Emperor Strikes Back!

Our great Emperor is back from his so-called successful visit to Samosa-Land and we really should thank him for not flying to New York right away and instead deciding to stay home and do nothing.  

If we could send a man or a woman to Mars then that's a successful mission. Going to Delhi and grabbing a few samosas and chai and hanging out with the Desis is just another arse-kissing mission! 

Did India promise to give us free electricity this winter and help us cut our load shedding hours into half? Nope. If India was really our good chimeki or a brother or whatever you want to call the Desis,  they would be giving us more than free buses and ambulances!

Our politicians and civil servants are beggars. They beg for petty little things from the Desis. Why not think big? But of course, the only thing big our politicians and civil servants have is their ego. 

At home, they act like Mini-Maharajas because they have all the power and they do everything possible to misuse their authority and make tons of money through illegal means for their near and dear ones. 

When abroad, they act timid and more like puppies because they can't just boss the bideshis around. They bow down to the foreigners in hopes of getting a pat on the back then they come home and continue to do their usual nautanki nataks to make our lives miserable!

If we really want to help our farmers then we should all drink ginger-honey-hote-lemon (GHHL) everyday so that even if India bans our ginger, at least we can help our farmers by our new 'drink at least 3 cups of GHHL' a day mission! 

It doesn't matter who goes to India and hangs around with their politicians. The Desis will treat all of them the same,  like a shopkeeper in Ason who treats all panhandlers the same!

Well, let us again thank our Emperor for saving us a few million Rupees for scrapping his Amirki vacation plans. Or maybe, our Emperor now thinks twice whenever he has to travel to a different time zone. Well, India is just across the border and you can even get back home on rickshaw but Amrika is a different place. 

And somebody in New York should have advised our foreign mini-sinister and his spouse on how to take a good photograph when you have the opportunity to do so with the most powerful person on Earth and his Mrs.

The Amriki President and the First Lady were showing their pearly whites while our Minister and his Mrs were like as if they left their dentures at home? When the photographer says 'Cheese', then you say 'Cheese' and then you get a wonderful picture. 

The Obamas are leaving the White House in four months and they seem happy. Why is not our Foreign Minister happy? At least smile like you are enjoying the photo session. Think about the free foreign trip for yourself and your spouse. That would really make any of us happy if we did get free travel package that too to Amrika!

But of course, the Amrikans are different. Obama will be out of the White House by next January and he will have to work on his memoirs and give like hundreds of speeches in a year so that he can make some money. But here in this land of the care-free, our politicians will make enough money to last seven generations in less than seven months if they get to be a mantri! 

And our Emperor seems to be pissed off at the BINGOs! Yes, we have tons of Bad International Non Governmental Organizations in the country. Yes, they have their so-called experts who get paid thousands of dollars per day to come to this land and tell us what to do. 

It's their money and they can do whatever they want with it. It's not like our corrupt government has hired these experts at the expense of our taxpayers and we have to foot their bill.

So why is our Emperor not happy with these so-called BINGOs! Well, our man in Baluwatar tells us that these bideshis waste their money by making their report public at five-star hotels. 

I guess our netas have forgotten that they too meet in resorts and five-star properties to end the so-called political deadlock and instead lock themselves and enjoy their bideshi whiskey while we, the people think that they are in there actually to resolve the political crisis at hand.

Our Emperor feels that these BINGOs spend all their money on meetings and seminars instead of working for the welfare of the poor people. Yes, he is right and so do our civil servants and politicians who have never worked for the people and are always busy attending meetings and signing million-point agreements that amount to nothing. 

If it weren't for these BINGOs, our politicians would not get free tickets, stipend and gift hampers to attend conferences overseas.

Our Emperor is confused that with hundreds of BINGOs in this country, are they really working to help the people or they have other self-interest to be here. We also are confused with our politicians and civil servants who continue to extort and exploit common folks because their only interest is to make as much moolah as they can while in power while taking this country down the drain.

Our incompetent and corrupt government is not happy with the BINGOs because they are not transparent and do not coordinate with the government when spending millions of dollars. 

Maybe, our government should also make sure that our political parties are transparent when it comes to their financial dealings and Dr KC should be made the head of the CIAA so that he can really go after every corrupt crook in this land.

