Sunday, March 6, 2016

The CON(G)-RACE!




Our grand old party, the Nepali Congress (NC) is hosting its 13th General Convention here in the capital. NC is nearly 70 years old. It would be safe to say that it is a senior citizen party whereas Baburam's 'Naya Shakti' is probably the youngest party in the country right now. 

Nepali Congress seems to not be in good terms with Kollywood. The Maoists have Rekha Thapa whereas Baburam has Karishma Manadhar. Nepali Congress once had Manisha Koirala but that was because of family ties.

I think our Kangaroos should ask one of our Kollywood actress to join their party just for the sake of having a 'filmi' touch. But of course, our politicians are better actors than the ones in our film industry. At least Rajesh Hamal in his movies will claim to use his 'iron hand' to crush his enemies and will do so by the time the movie ends. 

But our politicians claim to fight against foreign hands but will then go overseas and kiss their arses instead. And they come back and lie through their teeth as if we believe them when they say that they looked the bideshis in their eyes and told them to take a hike.

I think it would be better if our political parties stopped conducting their nataks at the Khulla Manch. Why on earth would you want to create traffic jam and bring the capital to a standstill by gathering thousands of your cadres in the middle of the city in the middle of the day? 

Yoga is the 'it' thing these days. If you really must show your strength in the heart of Kathmandu then begin the day with some 'Ram Dev' stomach-wave thing at 5 in the morning. But of course, most of our politicians love to stay up late while they finish up their drinks and it would be tough for them to wake up early and do some exercise. You really don't want to do anything when you have a bad hangover.

Our political parties should host their conventions and other programs outside the Ring Road area. They should organize their nataks on the hills. But of course, only a few will be able to hike and reach the top because most of our netas are over the hill and have weak legs and heart. 

Our clowns could organize their programs on top of Pulchowki or Shivapuri. Do not disturb millions of residents in the capital by your nautanki nataks. Get some fresh air for yourselves. Nagarkot is a good place too. You really don't need hotel rooms. 

You can just do a camping convention, sleep in tents and enjoy the scenery up there. Why spend Karods on masu bhat and what not? Why not just organize the world's biggest dal-bhat karyakaram by asking your volunteers to cook the meals in big drums? At least get your name in the Guinness World Records!

The Kangaroos have been around forever. They claim to be the only party that has led nearly all of the so-called people's movement in the country. Yes, they played their part in toppling the Rana Regime so that the House of Shah could rule over us.  They played their part in the 2046 BS movement where the King alone could not have all the fun. 

While the King still had the army, our politicians had everything else and it was our Kangaroos who showed us how to rule by only favoring your cadres and cousins while making sure those who may not be in your good books get the boot regardless of their competence.

The Kangaroos ruled the country for most of the two decades after the 2046 BS movement. Girija Babu showed us how to play the dirty game of politics. Ganesh Man was not around. We still had Krishna Prasad Bhattarai but the old man was sidelined by Girija. 

We also had Deuba becoming our Prime Minister three times and doing nothing except introducing the 'Pajero' culture in Nepal where politicians could be bought over cash, gift hampers, vehicles and foreign trips and what not.

Here we are now, nearly 25 years later since the Kangaroos made a comeback. We have seen the fall of monarchy, the rise of the Maoists, the superpower of our Madhesis and even the comeback of our Mandaleys. What's next?  We don't know but the country could be in good hands if we let our Raute 

Uncles lead us rather than the usual bunch of thieves. More than three thousand NC delegates are in town to elect a new leadership. We have three stooges who want to lead NC to new heights of more looting of the state funds and selling out to foreign bidders. 

But it's not only the NC but all of our political parties carry the same agenda. Sit on the Kurchi and make as much dough as you can before you leave and when you are not in the ruling coalition then carry out bandas and get some good deals from the government.

We have Ram Chandra Poudel, Sher Bahadur Deuba and Krishna Prasad Sitaula who want to be the NC President. Poudel's claim to fame is that he tried for 17 times and still failed to be our PM. 

Deuba has already been our PM and if he gets to live in Baluwatar again then don't be surprised if he allows our lawmakers to buy a helicopter each that too tax-free and interest-free installment payment for the next thirty years. Sitaula was our Home Minister once and was the man who brought our Emperor and Smarty Pants to the capital when they decided that they would have more fun out in the open than hiding underground.

It really doesn't matter who becomes the next NC President. All of three candidates will do nothing to transform the party, nor will they find middle ground and bring every Kangaroos together to make NC better. Our politicians only know how to divide and rule. 

If they keep on dividing again and again then one day, they will be left with zero and they will no longer exist. I guess we are all waiting for that day when this country will have leaders not loafers to lead us to prosperity and peace instead of dragging us all down towards poverty and war. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

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