Saturday, May 27, 2017

Emperor's Report Card

Our Emperor has resigned as our Prime Monster so that King Deuba can get back to Baluwatar in the coming weeks.  Long Live the Emperor! It would have been better if he had stuck around till the second phase of the local elections but I guess he is in a hurry to move out of Baluwatar and focus on playing ping pong back in Lazimpat. 

After all, you can make more deals on the side and get away with it rather than be under the radar of everyone while living in Baluwatar. 

It seems that we the people see success in a different light than our chor netas. Our Emperor tells us that his second stint as our Prime Monster has been very successful and we should nominate him for the Nobel Prize. 

Yes, thanks to our comrades, we the valley folks do not have to worry about load shedding anymore but we hear that the light bulbs deal the NEA wants to offer the public might benefit our King Deuba's brother in law more! 

And if our politicians were really worried about our national interest than they would have gotten their act together and invested our own country's money to develop a 10,000 MW hydropower project. If we had started such project when our Emperor was our Prime Monster the first time around then he could have taken all the credit for not only ending load shedding in the country but could have saved us a lots of money we pay to India to import electricity today.

We should also thank our Finance Minister for making quick bucks by allowing 10 new life insurance companies to begin operations. Now, the total number of life insurance companies stand at 19 and most of them either take a long time to pay out claims or find ways to not pay at all. 

Our Finance Minister must have made some chiya kharcha for this natak.  He leaves the government with at least enough dough to buy fifty cups of doodh chiya which he will share with his party, his Emperor and his family as well. For you and I, a cup of milk tea cost Rs 15, for politicians a cup is worth at least a Kaord. Now, you do the math!

Our Emperor has also tried all the tricks in his magic book to unfreeze the Rs 3 billion stuck in banks in the country. We all know that Sumargi, the so-called drinking partner, financial adviser and close friend of our Emperor has friends around the world. 

No wonder, he seems to get funds from tax havens around the world and nobody knows who is actually investing in our country. Or maybe , it's just our money, transferred to offshore accounts and then brought back to look like a legitimate foreign investment deal. At the end of the day, our politicians only care about how to make commissions from everything even if it drains our national coffer and has no benefit to the nation.

Our Emperor tells us that he has shown his opponents, especially the UML that he is a man of his words and is stepping down to honor the power sharing agreement with the Kangaroos. And our King Deuba is all praise for the same man he wanted to get rid of when he was the Prime Monster.

Our Emperor has shown us that he will make deals with anyone as long as it helps him or his daughter or his near ones. We are still waiting for the voting counting to end in Bharatpur municipality. Our first daughter is still hanging in tight and don't be surprised is some hanky panky goes on in Chitwan. 

UML is right when it wonders why on earth should we have a change in Baluwatar when the country is weeks away from the second phase of the local elections? But of course, our Emperor fires back and tells his opponent that he has broken the tradition of backstabbing in Nepali politics. Look who's talking?  

So what's next for the country? The UML will continue to obstruct the House because our incompetent government has decided to add more local units to satisfy their future coalition partners. And King Deuba will now have to make everyone happy or else we might not have the second phase and he also has to make sure that we have the provincial and parliamentary elections by January of next year. 

But of course King Deuba is now making a comeback and he will leave no stones unturned during his stint in Baluwatar to make as much dough as possible for his loved ones and also satisfy the hunger of our starving lawmakers. 

He will find a way to bring everyone on board either by offering cash, gift hampers, tax-free vehicles for all Consitpated Assembly members or whatever it takes to fulfill his self-interest. 

Deuba is lucky that he gets to be our Prime Monster again but we should consider ourselves fortunate that we now have the most open, competent and honest politician in the country back in Baluwatar. Long Live King Deuba!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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