Young Guns...

Today we will talk about our 'young' generation hai, as suggested by our friend from KL, Mr. Sudeep!

When I was a teenager, we didn't have them internet stuff (well, not when I turned 13 ni). And if you were lucky to find a partner who wanted to go on a date then the only cool place to hang out was them 'Bakery Cafe' in Durbarmarg... hehe!

Then came Rangeela, the Bollywood movie that changed the 'fashion' scene in Kathmandu. Ladies were seen in short skirts, them boots and topi.

And the guys? Well, nobody really wanted to dress like a tapori (like Aamir Khan did in that movie) but it was them choos-pyant, dingo boots and Pakistaani leather jackets hehe!

Then Mercantile started the 'internet' thing in Nepal. There were very few folks who had personal computers and then internet connection at home. I still remember paying them monthly internet fees kya. It was Rs 8,500.00 a month kyaaruh!

And the only website you knew was yahoo.com or whatever came up on them Netscape browser. But things have changed now. And Facebook has taken us to a whole new level.

Our 'Young Guns' were born during a difficult tyam. When they were kids, our comrades were busy blowing up places, stuff and people! No more playing marbles outside your homes.... no more football matches in someone's khet baari.

And kids began to stay home, watch movies, play them games online or them Playstations etiyaadi. And when it came to dating sating, they started early as well.

During our tyam, Archies gift store was the only place to go buy them gifts for your girlfriend or someone you had a crush on. They really did good business tyeti bela and of course, you had them titaura stores where you would buy them stuff and then ask a bhai from your neighborhood to deliver them to the girl you liked.

If she accepted them gifts then you moved on to the second stage. That is.. getting her land line number. We didn't have mobiles then ni. And then you called her and if she liked your voice and wanted to carry on the conversation then only would you be granted permission to meet her at Bakery cafe kya.

And it was always kind of a double date thing. You brought a friend and she brought her friend. They would just stare at the menu, or gobble them momos while both of you smiled and communicated telepathically... hehe!

I think it's the same with every generation. The older ones don't like the young ones. They think they are more materialistic and are a rowdy bunch. Our uncles thought we were all going to die of some drug overdose or probably be deaf by the tyam we turned 30.

Well, everybody had them long hair and choos-pyant and listened to them heavy metal music ni tuh.. and maybe that's why they were not happy and would tell us stories from them hippie days when hashish was legal and everybody would sing songs of peace and love etiyaadi.

And them Doc Martins nai 9-10,000 hajaar parney tyeti bela. You could buy an anna of land in the outskirts of the valley hola ... at least ahiley tuh 5-10 lakh ko value tuh hoon-thyo ni!

Yes, the young people today grew up in a different environment ni. Most of them were not even in secondary school when we had them Royal Massacre and everyday, there used to be some bomb blast somewhere thanks to our comrades who were fighting against the so-called 'feudal' system kya. Look who's talking now?

When I look at the young ones today... I actually envy them. They are not only smarter (well, we didn't have Google baba then ni) but they are more aware of what's going on in the world today but of course, we have to thank them affordable internet fees for that .. hehe!

And most of them do have plans... and are focused on what they want to do .. kay bancha ni ... very determined and passionate kya and they have more energy pani.

When I was 13, the only news we used to get about them outside world was them Time Magazine, Times of India and of course the Sportsworld magazines hehe!

Well, we had cable TV then but it was only Doordarshan. So we were lucky to watch Shah Rukh start out as a TV serial actor in them shows like Fauji and Circus etiyaadi.

But now, you get to watch all them Amirki TV series and even the Desis and even Russian and Bhutanese and German (depending on you cable TV provider hehe!) .

Yes, we think that our young ones are now a little bit 'chaada' because they hold hands and go on dates and have relationships and what not when they should be learning them optional math formulas hehe!

But we would have done the same ni but then it was a different era. Haat samaa-tye-ruh hid-nay tuh kaha kaha, sangai hid-nuh pani hoodai-nuh thiyo kya.

People would look (stare!), whisper and the next thing you know, the girl's brother would find about it and he would come after you with his friends to kick your arse!

I think our young generation are now exposed to everything .... internet, TV and lots of other stuff really has brought them closer to the rest of the world... and they get to see all them bad, good and ugly ni... and most of them turn out to be pretty decent human beings.

Some fail... yes, some of our friends failed too. Some of them are still in and out of rehabs, trying to overcome their drug addictions and what not. Some died of drug overdose, some killed themselves and some are in jail for doing the wrong things!

Some of my friends are HIV positive because they shared them needles but instead of being sorry for themselves, they have turned their lives around. They are actually 'living' while most of us who have no major illness are depressed because we didn't get the job we wanted or the woman of your dreams didn't really dream of you and got married to a guy who looks like Johnny Lever but happens to be smarter than Stephen Hawking hehe!

