Saturday, September 21, 2013

The 'Rule of 51'

The Commission for Investigation of Abuse of Authority (CIAA) is not only going after our hardworking civil servants but also wants to act as a moral police.  Lokman dai thinks he is Superman. Maybe, he should go around town wearing a red undie and a cape with a big arse letter 'L'.  

Our CIAA wallah is not only interested to root out corruption from the civil service but also wants to make sure that our civil servants save their ill-gotten wealth by keeping cost low during weddings, bartabandas and other social functions. 

Most of us can’t afford to splurge and the only folks who have the moolah and want to flaunt it are our clowns, civil servants, cops, contractors and con artists masquerading as byaparis. 

This year's Teej was mellow compared to the previous years when all party palaces in the valley used to be fully booked.  And most of us are happy that we did not get to hear songs encouraging elopement this time around. 

But of course, the CIAA only warned our ladies not to go all out and waste thousands of Rupees on celebrating Teej as if the world will end this year. They really didn't say anything about songs or music videos where the main dancer dances like she is performing some Bollywood item number.  

A 90-year-old got into trouble when he invited hundreds of guest for his birthday party a few weeks ago. So if your 9-year-old wants to celebrate his or her birthday this week and then make sure you invite less than 51 students, teachers and relatives.

The CIAA wallahs want us to abide by the Social Behavior Reform Act 1976. If you really follow the Act then your guest list for a wedding procession must not exceed 51 and gold offerings to the newlyweds must not exceed 20 grams.

The only guy who ever followed the act was late Marichman Singh who had taken 50 other folks in his son's marriage procession. But we don't know if he invited more folks for the party but the point is at least he did try to respect the law. And what happens if you violate the so-called '51' Act? Then you can be slapped with a fine of Rs 3,000 or spend 30 days in jail. 

The problem with our laws is the fines and the jail term. If you can afford to spend 10 lakhs then 3,000 is chump change.  Maybe, they should increase the fine by a 10,000% to lakhs and then people will think twice before violating any laws of our land. 

Maybe we should have the '51' rule for nearly everything. How about having only 51 candidates for the new Constituent Assembly?  There are more than hundred political parties and it would be tough to have only one person from each party for the CA.  

Maybe, we should ask the fringe parties to merge like our financial institutions. They can save a few Rupees on campaigning and get more cadres to vandalize stuff.  Maybe, we should increase the signatures needed for registration of new parties to 100,000. The number of political parties should drop drastically after that.

And Lokman and his crew can do us a big favor if they direct political parties to only have 51 guests during their Dashain chiya pan karyakaram. After all it's a social function.  And maybe we should also have a limit on voluntary contribution to our political parties. Let's make it only Rs 51 per person. 

Our byaparis then won't have to issue fake VAT bills to save some dough for voluntary contribution. The Chinese are now acting tough against corrupt government officials. The Dumpling wallahs celebrated the mid-Autumn festival on Thursday. The Chinese government is cracking down against expensive gifts to civil servants. 

Our CIAA should issue a directive to all police posts across the country to stop extorting dough from local business wallahs so that they can send a Red Label, a Khasi and other gift items to their bosses.

The Nepal Food Corporation will probably send half the goats to hakim sahebs and our netas during Dashain.  Maybe that's why hundreds of goats die in their godown every year during Dashain.  Maybe we should have a law that strictly allows only 51gms of masu per each person during Dashain.  

If you are an alcoholic then you can drink no more than 51ml per hour. And if you are gambling during Dashain then each bet should not exceed Rs 51.  And if the local grunge band harasses you for not giving more than Rs 51 for their Deusi-Bhailo program then just give them Lokman's number  if they want to file a complaint. 

If Lokman really wants to prove a point then he should only take Rs 51 as his salary and forgo other government perks. 

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