Saturday, March 1, 2014

Bam Dev becomes Batman

Bruce Wayne is a billionaire, industrialist and philanthropist. We don't know if Bam Dev is worth billions but he sure is an opportunist and a cunning capitalist masquerading as a hardcore communist.  And now our honorable Home Minister wants to be our Batman but he doesn’t  have to don a cape, a simple topi will do. 

While Wayne gets to cruise around the city late at night in a bat mobile, Bam Dev gets a gas-guzzling SUV and armed security personnel to move around the capital. Instead of fighting crime, he will probably be busy figuring out how to make some dough from promotions and transfers of police officers.

Our IGP Saheb is all alone and the post for 8 AIGs is lying vacant. 12 DIGs will be competing to get the extra phuli and better perks. But competency is not a requirement, cash is. So whoever comes up with some extra cash will get promoted and our Home Minister will need pretty strong boras to hold all that dough.

The difference between Wayne and Bam Dev is that the billionaire wants to fight crime at night whereas our buffoon wants to shut down all night-life businesses so that our cops won't have to fight any crime after their drinking hour begins.

2014 is Bam Dev's year because he is celebrating his 50th year as a comrade. So what has he done for the country in the past fifty years? Nothing. The first time, Bam Dev had fun in the sun was when he became our Home Minister back in 1997. 

Elton John's 'Candle in the Wind' was the number one song that year.  If our Bammy dyed his hair blonde, got rid of topi and wore an earring or two then he could look like Elton Baba now.

But of course 2014 is different and we have to deal with Miley Cirus and her nautanki nataks that makes you throw up instantly. Our police wallahs are now going all out to curb crime in the city by shutting down massage parlors as if our mundrey gundas hang out there to get their daily massage. 

Yes, many massage parlors in Thamel are engaged in illegal activities but instead of raiding the places and rounding up the staff, why not go after the ones who force women to engage in sexual activities?

Bam Dev was our Home Minister in 2008 as well. And all he did then was to shut down night-life businesses in Thamel by 10pm. Our cops in Sorakhutte had to curse their luck because they no longer could extort extra pocket money from dance bar owners to allow them to open till 4am. 

Our honest cab drivers were forced to go home early instead of waiting for drunk passengers and charging them double the meter.  

Instead of acting like a Taliban, our Bam Dev Baba can do us all a favor if certain spots in the city are allowed to operate their night-life businesses till early morning if they follow certain government regulations such as sound-proofing their premises, providing a safe and enjoyable environment for customers and of course, not engaging in illegal activities. 

If Bam Dev really wants to be our Batman then please reform the police force instead of only going after mundrey gundas from other political parties. Deepak Manange was arrested from the national stadium after Manang Marshyangdi Club won this year's league title. 

Why only single out Deepak Dai? What about the other dons like Chari, Ganesh Lama and the rest of the mundreys? But of course, Chari is a UML don whereas Lama Dai is close with our former Home Minister Bijju Maharaj. 

Yes, we all love our SSP Ramesh Kharel but if he really wants to help our Batman clean the city from all the mundreys then at least be impartial and nab all the mundreys in 24 hours and lock them all up and carry out investigations. 

And make sure our dons stay in jail for a decade or two and their ill-gotten wealth confiscated. We can even use their illegal money to provide better housing for our low-level police personnel and maybe our jails will finally get some dough to carry out much needed maintenance.

And we would all celebrate Bammy & Rammy Day every year to mark the day they managed to get rid of the mundreys from the capital. But of course, that day will never come. SSP Kharel will probably be our IGP someday. Bammy may have dreams of becoming our Prime Monster too. 

So let's wish them both the best and let's hope they will teach our police personnel to treat common citizens with respect and make our capital safe instead of hurling verbal abuse as well as laathis against us and no more joining hands with the mundreys to make a few extra Rupees.

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