Fast Unto Death...

India has Anna Hazare and what do we have? We have Baban Singh, a criminal turned CA member who has decided to begin his fast sast against corruption. This is probably the biggest joke of the year hola.

Baban was in the 'most wanted list' but he got elected thanks to his 'goonda-giri' and our cops even failed to arrest him while he was busy eating samosa and chiya after he took his oath soath and I have no idea why he is still a CA member kya.

Like every other neta, he now has his own 'eight-point' demands and he wants the government to investigate them ghoos-khori in his district rey.

And what's wrong with our journalists and them civil society wallahs?... they have also supported his fast rey. I guess Baban must have paid them patrakars and so-called civic leaders in his district.

Baban says he is inspired by Anna Hazare. Well, Anna is not a crook. He is a 'Gandhi' wallah... Baban is a daku. Baban tells us that he is a changed man and now believes in them non-violence approach.. way to go Baban! I don't think he will win another general election again because without them bullets and bundle of notes... it will be very hard for him to get elected again kya.

Let us not blame Baban or make fun of his natak. Prabhu Sah, our land sand mantri (used to be a law mantri before) is wanted for murder surder but our honest government is not interested to charge him kya.

Yestai taal ho bhaney tuh .... the Election Commission must come out with them new 'eligibility' requirements hola hagi. Like... If you don't have a criminal case filed against you then you are not eligible to stand up for election kya.

Neta haroo nai chor daka, police pani chor .... chor nai chor ko raaj .... yesta lay constitution lekhya lekhai ho!

Our Mao-buddies and the Kangaroos are now back trying to make them deals. The Mao. Inc is loaded with cash, criminals and also competing factions hehe... Every other parties have their own criminals and factions but they are very low on cash rey.

And our comrades have promised our congressis... crores (50-100 rey) and an opportunity to make some money while they lead the government after the CA ko term ends. Sujata auntie really wants her fellow congressis to take the deal.

Sher B. Deuba wants to be a prime-monster again ... and the grand old party needs some cash soon or else they might have to lease out their party building to some party palace wallah... hehe! Even the UMLs are broke rey. And the Eh-Maleys are sulking in the corner because the comrades have decided to hook up with the congressis!

Sabai paisa ko nai khel... our politicians are for sale kya... and when them media wallahs write about them meeting seating between our political parties... it's just some natak, probably haggling over the price... ani comrade kati karod diney ni haam-lai ... yesto po kura hooncha tyee meeting haroo ma!

Welcome to Qatar...

Our dear old President, Dr. Ramu is in Qatar to watch some camel races with them Emirs and Emir-nis hola ni. Our 'Hindi' speaking Vice President, Parmey Jha will be the acting Prezzie while he's gone rey.

Our VP used to be a judge once and he was well known in them 'chor' circles... for letting them drug dealers and smugglers go free kya. I guess the UMLs really liked his 'judging' skills and that's why they nominated him hola ni.

And he did create some controversy by taking his oath soath in Hindi. Our folks in Terai don't speak Hindi.. they speak Maithili, Bhojpuri, Tharu etiyaadi but I guess the new 'ID' wallahs from across the border (yes, a million Desis got our nagarikta during them 'GP' days kyaaruh) only speak Hindi ni.

And I don't know who started them tradition kya... where every other mantri and so-called high-ranking sarkaari chors have to see off the head of state. I guess our netas still want to act like them 'Maharajas' hola ni.

I think they should just gather at Shital Niwas and bid him farewell from there instead of creating them traffic jaam by driving to the airport and wasting our money (they get free fuel, security ni) hoinuh ruh?

Hope Dr. Saheb will also ask them Emirs to raise them salaries for our folks, who are working in Qatar. Guffadi estimate is around 300,000+ and no, I didn't include them air-hostesses for Qatar Airways hehe!

Most of our men work in them construction ko kaam saam and they get paid like Rs 10-12,000 a month rey. Ani harek barsa 100-200 jana mur-noo hooncha... from accidents, heat stroke etiyaadi. But our government really doesn't care... manpower agencies make them happy with all them ghoos ni.

Qataris are rich and they have oil, camels and what not and they may dress like our rautey daju bhaisbut when it comes to their airlines and other big businesses, they hire competent professionals, mostly bideshis. Hamro chahi.. NAC has only one functional plane and them NEA and NOC lose billions of Rupees a year while big industries (and even them jantas) steal them electricity or tamper with their meters and our netas and thula hakims get free fuel.

I think it's about tyam we either privatize all our PEs (Public Enterprises) or just shut them down because most of them employees are cadres of them political parties anyway and they get paid to do nothing because most of them PEs are either closed (shortage of raw materials rey) or always on strike kya.

Talking about the NOC, them bastards have once again raised them fuel prices. Petrol is up by 3 Rupees per liter and diesel chahi only one Rupee this tyam... hehe!

NOC is also known as 'Kuwait' in them sarkaari circles because from the peon to them hakim saheb... they do steal here and there and everyone has a pakki ghar in Kathmandu rey. This month, NOC will lose like 800 million Rupees.... that's like 10 million US$.

And even with them revised prices, the loss will still be around 700 million rey. I think we need someone like that 'Bista' kaji, our former Energy Minister. We need to ask them governmental agencies to pay back them 'fuel' bill and also stop providing free 'fuel' bhatta to every other neta in town kya.

