Jajarkot to Jakarta

Our hermit PM Sushil Da is having fun in Jakarta, attending the 60th anniversary of the historic Asian-African Conference.  But here at home, our folks in Jajarkot are still suffering more than six decades after the end of the Rana regime.

Sushil Da is busy meeting foreign leaders and enjoying Tama Alu Indonesian-style while our folks in the rural areas don't get enough Tamiflu. Our villagers are dying while our incompetent government is busy either denying or lying to us about the sufferings of the folks in the rural areas. 

Let's hope our PM and his entourage will bring home batik sarongs for their dear ones. What about us? Well, we will get the same false assurance that things will get better soon. 

It's a shame that our good for nothing politicians get free medical treatment and even air ambulances to seek further treatment abroad while our own brothers and sisters are left to die because of lack of medicines and health workers. 

During such outbreaks, our government should direct both the security forces and private helicopter operators to ferry health workers and medicines at the earliest. 

But of course, our private helicopters make lakhs of Rupees from poor folks in rural areas to ferry them to the capital for medical treatment but do not want to do their share of community service. 

I think it's time our government bought at least five helicopters to use as air ambulances to help the folks in the rural areas. Well, we have five development regions for now and who knows, we might have many more after our con artists get done with giving us the new constitution. 

But no matter how many provinces we have, it is necessary to have a rapid response team, choppers and other necessary resources at its disposal. 

Our Health Ministry wallahs tell us that they do not have enough funds to help folks in emergency situations. Our government never seems to have enough funds to help the people but can easily spend billions of Rupees for so-called development projects that are abandoned half way and the money is pocketed by political cadres and slimy contractors. 

Our PM has already spent more than a Karod for his treatment overseas and many other politicians get to use our taxpayers money for medical treatment. The common citizens get nothing and are forgotten by the state.

Sushil Da phoned our Health Minister from Jakarta, directing him to do everything required to contain swine flu in the affected districts.  I hope our PM skyped him instead of using the hotel phone and saved us a few Rupees.

Well, our healthy monster, Khagaraj Adhikari is not worried about common citizens. He is more interested to find out how to make some moolah instead of mobilizing needed resources in the affected region. 

A month ago, he was telling us that the country has enough medicines to treat swine flu. He even claimed that there would be no deficiency of medicines to treat patients affected with swine flu. Well, here are we are now where our villagers are dying and Khagaraj has no clue how to respond to such emergencies.

I think our ministers should at least take a crash course on the portfolio they are handling. 

You don't have to be a doctor to be a Health Minister but at least take the time to review the health care system in the country and get advice from government secretaries, health care experts and even field workers on what can be done to improve it instead of spending all your time thinking about making some dough by transferring or promoting health workers or fudging the bill when procuring medicines and medical equipments for our public hospitals and health posts. 

I think Dr KC should head a team to respond to any such outbreaks in the country.

We celebrated 'Prajatantra Diwas' a few months ago to celebrate the shutting down of all wild parties by our Rana uncles. The Shree Tins did have all the fun at the expense of the state treasury. Well, they owned everyone and everything. Now, some of their cousins still own quite a lot of land and cash but I guess we are okay with it.

We got rid of our party animals and we got ourselves a real King. He didn’t do much and his successors weren't any good either. We celebrated Loktantra Diwas yesterday to remember our sacrifices during the 19-day Andolan nearly a decade ago. 

Well, we no longer have a King but we still have mini-Maharajas who want their share of the loot. And don't be surprised if we have another peoples' movement in 2026. Whom are we kicking out then? Of course, it will be our clowns of today who have done nothing but steal from the national coffer and enjoy the good life. 

Ram Dev Baba is in town. And thousands of Ramu fans will be doing their 'Yoga' thing. Yes, yoga is good for your health but it has not done any good to our civil servants and clowns. I think our Home Minister Bam Dev could learn a thing or two from Ram Dev. Yes, maybe he will lose some weight and will be able do the 'stomach wave' thing as well. 

And why does the 'Yoga' guru need a 250-personnel security contingent? He already has thousands of fans in the country and they include many VVIPs and byaparis. Why not use our taxpayers money to provide security to common folks instead of only VVIPs? 

