Saturday, February 15, 2014

Be My Valentine

Sushil Da is our 37th Prime Monster and we only have one mini-sinister for now. Ram Sharan Mahat must be gunning for the Finance portfolio but it might take a while before we have a full-fledged cabinet.  Only then we will have our netas going all out to make as much moolah as they can. 

Our United Mules Liberators (UML) are not happy with the Kangaroos.  Oli Dai even refuses to entertain calls from Sushil Da because he wants Bam Dev to be our Home Minister.  A big valentine card the size of a pillow is enough to make a lass happy but for our so-called leaders, they need more than a rose, a card and a box of chocolates. 

Maybe, Sushil Da should offer Bam Dev and his crew, a bora full of cash as a Valentine's Day gift so that they will finally join the government and deliver us a constitution within a year.

A low-level civil servant might be happy with a few thousand Rupees chiya kharcha but our incompetent buffoons won’t be satisfied until they get at least a few Karods. Since, everybody wants the Home Ministry, the price might go up ten-fold.  

So, now is the time for our Kangaroos to gather all their old byapari well-wishers and ask for voluntary donations.  Maybe, then our UML wallahs will be happy to let go off the Home Ministry and make a few more Rupees from the other 13 ministries they are happy to head. 

Meanwhile, Dr. Saheb has opened a liaison office so that common folks in his district can file complaints about nearly everything. I think our new government should also add another ministry. Let's have a Ministry of Complaints and let Dr. Saheb head the ministry.  

We don't hear much about his other half these days. I guess Hisila Didi is busy trying to figure out why the voters in her constituency were not impressed with her nataks. Our Fashionistas want to give her a new make-over while our feminists think she needs to tone down her combative skills. 

Our No Electricity Authority (NEA) increased our utility bill earlier and now it's our No Drinking Water Corporation (NDWC) that wants us to pay more for empty taps in our homes. The Water wallahs have hiked the water tariff by 120% and have promised to deliver less water as usual. 

Our government agencies cite inflation, rising fuel costs and what not to justify their price hike. Most of them incur losses of  Billions of Rupees every year but their employees get freebies and bonuses. 

Maybe, we , the common folks should also stop paying our property taxes and our utility bills citing inflation, corruption, frustration and destruction. The rising food prices will probably lead all of us to take the new diet fad of intermittent fasting. Corruption is making our netas, civil servants and contractors fat and rich while we lose our time and money to get basic services from the government. 

We are all frustrated but at least the Delhi wallahs got Kerijwal while we are still waiting for some kind of a political party that will fight for the common folks unlike our politicians who drive around in gas guzzling SUVs, protected by armed security personnel who are happy shoo-ing away other drivers out of the way so that our buffoons don't have to worry about the traffic. 

But not everything goes up in Nepal. Our government had decided to reduce the royalty fee for bideshis climbing Everest. Yes, our foreign friends will now have to pay only US$11,000 per person instead of $25,000 under the previous group system. I guess all our bideshi mountaineers are high-fiving each other now. 

We really have incompetent fools heading our bureaucracy. I think we should charge more because we now have many millionaires from the West who want to climb Everest and think of it more like their trophy wives or husbands. So, why not charge them a million Dollars and at least make sure that our Sherpa brothers receive half of it every time they help another snobbish rich foreigner who thinks climbing Everest is the same as going out on a picnic with caviar and champagne.

So, let's charge our foreign friends more so that we don't have a traffic jam up in Everest. Let's make them carry all their trash back to the capital instead of polluting the Everest region too. And let our Nepali brothers and sisters climb our mountains for free because the cost for the gear and other stuff are expensive anyway.

Our comrades celebrated the 19th anniversary of the Peope's War Day on Thursday by organizing the same old bhasan karyakarams across the country. Both our Emperor and his courtiers and Baidya Ba and his angry birds were busy with their nataks. With all that dough made from voluntary donations from friends, our comrades could have built a memorial for all their fallen comrades. 

I think it would best if our government built a memorial in the heart of the city for all civilians, Maoists and security personnel who lost their lives during the conflict. 

No comments:

Post a Comment