News From Nepal....

A journalist gets thrashed... sorry.. he nearly got killed by them UML thugs and so far our Nepal police have done a great job ... doing nothing! We all know about them relationships between our mundrey goondas and chor netas ... but how come nobody can touch them kya?

And it's not like .. they are hiding in them closet kya .. it's out in the open ...hehe! Yehi ho Naya Nepal.. where them criminals and corrupt clowns have all the fun while common citizens have to either run away to foreign lands or take them antidepressants just to make it through the day hola ni!

Yestai taal ho bhaney.. let's get rid of Nepal Police, the APF wallahs ni.... because our folks get thrashed by them Desi BSF wallahs across them borders, and within our borders...we get thrashed by the mundrey goondas... so if we are to get our ass kicked all the tyam and police act like bystanders then when the @#$! are we wasting our taxpayers' money kya?

Let us not talk about corruption and stuff... baroo if you are a sojho sarkari employee then you will either hang yourself or get so frustrated that you will quit civil service and join politics and then be a corrupt clown yourself... hehe!

As I had written earlier (Khoi kata ho taw-raw lekhya chai ho hai!), UML has the most mundrey goondas in them 'Youth Force' circus troupe! NC has them too but not as much as UML... now Sujata auntie is enough for all them rackets kya!

What about YCL? Well, everyone is a Maoist these days... from Nir Shah to Rekha Thapa to even our Gyanu Uncle's son-in-law.. so all Khao-badis are the new 'Maobadis' hola ni!

I am not talking shit about Nir dai or Rekha bahini..... both are great kalakars but everybody needs to be a member of them Mao Inc. ko sister organizations because it helps them in one way or another kya!

What about them UMLs? Our other comrades were worried that all them tender sender, extortion nataks were carried out by the goondas affiliated to YCL ... so they wanted a piece of the pie .. and formed them 'Youth Force' ... abuh Kamal Thapa dai should also bring back his 'Mandaleys' hola ni!

It's about tyam... all them media-wallahs just stop their work and do nothing as well. Just wearing them kalo arm-band ain't going to make our netas run for the hills (or to Delhi!)... baroo no more rajniti guffs in our dailies (ky kay bhancha ni!), no more TV karyakarams or FM programs where our netas keep on fooking us with their 'I will do my best ... to do nothing but rest sest!; .. baroo sabai media sedia nai bandh garoom!

And Rishi Dhamala, the Nepali Borat should close down them 'Reporters Club' for a while too! Why? You might ask me .... 'If we shut everything down then how the hell are we going to find out ... kasley kati ghoos khayo and stuff?' but even if we read about them nataks in them papers ... nobody is going to be held accountable kya! So baroo shut it down.... no more tender sender ko notice for our goondas hehe!

And aren't we tired of reading about all them rajniti-guffs and them 'puke-faced' ghoos-khori netas ko anoohar plastered in them dailies? Well... it's more like reading them comedy scripts hola ni! But why do these chors get so much press kya.. I don't want to see these clowns.. I want to see a picture of Bhuwan KC getting his ass kicked by his new lover ko pati-dev kya!

I might be wrong hai but I am Guffadi.... my BS unlike our netas' will not hurt the economy or the way of life for millions of Nepalis ni! So let us stop writing about politics... (and my blog will also die soon...hehe!)

Yestai ho Nepal ma.....our media wallahs keep on writing about them circus acts and either they get killed by the goondas (on behalf of them netas!) or Nepal police will do nothing about it because they don't have any evidence sevidence rey! How can we shut up and sit still while these thugs roll over us kya?

Prachandoo-gate (tyo tape thiyo ni where he tells his PLA folks how he fudged them numbers and got away with it by fooling UNMIN and stuff!) showed us that our netas are all bluff-masters kya!

Maybe we should just hand them big three idiots.... $10,000 each and ask them to go to Amrika and play them World Series kya! No... not talking about baseball... tyo poker soker kya bhancha ni! I think they can bluff their way to the final table and might win ... when they start signing them secret x-point agreement with all ... hehe!

I think we will save a lot of money hola (spending 10K is better than letting these clowns make a millions of dollars kya).... and if they win then they can keep the winnings ni.. baroo don't ever come back to Nepal! I think Amrika should give them DV-Lottery visa to our netas baroo (no random pick sick kay.. baroo choot-tai quota ma liyeruh gaw-ye hooncha yee daka haroo lai)! Ani thaha-pawos nuh kati garo cha kaam garey-ruh khanaw !

p.s. All our journalists should keep on writing about them chors, be it them mundrey goondas or netas, sarkari hakims or police-wallahs or them byaparis.... just keep on writing .... the day these voices are shut down... it's all over ... yes, we do have them fokatey patrakars as well, you know them neta haroo ko arse-kissing types.... but let us praise the lord that there hundreds of journalists who want to fight against them goonda-gardis and many have been killed or injured... let us remember them today and hope one day.... they can look back and not feel that all their effort was in vain kya!

