Saturday, May 6, 2017

Evil Partnerships!

First of all, let us congratulate our Meowist and Morons for filing the impeachment motion against our first women Chief Justice. She had only a month to go but I guess King Deuba and our Emperor were just too scared of her and cooked up a master plan to make sure that their decisions were not overturned by the Supreme Court. President Trump must be jealous!

We are pretty certain that we will have the first phase of our local elections. It seems that we are now witnessing the most hawatari partnerships in Nepali politics. The same man who put a price on then rebel's chief head is now buddies. Their bromance is going strong as usual.

If it wasn't for Deuba, we would not have the IGP controversy at all. Our Emperor kept quiet while the Home Minister threatened to resign, did resign a while ago and then took back his resignation as well. Let us all feel sorry for DIG Silwal. The man has gone underground. 

I guess our politicians just wanted to teach him a lesson. Don't mess with the government. We have all the dirty tricks to blackmail you, harass and abduct you and make sure that your life is in danger if you take on the government not once but twice. If a serving DIG is not safe in this land then you can forget about your safety as well.

And now King Deuba has shown us all how low he can stoop by using his charm to cast magic spells so that our country will soon be a police state by 2020. Our politicians interfere in everything. 

We have seen how our police wallahs are used by our politicians as their private security guards and domestic helps. We have seen how they interfere in promotions of our civil servants and now we have seen the attack against the judiciary. In a few years, our politicians will find a way to control the army and then it's all downhill from there.

Yes, it's a good thing that our Nepal Army has been granted the project to build the 76km Kathmandu-Nijgadh expressway. But we all know that our politicians will now find a way to make sure that our Army wallahs fudge the budget and keep aside some moolah for our politicians as well.

The government has also allowed the Army to get their hand in hydropower projects as well. What' s next? Let them open their own media house, invest in banks, bakeries and even goat farming as well. And then, our Army will be like the ones in Egypt and Pakistan where they are heavily invested in industries and their income makes them stronger to run the show in their lands.

We never really talk about corruption in the Nepal Army. Everybody talks about it. We know how our Jar-Saabs make the moolah but nobody really wants to take action against them. Dear Generals, half of our soldiers are sleeping in bunkers. Please take café of them as well.

We all know our police wallahs are corrupt. Well, not all of them because most of them won't get lucrative postings but if you are a high-ranking police wallah then you don't have to really boast about how you climbed the ladder only on your own merit and hardwork. 

Even our SSP Ramesh Kharel knows that and has made us aware that one needs to get a suitcase full of cash and make rounds visiting the homes of influential loafers to get promotion or lucrative postings. In a year, the race for the next IGP begins and we all know that Kharel and Khanal will have do the running around.

The Supreme Court has sentenced our three former IGPs to jail but we all know that it was not only them who made a few Rupees. What happened to those in power then especially our Home Minister Sitauala and our Queen Sujata Auntie? We all know how much her son-in-law made from our land with his deals here and there.

It seems that the media knows all the deals and we the people do get to hear about it as well. But our politicians work together to make sure that they do not attack each other when it comes to making the moolah. 

Well, some of our former mantris have been to jail as well, especially our Congressi wallahs but spend a few years in prison, pay a fine of a few Karods and then live happily ever after since you made more than a hundred Karods during your time as a mantri. Life is good for our netas!

As local elections heat up, our Morons have partnered with the Meowist while in another shocking turn of events, our United Mundrey leaders are now friends with the folks who want to make us a 'Kingdom' again.  So if somehow we do get the House of Shah back to the throne then expect someone from the UML to become our Prime Monster for at least a few months till the King takes controls of everything.

Well, that is not likely anytime soon but how one earth do you decide to partner with someone at the far end of the scale who holds completely opposite views regarding the politics and the governance of the country and even the constitution?

We don't know but our politicians are a smart lot. Our first daughter is running for Mayor and King Deuba wants to make it easy for her by withdrawing the name of his own party member and asking his cadres to support our Emperor's daughter. Now, Ivanka Trump must be jealous!

I think it's about time we formed a new political party and gather all our comedians and ask them to stand up for elections. We are sure Dhurmus-Suntali, Maha Jodi and the former Tito-Satya gang could win against our corrupt politicians.

I think we should have a new party and just call it the 'Gai Jatra' party. Even Manoj Gajurel would make a good politician. After all, what do you really need to be a political player in this country? You really don't need a vision. You don't need to have any master plan to develop this country. 

Well, Dr. Saheb has a plan to make us all earn at least US$15,000 in the next decade or two. Maybe, we will find oil or uranium in our mountains and then we can export it to Amrika and North Korea. But all you need is to have the skills to make a funny speech and attack your opponents using jokes, proverbs and what not. If our real comedians really became politicians then Oli will have to leave town because his jokes would sound lame.

Let us all pray that things will go well in the first phase of the local elections. Our political parties will come together and allow the government to conduct the second phase as well. And then they can fight over the budget. And we should all prepare for the state and general elections in the coming months. Let us visit our comedians today and convince them to represent us in the provincial and national scenes.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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