The Narcotics Control Bureau (NCB) should carry out drug tests on our corrupt clowns and incompetent civil servants. Yes, these buffoons must either be smoking something out of this world or are either taking pills imported straight from some medical labs in Amrika.
Or if our Nepal Police want to try their polygraph thing to make sure it really works then why not test in on our buffoons. Maybe, we should have a compulsory polygraph tests for those who receive government funds in salaries or contracts or for free. Yes, you get free cash for your medical treatment or other kharcha if you happen to be the dear and near ones of our netas!
How in the world do you come up with such screwed-up policies and hawatari programs year in year out and expect us to believe that we will all finally prosper and be able to live a decent life? No one in his or her right mind can stand up and promise things we know that will never come true in this land of ours.
And please stop using our President to present such nautanki nataks. The job of our President is to stay at the President's House and welcome anyone to take selfies with her. Well, the President is also our Supreme Commander in Chief of Nepal Army.
Our President does not have the same power as the Amriki President who has the right to invade another land for no apparent reason and get away with it. But that could change if we make our Baidya Ba our President someday then we are more the likely to invade India a day after he takes office.
We are more likely to send one of our stray dogs to Mars by 2026 than generate 10,000 MW of electricity within a decade. Yes, it is possible to send 'Kalu' to the 'Red Planet' if we can somehow convince our folks who currently work for NASA to come back and help us build some kind of a capsule or a rocket that can transport a dog up there.
But we cannot expect to generate 10,000 MW of electricity with this current bunch of corrupt political parties and inefficient bureaucracy.
We all know that it is our civil servants who teach our politicians on how to make money from kickbacks and what not once they get into power. Yes, it is much easier to teach a SLC pass clown all the tricks when you are a Masters Gold Medalist Hakim Saheb.
Every kid in this country knows that we have the capacity to generate 40,000 MW of electricity. It's been nearly eight years since we became a Republic and if we had believed our Emperor then, we would have at least 20,000 MW of electricity by now.
But of course, our Emperor is a emotional chap. One day, he will laugh at you, the next day he will cry for you and then next week, he will backstab you and then next month, he will hug you tight and kiss you. This guy seriously needs to visit a psychiatrist. Or just give him some Prozac and calm him down. We never know what he will do next. He might just lease the whole country to our chimekis and collect rent and be happy.
Our dream of generating thousands of MW of electricity is just becoming a big nightmare. We know we can do it but the reason we have not been able to do it is because of our bribe seeking civil servants, slimy contractors, local netas and their mundreys.
And some of that dough somehow goes back to our netas. Yes, get free vehicles, salaries and perks and then loot the state treasury as well as get free money from contractors, civil servants and any con artists who wants to make easy money on the side while this country goes down the drain.
And the most ironic thing of all is that this land which is so rich in water resources have to depend instead on our Desi bhais to import electricity from across the border. Maybe, our incompetent government should come up with another target.
How about promising us that we will import another 1,000 MW of electricity this winter from India and bring an end to load shedding in this land? Now that is possible, if our clowns can keep the Desis happy instead of trying to piss them off every other week!
It seems that our politicians are more like juvenile delinquents than leaders. They have big egos because they must be compensating for whatever is inadequate in them. They fight over petty issues and agree to disagree on everything except on how to divide the loot from our state treasury.
You can't just cancel our President's trip to India just because you are mad that the Desis don't dole out free gift hampers anymore. What do you expect? You have been kissing their arses for so long that even the recipients must have sore bottoms by now.
You can't just recall our Ambassador in Delhi just because he is a Kangaroo. But of course, our political parties have quotas on everything. Yes, divide the vacant positions amongst themselves from to the Supreme Court to Ambassadors to any government positions. Send some byapari to represent our land for a few Karod Rupees as our Ambassadors. Yes, fill up the Supreme Court with your Chamchas.
What can you expect from these parasites? These are the same folks who sell the CA seats for millions of Rupees. No wonder, most of our byaparis, black marketers and con artists are our CA members! How can you then expect such folks to work together to make this country better?
Dear Nepal Government. Please stop promising us stuff that you cannot or know very well that you will not fulfill. We are surviving not because we have a billionaire in the Forbes List or because our NRNs are building hospitals and hotels and hydros. This country is still alive and kicking because of our millions of young folks who work overseas for a few more Dinars, Riyals and Ringgits.
Please stop promising us jobs, free loans and all the goodies. We know that whatever you have promised is not for us, the common folks but only for your cadres and cousins. But of course, the only one thing possible is that we might be able to welcome a million tourists on 2018. And Nepal Tourism Board should make Hillary Clinton one of our goodwill ambassadors before she goes back to the White House. She's been here before.
What about Trump? Well, it just shows that half the Amrikans are either really stupid or just ignorant racist pricks. Well, they elected 'Dubya' twice. And maybe we are not the right folks to judge them because we have been voting for the same corrupt clowns over and over again while expecting them to change.
It's like expecting a cannibal to be a vegetarian. They are not going to change. It is us who need to change our attitude. Let us not allow these clowns to rule over us without accountability. It's been ten years since the Maoists and the Morons got together and signed their hawatari agreement. Maybe, we need a new revolution, a mother of all revolutions to end all this natak once and for all!
Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at email@example.com