No ID .. No Internet?

Here we go again... our so-called regulatory bodies need to first do their homework before coming out with stupid regulations kya! Abuh kehi kaam paye-nuh cyber-cafe janey-wallah haroo lai fokatey ko tension...hehe!

All them folks who visit them cyber cafes will now have to present their ID cards before they update their fb status rey! We have to thank our great folks @ Nepal Telecommunication Authority (NTA) for them hawa-taari guidelines.... hai!

And all them cyber-wallahs will have to keep them log books rey! Don't forget to carry some ID shy-D with you .... no college ID then have your driver's license ready... tyo pani chaina.. tyeso bhaye nagarikta liyeruh hidnoos!

And them cyber-wallahs "will have to maintain secrecy of the log book and furnish it to the security personnel as and when required" ...rey. Nepal ma secrecy... the only folks who can keep them secrets are our politicians.. we still don't know who made.. how much ...from them APC scam... I think we should ask our netas to keep them log books kya!

@#$! .. we still don't know how much the Ranas made or the Pancheys or how much Prachandoo is worth? I hope CIAA learns a thing or two from NTA... hehe!

NTA has given them cyber-wallahs 90 days to comply or else.... well, we don't know what happens if they don't follow them new 'jpt' nataks! We live in a jungle now.... so if you are a law-abiding citizen then you fail kya!

I think them cyber-sahujis and sahu-nis should come out with their own '5 point agreement' or something. First point soint chahi... 'sambhidaan banau ani hami pani log book banau chau' .. haha! Aroo point soint.. repeat the first one again and again!

NTA want these cyber-pasals to also mention the bandwidth and number of computers sharing tyo ADSL ki kay ko line sine pani! Who cares...? First ask Nepal Telecom to fix their ADSL crap and give us the mentioned bandwidth ni!

Well, NTA has kindly instructed ISPs to provide 24 hours service to all users and in case of disruptions because of maintenance work or other technical reasons, inform the customers at least three days in advance.

And if the network is down then them ISPs should give us a discount pani rey! Lau jaa... yo chahi khoobay mun paryo hami lai! But it's not mandatory like for them cyber-pasals ni!

Nepal ma 24 hrs service.... now all them ISPs should tell NTA 'First give us 24hrs batti then we will give the people 25 hrs internet kya' .... 25 hrs? +1 hr free credit sredit like them teachers giving us +5 for good handwriting hola ni!

Abuh NEA lai pani yestai regulations lay thaw-tau-ney ki? No batti then you better refund our money ni.. no paani.. then no maani (money!) for Khaney-pani sansthan kya! No constitution... no paycheck for our CA clowns bhanya tuh ho.. khoi ... bhatey haroo lai desh ruh janta ko maya bhaye po!

And how the @#$! are you going to inform them people .... 72 hours in advance that your network will be down sown kya? Kay taal ko ho... who the @#$! works at them NTA .... not them engineers or telecom folks hola .. sabai political appointees bhaye pachi yehi haalat hooncha!

Khaney-paani gets them actor sactor as a board member, a rice mill owner from Madesh is appointed GM of some public enterprise .... yestai ho Nepal maa! A truck driver heads some health agency... haha..... somebody should come up with some list cyst... hagi!

I hope NTC will inform us 72 hours in advance, waive them fee see when our ADSL line goes to Jumla and make sure that I get the bandwidth I paid for.... Nepal ko kanoon, BamDev lay janoon bhanya jastai kya!

While NTA is going around with funny regulations, our great Minister for Information and Communications, Mr. Agni Sapkota is trying to get himself in the Guinness World Records or something... 151 lawyers are preparing to plead on his behalf rey! Damn.. either them Maoists have too much money or them lawyers want to kiss some Mao arses!

Yes... we are the new 'Bihar' while the 'real' Bihar is turning around.... we now have murderers as mantris ... and Agni dai... this ain't no 'Hip Hop' awards where you show up with your @#$!ing entourage kya! Hope our SC justices will do the right thing... 13,000 folks died for nothing ... same old mini-bus with them khalasis turned drivers.. abuh kay bhanney!

Monday Blues...

NOC (No Oil Corporation) has once again decided to hike them petrol price srice.. now its Rs 102 per litre! Jamma 5 Rupees badya ho but don't be surprised if the taxi driver wants to charge you Rs 5 per km kya!

Yestai ho Naya Nepal maa! And although I don't see them bikes on them pavement savement these days... them bike-wallahs should take them traffic classes hola!

Don't try to squeeze through a paani-tanker and a truck.... okay, you are wearing them helmet selmet but please worry about the person riding with you kya... baccha, biwi liyeruh tyesto natak garcha .. abuh kay bhanney?

