Saturday, February 14, 2015

A Whole Lotta Love

Our Emperor has threatened to establish a parallel government structures across the country if our Kangaroos and the United Mundrey Leaders go ahead with the majority vote nataks. So does that mean, we will now have to pay taxes to both the government and our comrades as well?

We are already tired of paying taxes on everything and getting nothing in return. Our incompetent government can't even provide us water, electricity and cooking gas. We might as well sell our water tankies, inverters and empty cooking gas cylinders to pay the other tax to our comrades. 

Our 30-party opposition alliance also plans to capture government offices across the country from next month. I think it would be better if they captured the CA building and camped out until the ruling clowns agree to sit down and resolve the disputed issues instead of disrupting work at government offices.

Some of us need to apply for a new passport. Some of us need a nagarikta. Some of us have to visit government offices to pay our taxes. Please don't shut down the government offices and make our hardworking civil servants go crazy.

They already have it easy and they would have to spend their day playing cards and reading the same newspaper a dozen times if our comrades shut down the offices.

I hope our comrades will be kind enough to allow us to seek the services we need. It would be nice if they forced the government employees to show up on time and do their work instead of slacking off and making us go round in circles trying to get our documents signed by a dozen officials before our work gets done.

Our Emperor has claimed that he has a million volunteers ready to heat up the protest nataks. If he already has a million young folks ready to rumble then it would have been nice if they were deployed to fill up our cooking gas cylinders across the border. But who cares about the common citizens? 

Our con-artists are not even interested in giving us a constitution. All of our clowns only want to engage in corruption while common citizens are left to wonder if we voted for gluttonous pigs. I would like to apologize for offending all the pigs in the country. After all, they provide us with pork chops while our clowns want to sacrifice us so that they can enjoy pork-barrel politics.

Our opposition wallahs think that shutting down the country and imposing economic blockade will help the peace process. Yes, we are already eating dal mot and wai wai and we might as well go on a fast if our borders are shut down because we have to buy almost everything from the Desis. 

Fasting does have health benefits and let's hope our clowns will also lose some weight and be slim and lean. But of course, their bellies will always be filled while all of us go hungry.

The Maoist party launched their 'People's War' on February 13th, 1996. A decade later, we had the so-called peace accord between our political parties and our comrades. And now, nearly a decade later, we have nothing. 

It would have been nice if they had launched their armed struggle a day later on February 14th. Then, we could all celebrate Valentine's Day and the 'People's War' on the same day.

Instead of guns and dang doong, we could give each other gifts and dark chocolates. I think our comrades should learn a thing or two from Kejriwal and his crew instead of going back to the old formula that doesn't benefit anyone. 

Our Emperor needs to apologize to all of us for letting us down during the first Constipated Assembly. He also needs to apologize for not doing enough this time as well. And there will always be elections, so why not prepare for the next one and promise us things you can deliver instead of thinking that it's the end of the world if they can't have everything now?

It's Valentine's Day and instead of threatening each other, it's time to make up and sit down for candle-lit dinner and sort out the differences. I think we should all give red roses to our so-called top leaders and serve them a Newari Bhoj. 

After all, most of our clowns love to drink and dance during such gatherings. But of course, local aila and buff choila is not good enough for them. Our freeloaders enjoy bideshi whiskeys and mutton chops nowadays.

Our clowns have too much anger. What they need is a warm hug and a whole lotta love. Let us hope that our so-called civil society will organize a 'Love Fest' for our clowns.   

Our freeloaders seem to enjoy Bollywood movies a lot. I think QFX could do us all a favor if they screened the Munna Bhai series for our buffoons. We must all remind them if they have love for this land of ours then they should make up and work out a solution. 

But so far, their actions have shown us that they only care about their cadres and want to engage in corruption and have no respect for the country and its common citizens.

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