Oli Loves India (O.L.I)

While the whole country is moving in slow motion, only one person is seen running around town like a crazy wacko whose tail seems to be on fire. But of course, he has his reasons. 

He wants to be our Prime Monster real bad.  After all, who doesn't want to live in Baluwatar and spend their days doing nothing but enjoying the power and the state perks that come with being the biggest clown of them all?

Oli should be our Prime Monster. Give the man a chance to lead us. We all know that he will be no different from the rest of the clowns who have lived in Baluwatar. 

We have seen our Emperor who never rode a bicycle then but now wants to be a professional mountain biker and probably be a downhill champ by the time he leads his party to the number one spot in two years. 

We then saw our Makune who became our Prime Monster even though he lost from two constituencies during the first CA election. Yes, Makune proved that losers also can be winners but what did Makune do except cut ribbons and prance around town? Nothing! But he will get free security, vehicle and other state perks like the guy before him. 

I think we should not provide state perks to anyone who did not complete at least 1,000 days as a Prime Monster or a minister. That could save us millions of Rupees each year on luxury vehicles, fuel, security and what not. 

It's a shame that our clowns are still going around town in their free vehicles with their armed escorts while the rest of us can't get any petrol. Why can't they walk or use public transportation like the rest of us?

Then came Jhallu Baba who got slapped and then became our Prime Monster. Jhally proved that a slap instead of a kiss can also be a good luck charm. But it didn't last long as he could not celebrate Dashain in Baluwatar.  

Well, we are supposed to believe that communists really don't celebrate Dashain but our comrades are different. They will celebrate anything with anyone as long as they can get back on the kurchi. 

We go to see our Doctor Saheb. He won our hearts by choosing Mustang instead of one of them luxury vehicles. He even returned a few hundred dollars left from his overseas visit back to the state treasury. 

He also did a good job by widening our roads and it would have been better if he had stuck around to wrap up the project. And that's pretty much it. Next time, Doctor Saheb should be our Mayor and really make our capital city great. 

But of course, he has other plans. He no longer wants to be a Maoist. He wants to start a new club but one man alone can't do much in this land of ours where money and muscles help to win votes. 

Even Doctor Saheb seems confused. I think he should just take a break, relax, visit Cuba, take a Selfie with Fidel while he is still around and then come back and wait for a spontaneous revolution. 

And then, we got our own Santa Claus as our Prime Monster. Well, the Amrikans have an obese one and he only shows up during Christmas. Our Sushil Da should leave Baluwatar by tomorrow and either move to Banaras to live as a sannyasi or to Beverly Hills to try his luck to be a Hollywood star, a dream that has yet to be fulfilled. 

It's never too late to begin a new journey. Who knows Hollywood might make another Godfather movie and Sushil Da can finally get to act in it and fulfill his dream. And thanks for the constitution. It really has changed our lives for the better. 

We will now walk more, will probably fast for at least three days a week and we might even start communal kitchen in our tole so that we can all share dal bhat with our chimekis while we try not to waste the limited cooking gas we have.

Now, we have Oli.  Our Emperor, Makune, Jhallu Baba and Doctor Saheb are in the same age group as our man. So give Oli a chance to lead us. Where will he take us? We don't know but how bad can it get?  

Oli has been our Home Minister once and a Foreign Minister as well. He didn't really get to spend much time heading these ministries but he has a pretty good idea how our police wallahs work or how much cash can they fork up to get lucrative postings or promotions. As a Foreign Minister, he must know how Foreign Embassies work in our land and what the bideshis really think of us. 

While most of us running here and there, looking for cooking gas and petrol, Oli is running around town visiting other clowns to win enough votes to be Mr. PM! Save fuel, egghead. Just SMS the other person whose support you seek. Just mention how many ministries and cash you can offer instead of wasting everyone's time.

Our Emperor will support anyone as long as his party gets a few lucrative ministries. Don't be surprised if Ganesh Thapa becomes a minister next week. After all, his brother, Kamal Dai has enough votes to get a ministry or two. 

Where is Kamal Thapa and his Rath Yatra now? Why not take all the chariots to Birgunj, load up some cooking gas and petrol and bring it back the valley. Where is our Baidya Ba and even Biplab? Whatever happened to their plans to invade India?  Where are they hiding?

I think we should all give Oli a chance. But do we really have a say on who will be the next clown to bring the country down? Maybe Oli should visit the Indian Embassy wearing a t-shirt that reads 'Oli Loves India'. Maybe that would at least make the Desi ambassador call up Delhi and tell the folks there to give Oli a chance. 

Let Oli run this country. Let him be the last of the clowns who were born in the 50s to enjoy the loot for a few years. And then, when we have our general and state elections, let us not elect the same buffoons but new generation of politicians with new ideas and new hopes. 

Doctor Saheb has also done his part. He should now step aside as well with all other clowns and let the young ones lead us. 

But of course, with the way things are going, we might have 24 kingdoms again and then some person comes up with the crazy unification idea again. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com