Saturday, June 3, 2017

The Second Phase

Somebody needs to remind our incompetent government that in a week or two, we will be enjoying the monsoon season and it would be better if our Election Commission (EC) wallahs also asked our corrupt chors to set aside some money to hand out umbrellas to those voting in the second phase of the local elections. But that could violate some of our Election Code of Conduct because the person who gets the umbrella symbol might get a few more votes than expected.

Our incompetent government had earlier decided to hold the second phase of the local elections on June 14. Then it was rescheduled to June 23 but then our Muslim community reminded our chors that it would cause them inconvenience because the month-long Ramadan festival concludes on that day. 

It's good that our government has decided to then reschedule the polls for June 28 but it seems that some of our political parties will never be happy and would rather sulk and throw tantrums instead of accepting the fact that if you want to run the show then you have to stand up for election and win and show us what you can do for the people!

Maybe, we should just wait until the monsoon season is over and hold the second phase of the elections in the first week of September. The weather will be at least a few degrees cooler and our brothers and sisters in the hills and the plains would not have to deal with landslides, floods and what not. 

But of course, our government doesn't care. The people in power seem to be ignorant and make decisions based on some late-night drinking session with other chors instead of listening to our experts!

It seems that our Emperor really wants his daughter to win in Chitwan. Let us all congratulate those folks who tore up the ballot papers for showing us that even after a decade of joining the so-called mainstream politics, some of our comrades still behave like that they are back in the jungle. Well, the rule of the jungle is different than the rule of law. 

In the jungle, you are the King and it’s either your way or you just get rid of your opponents. But when you are now part of the political game then you should also learn to accept defeat or if you are worried about losing then make a quick deal with your opponents with boras of cash rather than acting like savages and tearing up ballot papers to make a fool of yourself.

Our Emperor's daughter favors re-polling at Ward No 19 while the UML thinks they are better off with counting the votes while the EC wallahs have no idea what to do. Either they are scared of our Emperor or if they can't decide what to do then just ask our Chief Justice! 

Everybody expected the Bharatpur race to be tight and it’s about time our comrades from both parties sit down together and do what's right instead of sticking to their own demands.  Our comrades who tore up the ballot papers will not be prosecuted. They will be home in a few days because that's how our system works. 

This is the same country where a high-ranking police officer and his men are lynched and those involved in the murders get a free pass because the incident is termed political. It seems that in the name of politics, you can kill anybody and get away with it. No wonder, most of our political parties hire mundreys during elections and even have criminals heading their youth organizations.

We will never be able to get over the so-called civil war that witnessed the death of tens of thousands of folks. Our security personnel and our comrades involved in murder, abduction and torture will never be prosecuted. 

Our Emperor and his friend who embezzled tons of money meant for former combatants will never have to pay back the dough to the State and will not be punished for their nataks either. And our King Deuba who has amassed billions of Rupees in ill-gotten wealth will get to be our Prime Monster again and will continue to enjoy looting us all without having to worry about spending another day in jail again. 

This is not 'New Nepal', this is the same old Nepal but we don't have the Shree Paanch or the Shree Tins, we now have the Shree Aaath where a bunch of chors get to rule the country every nine months and share the loot!

The new Mayor of Kathmandu Metropolitan City and other elected representatives have come up with a 11-point decision to make the capital great again. Mayor Shakya thinks the 'Clean the City' campaign will help to make this city beautiful again. Well, that's great and yes it is nice to hear that we will have free-WiFi around the city but we still don't know what he means when he says that Kathamndu will be a '24-hour Open City'. 

Does that mean, we will have dance bars and night clubs running round the clock which will only benefit the mundrey dons who operate such establishments and our cops who get chiya kharcha from them or does that mean, we will have buses running all-night and our cops will be patrolling our streets till early morning instead of getting drunk by eleven and be out of sight before midnight? 
Well, let us hope our great comedian Oli's brother-in-law will fulfill Oli's dream of connecting gas pipelines to each home and Kathmandu will get a metro-rail and our roads will no longer be dusty and we will have 24-hour water and our sewages will be managed and we can all swim in the Bagmati River by the time our Mayor is done with his first term in office!  

Let us hope our government will be able to hold the second phase of the local elections and finally, our brothers and sisters in other provinces will also get their local representatives as well. And what about Bharatpur? Well, Renu Didi and Devi ji could make a deal and share the commissions on all thekka-pattas in the municipality. After all, that's where the money is!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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