Not Right Now…. (NRN)

India has Anna Hazare. And we have Baban Singh, our ‘honest’ CA member, who started his ‘fast-unto-death’ natak against corruption in his home district. The fasting began on Monday and it lasted 48 hours. Baban dai could neither stay hungry nor stay foolish hola. It’s hard to forgo a plate of chicken chilly ni.

Our man was once in the ‘most wanted list’ of Nepal Police but they forgot to check his ID when he went to the CA Hall to take his oath. I have no idea what happened to them criminal cases pending against him but he would certainly be a very good case study for them Amriki political consultants hola.

How does one win an election without a single public appearance? I don’t know but my neighborhood political analyst (the local chiya pasal sahuji) tells me that you need bullets and bundles (of cash) to win the ballot rey.

But Baban dai is now a changed man. He is really inspired by Anna and now believes in non-violence which means he is less likely to win another election in the near future even if he makes hundreds of appearances in his district.

The Election commission might have to make changes to the eligibility requirements for people who want to stand up for an election. How about adding something like, ‘people without police cases registered against them or not under criminal investigation will not be allowed to contest an election’ kya.

And in our ‘new’ Nepal, folks accused of murder and other criminal acts seem to have more supporters than our national football team. We have rallies and bandhs in support of the accused while the victim’s family is pressured into accepting financial compensation to forgive and forget. If this is the new trend then hopefully, our prisons might be less crowded in the days to come.

Our President was in Qatar and hope he enjoyed the hospitality showered upon him by the Emirs. Instead of just asking them bideshis to visit Nepal and invest, why not ask the Qataris to help out our national carrier?

Qatar Airways is now one the fastest growing airlines in the world. And our Nepal Airlines Corporation (NAC) will probably be without even that ‘one’ functional plane if it keeps on canceling its flights every other week. Maybe we can save NAC if we sell half of it to private investors or if our sarkari hakims are not willing to do that then we can ask the Qataris to give us a few planes as a gift to commemorate the visit by our President ni.

The NRNs are here. Dr. Saheb kicked off the 5^th NRN Global Conference by requesting our NRNs to invest more in Nepal and utilize their skills. Yes, we need more scientists and geeks to contribute kya instead of just the usual, ‘restaurant-travel-handicraft’ sahujis who have settled in them foreign lands.

If we can have the guy who may have found water on Mars to come back and do some research here then who knows, maybe we will find oil in Mustang. If we can ask the ‘TB’ research wallah to take a sabbatical in Nepal then maybe we will be able to find an effective cure for the ‘corruption virus’ plaguing our nation hola.

And our government plans to announce 2012 as ‘Nepal Investment Year’ and maybe we can ask a million NRNs to invest a chunk of their pay check here in Nepal ni. Like Help Nepal’s a dollar a month for charity, we can take it a step further and ask our NRNs to invest their month’s salary.

I think we could be able to raise a few billion dollars hagi and then we pray and hope that our trade unions, civil servants and politicians will not ask for some chiya kharcha to create a favorable investment environment.

It’s not only the NRNs, even we, the ‘Nepal mai Residing Nepalis’ do want to invest in our own country ni. But our netas and the sarkari hakims have failed to win our trust. Either our NRNs are naïve to even want to invest here or maybe they just want to have a party in town every two years and hobnob with our so-called ‘thulo mancheys’ and impress their Facebook friends hola ni.

And what’s up with our NRNs asking our ‘poor’ government for some funding to help them organize the global conference? This one would probably top Mr. Singh’s fasting natak as the joke of the week nai hola.

Our ‘poor’ government can’t even provide basic necessities to its citizens unless you are in some ways affiliated to the whoever is in power ni. Then, you can get free money, fuel and all the perks that come with being a chamcha, cadre or a cousin of the honorable politician kya.

Published today ...The Week/Republica

Magic Tricks

Our comrade chairman, Prachandoo sure does know about sacrifice and stuff. He even has Elton John's 'Sacrifice' on his iPod rey kya. Anyways, Prachandoo sarkar never fails to remind us that he really did sacrifice (what?) or was it more of a 'you take the job' and I will stab you in the back ni.

Prachandoo became our first 'Republic' ko Prime-Monster and he resigned because he didn't know what he was doing. Yes, he blamed it on them Army general but I think he was just scared that things were going nowhere and his cadres would blame him for all them nataks.

If Prachandoo was really into it and wanted to wrap things up then we wouldn't have two buffoons from the UML as our Prime-Monsters ni. Makune became our official ribbon cutter and so did the 'Slapped' one. And what did they accomplish? Nothing!

Well, they got them free 'SUVs', free fuel and security and bhatta and will continue to waste our money by getting state benefits for the rest of their lives. We have had four team captains so far and none of them seem to have the courage and determination to move things forward.

Poor Baburam.... he may be an honest geek but he and his chums have made the deal with the Forum wallahs and our Madeshi leaders are on a 'ghoos-khaaney' rampage. None of our politicians seem to be interested to write the constitution.... for them, it's all about the money kya.

And Prachandoo sarkar is now going around them places and talking about 'black' magic... hehe! He tells us that nominating Dr. Saheb as our Prime Minister was like a magic act. And the comrades have been doing magic and will continue to do that rey.

So, we have been lied to ... all this tyam ki kya ho? If our comrades think all this nataks are some magic tricks then @#$!... we are not really impressed, are we?