Anyways, Ram Dev should conduct a yoga camp inside the CA building and make sure that our all our clowns participate in it. Maybe, a week-long closed door yoga session will help our confused clowns to come together and give us a constitution soon. If not, then we won't mind watching our clowns do their breathing exercises instead of opening their mouth and spewing the usual venom.

Climb Every Mountain

First of all, let us all congratulate our dear comrade KP Oli for setting an example to the rest of us. Oli has had a liver transplant and suffers from other complications as well. I think our incompetent government should make him our 'fitness Ambassador' and urge all valley residents to walk the 213 steps to the top of Dharahara at least once a month. 

We could even host an international competition. Ask all countries to send their best stair climbers to compete in the annual 'Dharahara Run-Up'. Yes, we might not be able to compete with the 'Empire State Building Run-Up'  (ESBRU) but we have to start somewhere. 

The ESBRU is the world's oldest tower race.  It has 1576 steps while we have only 213 but numbers don’t matter when it comes to having some fun. The Nepal Tourism Board could promote the event all over the world and we can even ask all the countries to send at least one participant to encourage us to live in peace and prosperity.

Our Emperor thinks that Dharahara is more important for Oli than working on the disputed issues in the constitution writing process. I think Oli should even attempt to climb Everest and challenge our Emperor to do the same. 

Our polygamist Crown Prince climbed Everest a few years ago and gained a new wife. Let's hope our Emperor will also climb Everest and gain inner peace to end all strife.

We all know that Oli wants to be our Prime Monster real bad. Sushil Da should quit, leave for Banaras and be a hermit. Yes, make Oli our PM and he can do a weekly show on TV, entertaining us with his wit. It is better to have a comedian in Baluwatar than have a confused clown.

Our Emperor tells us that he is willing to take any risk to save this country from going down the drain. Well, the magician is running out of magic tricks. We are still waiting for billion dollar investment by a fake NGO to make Lumbini another Disneyland. 

We are still waiting for an economic revolution Mao-style to bring us good health and great wealth. So far, only our Emperor and his cronies have enjoying both while we, the common citizens can't even afford a bowl of broth.

Our Emperor talks about uniting us all but can't even keep his alliance intact. Our Janjati and Madhesi parties now want to form a separate alliance because they want to shut down the country for more than a day. 

The other breakaway Maoist factions do want to start another armed struggle and even think invading India is a great idea. Baidya Ba must still be stuck with reading David and Goliath. Catapults don't work anymore except for chasing monkeys and stray dogs from our one and only international airport.

I think it is better if our Emperor just quit politics and looked after his business interests and enjoy the good life he is now accustomed to rather than blabbering like a mad man.

It's nice that our government gave our civil servants a day off to remember our late former Prime Minister Surya Bahadur Thapa. Our government should have done the same for late Marich Man Singh Shrestha.  And let us also remember Junga Bahadur and Bhimsen Thapa as well. Why not honor all our former Prime Monsters from the beginning of the Shah dynasty till today?

After all, we have yet to have a Prime Monster whom we can really call our own and remember him for leaving behind a prosperous and stable nation. Yes, Surya Bahadur Thapa was the man. 

We will no longer have another man who will become a PM five times, serve under three different Kings and under three different political systems. Well, I don't think we will go back to the old political systems again because we are a Republic and our clowns will continue to rip off the public till there is no one to extort from.

Deuba could become our PM one day and earn his fourth stripe and probably gift our lawmakers a Range Rover each. Our Emperor and Dr. Saheb could be our PM again for the second time if they manage to unite all their factions and form a coalition government in the future. 

Let us hope that our Emperor will not quit in less than a year again and be a cry baby. Our Dr. Saheb should focus only on infrastructure and give us better highways, railways and also teach our drivers that pedestrians have the right-of-way.

We have seen Jhallu Baba and MaKuNe Sir and they might try their luck for the second time too. But give Oli a chance. He may not deliver but at least his cronies and mundreys will have a field day while in power. 

After all, that has been the story of all our great leaders. Their cousins and cadres make millions while millions of us citizens are left with no choice but to go abroad to make a few Dinars and Ringgits.

Let us all wish our mothers today and hope one day that we will have a woman Prime Minister to lead us to glory and greatness instead of the same old grumpy men who only know greed and destruction.

