Saturday, February 27, 2016

Oli's Gift Hampers

Our comedian is back in town after his all-India tour. Our man tells us that his six-day vacation was very successful as it helped to clear misunderstanding between the two countries. Dear Prime Monster, please stop lying and just be honest with all of us. We all know that nothing came out of the so-called state visit. Modi really didn't give us any gift hampers. 

Oli should have used his tricks to flatter Modi and asked for more. He should have learned a thing or two from Prachanda when it comes to how to act in front of the Desi headmaster. Run up to the Desi PM like a kid excited to receive a prize and then hug him tightly like you will never let go. 

That would have not only scared Modi but he would have to top that by at least carrying Oli all the way to his office. But of course, not even one person from our Foreign Ministry seemed to have briefed Oli on how to walk the red carpet when receiving the guard of honor. 

He seemed puzzled on how to proceed. Maybe, if he had performed a Bhangra as he inspected the soldiers in formation then that could have won the hearts and minds of the Desis folks. 

But I guess our comedian can only crack jokes here at home and make us laugh. He should have taken along a translator who speaks fluent Hindi instead of trying to convince Modi with broken Hindi that most of our politicians seem to know. 

Oli should have memorized some Hindi jokes. Just using YouTube to check on some of Kapil's monologues would have done wonders to mend the strained relationship between the two countries.

Oli tells us that he and his entourage were treated well by the Desis and to him that means that people to people relationship between the two countries has improved overnight. But the BSF wallahs across the border continue to harass our people when they return home from India. 

Many are asked to fork out chiya kharcha during festive seasons or get thrashed, verbally abused and then their stuff confiscated. This happens all the time and so far our government officials have yet to resolve such problems. Our government is not worried about the moving pillars at our borders either.

Oli visited Bhuj and probably had some bhujiya and chai. We don't know what he really learned from his visit to Gujarat apart from learning the Dandiyai-dance they do over there. 

We all know that our incompetent government will take its time and reconstruction efforts in this land will be slow and filled with corruption. We will all know that the country is finally back on its track the day we will see a new Dharahara standing tall again. And that day may not come soon but will probably take a decade or two. 

How do I know? Well, the so-called 'Republic Tower' is awaiting construction and we have been a Republic since 2008.  We have been waiting to take a shower with water from Melamchi for the past two decades.  Everything seems to move in slow motion in this land of ours except when it comes to changing the government. 

It seems that our politicians only know how to pull each other's leg to sit on the Kurchi. But I guess they fail to understand that if this how they run the country, in a decade or two, there will not be any kurchi to sit on. Then they can all sit on the ground and wait for fuel and cooking gas like the rest of us.

Oli signed seven agreements with India. The only good thing was an agreement to establish Nepal Academy of Music and Drama. Let us hope our politicians will then use their source force to send their own cadres to head such organization and make it a playing field for lazy bums instead of qualified candidates who really can contribute to the development of arts in this land. 

We had signed agreements to strengthen our road infrastructure in the plains. What we need is an underground tunnel from India all the way to Kathmandu so that a bunch of folks can have a picnic in no man's land all day and night while goods from India will flow without obstruction through the underground tunnel. 

The 400 KV India-Nepal transmission line is now working and they tell us that we will have at least two hours less load shedding from next week. If Oli was good at kissing arse then we would have received another 200 MW and that to for free if Modi really wanted to wish Oli Happy Birthday!

Oli actually came back home empty-handed. Let us not blame him for not getting any goodies from the Desis. Oli wants to go to China soon before he moves back to Balkot from Baluwatar. 

He should start practicing how to use the chopsticks and even learn a few words of Mandarian to impress the Chinese. Maybe learn a Chinese song or two. That could really impress President Xi but somebody needs to remind Oli before he goes to Beijing that  he should not confuse Xi with Roman numerals 'XI' and call him  'Eleven' .

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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