Some are now scientists working for them research firms in Amrika. Some are sahujis like their Dads. In the end, it all evens out rahecha.... so just because a 18 year old guy is walking around trying to be or act like some Korean hero .. don't judge him hehe!

Who knows.. he might start a revolution someday and become our Prime Monster kya... or he might discover oil , right here in Kathmandu and we get to be the next 'Arabs' or something hehe!

And don't judge a girl who wants to act like Paris Hilton... maybe she's just experimenting hola ni... who knows.. one day, she might be the one who will solve some math sath ko formula or even them physics stuff and will be a professor at Cambridge and might make Stephen Hawking look like a Guffadi.. hehe!

Trade Unions...

Today, we will talk about 'Trade Unions' in Nepal, as suggested by Shavash! I think the 'trade unions' ko history goes all the way back to the late 40s in Biratnagar where they had them (4-5 wata) factories sactories and both former prime ministers, late GP... the 'Hawaldar' and Man Mohan Adhikari (UML) started out as trade union leaders kyaaruh.

But let's forget the past and talk about today hai. Today, the biggest and baddest trade union chahi them Maoists haroo ko nai ho. And trade unions are cash cows for our political parties and the Mao-buddies have now more than half a million members in their trade unions rey.

Them UMLs and Congressis have their own trade unions but they don't have enough mundrey goondas hehe.... but they do flaunt their muscles now and then and so do our new 'Madeshi' trade unions!

And our political parties know that they will have enough folks out on the street when they call them strikes and what not. They will ask or (force) their union members to leave their jobs and participate in them rallies, chakka jams and them workers have no option but to join the 'natak' or else they will have to face the consequences kya.

After our great comrades decided to quit camping and live in the cities, nearly all them small businesses haroo ma pani union ghoo-shyo kyaaruh.

I think you must have heard about 'Fire & Ice' in Thamel. Better call them up for reservation if you plan to go there on a Friday night. They have decent pizzas (okay, Nepal ko laagi, dherai ramro!) and the staff are well trained pani.

But like majority of them 'chal-ney' restaurants, they also have a union there and they belong to the Maoist trade union. There are many restaurants in Kathmandu where the dishwasher gets 2,000 and the waiter gets like 4 grand kyaaruh. You won't see them unions in them places!

But if you go to Roadhouse, Fire & Ice or even Bakery Cafe then tyee thau haroo ma sabai union kai manchey haroo! And them restaurants actually pay way above the minimum wage (nearly two times more nai) but still, these union-wallahs create problems from time to time.

Trade unions in Nepal are just another sister organization of a political party and our netas only use them workers as participants in them political rallies. If the employer, especially the big industry wallahs pay off the trade union leader then he or she will do nothing to help the workers kya.

I think our trade union wallahs really don't understand that if they keep on closing them industries and only ask for better pay and benefits while the employer is barely making his loan payments ... then ... one day , them factories shut down and the workers will either have to go to the Middle East or find another low-paying job feri!

Surya Nepal Garments ko pani story tyehi nai ho. Most of them workers were women but them union leaders chahi jahiley pani 'men' nai hooncha. They closed down their factory and them employees are now out of jobs. They got some compensation package kyaaruh but now what will them women do?

Them union netas haroo lai baal mawt-lob ... they will just move to another factory and start the same natak again. Gather them workers, form a union and they will act like they are fighting for them workers' rights but at the end of the day, them union wallahs are there to extort from them businesses and exploit them workers for their 'political' interest!

And where does all them voluntary donations from them business go? Our political parties spend millions of dollars every year, organizing them so-called 'conference', tea parties and training programs for their cadres. And you need some dough to organize them events and all them sponsorships come from our byaparis and even small business owners and local school teachers pani.

I think it would be better if our political parties built new schools, hospitals or even started their own factories or small businesses kya.

And they can hire their own cadres and run them businesses ni baroo. Ani jahiley pani aroo lai lootey-ruh khaa-noo tuh pardai naw ni.

And now our comrades are acting like they did us a big favor by signing them trade agreement with the Desis. A year ago, our comrades burned down them office buildings of some Indian company working in some hydroproject in some gaun saun. Why? Well, it was a billion dollar project rey and our great communists had asked for some 'chiya kharcha'.... kati bhaney ni.... 70 crores rey.. 10 million dollars jati!

I don't think nobody will invest in our country until our Maoists, Madeshi and other nautanki trade unions stop acting like mobsters kya. Baroo, when the business starts making a profit then fight with the employers to give them employees some of it ni.. hoinuh ruh?

I think our workers should also realize that without them business-wallahs, there will be no jobs for them kya. If they want a permanent, nice cozy job then they should ask their trade union leaders to get them some sarkari jaagir, where you don't need to work and you still get paid and you will never be fired.

