Our Comrades

Our Emperor is having a tough time keeping all of his courtiers happy. Dr. Saheb now wants to be a simple party cadre instead of being the vice-chairman. I think it’s time we request our comrades to act like real ‘men and women’ instead of juvenile delinquents. Grow up and sort out your differences like civilized human beings instead of crying, shouting and then pouting.

Dr. Saheb  also wants our Napoleon to step down and pave way for the young comrades to take charge of the biggest racket in town.  A month ago, some of our comrades had proposed an age-limit for top leadership of the party.  But nobody wants to leave the building at 65.  After all, when you have tasted power, you are not going to leave the scene to live like a hermit. 

I hope Dr. Saheb will now use public transport to attend party meetings.  And when going to Gorkha for his monthly bhet-ghat karyakaram, please do walk all the way from the capital instead of taking a bus from Kalanki. That would really make the party cadres proud and our Emperor will have a tough time trying to match such nataks. 

After all, the great chairman only knows how to use them muscles and money. He can either give you a break by doling out millions to break up your party or send his enforcers to break your leg. If Kollywood one day makes a remake of the ‘Godfather’ then we know who will get to play the leading role.

Baidya uncle and his crew have now formally announced that they will boycott the upcoming Constituent Assembly (CA) polls.  It really doesn’t matter if our netas make informal or formal announcements. At the end of the day, our freeloaders don’t have any vision and the only thing they know is how to shut down the country and make all our lives miserable. 

The Afghanis have the Talibans and maybe we should rename our comrades, Balibans. The angry birds really hate everything Desi.  They did shut down our theaters for screening Bollywood flicks.  But it was only  for a week or two and the hall wallahs were back with the usual Bollywood and Hollywood movies. I guess the hall maliks decided to voluntary donate some dough to the Balibans.

Our dash-comrades should make a formal announcement of invading India next week. After all ,our comrades see India as the enemy number one. It would be fun to watch Baidya uncle leading the charge as he hops across the Indian border.  

It could be a David vs Goliath story. But he will need a massive catapult if he wants to hit Delhi.  Maybe, our Balibans should visit North Korea, Venezuela and even Iran and come up with a master plan to at least provide us some relief from all the shortages of everything  and what not. That would really win the hearts and minds of the Nepali people.

The North Koreans can give us new technology like how to produce counterfeit currency, fake Marlboros and of course, long-range missile technology. Dennis Rodman will even visit our land and work as a coach for the national basketball team for a year or two. He surely is tight with Little Kim. Our traders won’t have to worry about rising Amriki Dollars since they can buy cheap fake dollars to import goods. 

The US will probably send their secret service agents to investigate the fake currency racket and landlords in the valley can jack up their rent prices every time, a bideshi wearing one of them ‘Men in Black’ suits show up at their door. 

Our smokers can save some money by buying fake Marlboros until their lungs run out. And who cares if  Little Kim’s missile technology doesn’t work. We can use the big-arse rockets as border pillars and that would probably make the Desis think twice before meddling into our affairs.

The Desis import oild from Venezuela and Iran. If Baidya uncle can visit them two lands and make some speeches about how he is going to use a catapult to knock off the imperialist pigs then we are sure to get cheap oil from them. The Desis can’t say no to their requests to drop off their free gifts across the border.

But of course, our Balibans don’t have the courage to do anything except make speeches about foreign hands conspiring to make our country a failed state.  If they really want the world to take notice of them then they should be asking Edward Snowden, the former CIA contractor turned whistle-blower to leave Russia and come to Rolpa. 

If our comrades are really anti-capitalist, anti-imperialist and anti-everything then this is the right time to cash in. If we can get Snowden in Nepal then Germany will probably increase its foreign aid by ten-fold. Hong Kong will probably give us visa on arrival and China will build highways across our land for free. After all, nobody likes to be snooped upon.