Our new IGP, Rabindra Pratap Shah (RPS) says he will adopt 'zero tolerance policy' on corruption. Ho ruh bhanya? IGP saheb ... you have 15 months to wear that phooli and attend them cocktail parties organized by them INGOs... chillax please!

So does this mean.. that tyo Inspector who had to pay some netas' PA ... 10lakhs to get a good posting will not be able to recover his investment? We all know that all SSPs who want to get promoted to DIGs should get 50lakhs ready... I guess nobody would want to be a DIG now.. hehe!

If you really want to reform your police force and make it more professional then the first thing you need to do is.. ban them cellphones! Yes, our police-wallahs call them criminals even before them arrest warrants are out sout kya.... ani kinuh naw-bhagos tuh bajiya haroo!

And no more daaroo on duty.... baroo give them free coffee or Red Bull or let them smoke crack... that should keep our cops awake all night and maybe they can catch them burglars kya!

And please... teach them to speak like a decent human being... no more mookh-chaading and jpt Q&A sessions ... we just want to go home ... we are not planning to burglarize a DIG's house..haha!

There are still few honest cops... yes like 1% out of them 50,000+ police wallahs... and they get transferred to Rolpa and Rukum while those who pay them home minister and hakims ... get them 'paisa-waal' posting kya!

So are you telling us ... all this will stop? Not really.... and what kind of reward and punishment policy are you thinking of... a packet of orange balls for a traffic cop who no longer harasses them taxi drivers.. hehe!

Them traffic cops make Rs 1,000 a day, extorting them public transport-wallahs... I guess you better give him few tolas of Gold if he stops doing that ... natra khaas faida bhaye ni uslai hoinuh ruh?

In a recent case of police (nai chor!) nataks, the SP of Parasi and a DSP of the NID (Nautanki Investigation Department ki kya ho) decided to arrest a local businessman and chargeed him with murder ... poor guy, he had to pay Rs 400,000 to get out of jail and he didn't even kill anybody.. so if he had really murdered someone then the price would be 10 times higher hola ni!

Somehow, somebody found out and them SP and DSP bhai-saheb have only been suspended rey.... not fired... not jailed .... maybe they will also get to be them security advisers for our Prime-Monster kya.. like our former IGP Thakuri!

Our new IGP says ... he will expose any cops involved in them ghoos-khori nataks rey! Please don't... our friday weeklies like 'Saptahik' and 'Sukrabar' already do enough exposing kya..haha!

I think them Kantipur and Nagarik owners should be ashamed of themselves. They both publish very good newspapers... why the @#$! do you want a half-naked woman in them pages kya? Yes, and some folks read Playboy for them hard-hitting articles hola ni!

How come our so-called Naari NGOs are not burning them newspapers? Why not have 'real' women featured in your papers instead of these girls kya? Okay, it won't sell ... but what's up with all this soft-porn nataks?

I don't get it.... baroo if you really want to sell millions of copies then just follow the British with their Page3 nataks... and then everybody can attend the 'Saptahik Burning Man' festival hola ni!

But I wouldn't mind Sujata auntie doing her 'Cougar' poses .... Saptahik... let's see if you can do that! I don't read Saptahik because it's full of shit but I really liked 'Sukrabar' but then they started the same 'half-naked' nataks... I guess I will just have to stick to 'Jana Astha' like I did before!

And Mr. Mahara, our Home minister is asking them UMLs for help! I think he should ask Nepal Police to nab that guy not another political party! We don't need them police, courts etiyaadi... Nepal ma them political parties ko raaj cha hai! 'Rule of Law' goli maaro.. 'Rule of Low-Lifes' zindaabaad!

Abuh yesto taal ley ani kay ko law and order? Them UML goondas who nearly killed journalist Khila Nath Dhakal should be arrested but of course KP Oli, former Home minister ko goonda rahecha... ani kasley samaatney?

Our Prime-Monster, jasko foorsat nai chaina.. from all them ribbon-cutting nataks has assured (kaslai?) that he will leave no stone unturned rey! What the @#$!? Dhoonga Khaani ma kaam gari raako ho ki kya ho Jhallu Baba?

I feel sorry of them police-wallahs... all them political cadres are arrested and then let go because them netas threaten our chor-police .... no promotion, posting to some remote areas and what not!

Every now and then we hear of them SPs who have the courage to show their middle finger to them netas.. but of course... look where SP Ramesh Kharel is now... he is busy @ some training center outside the valley, running PT courses!

Jai Hos.... hope one day we will see all them Home ministers behind bars.... not gonna happen unless we have journalists who are willing to dig deep and find out the truth.. it's about tyam somebody ran them sting operations so that we could watch our netas on Youtube.... and see for ourselves how low they can stoop .. to make few extra Rupees kya!