Time is running out... we have like a month and why aren't our CA members worried kya? It's like these clowns really don't care... and hami pani tyestai.... baal matlab hagi!

Baburam dai wil be visiting India soon. Hope he will have fun with his JNU pals and of course meet them Desi netas and neti-nis. Then he will probably go to China and teach them Chinese comrades a class or two about 'Mao' hola ni... hehe!

Anyways, if Prachandoo sarkar thinks he is a magician then he should join a Desi circus troupe or something. Yes, he did trick them Desis to give him shelter and what not ... during his 'NRN' days.. hehe! He did trick them UNMIN wallahs.... and he even bragged about inflating them 'combatant' numbers to his cadres and was enjoying his own jokes.

I think Prachandoo would make a great stand up comedian. He is telling us the jokes but none of us find it funny but where are the hecklers? Well, he has promised not to shoot anyone. He didn't shoot Baburam ... that's what he said.. so don't be afraid to heckle .... and if we don't start now .... it will be too late kya!

NRN Global Conference...

The NRNs (Non-Resident Nepalis) are here and Baburam dai decided to cut them ribbon sibbon and lighted some fire to inaugurate them 5th NRN Global Conference.

Dr. Saheb requested them NRNs to invest some dough here in Nepal and use their skills they have learned in them foreign lands.

Dr. Saheb also told them NRNs that the government wants foreign investment and he would do everything possible to make sure that their investment is safe etiyaadi. I guess he forgot to tell them about the unions hehe!

The NRNs want dual citizenship kyaaruh. So far our government is just interested to give them some ID and they can buy them jagga sagga, ghar shar rey. Everything is for sale here in Nepal.. so if you want your nagarikta back then just give your jilla ko CDO a big khasi (of course better stuff it with dollars or Euros hehe!).

The NRNs will also elect their president and like every other Nepali organizations, tyeha pani politics, khutta-taaning hooncha kya. Dr. Upendra Mahato is like the face of NRNA (NRN ko association) ... he is probably the only bloke who had the brains to make deals with them Russian byaparis.

I don't think one can make bilions of Rupees just by selling them radios and TVs like Upendra dai did in them former Soviet Union... but I may be wrong, maybe he sold a million of them hola ni.

Upendra dai now has his dough in them banks, hospitals , telecom and what not... I hear he also did dole out crores to our political parties rey. He was planning to build a medical college in Nakkhu and bought like hundreds or ropanis of land kyaaruh.

I have no idea what happened but I guess he doesn't want a medical school there anymore. But if you need some loans then head to Sanima bank or Standard Finance. If you want to get a surgery then head to Medicare hospital hola. This man has investment everywhere hagi. If you use Ncell then he also gets a paisa for every call kya.

And he must have given a gift or something to the local VDC secretary because uha ko ghar janey bato ko naam nai 'Mahato Marg' ... yes, if you drive up from Nakkhu and make a right then you will get to Mahato Marg hehe!

Anyways, hope the NRN conference will be a success but it's tyam someone came up with a NRN fund and asked our brothers and sisters working in foreign lands to invest some dinar and riyals in it.

I am not talking about a bunch of restauranteurs in UK or Japan kya.. but if we can get our 2 million folks working in them Arab and ASEAN countries and another 500,000 in Amrika, Europe ruh aroo desh haroo.. to invest like 10 dollars (800 Rupees) a month then in a year's time, they will have a quarter billion dollar to invest in some real big projects ni.

And talking about skills, yes opening the restaurants and running it is pretty tough but how come we are not getting them scientists and really geeky folks to contribute kya. Well, the guy who found an alien in Mars (or was it water?) will not get a job here unless he can find oil in Mustang or something hehe.

The guy who is doing his research in TB won't be asked to come here and help because the health mantri might ask him a few lakhs if he wants a government job. Our government can't even provide basic necessities to the people here.

Murderers don't go to jail.. they do chakka jaams and protest rallies instead and walk around like they just scored the game-winning goal in the World Cup or something. So why do our NRNs think that our netas and sarkaari hakims will really help them to find good investment opportunities here in Nepal?

I think instead of asking our government for some cash to organize their global conference and wasting money on all them nataks ... baroo ask every NRNs to invest in some NRN fund , ani tyo paisa lay chahi baroo hydro sydro, bato sato , airport sairport etiyaadi banau-nuh ma kharcha garey hooncha ni.

We should all be proud of our folks who went to them foreign lands and made it there. But they also have to understand that Nepal hasn't changed a bit. We still run on Nepali tyam, our netas and civil servants only want commissions.

Our trade unions want some pocket kharcha or else they will close down your factory and we don't have paani, batti, bato ghato .... maybe Upendra Mahato should ask his 'foreign friends' to invest in a paani company, ek dui wata naya highway and 10,000 MW ko hydroproject ni.

We won't mind drinking 'Mahato' bottled water (as long as it's safe to drink!) , we will probably enjoy driving 100 miles per hour on 'Mahato Highway' and maybe can travel from Kodari to KakarBhitta in less than seven hours and if we can get 24 hrs electricty then we will even change them words in our Nepali dictionary kya.

Yes, instead of saying 'Batti Ayo' whenever we get them batti... we will say, 'Mahato Ayo' ... or something like that... hehe!