Our government thinks that it is doing us a big favor by subsidizing them fuel suel.. baroo tyehi international market price ma bech-noo ani neta haroo lay pani afai kin-ney ani hami lay diye ko 'free' SUVS ma tel sel haalney ni.

KUKL (that's what the valley ko khaney paani is called) tells us that it has to revise them paani ko paisa pani. Even the NEA's been asking for revision. It's been more than a decade rey.... we are still paying the same as we did back in the late 90s kya.

If they promise to give us batti and paani 24 hrs a day then I think we should happily pay them 'new' prices ni.... but tyehi ho... feri, kay kay bahana banau-cha ani janta lai woo-ll-oo banau cha kya.

Real Juice is back in the news again. I feel sorry for this Indian company. They were running some contest where you could SMS and win them trips to their factories or even a trip to Singapore etiyaadi. Now, them media wallahs tell us that some woman found a worm in them Real juice rey.

I think them 'Real juice' wallah should come out with a new drink baroo. Them juice suice ko prices went up by 75% thanks to our former Finance Minister, VAT mohan and his whiskey drinking buddies. Them raksi ko prices went up only 10-11% .... so why not get into this 'raksi' business.

Real can sell them 'tequila' hola... and they don't have to worry about them worms then... hehe!

RIP uncle Jagjit Singh.... didn't know he was 70... so I guess we should call him (late) 'Grandpa' Singh. Ghazals used to be a big thing in Kathmandu during the early 90s. Before our chor sarkari hakims decided to grant permission to them dakas to open them dance bars, we had ghazal bars in every corner back then... hehe!

And no.. there weren't any dancers and over-priced drinks kya... really talented singers would sing them 'Ghazals' and folks would come to hear them songs and drink their sorrows away rey.

Everybody's uncle or big brother or sister had them 'Jagjit Singh' ko album salbum.. especially them hubby-wife combo thing. Well, you can Youtube Jagjit paazi (I think that's a very 'respectful' word in India hai!) and listen to them great songs hai.

Abuh feri tyehi Qatar kai kura garoom... hope someday, our men won't have to go to Qatar and work like slaves ... baroo our President should ask the Qataris to invest in Nepal. Yes, we can introduce camel racing here ni.

I don't think they would want to invest billions of dollars ... be it them hydro sydro or highways because everybody now knows that Nepal is the land of 'bandhs' ... baroo if they can send us them camels then maybe, we can ride a camel to work hola (with due respect to them 'Animal' NGOs in Nepal... we will feed them camels well and take care of them kya) ... ki kaso?

Back to Work....

Dashain is over and it's back to work for most of us except our netas. Sujata auntie thinks that the Nepali Congress should join the government if it brings this peace process to a closure rey. Wow... finally, Sujata auntie either stopped drinking or she really wants to be a mantri-ni so that she can go shopping at the taxpayers' expense hola ni.

Madhav Kumar Nepal (MaKuNe) , our former prime-monster invited the other former PMs for dinner rey. He wants to form a former 'PMs' club. Good job Makune... you created history by becoming one of the few prime ministers in the world who got the job without even getting elected. I think that only happened during the 'Rana' regime but well.. our netas are the new 'Shree Tins' ni!

Our prayers for the Dahal family. Yes, I make fun of our Prachandoo sarkar and his 'Dalal' nataks but today is a sad day for him. His father passed away. He was a simple old man who moved from the hills to the plains and did some farming sarming kyaaruh.

He must have been proud when Prachandoo became our first PM after the CA elections. I hope Prachandoo will make his late father proud by wrapping things up rather than just getting discounts at the resorts kya.

Our current PM, Baburam dai is planning to set up a 24 hr control room rey. The PM's office will look after this new hotline thing. It will deal with our complaints rey. Baroo.. instead of making our sarkaari hakims work over-tyam ... why not set up another ministry kya?

We can have a 'Ministry of Complaints' and since Mohan Baidya is suffering from piles or something... we can ask him to be the new 'Complaint' mantri ni... hehe!

Yes, this control room thing is a cool idea but I wish our netas tried to reform the system rather than just add them new 'features' which will be disabled once Baburam dai is out of Baluwatar kya.

If you call them cops and report them crime srime.... they either show up late or show up drunk. So instead of calling this control room, why not have a better system at them police stations kya. We can ask our 'call center' wallahs to set it up and maybe their staff can train our police-wallahs ni.

And instead of having 14 cops kocha-koach in a van.. why not give all of them electric mopeds... at least fuel suel tuh baccha ni. And maybe then they can be at the crime scene sooner than getting ready for the gaadi to warm up or something!

Our sarkari hakims tell us that this 'control room' will be ready before Tihar and the citizens can call them or if you still have a fax machine at home then you can also use that rey... or you can either text them or just send an email.

So what kind of complaints are we talking about? Any problems rey... from accidents to crime srime, your neighbors having a party at 2 am in the morning or some drunk pissing right in front of your gate or something.

And then the control room wallah will call them cops or whoever hola ni.... I don't know if that will really save time or if your SMS is like a day late (thank you NTC) then you might see them cops at your door a week later hola ni.. hehe!

Since it will be a 24-hr thing, our government employees will be working in them 3 shifts. I hope it's not like that NTC and NEA ko support wallahs who never pick up the phone during after hours kya because they are busy sleeping.

Anyways, welcome back everyone... if you are unemployed then of course nothing to worry about but for the rest of us ... it's back to work and hope this tyam, our netas will actually finish their homework rather than just waiting for the tuition-master from Delhi to teach them new theorems kya.... hehe!