Saturday, February 8, 2014

Who wants to be a Prime Monster?

It's time for our incompetent buffoons to elect a new Prime Monster who will lead us down the drain again. Our CA members who want to grow organic tomatoes in Baluwatar will have to file their candidacies by Sunday 5pm. 

That means, they have another 24 hours to ask our fake VAT bill byaparis for some dough to buy some votes. Sushil Da wants to be our Prime Monster really bad. After all, in a few years,  he will be ready to go on a pilgrimage to Kasi. And what better way to end your political career by eating organic salad on your way out.

Our beloved President had given a week's deadline for our clowns to find common ground and form a national consensus government. But deadlines don't matter to our freeloaders.  They spend hours late at night, drinking whiskey and cooking up dirty schemes but nothing pans out in the morning. After all, our chors all want a bigger piece of the loot and nobody wants to walk out with a few less Rupees.

Now it's up to our Kangaroos and the United Mules Liberators to come up with a solution on how to divide the loot as they distribute lucrative ministries to their near and dear ones.  It would have been better if we had a mini-sinister from our major political parties.  Yes, let's have at least one egghead to head one ministry and have some fun.

Our clowns are not really interested to come up with a constitution within a year. They want to make as much dough as possible because they know that it might be another decade or two before they get to eat the pie again. 

The UML wants Home and Finance Ministries.  Yes, Ram Dev's  Nepali cousin, our very own Bam Dev Baba must be itching to be the Home Minister again. After all, if he hadn't pulled enough strings then our KP Oli dai wouldn't have become the parliamentary leader of his party.  

Jhallu Baba wants to become our President and maybe KP dai wants to handle our finances because he will need to balance the book as he sells tomatoes from Baluwatar. 

We all know that whoever controls the Finance and the Home portfolio makes the most moolah.  The last time, Bam was the Home Minister, he decided to shut down all night-life businesses by 11pm. So if Bam Dev becomes our Home Minister again then our night-life entrepreneurs will have to be prepared to shut down their businesses maybe even before 10 pm.  

And maybe, he will do our corrupt and incompetent police officers a big favor by adding another dozen AIGs and maybe a hundred DIGs.  And don't be surprised if you see a DIG heading a police beat while our Inspectors will be out on the streets and all the constables will probably be working at senior officers' homes as domestic helps.

Our Home Ministers make the most dough from promotions and transfers of police personnel.  Our Finance Minister will make a killing from all our fake VAT bill byaparis. The last time the UML had bagged the Finance portfolio, the Finance Secretary resigned because the mantri-ji was busy pocketing millions from byaparis so that they could continue to evaded taxes. 

Let's hope VAT Mohan Adhikari won't be our Finance Minister again. If KP Oli heads Finance then he will probably be able to collect record revenue for the government and much more for his near and dear ones. The guy's boli is more powerful than a bandook ko goli.  

The small businesses will probably have to cough up more taxes whereas the so-called big business wallahs will get to save more. It's the same natak after all.  If KP Oli quits politics someday then he could move across the border to the south and write dialogues for Rajnikanth movies. 

Both Bamdev and Oli dai are known to have close ties with mundrey gundas.  A guy who claims to be the adopted son of Bamdev was arrested sometime ago for trying to extort some moolah from medical doctors. 

I think his case files will disappear soon. KP Oli has lots of mundreys under his protection. It's happy days for all mundrey gundas  who belong to the Kangroos and the UML. 

Maybe, we will have to wait another few months before we have somebody to live in Baluwatar.  But whoever gets to be our Prime Monster will turn out to be no better than the previous ones.  Baidya Ba can win our hearts and minds if he comes up with a 'money back guarantee'  if our clowns fail to write the constitution within a year. 

Yes,  his cadres have promised to stop voluntary donations for now but we would all back him up if he can get our CA members to voluntary donate their salaries and allowances to clean the Bagmati River if they can't do their job this time. 

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