to follow certain guidelines when it comes to giving and receiving gifts. I guess we should have only certain items classified as gifts that can be given by our corrupt chors such as a Dhaka Topi or Gunyo Cholo,  Khukhuri or Khukhuri Rum, Yarsagumba or a packet of Gundruk. 

When it comes to receiving the gifts from foreign dalals, our clowns and civil servants should only accept t-shirts and ties. They can wear the tie when attending ribbon cutting ceremonies back home or wear the 'I Love NY' t-shirt to bed.

Our President, Prime Minister and so-called top officials can only take no more than 22 folks along for a foreign trip. Although the committee that came up with the criteria has suggested not allowing folks who have nothing to do with the trip to tag along, it would be difficult for our thulo mancheys not take their spouse, kids or cousins with them. After all, who doesn't want to take their near and dear ones to foreign lands when it is all paid for and you even get a daily stipend?

Many of our civil servants and clowns themselves save a few hundred dollars on such trips except for Baburam. This man only needs two rotis, daal and some sabji for dinner. He doesn't have a large appetite nor does he need bideshi whiskey unlike most of our evil doers. But I don't know much about Hisila Didi. I think she needs to learn a thing or two from her hubby as well.

Our ministers and hakim sahebs will not be allowed to go on foreign trips sponsored by INGOs. Yes, we are all tired of bideshis inviting our clowns and civil servants on conferences on how to bring peace or alleviate poverty or eradicate corruption from our land. 

All them conferences have not changed the mindset of those in power. If our bideshi donors really want to help our land then they must ask their immigration department to bar anyone holding a Diplomatic Passport from Nepal. Maybe, when they have nowhere to go, our clowns and civil servants will sit on their desks and do their job well.

At the end of the day, no matter what criteria our incompetent government comes out with, our thulo mancheys will not follow them. Our sharks have no morals. They have no shame when it comes to enjoying the loot. Our Emperor was in Delhi recently and now our great 'Pajero' man Deuba is busy enjoying his guff session with Desi leaders. 

I think we should just implement a total ban on our clowns from visiting Delhi. Save a few Rupees by just visiting the Desi Ambassdor in Lazimpat instead of taking a flight to Delhi. Our clowns and civil servants can learn a thing or two from the Desis. Their civil servants and clowns sing the same song regardless of their political affiliation when it comes to their 'Nepal' policy unlike ours who neither do their homework nor are on the same page when dealing with bideshis.