Saturday, July 25, 2015

Us vs Them

It took our corrupt clowns seven years to come up with a preliminary draft of the new constitution. We cannot blame them for being lazy and incompetent. Look at our Melamchi Water Supply Project. A dozen Prime Monsters and nearly two decades later, the valley residents are still waiting for the day when they can finally take a shower from the water from Melamchi River. 

It seems that we might get a constitution the day the water from Melamchi hit our taps which is still a few years away. 

Our Constipated Assembly (CA) lawbreakers have worked hard all these years to collect their paychecks and perks in tune of billions of Rupees. And they come out with a preliminary draft of the constitution that seems to be really out of tune with common citizens. 

After all, our corrupt clowns only listen to lazy civil servants, slimy contractors and crazy cadres. They only think of common citizens during elections. And after they have won, the ordinary folks are forgotten while the pick pockets and con artists get to enjoy the funds from the state treasury.

We could have saved a lot of money if we had just paid a few Karod Rupees each to a dozen of our crime family bosses who seem to be running the country instead of wasting it all on 601 clowns. We do not need the PR quota. We have seen the kind of folks who occupy the PR seats. Most of them are either fake VAT Bill byaparies, local hoodlum or cousins of our freeloaders.

We want elected representatives. The winner should do something good for his or her constituency while the loser can wait for another five years gathering dirty secrets and schemes cooked by the incumbent so that he or she can win and do the same natak.

Our corrupt loafers tend to live in a bubble. They get to ride around in luxury vehicles, surrounded by armed security personnel, while enjoying the perks of being a Chor. 

They do not know how hard it is for a common citizen to live a decent life amid shortages of everything. We have to deal with inflation and corruption which leads to frustration that forces a person to go abroad to earn a few Dinars more. 

The kids of our great netas do not have to worry about their future. Just look at our Crown Prince. The guy is a polygamist and has no skills apart from updating his Facebook statuses and hooking up with a new lady every winter. 

The kids of our visionary leaders get scholarships to attend universities abroad while the kids of our farmers have to go to community schools equipped with lazy teachers, no textbooks and shoddy infrastructure.

Our clowns take seven years to come up with a preliminary draft of the constitution and they only allocate two days for public consultation and that too for only a few hours a day.  Our netas think that they can just wrap it up and force us a constitution. They might have agreed to settle petty issues but major issues have yet to be agreed upon. 

We might have eight provinces but we still have not come up with the borders for our provinces. We might have to ask the British for their help. They seem to be very good at drawing lines across the map randomly. The British can take credit for most of the present day conflicts across the world. 

If our netas are smart then they will allow DFID to bring in their consultants to draw up our state borders. Then if things blow up and become chaotic then they can always blame the British. We will have someone to blame other than India for all our problems.

We still have not come up with names for our provinces. Why not carry out a SMS campaign and encourage all of us to think out of the box to come up with something? I think we should name our provinces based on our food. 

Let's have Roti, Choila, Dhido, Kera etc so that our kids do not have to have a IQ of 150 or more to remember, pronounce and write the correct spelling of our provinces. Make it short and sweet not long and bitter.  We want our provinces now not after the promulgation of the constitution. 

The issue of secularism has taken center stage as well. Most of our priestly and warrior castes want 'religious freedom' instead of secularism. Kamal Dai wants Hinduism as the state religion. Yes, majority of our folks are Hindus and we get majority of the public holidays while people of other faiths get only a day or two as national holiday.  

Hindus get to enjoy Eid by watching a Salman Khan movie while Muslims celebrate the day with their families. Hindus get to enjoy Christmas by dancing like crazy and getting drunk while Christians celebrate the day attending mass. So, we Hindus are having most of the fun, aren't we?

Kamal Dai should first take care of all the stray cattle in the valley before he sticks to the usual 'Holy Cow' as our national animal natak. Be a good Hindu, Kamal Dai. Let us do away with our caste system. 

Let us not bar people from entering temples and participating in pujas just because of their caste. Don't tell me your kids have not enjoyed a hamburger from McDonalds while on a holiday abroad. 

Our male chauvinist pigs do not want to provide citizenship based under the mother's name. They still want stupid clauses to make it difficult for single mothers to get citizenship for their kids. Mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, please rise up and take to the streets. 

We are tired of Mundrey gundas shutting down the country in the name of one political party or another for their stupid causes. Women should unite and fight. This is the time, not to be quiet but to show your strength. We must appeal to the wives and mistresses of our clowns as well. We cannot allow millions of our own people to be stateless. 

The people want a directly elected executive. Our corrupt netas do not want it because they will lose out billions of Rupees in power sharing deals. The people want our MPs to be at least a graduate and not eight class pass running the show. We want term limit for our clowns. We also want age limit and minimum academic qualification as well. 

We want a better Nepal. What do our netas want? They just want us to be divided so that they can be united to loot our state treasury, shoot and boot peaceful protestors and don't really give a hoot of what we have to say. If we don't fight now, we will lose our right to be a Nepali. 

This fight is for our future, for our kids, for the generations to come. Join the battle or lose out! Young Folks, like one old chubby cigar chomping, brandy drinking bideshi said, " Never give up. Never give up! Never give up!! Never, never, never-never-never-never!'"

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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