Pele, the King of Football

 

Pele, the King of football has passed away at the age of 82. The world mourns the loss of the undisputed king of football or soccer if you are an Amrikan. Before, Messi, we had Maradona and before him, we had Pele but the 'Black Pearl' continues to overshadow every other football player who have played this game on Earth. 

Elon Musk might start a football league in Mars in 2040 but until then, Pele was and will always be the greatest player in our galaxy.

Every generation has football greats and we cannot and should not compare one with the other. The world has witnessed great players such as Just Fontaine, Eusebio, Johan Cruyff, Michel Platini and many more. The new generation knows Beckham, Zidane, Ronaldo from Brazil, Ronaldo from Portugal, Messi and many more. But Pele was different. 

Pele was known all around the world when most of the developing countries didn't even have a TV channel or the population didn't even own any television sets. And there was no live news. Folks got their news from newspapers in so-called third world countries but everyone knew Pele. The closest anyone had come to greatness was Maradona and now Messi will also be known forever like these two football Gods.

Pele was the only player and will most likely be the only player to lift the World Cup three times. He almost averaged a goal per game in his football career. Everybody wanted to be Pele until Maradona came along almost two decades later. 

The young generation then wanted to be Maradona until Messi came along almost two decades later. Mbappe could  possibly win another World Cup but it will be very difficult to match Pele's record of winning it three times. Mbappe has already matched Pele's goal record of 12 goals at the World Cup and don't be surprised if he becomes the highest goal scorer beating Miroslav Klose's record of 16 goals, come 2026!

Brazil has always played football like they do the samba. It's beautiful and always fun to watch. As a kid, I still remember Zico, Socrates in the 80s. Romario in the 90s, Ronaldo and Kaka after that and many more. 

How can Nepal qualify for the World Cup? We will never accomplish that feat as long as we have our incompetent government focusing more on milking funds from sports organizations and making it a place to employ their cadres. Our football association and nearly all other sports organizations have corrupt officials who only want the positions to make some dough. 

Ganesh Thapa made hundreds of crores while he was heading ANFA, our own football association. ANFA now has a budget in hundreds of crores per year and they still can't operate a national league on time. 

Our young, talented footballers either leave our land to work in foreign lands or the most they can achieve is to play in other football leagues in India or other Asian countries. If you do a background check on most of the officials at our sports organizations, then you won't be surprised to find out that most of them are or were either mundrey gundas or politicians or mundrey gundas who later became thulo netas. 

Let's get back to football. Pele was 5'8 tall. Messi is 5'7 and Maradona was only five feet and five inches. So, we really don't have to be lanky like the Germans and the Dutch to play a beautiful game. We have had and we still do have talented football players. They just don't receive the incentives to play the game without worrying about their future. 

ANFA could have done a lot with its youth academy but so far it has failed miserably to make lives of our footballers better. Messi was 13 when Barcelona offered him the opportunity to join their youth academy but he had been showing great talent before he reached the first grade. If we really want to qualify for the World Cup then ANFA should started at the primary level and nurture the talented youngsters for a decade and hopefully they can do wonders.

First, let us focus on becoming the unbeatable SAF champions for a decade and then another decade to rule Asia and maybe the world. Our football players get peanuts and have no income after their football career is over. Our banks and byaparis make billions of dollars in profit and so far, none of our football players can retire comfortably. Our government, be it our federal or provincial, have no real concrete plans to provide them jobs like they do across the border.

We might look at China and India and say, well, these two big giants can't do sheet in the football world and how can we do anything better? It's not about how big your country is or how rich your government is... it's all about passion and policies to develop the love for the game at the grassroot level. 

Uruguay has barely three and half  million folks and they seem to be doing pretty well! Well, they won twice back in the 30s and 50s!

We can even learn a thing or two from Iceland where less than 3 lakhs folks live. What did Iceland do right?  Well, twenty years ago, the government invested heavily in youth football by forming a well-oiled club system and pouring tons of dough to built great facilities and providing professional training to coaches from the junior level to the professional level.ANFA can do it but we can't be always dependent on FIFA for additional funds. 

Our government must invest from the grassroots level to the top not only in football but all sports. Unless, we invest more in sports and arts, we will not really move ahead. 

And we only talk about men's football but we tend to forget that our women's national team is very good and could qualify for the World Cup in the next ten years if we invest in them. The women's team have a better odds of playing at the global stage then our men's. 

Maybe, we should all get together and create a fund and an organization to develop young female players from the age of 10. Who knows, in a decade, our women footballers will be known all around the world for their skills. 

Same goes for the men too but we all know that our Sports Ministry gets peanuts and our government officials steal the dough for their own benefit instead of helping our athletes. That's the way it is. Maybe, it's time for changes like Swami Tupac Shakur used to tell us in his sermons back in the days.

For complaints, send me an email at  maguffadi@gmail.com 

Image source: CNN

Prachanda 3.0

 

Prachanda, our former warrior turned emperor turned magician is now in his final attempt to make some more moolah for his mohalla. If you want to be a lawmaker in this great land of ours, you have three options. One, is to join a political party and become a loyal cadre, slog it out for decades and finally get the ticket to stand up for election and win the god damn thing and hopefully get to be a mantri and make some money. 

