Monday, January 12, 2015

Go Swiss!

Our political pickpockets are busy doing what they know best. They like to disagree on everything and nobody wants to be flexible on anything. I think we need to send all our freeloaders to a week-long extreme yoga sessions. 

Maybe, they will learn how to bend their backs without dislocating their discs. Yes, please call Ram Dev Baba for a closed-door session for our constipated assembly (CA) members. 

I think we should not blame majority of our CA members for not being able to give us even a first draft of the constitution within a year. After all, it's only a dozen of our so-called leaders of major political parties who get to decide what's best for all of us. 

It would have been easier and much cheaper if we had only one party, one member CA thing. Maybe, that will happen the third time around.

We would only need to feed 30 or so folks and if they didn't complete the task they were assigned then it would be easier to deport them to the country of their foreign handlers. And the rest of the money we have wasted on 601 freeloaders could have been invested in some hydropower project and we would have had at least one hour less load shedding during the winter.

The Constipated Assembly (CA) has now sent back the report of the Constitutional Political Dialogue and Consensus Committee (CPDCC) for consensus.  We just can't understand why our clowns love to play this back and forth game. Stop wasting our time and call it quits. 

We all know that these blood-sucking parasites will not be pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Instead, these pickpockets will keep on playing the 'blame game'. 

Some of our comrades want a 'national unity' government. Some want 80% of the seats because they claim to have won the same percentage of land during the bunker days. 

And our Kangaroos and United Mundrey Leaders think it will be all fun and dandy if they go for the voting process to resolve the contentious issues. Well, our clowns have still not found any common ground on how many provinces we need or what kind of governance we want and the electoral and judicial system.

I think our clowns should just go 'Swiss'. Yes, we can't make everyone happy. Our Emperor wants to be the 'El Presidente' for life so that he can keep everything for himself. Other buffoons want to be 'Prime Monster' so that they can share the loot among their cousins and cadres. 

I think we should follow the 'Swiss' formula and have a collective head of state instead. The Swiss have the Federal Council where seven samurais get to serve as the collective head of state.  

Yes, we don’t need a President whose job it seems is to only attend our religious festivals. We don't need a Prime Monster, whose job it seems is to invite other knuckleheads for tea at Baluwatar and waste time by indulging in hawa-tari guffs.

Let's have the Seven Samurai head their own ministries instead of having a bus-load of ministers. And among the seven, one gets to be the President for a year without any real power to act like a dictator. 

I think if our clowns really believe in democracy then we should go 'Swiss'. Instead of only allowing our clowns to enact laws and change the constitution on their own, a referendum should be made mandatory. We, the common citizens should have the right to challenge any law passed by own clowns.

I think the reason we have so many political parties in this land of ours is because the Election Commission wallahs will register a party if they can gather 10,000 signatures. I think we should scrap the registration of all our political parties and start again. 

Yes, let's increase the number of signatures required to ten times more or don't be surprised if somebody opens a 'Nepal Messi Party'. It would be easier to get 10,000 signatures within a week if your political party is named after Lionel Messi. Of course, Messi could sue the party for using his name but that's another story. We are lucky to have our courts that ask a CDO to pay Rs 100 fine for not following their orders. Messi could get a few Rupees more but not much.

We think of ourselves as the 'Switzerland' of Asia. Well, many of our great clowns had earlier promised to turn Nepal into Switzerland. We can't be Singapore because we are landlocked like the Swiss. 

We just need to focus on making chocolates and great watches. And if we can be bankers like the Swiss then we could make some money as well. We could get rich clients from Chindia who wants to hide their assets in foreign banks. 

After all, both Ping Pong and Namkeen are after 'black' money. And where would our clowns hide their ill-gotten wealth?  They don't need to open Swiss bank accounts like the Desis or the Dumpling gangs. They can buy LPG bottling plants, invest in shopping malls, media and banks in their own land and get away with it.

So, if our loafers can't decide on anything then it would save us a lot of money if we could just go 'Swiss'. We might not be able to make chocolates and cheese because the milk price is crazy but we can all learn yodeling for now and also ask the Swiss Embassy in town to organize a 'yodeling' festival for our inept clowns. After all, our clowns don't need much training when it comes to going back and forth. 

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