Happy New Year!

Let us all thank our Emperor and his friends for only shutting down the country for a day instead of going for a three-day banda. Some of our Madhesi and Janjati parties were not too happy with the decision to call off the strike. 

I guess some of our political parties still don't get it. We, the common citizens are really tired of our political pirates shutting down the country.  We might not have enough courage to stand up against the bandas yet but the day will come when we can't take it anymore. 

Please don't underestimate the power of the common citizens.

Why do our political parties think that shutting down the country will help them with their cause? Bandas not only make our lives miserable but also cost our national economy billions of Rupees per day. But of course, our clowns don't care because they are not ones who have to go to work every day and provide for their families with their meager salaries. 

Our clowns get to loot the state treasury. Our clowns waste our taxpayers' money on their medical treatments abroad. Our clowns provide funds to their cadres for so-called development projects. The projects do not bring development anywhere but only develop the bellies of their well-wishers.

I think our political parties should think of new creative ideas to create awareness about their protest programs instead of just shutting down the country and vandalizing vehicles and lashing out at innocent folks. 

Our political parties should take responsibility when their cadres burn vehicles. It would be nice if our Emperor personally compensated the taxi driver whose cab was burned during the banda. After all, he is the only neta who has more money and muscles than the rest of the clowns.

Instead of bandas, our political parties should hire musical bands and invite all citizens for a day of dancing and singing. Our political cadres can make momos, pani puris and sodas and sell it to the general public. That would certainly be a more honest and entertaining way of raising funds for your party instead of just extorting from our byaparis. 

Yes, let's have a carnival like the Brazilians but of course without the Samba unless our Kollywood superstar Rekha Thapa wants to show her dance moves with the Emperor again.

Our Emperor cannot win the hearts and the minds of the people with the usual banda nataks. Why not shoot a YouTube video bobbing your head to the song for the upcoming Nepali movie 'Resham Filili'?

It would be nice if our Emperor, Dr. Saheb and his friends all joined in the fun and show us all that they too know how to have fun instead of just coming up with same old dialogue of threatening to bring hell down upon this beautiful land of ours. Well, we are already living in a hellhole. It can't get worse than this. We have shortages of everything. 

Our byaparis raise their prices every year and continue to sell us adulterated products. Everything goes up except our wages. Millions of our young are forced to go overseas because our incompetent government can't provide neither employment nor any conducive environment to develop entrepreneurs.

We hear that some of the leaders and cadres were not happy with the Emperor's decision to cut short the banda. Our current polygamist Crown Prince is back to updating his Facebook status with the usual guff-suff. 

Junior tells us that it was against the will of the cadres to call off the banda. Well, he should thank the stars above that he is having all the fun because his Daddy is the big boss. 

I think he should just sit down for some coffee with our former Crown Prince and listen to him and get some advice on what not to do to lose the respect of the common folks. We wish both of them well and hope they will be man enough to admit their mistakes, repent and join in the campaign to clean the Bagmati River.

Our Nepali New Year is round the corner and our clowns tell us that they will make maximum efforts to resolve the disputed issues just before the clock strike twelve. Well, the only time our clowns make any effort is when they agree to distribute the loot from the state treasury amongst themselves. 

We seriously need someone to mediate between our clowns. Or maybe we just need to send them for a week long meditation class. Maybe a week of silence will help to clear their minds from all the evil thoughts they seem to have of ruining this country.

We all know that our clowns will not compromise at all. And after the New Year, we will see another round of protest by our opposition wallahs. It will be time for the third phase of the protest programs. 

Hope our Emperor has some magic tricks left in him. Our opposition wallahs need a bigger dhamaka now. We have seen the mass rallies. We have seen the banda natak. What's next? Well, just occupy Singha Durbar and leave us alone to go on with our daily lives. 

We know that 2072 BS will not be a good year for us. Our clowns can't deliver us the new constitution in a few months, or a few years or maybe not for another decade. I think the best option for the good of this country would be to leave the constitution writing process to the young leaders of respective political parties. 

The dirty old men should take a bath in Bagmati and head to Banaras and be hermits instead of being termites and destroying the foundation of this country. 