Trade unions in Nepal don't really care about them workers. Them union leaders are only interested to raise funds for their 'mother' party so that one day, he or she will get into them 'main' committees and be a thulo neta or neti-ni.

Look at Shalik Ram Jamarkattel, the 'Mao Inc' ko trade union ko leader. He is worth around 100 croroes rey. Well, he was attacked recently by his own comrades (from a different faction) but he still runs the show kya.

Our great Maoists were anti-gambling and anti-drinking and what not when they first started out ... but I guess they are no longer the naive gaunleys with their silly '40 point' demand semand kya.

They are now city slickers... and all them casino workers are now members of the Maoist trade union and they even have bought out some owners (voluntarily.. hehe) and are running them casinos themselves.

What's next? They can start their own breweries and even get into the 'Whiskey' business hola. All dance bars in the valley pay 'weekly' hafta to them YCLs and other Maoist organizations.

And we all thought our comrades were fighting for the people hagi. No they were not and they won't be doing that in the future either. They only want a few more Rupees and they really don't care if our folks lose their homes, gambling at them casinos or if them women are being exploited at them dance bars etiyaadi.

Them employers need them workers. And if the business doesn't survive then both of them will lose ni.... euta ko tuh ghar shar nai janey bhayo bank ko loan ley.. ani majdoor ko ghar baar chal-daina if they are out of jobs ni.

Yes, we do need them trade unions to fight for them workers but our political parties and their unions are not really helping them workers ... baroo ulto exploit gari raakho chan.

And them union netas better change their 'All business owners are chors and need to be extorted' attitude... because someday, all them factories and even them small businesses will all close down and there will be no one to extort kya.

Off to New York...

Prachandoo, our Emperor is once again flying to New York City to ask them UN-wallahs for some support for his 'Lumbini' plan slan. And he is taking a Congressi neta and a banker with him. But why the @$!# does he need to take his son with him whenever he flies to them foreign lands kya?

Yes, I understand that he was a computer operator when Prachandoo was our Prime-Monster ... abuh chai kay title liyeruh gaako ho kunni? And he gets to travel with his daddy at our taxpayers' expense kya! Kya mazza hamra communist haroo lai.. sabai capitalist rastra haroo ko vraman gardai basnoos!

I think our current crown prince should enjoy his foreign trips and upload more pics on his Facebook albums kya. Thank God... we are not India where them netas' kids go on to head them parties and become netas as well!

Look at Rahul Gandhi. He will be heading the Congress Party next year. At least here in our home, we don't have that kind of 'hereditary' succession kya. Well, we had them 'Rana Shashun' ni but that was 60 years ago... but we should be happy that Sujata Koirala will not be Queen and Prakash Dahal will not be our Emperor anytime soon kya.

I have no freaking idea why Prachandoo sarkar is in such a hurry to promote his 'Lumbini' master plan and ask for them foreign investors to pitch in? Or he just wants to keep himself busy while Baburam dai is living in Baluwatar hola ni.

The PLA combatants fought for their party not for Nepal kya. So, I think Mao Inc. should pay their 'package' deal ni. And since Prachandoo sarkar is cozy with Manoj Bahadur Shrestha, the chairman of Himalayan Bank.. maybe Manoj sahuji can pay them combatants hola?

Manoj dai might not be in the news or them papers like them Khetans, Chow-dhurys or Golchas but I hear... he has more dough than them marwaari sahujis rey. And why is a private bank ko chairman hanging out with Prachandoo sarkar?

Something is fishy hagi... maybe our comrade chairman can only trust another chairman... after all both are byaparis ni. Yestai ho ... nakkali communists haroo ko taal. Or maybe sabai Mao Inc. ko paisa Himalayan Bank ma nai rakhya holan tuh?

I think it's about tyam, somebody opened a new 'communist' party hola. @$#! Mao, Lenin and Stalin.. abuh Communist Party Nepal (Che) soo-roo garnoo parla ni.

And you don't even need to extort them business houses or local school teachers to fund your party event kya. Nearly all so-called 'liberal' Kathmanduites have a 'Che' t-shirt or topi or bandana ni... hehe!

I hope our comrade chairman enjoys his visit to Amrika again. And may his son take thousands of pictures and maybe make a Youtube video hola..... afnai ni.. hotdog khaa-ko, coffee ruh bagel chapa-ko, Jackson Heights ma gayeruh Nepali restaurant ma sukuti ruh dhi-do nileko etiyaadi!

And our comrade chairman wants to meet Obama rey and have like a late lunch with him and spend an hour or two at the White House rey. Obama is worried about getting re-elected kya..... I don't think he would want to hang out with a vice-chairmen of some 'nakkali' Chinese NGO ni.

Ahiley tuh Prime-Monster pani hoinuh.... yetti kai Obama lay bhetyo bhaney bholi feri Jon Stewart lay joke banau laa ni Obama ko .. hehe!