Saturday, July 13, 2013

Ineligible voters and Treasury Looters

Dr. Saheb is back on Facebook after finding it difficult to explain his thoughts in less than 140 characters. Instead of tweeting or updating his Facebook statuses, he should open a YouTube channel and do a ‘daily show’ where he can talk about how his road widening project has helped us all to come together. As vehicles get stuck on muddy roads, we have seen citizens joining hands to push the vehicle as the driver saheb tries to get it out. 

Since Dr. Saheb is now a simple party cadre, it would be a great act of sacrifice if he decides not to contest in the upcoming CA election. Yes, give some other comrade a chance to represent Gorkha.  If our smarty pant is really hell bent on proving a point then he should just quit politics and be a university professor.  And then hope that our Emperor will follow suit and go back to farming or animal husbandry. After all, the great commander has a degree from Rampur Agricultural Campus.

The Election Commission is now registering eligible voters and they don’t even need to show their citizenship certificates. What’s next? Maybe they will also allow Kuireys to vote as long as they show us a receipt of having taken a mountain flight. 

If you are not a Nepali citizen but happen to live across the border then just bring a hand-written note from one of our political parties and it is enough to get yourself registered.  It’s not that difficult to get a Nepali citizenship certificate.  The Indian criminals who operate along then Nepal-India border all seem to have acquired Nepali citizenship after bribing our sarkari hakims. Bangladeshis buy Nepali passports and fly to the Middle East. 

Our political parties can use the dough collected from extortion and voluntary donations to hire tons of jeeps and eligible voters from across the border.  Or if they have enough funds, they can even invite the ‘chimeki’ voters for a month-long vacation in Tarai before the election. Our political parties have been violating the laws of the land and no one seems to care. Why do we even need any laws if our clowns are not going to abide by it. 

Since the days of the Pancheys, our clowns have been using hoodlums to win the election.  And now even in the age of the Republic,  our freeloaders still need the help of mundrey gundas to capture them booths or threaten common citizens  to vote for them.  

First they try to win the hearts and minds of eligible voters by giving them gifts. It can be anything, goats, chickens, pigs or a gallon of pure ‘Kodo ko raksi’ or just straight cash. If that fails, then our villagers will be threatened with bodily harm or even exile from their villages. 

If that too fails, then it’s all about capturing the voting booths or stopping eligible voters on their way to the polls and not allowing them to exercise their right. 

It’s a little tougher to carry out your dirty schemes in the urban areas.  You can’t just barge in and steal the ballot boxes. There are just far too many cops around and there will be the media wallahs as well. The Kuirey election observers will also be mostly in the urban areas to monitor the election. 

So, the only way to get around it is to make sure the eligible voters are registered and they are promised gift hampers. One will need to find a guy who can bring in the votes and then promise him a suitcase full of cash. 

We really don’t need a survey from the Transparency International (TI) to make us aware that our political parties are the most corrupt criminal syndicate in the country.  The only good thing about TI’s report is that we are a little better off than India, Bangladesh and Pakistan when it comes to paying chiya kharcha. That must mean that we are at least saving a few Rupees more than our chimekis.

While our flood victims have yet to receive any relief, our Emperor takes his consort to Singapore for medical treatment.  Instead of rushing back to visit the Desi foreign minister Salman bhai, he should have visited Lee Kuan Yew for high tea.  Our Emperor can learn a thing or two from Mr. Lee on how to have the vision, drive and single-mindedness to transform the country.

Salman bhai was in town for less than 9 hours but he managed to meet nearly every other clown from major political parties. Our former Prime Monsters and other freeloaders visited Dwarika Hotel to shake hands with Salman and ask for his autograph. 

The Indian Ambassador should have just invited all our clowns to the Indian Embassy for free lunch and Salman could have just given his motivational speech to all in one venue.  We will be getting 700+ vehicles from the Desis for the upcoming CA poll. When will our government stop begging and make us look bad? If you can’t afford a gaadi, then get a bel-gaadi instead!

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