The Manchurian Candidate

Baidya Ba and his angry birds are busy walking around the valley urging us to boycott the upcoming CA election.  But just shouting slogans and disrupting traffic will not be enough to convince us to stay home this November. There must be some incentive for all of us if we are to boycott the polls.  

If Baidya Ba really wants us to join him then he should at least ask the slimy contractors to finish the road widening projects in the valley.  Khilly dai had directed them to complete the bato ghato stuff by August and it’s already September.   

With the way things are going, don’t expect our contractors to wrap up their work this year. It took our contractors more than five years to build a small bridge in Singamangal.  

So it’s safe to say that it might take a few years before we get to walk on a clean, black-topped road in the valley. And some of the sidewalks are so small, that you will have to walk sideways or both pedestrian will have to be size zero if they want to pass each other without getting intimate.

Our NEA folks have yet to move them electric poles in many places and Nepal Telecom is not in a hurry to fix the landlines affected by the road widening project.  As usual, the common citizens have to suffer whereas contractors, civil servants and our clowns are happy with sharing the allocated funds.

If our angry birds can promise us that we will not have to deal with all the dhulo and debris from the road natak then at least we will think twice. Our clowns should learn from the Desis. The BJP wallahs are selling onions below the market price across India.  

Yes, it’s a political gimmick and instead of just spewing venom and attacking each other, why not help the common citizens by selling goats below the market price this Dashain?

Our Emperor and his courtiers have enough dough to buy a goat for each Nepali family. If they had any brains then they would have invested in agriculture and their cadres would have all been organic farmers by now. 

Instead of spending billions buying Desi goats and Chinese Chyangras every Dashain, we would be eating local and our former rebels would have made an honest hard-earned moolah.

Except for Baidya Ba and other weaklings, the rest of the clowns are busy gearing up for the second round of Constituent Assembly. Everybody wants a ticket and the election fever has also affected Kollywood as well.  

Rekha Thapa is ziggy-wiggy with the Maoist. Bhuwan KC is in love with the UML whereas our Superstar Rajesh Hamal wants to raise his iron fist for the Kangaroos.  Let’s hope that Shiva Shrestha will announce his affiliation with some other political party next week. 

Our political parties should have some kind of an admission test for new cadres. If you want to be a comrade then you should head to Peris Danda and take a multiple choice test comprising 50 questions about all the old crazy communists like Lenin, Stalin, Mao and other wackos.  It should be fun to check Rekha Thapa’s answers.  

If you are a fake communist then head to Balkhu and profess your love to the party like Bhuwan dai. The Unidentified Moronic Losers want folks with clean records to contest the polls. If they are really serious about having ‘clean’ folks then most of their netas should stay home and give the young blood a chance.

And if you want to hang out with the Kangaroos then head to Sanepa and have tea with Sushil da or Deuba.  The Kangaroos will break up again, so choose your side wisely for the next general election. It’s only time when the man from Dadeldhura will start his own musical band again.

Rameshower Khanal, the former finance secretary is now a Kangaroo and so is poet Shrawan Mukarung.  Maybe Khanal will come up with some formula for economic revolution and the poet can write a poem about how the Kanagroos screwed it up when they were in power. But our Madhesi parties have yet to attract Pahadis except for a few ones like the don from Kavre or former IGP.  

I think people like Anil Chitrakar should start a new party of like-minded folks who really want to do something for the country instead of just talking gibberish and spending all our taxpayer money doing nothing.  Mahabir Pun could start his own party. The party’s manifesto could be ‘free internet access to all’. 

Binod Chaudhary is also planning to stand up for election. He should stop hanging out with the UML and start his own party too. The “Wai Wai’ party could then offer us at least free packets of Wai Wai to all its cadres.

Five of our former Prime Ministers have pledged commitment to yet another economic revolution that will make our country a superpower by 2030. The five stooges signed the commitment at a program in Birgunj.  Let us hope that we will still have a country by then because the way things are going, we are more likely to disintegrate into feudal kingdoms in the future.