Saturday, February 6, 2016

Desis Know Best

Let us congratulate our Madhesi netas for running across the border to seek blessings from Bihari politicians regarding their protest programs. It's not only clowns from Madhes but almost everyone except Bijukche get both moral and financial support from the Desis to enhance their political career. 

Bijukche is tight with the North Koreans. But so far, Bhaktapur has yet to receive fake dollar bills or fake Marlboros or a malfunctioning long-range missile. 

I think Bijukche should be our next President and then he can invite Lil' Kim to Nepal for a state visit. We can then get a home-made nuclear device from the North Koreans and then finally our chimekis will stop bullying us. 

Dr Saheb is busy with his 'New Power' campaign. Yes, Karishma Didi was the leading Kollywood actress twenty years ago but the only thing new she has done over the past decade is get a tattoo on her bosom. I think Dr Saheb's new party symbol should be the same as Karishma Didi's tattoo.  

Let us hope that his party will keep its books straight unlike all other political parties who neither submit their accounts on time nor disclose where their funding comes from.

If our political parties and politicians are receiving Chiya Kharcha from the Indian Embassy then they should stop blaming India for all the mess in this land. Those who are under the patronage of the Desis should learn a thing or two from our politicians and media wallahs who get some dough from the Chinese Embassy.

Do not bite the hand that feeds you. We don't hear any China-bashing from those who get to visit China and enjoy the banquets there. Then why are our politicians who get everything from India still keep on blaming the Desis for their own problems?

The Indian Embassy should stop handing over school buses and ambulances to our government when they celebrate their Republic Day every year. Our patriotic government should stop accepting such gifts unless it comes with a one-year guarantee of unlimited supply of fuel for those buses and ambulances. 

It seems that our government has enough funds to provide luxury vehicles to hundreds of clowns but can't afford to buy ambulances and school buses on their own.

Rajendra Mahato got hit on the head by our Nepal Police and then he visited numerous hospitals in the country just to make sure that he was all right. He wasn't happy with our doctors. He then went to India. He still wasn't okay. Now, he has visited Bihar and met with Lalu and his gang. I guess Lalu knows best. 

Mahato now tells us that the protest program has done nothing to change our government's attitude towards the agitating parties. Instead, it has brought misery to millions of people whereas it has brought in millions of Rupees for our civil servants, ruling clowns and cops at our checkpoints. 

Mahato also tells us that he and his clowns will meet with the government and then decide whether to lift the border blockade. Why in the world do you need to meet our incompetent buffoons for another round of talks just to decide when to tell your cadres to go home instead of sleeping in tents on the border?

Instead of going to Bihar and asking Lalu and his gang to support their protest programs, our Madhesi leaders should come to the capital and seek support from the common folks here. We are the ones facing shortages of fuel and cooking gas  not the Biharis. 

When did Lalu become an umpire for the never-ending cricket game between our ruling clowns and Madhesi netas?

What's next for our Madhesi leaders? Tell your cadres to pack up and go home instead of blocking the borders. After a few days rest, your cadres can then come to Kathmandu and carry out your blockade programs in Baluwatar. We will support you. But enough is enough. 

The government is losing billions of Rupees in revenue. We have spent billions of Rupees to buy fuel and cooking gas in the black market. Everybody seems to be losing except the ruling clowns and our Madhesi netas who face no shortage of anything at all. They always seem to be in a jolly mood, always laughing whenever we see them on TV during their so-called meetings to resolve the current political crisis.

The Madhes protest programs has not hurt our politicians in the capital. Our civil servants can blame the blockade for everything. They don't have to carry out any development projects. Blame the shortage of fuel and what not and hide your incompetence. 

Nepal Oil Corporation seems to make more money by not selling fuel. NEA has increased the load shedding hours. Our Energy Minister Top Bahadur should change his name to Bottom Bahadur for failing to keep his promises. He promised us that we would have at least some power during lunch and dinner time. 

The only thing Top Bahadur has shown us what he is capable of is demonstrating his fashion sense. Look at the man. His coats must be worth more than the average salary of an ordinary Nepali person. His glasses and boots are worth at least half a lakh Rupees. It's not only Top Ji. 

Look at most of our politicians. Before they get the Kurchi, they look like they have been wearing the same shirt since 1990. And once they get the Kurchi, they get fat, either their cheeks or bellies and not to forget their wallets as well.
Our government doesn't know when the blockade natak will end? 

Our Madhesi netas don't have a timetable to end the current crisis. Modi is busy attending the 12th South Asian Games. Oli is busy making sure he gets to visit Delhi and high-five with Modi before he is forced out of Baluwatar.  

And what about us? We are just busy trying to coordinate with our friends, relatives and even total strangers on how to get adequate cooking gas for our homes and a few liters of petrol so that we can get to work. I think we have had enough of Oli. 

He has proved his mettle as one of the greatest Nepali comedian of all time. But he can neither give us oil for our vehicles nor any fuel to boil some eggs. Don't be surprised if Oli is not around in Baluwatar during Holi because his Boli now has no more Goli!

But that can all change if he finds a way to make the Desis happy. If not, we will have another freeloader in Baluwatar soon.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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