Saturday, March 24, 2012

What’s Plan B?

Our media wallahs should be ashamed of themselves for trying to defame our crown prince and his daddy. I guess our patrakars don’t understand that if it weren’t for our Emperor and his courtiers, a lot of us would have never thought of shutting down schools, businesses and highways just to make our point. We are all empowered now and we all want our rights even though we don’t care a hoot about our responsibilities.

All IT wallahs should be happy that finally a computer operator wants to climb Everest. I think it would be better if we call him a ‘Social Media Specialist’ (SMS) since he uses Facebook more often than an average Nepali picks his nose.

Sherpas are born for it. Our civil servants managed to piggy-back on our Sherpa brothers and did it. So, why can’t our crown prince get some ‘free’ money from the state coffer to get to the top of the world? Yes, it is indeed a noble cause. After all, who wants to take the risk of climbing the world’s tallest mountain when one can just laze around in the city and get a cut of everything from nearly everybody?

And he is only asking for Rs 20 million and that’s like pocket change. We have ‘imaginary’ teachers milking ‘real’ billions of Rupees from the state. Whilethe real warriors are out on the streets, the hired ‘actors’ who masqueraded as PLA soldiers got billions. Well poor fellows, they just didn’t realize they were only going to get peanuts when the checks arrived. So when our cadres, cousins , civil servants, contractors and constitution writers are making billions , why are we so hung up on giving our crown prince millions kya?

The Crown Prince has now decided not to accept the free money because he doesn’t want the tabloids running more stories about his extra-curricular activities. Give the boy a break. Don’t go around snapping pictures when he is exhausted after a Facebook status update binge.

Our Facebook comrade now wants his take to go to the conflict victims rey. I guess it will now go to the same folks who got some dough from the Youth and Small Enterprise Self Employment Fund. As far as we know, none of the youth got any money and those who got it didn’t actually use it to operate a small business.

So how do we raise Rs 20 million for His Red Highness? The old way would be to call up byaparis and demand contributions. And if the designated donors refused to pay then they would have to face paranormal activities. But we are no longer living in the jungle, eating Wai Wai and running around in Goldstar shoes. Most of them ‘thulo’ comrades never really did all that but it makes a good story hagi.

We now live in mahals, drive around in SUVs and prefer expensive bideshi liquors. We have to change the way we raise funds because we are now part of the ‘burger’ crowd rather than the ‘pitho’ crowd we had dreamt of.

I think NepalUnites should organize a Facebook event for our computer operator. Let’s have a party right outside BICC … we can organize a BBQ, call up all our rock stars and even build a temporary climbing wall in the middle of New Baneshwor and the most active Facebook user of Nepal can show us his climbing skills. That’s how you raise funds… the new way or he can learn a thing or two from the Amrikis.

Let’s have a nice fundraising dinner at Hotel Radisson, which seems to be the favorite hangout spot for our comrades. Our FNCCI wallahs can afford Rs 101,000 per plate dinner and they can take pictures with the Crown Prince and get his autograph as well. We would only need around 200 business wallahs to attend the event.

But if every small contractor to local tender don to fake-VAT bill wallahs want to help then we can book the national stadium. We now have floodlights…. we can start the party at 9pm and our Crown Prince can surprise us by running 1,000 laps around the track. It might take him a few days if he doesn’t take a break and he can get himself into the Guinness World Records as well.

The Comrades plan to leave for Everest on March 29. So, we have like four days left before we raise enough to make their trip successful. So time is running out. I don’t see any Facebook event yet. No walkathon or cycle rallies to raise funds and no dinner and dance parties have been scheduled at any of our five star hotels. The easiest way now would be to call up the union wallahs and ask them to pitch in. After all they are the only ones who have cash these days and I guess our capitalist-feudalists-imperialists pigs weren’t wrong when they said ‘cash is King!’.

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