If Banaras is not a viable option then go to Bodh Gaya or Bethlehem or Burkina Faso. Please, just go away anywhere across the border  and allow us to live in peace!

Dr KC and the Forty Thieves

We are all glad that Dr Govinda KC has ended his hunger strike after our incompetent government agreed to address his demands. This is the fifth time that KC had to go on a hunger strike and let's hope that our great doctor would not have to put himself through such trouble to be heard in his fight against the chors trying to make billions by opening new medical colleges. 

I think there will be many more hunger strikes by Dr KC in the coming years because our corrupt clowns and civil servants have always been good at breaking promises. Let's hope that the 11-point agreement between Dr KC and our government wallahs will be implemented soon. 

But will our politicians sacrifice the loss of making millions in kickbacks for the good of the country? Nope. They just agree to address the demands to buy some time to figure out how to fool us all. 

Our Emperor and his friends should learn a thing or two from Dr KC. Yes, instead of shutting down the country for three days, why not stage a hunger strike and pressure our ruling clowns   to forge consensus instead of bulldozing the disputed issues in the new constitution through a voting process? 

Dr KC kept on going for 12 days but our corrupt clowns won't last more than two days because they have already developed the habit of gobbling down anything in front of them. I doubt our Emperor can stay hungry for more than a day. It would be really difficult for one to even fast for a day if he needs his daily dose of bideshi whiskey and read meat.

Our political parties are good at signing agreements but then they fail to honor them. We have a trust deficit when it comes our good for nothing freeloaders. We just can't trust these thieves. 

Not all politicians are corrupt. We have a few good ones but it’s probably the forty or so thieves who are taking this country down the drain. So it's us, 30 million honest Nepalis against 40 evil-doers who are hell-bent on taking us to the stone age.

I think it would be better if Dr KC led us all to demand a new constitution as soon as possible. Where are our so-called civil society leaders? Well, they are busy kissing the arses of our politicians. After all, they all seem to be affiliated to one political part or another.

Dr KC is an honest man. Our politicians are not. Dr KC helps needy people. Our clowns loot the funds meant for the poor. Dr KC is a man of integrity whereas our freeloaders have no morals. Dr KC spends his own money to treat the poor whereas our netas use our taxpayers' money to seek treatment abroad. 

Dr KC is worried about the country but our clowns are only worried about their cadres and cousins. Dr KC is tired of corruption in the medical sector and is fighting it alone whereas our so-called leaders have friends who have invested millions of Rupees in opening of new medical colleges.

Many of our politicians seem to have invested their ill-gotten money in medical colleges across the country and they do want to profit from it. The CIAA is busy going after civil servants who are taking in bribes in lakhs of Rupees whereas Lokman Dai doesn't have time to go after those who are minting millions and even billions of Rupees from all sorts of dirty deals.

Yes, we need more medical colleges and more doctors in this land but we can't have colleges without sufficient infrastructures just taking in millions of Rupees in fees and not providing adequate training to medical students. We can't have byapris and netas joining hands to rake in billions of Rupees from tuition fees while turning out doctors who are no better than quacks in our villages.

Our incompetent government can't stop our private transport wallahs, private hospitals and schools and fake-VAT bill byaparis from fleecing passengers, patients, students and consumers. What good is this government if it can't take action against those who are playing with our lives?

I don't think there is anything wrong with our political parties. After all, they attract millions of supporters because they tell us that they will fight against corruption, injustice and make sure that all of us get equal rights and access to opportunities. 

The problem is with our politicians who are not interested to change the system even though they all came to power promising to bring change for the better.

Dr KC has shown us all that one man alone can stand tall and demand changes to the corrupt system. If all of us support folks like Dr KC and take a stand ourselves then our corrupt political players will have no choice but to bow down and implement the much needed changes to make this country better.

Dr KC wants all of us to have better access to affordable healthcare and be treated by well-trained doctors. We need people like him who are selfless human beings who want to bring positive changes to our society. 

We do not need greedy corrupt savages who only think about themselves and do not care if the whole country and its common citizens suffer endlessly.

Dr KC want us all to fight against this corrupt system. He has done his share and it is now up to us to make sure that we are as courageous as him when it comes to fighting against our corrupt clowns.