Let us hope that one day, we will have netas and sarkari hakims who really want to help the common folks and only then we will not need these BINGOs around. Let us clean up our house first so that we don't have to deal with bideshis coming here promising to clean up the mess.  

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Emperor's Vacation!

Our Emperor is in India with his jumbo entourage. As usual, our corrupt government is good at wasting our taxpayers' money on such visits. Why on earth do you need hundreds of folks to accompany our Prime Monster? 

Why can't a dozen folks tag along and save us a few million Rupees?  Let us hope that one day, we will only have our Prime Monster and his security detail along with two or three advisors visiting foreign lands instead of making it look like it's some kind of a college tour program. 

It seems like our government is a travel operator and wants to take as many folks as possible at the expense of our taxpayers' money. And our civil servants, politicians and con artists will not forgo the opportunity to get a free vacation package even if it's just for a trip across the border and for a few days. It would have been better if we had sent our Prime Monster and his entourage on buses. 

They could then at least see the state of our highways and the difference between our border areas and those of the Desis. And at the same time, they could have counted how many pillars are missing as they crossed the border. 

Our Emperor tells us that he is visiting India to bring our relationship with our chimeki back on track.  Yes, our comedian Oli also told us that he would be doing the same thing when he went to India as well. 

We all know that the Desis really do not trust our politicians and neither do we. So it seems that our Prime Monsters have to visit Delhi after they take office to make sure that they are still in the good books with the Desis. 

Yes, India did help us after the earthquake but the blockade natak screwed us all. Our government failed to resolve the crisis in all ways possible. If our chor netas can't even bring other chor netas on board and resolve the political crisis in the country then there is no point in always blaming the Desis for all the problems in this land. 

If we keep on fighting with each other and act like buffoons, our chimeki will surely take advantage of it. 

Look at the Desis! It does not matter who becomes their Prime Monster, the policies towards Nepal rarely change and we have to deal with the same issues every year. But here in this land, our politicians think getting few trucks load of stuff from China will help us to reduce our trade deficit and dependence on India. 

And our politicians and civil servants act like beggars whenever they meet the Desis. Instead of working together to make things right, our civil servants will ask for scholarships for their children while our chor netas will ask for cash and moral support to stay in power. 

Our experts tell us that we need a new comprehensive policy towards each other but our lazy civil servants never do their homework and are never prepared to discuss any issues with the Desis because they only think for themselves and their families and not the country and the people. 

The last time our Emperor was in India, he hugged Mickey Mouse so tightly that the poor economist could no longer function. Since then India has Modi living in Race Course Road whereas we have had nearly half a dozen folks in Baluwatar.  

Let us hope that this time, our Emperor can impress Modi with his 'dandiya dance'.  And stop drinking bideshi whiskey for a day or two and stick to plain vegetarian diet. After all, our Emperor is good at using his acting skills to impress others. Hope Modi will be impressed by our Emperor's nataks and gift us more ambulances and buses as usual.

And when it comes to so-called mega projects like our highways and hydropower projects, the Desis pledge billions and promise to finish the works in a few years but then they forget about it. Our Prime Monster should ask the Desis if they are really interested to help us by helping to build our infrastructure and hydropower projects as soon as possible or they just want to act like they are helping us. 

We all know that India will commit to help us finish the pending projects and will pledge more money but there will be no timeline and we will never know when those projects will finally be completed. 

Then our Prime Monster will come back to Nepal and term his visit to India as being the most successful ever and thank the Desis for their hospitality, free samosas and what not. 

Our Prime Monster will be back home tomorrow and then leave for New York on Monday to participate in the UN General Assembly. He will be in the land of the free for a week. 

Maybe, he should also meet Hillary and Trump on the side. Hillary has been to Nepal before when she was the First Lady. Now, our Prime Monster should flatter Hillary by telling her the Nepal wants to see a woman Amriki President and if she makes history then she should first visit Nepal. 

What about Trump? Well, what's there to talk about Trump? He is an idiot and you never know, he might surprise us all because the American public has voted for jerks and fools before.  And we are no different. We keep on electing the same chors over and over again and they continue to loot us again and again. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Bora full of Promises!

It’s been a month since our Emperor got to live in Baluwatar and he has come up with a bora full of promises that we all know that he can't and will never keep. Why do our politicians keep on promising us the moon when they can't even lower the price of lasoon?

