Saturday, February 23, 2013

To be or not to be ....

While most of us are worried about rising chicken and mutton prices, our honorable Chief Justice Khil Raj Regmi has much bigger things to worry about.  

Regmi has been offered the most stressful job in the country. No, he’s not been asked to don a traffic police uniform and spend hours blowing whistle in the middle of the city.  He has been offered the job of the head captain in a classroom full of juvenile delinquents. After all, that’s how our clowns have been acting for the past six years.

Our four major circus companies want him to lead the new government with eleven buffoons.  But the man from Palpa is in a dilemma on whether to move to Baluwatar and be made a scapegoat or just stick with his current job and retire gracefully.

It’s already been close to nine months since the dissolution of the Constituent Assembly and our clowns have yet to agree on anything. But now, our Emperor seems to have promised the other clowns much more to join the new bandwagon.  

Even if Regmi gets the top kurchi, our political parties will take another six months to figure out who gets to join the team.

Our con artists are more interested to bag a ministry or two and make some dough so that they will have enough to provide chiya kharcha to their cadres. After all, cold hard cash can do wonders during elections.

If Regmi takes the job then he has an almost impossible task ahead of him.  He will have to accomplish what our clowns have failed to do for the past nine months.  He will probably have a hard time getting things ready to hold the new Constituent Assembly elections by June.  But of course, our clowns have promised him at least one extension.

Maybe our freeloaders should be sent to some kind of a rehab program to get rid of their addiction to extensions. Why not just conduct the election a few weeks before Dashain instead? 

The weather will be much better then and we won’t have to worry about standing in line in a hot June day. But of course, our clowns are not worried about how we will be dehydrated and suffer from sun stroke.

If the new interim government conducts them elections by June then let us hope they will at least provide us a cap or an umbrella. And like for everything else, we can ask the bideshi donors to fund the ‘please vote and get a free umbrella’ campaign. It will also help us in the monsoon season.

But all of us except our clowns are certain that the new CA elections will not be held in June. So let us just give Regmi at least six months to get things ready for the elections. 

And our political parties will also have enough time to conduct their voluntary donation campaigns for their election expenses.  Our clowns can win the hearts and minds of eligible voters by distributing goats to each household.  Goat prices are outrageous during the festive season and at least our political parties can provide us some relief.

After all, that is how you win elections in most parts of the country. The speeches have always been the same. Blame the other guy for all the problems. Come up with silly plans to invade India or turn the country into Switzerland or Singapore within ten years.  So far none of the promises have come true.

But of course, who really cares about the people. It has always been the same natak….. when they get to power, our clowns use the state to suppress the people instead.

If Regmi turns down the job, then our clowns will have to find another person to lead the new government.   It’s not easy to be the Prime Monster in this land of ours.   

Just ask Dr. Saheb….  he has so many con artists in his cabinet that even the Devil himself would not have approved.  The Occupy Baluwatar wallahs have been trying their best to open the eyes of our smarty pant but he doesn’t seem to care about the growing violence against women in this country.

Maybe the windows of the PM’s vehicle are clouded with the dhulo from the road widening projects or Dr. Saheb himself suffers from moti-bindu (cataract).  What Baluwatar needs is a vegetable garden and every time our clowns meet up, they should be eating carrots.

Or if Regmi takes the job, then he can invite our clowns for a dinner at Baluwatar and also serve ‘Chukauni’, the famous ‘Palpaali dish’ with the regular dal, bhaat and tarkaari.

Even if our clowns can’t agree on anything then at least they will be happy with the spicy potato yogurt salad from the man from Palpa. And the first thing Regmi can do when he comes our Prime Monster is to provide subsidies on potatoes, yogurt and spices. Then we can all have Chukauni during dinner.

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