Our Prime Monster tells us that he will bring other chors on board and expedite the constitution implementation process. We all know that our chors will only get on the ship if they are offered boras full of cash, state perks and ministerial portfolios. If not, they will just agree to disagree on everything and make our lives more miserable and difficult. 

Our Emperor tells us that he has increased the grant assistance to our earthquake victims by a lakh Rupees. Now, our brothers and sisters who have been displaced by the Big One will get 3 lakhs as grant and five lakhs in loans. 

It's funny that mundreys get to be martyrs and their families get a million Rupees but the real needy ones get less than that and that too in installments. 

Our incompetent and corrupt government thinks that it will get all the assistance pledged by our bidhesi donors. But the bideshis are a smart lot and they can't be played by our netas like our netas play us all for suckers and get away with it.

It’s been more than a year and half since the earthquake and most of the victims have not even received the 50,000 as the first installment yet. So to expect our government to provide the grants and loans within this year is like expecting the North Koreans to test their nukes all the way to Mars by Christmas. It's not going to happen!

Instead of reforming the transportation sector, our Emperor thinks he can control the syndicate system in this country by running government buses in major cities in the country. Whoever gave him this idea must have plans to make quick bucks by providing the buses to our government. And as with all other government contracts, there will be commissions to be made and we all know who will make a Rupee or two.

If our government really wants to end the syndicate system in our country then scrap this route permit natak and shut down all the so-called yatatyat samitis in the country. 

Let everyone who wants to, offer  transportation services without obstruction from mundeys and byaparis who continue to run old rusty buses and charge us exorbitant  prices to use their services while burning down buses of new operators willing to provide us better service. 

In the old days, we had the Sajha buses plying across the country. Maybe, we should provide 1,000 buses to Sajha and allow them to provide services all across the country. But then our Lord Lokman will come up with something and take over the tender process and make some money along the way.

If we were to believe our Prime Monster, we will all get printed bills from our taxi wallahs instead of having to agree on a price without the use of meter before taking the ride. 

This is a country where an increase in traffic violation, or crackdown on tampered meters awaken our taxi and bus wallahs to take to the streets and show us their strength by disrupting the traffic in the capital. And we all know that our taxi wallahs will follow the law for a month or two and then it will back to the 'name your price' and 'let me think about it' nataks.

Our government plans to establish universities and medical colleges in each of our seven provinces. I think it would be better to start such projects later after we get the federal model right and our political parties all agree on the province stuff.  Allow the local government then to study and work on such projects instead. 

The role of the central government should be look after law and order, foreign policy and projects of national interest. Other than that, it would be better if we allow the provincial government to do what's right for their provinces.

A month ago, our Prime Monster directed our civil servants to figure out how many of our brothers and sisters are in foreign jails. Well, our civil servants and lazy bums would rather extort our migrant workers instead of working to help them. 

Our politicians keeps on instructing while our civil servants keep on procrastinating. That's how this system works and why the public never get the services entitled to them from the government without obstruction and without having to pay chiya kharcha to our civil servants.

Our government has promised an effective system to help the migrant workers stranded overseas.  Those serving jail terms overseas will get 5 lakhs as seed money to pay the so-called blood money while the government also seeks help from NRNs and us Nepalis here as well to help our migrant workers. 

Whatever happened to our migrant workers' welfare fund (MWWF)?  It seems that migrant workers suffer while those in power will have fun with the funds worth 3 billion Rupees. 

As usual, the government forms a panel to investigate misuse of the MWWF funds. The panel will receive chiya kharcha to meet up and waste the taxpayers money and they will come up with a report that will never be made public because if it were then our politicians and civil servants will have to go to jail. 

But Lokman will get hold of the report and go after the small fishes while making some dough from the thulo mancheys as well.

And as usual our Prime Monster has come up with the same never-ending joke in his speech to the nation. Like always, this government will work to end load shedding by building three hydropower projects through investment from the public to generate 1,200 MW of electricity. 

Yes, let us all stand up and applaud for it seems that load shedding will end soon and we can finally not have to update our load shedding schedule. But of course, our government promises us everything, our politicians and civil servants make all the moolah while the public gets nothing. No wonder, we are now the Federal Democratic 'Rip-Off-the-Public' of Nepal!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Medical Tourism

Our former President wants 3 karod so that he can seek medical treatment for his prostate problems in Amrika. Our government has so far offered to foot in at least 60 lakhs for now and will cover the rest later. 

It seems that only politicians and thulo mancheys get free cash from the state for their medical treatment abroad while most of us, common folks either have to sell our house, exhaust our life savings or seek medical treatment at government hospitals that lack everything. 

Let us not only blame our former President for wanting to promote medical tourism in Amrika. Our former Prime Monster KP Oli has already spent more than a Karod from the state treasury for his treatment overseas and so have other politicians. 

Our former President is a doctor and he knows very well that his prostate problems can be taken care of at home. But why does he want to go to the land of the free and take three folks along with him? If you can get free cash from the state then why not plan a vacation for your near and dear ones?

Our netas go to Thailand and Singapore for medical treatment. We don't know if they go overseas to really seek medical advice or visit foreign hands who offer them cash to promote their self-interest in our land.  

Our netas seem to be blind because they like bidhesi whiskey more than the usual vitamins you get from saag-sabji. They visit foreign countries but are neither inspired nor motivated to copy the good things these foreign lands offer. 

Why can't we have at least one international standard hospital in the country? We could save billions of Rupees in travel and medical expense for our crooked politicians if we can do that and hope our citizens do get the same treatment at affordable price as well.  

But even then our politicians will figure out ways to travel abroad at our taxpayers expense. After all, these clowns only know how to loot the state treasury and they are not going to change overnight.

Now, even our former MPs are demanding cash to seek treatment in foreign lands. I think these bloodsucking parasites should wait until our King Deuba becomes our Prime Monster in eight months. After all, Deuba Dai knows how to win the hearts and minds of our politicians. Then, he gave them tax-free Pajeros and this time, he will probably provide free gift hampers worth more than those vehicles.

Our government hospitals lack adequate medical equipment, supplies and human resources. The so-called government doctors all have their private clinics and refer the patients there instead of providing free treatment to the needy.

Our private hospitals continue to fleece us all by charging exorbitant amounts for medical treatment.  And most of our netas have investment in such hospitals and that's the reason why our incompetent government rarely takes any action against these hospitals. 

We even need to ask our chimeki's help to build a trauma center in the city. And once they are done with the handover, we have yet to operate it because whoever is in power is only interested to make quick money instead of reforming the health care system in the country. 

The Singaporean government should make our King Deuba their brand ambassador for medical tourism. Then he can receive free business class tickets and even free medical care in the Lion City. At least, our government can save millions then. The Thai Embassy here should honor Oli and make him their ambassador to promote medical tourism in Thailand. 

Our Bir Hospital has a VVIP ward and our former Rajas and their families were okay with it but it's not okay anymore for our new Maharajas who only to travel abroad and waste our money. We all know that our politicians have no shame when it comes to spending our money. It seems that these buffoons think that this country owes them everything for their so-called sacrifices to fight the previous regime. 

Who will stop such misuse of power and money? Should we wait another decade for another set of players to change the system and then they too will abuse their power and authority like the previous ones?

I think we should just ask all the countries in the world to adopt at least one of our politicians. So, whenever they need the so-called medical treatment, they can get free air ambulances and what not from their hosts. 

Maybe, we should just go a step further and ask the countries with cash to adopt at least one of our districts.  Let us not worry about the bideshis colonizing our districts. We already seem to be somewhat of a colony for our chimeki. 

Our netas beg for cash, scholarships for their children and in return, they carry out works promoting the interest of our chimekis. Yet, our clowns preach us about nationalism and talk about never bowing down to our chimekis while they bow down even to our Desi ambassador in town. No wonder, even a low-level civil servant at the Indian Embassy seems to get more respect from our politicians!

We celebrated 'Fathers' Day' a few days ago. And our women will be celebrating Teej. Let us all wish our politicians, except a few bachelors a Happy Fathers' Day and hope that they will work together to help millionsof children in this land instead of only looking after the interest of their children. 

And for our women folks, let us ask our mothers, wives, sisters to not only organize dance parties and have fun but take to the streets to warn our netas that they should stop misusing their power and wasting our taxpayers money for their own personal gain. 

Maybe, we can wait till Dashain and hope that our women will be our Goddess Durga or Joan of Arc to fight the demons who rule our land. Yes, the enemy is not our chimeki or some other foreign hands. The enemy is within us but who will at least lead us all to fight them?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com