The second option is to be a contractor or a byapari, just give your illegal money (from fake VAT bills or tax evasion or everything not legal) to a political party. Either the party gives you a ticket for the election or will make you a MP from their PR seat. The PR route is easier. Just ask our byaparis and even a former chairman of another political party who gave more than 10 crores to Oli Baba to get a PR seat from the United Mundrey Leaders.

The third option is to be a social activist or a person who rants a lot who opens a new political party and wins seats in the election and gets to be a mantri. The grumpy old men have shown us that these old buffoons still have some muscles (due to lot of money stashed in their backyard or the Cayman Islands). Look at Deuba, Oli, Makune and other old fogies who managed to win from their ilaka again. 

We have new political kids in town, the Rastriya Swatantra Party (RSP), Janamat Party and the Nagrik Unmukti Party. Whatever happened to our Sajha and Bibeksheel wallahs?  Rabindra Mishra is now a big man in the RPP. Good luck to him and no thanks for wasting our time, opening a new party and then leaving to join the right-wing wallahs. If RSP, JP and NUP band together, then they could run the government without the help of others come 2027!

Well, let's get back to Prachanda, our savior who has now taken the chill pill and seem to have a change of heart when it comes to everything. The Maobaddies started out as teacher-killing, temple-bashing communist warriors. They looted banks and extorted money not only from our chor byaparis and high level government officials but also local school teachers, NGO staff and anybody who seem to have a few wads of cash. 

We heard about folks forced to chew playing cards, getting flogged and made to do hard labor for marrying more than once. Thank God, they didn't punish the drunkyards in the villages by forcing them to drink a whole vat of local jaad!

Well, the so-called People's War from 1996 to 2006 destroyed our so-called economy but folks in Kathmandu Valley should thank the Maoists for the real estate market. Your 6 anna land would not be worth 30 lakhs but is today worth 3 crores due to Prachanda and his gang. So, we all need to thank Prachanda for making us rich and making us sell our land and drive around in expensive vehicles and enjoying Thakali thalis.

Our poor government now has to pay billions more to security personnel. We didn't have the Armed Police Force then. Our Nepal Army was half the size it is today. It's about time our incompetent government downsize our security forces and save us some money. We are not invading India anytime soon and we won't be attacked by China unless we offer Nepali Citizenship to His Holiness. 

Our Armed Police Force should protect our borders. Our Army wallahs should be made a permanent rapid reaction force for the UN and maybe we will also get a permanent seat at the UN Security Council as well. Well, we can build our own home-made nuclear reactor and get some nukes. 

After all, we are surrounded by Nukist countries. The Chineses, the Desis, The Pakistanis. Maybe, rest of the SAARC countries should get a nuke or two as well. We all can display it in our international airports so all foreign tourists can take a selfie or two.

Well, let's come back to Prachanda again. The first version of his Prime Monstership was more like that of a juvenile delinquent. The second stint was more like a confused young adult. Now, we hope he will finally act like a consenting adult. 

Prachanda will switch sides faster than you can cook your Current chow chow. He is like a snake charmer. But this time, he has finally come back home. He is no longer the confused communist. 

He doesn't hate temples, teachers or even the daura suruwal! He even consults an astrologer to figure out the right time to move into Baluwatar. Don't be surprised if he joins the RPP in the next election and becomes our President. He is a magician. He will use every tricks in his magic book to be in power. 

In a year or two, the current coalition will fail again. Oli will become our Prime Monster if he is still alive. Let's pray for his good health. We need a national comedian for a few more years. 

Let us wish Prachanda well , the man who will now not waste taxpayers money on expensive stuff but will sleep on the floor instead of a bed worth lakhs, eat only one saadha meal per day and will quit drinking Blue Label and become a Vegan as he enters the Baluwatar Palace for the third time. 

And talking about standing up for elections, let's guess where Prachanda will fight for election next time around. He has been to Kirtipur, Siraha, Chitwan and now Gorkha. Hope it will be Rukum or Rolpa next time hai! 

Deuba will wait while he drinks his whiskey. He is a a patient man. His astrologer is always right. He will once again become our PM. Until then, let us enjoy the show. Who needs Netflix? Our political drama is better than them Korean ones!

For complaints, send me an email at  maguffadi@gmail.com 

Vijaya Dashami

 

The tenth day of Dashain is finally here. Happy Vijaya Dashami to all of us. Today, we celebrate the victory of good over evil. May Goddess Durga bless us all.

We have a Madame President in office. Let's hope someday, we will have our first woman Prime Minister. And hope that may she not be like the same bunch of Prime Monsters we have had for the past thirty years since we switched to multiparty democracy system from a lonely single party Panchayati system.

Are we better off than we were thirty years ago? Well, Mercantile used to charge more than 8,000 Rupees for their dail-up internet system in the mid-90s. Now, you get high speed (not really but still better than dial-up) for less than a thousand.

Binod Chaudhary and most of the byaparis then, be it the Jyotis or other Newar and Marwari families had to make deals with the palace to mint some money.

The Marwari and Newar business houses continue to control major businesses in this country but now we have many Bhramins and Chettris, indigenious communities and even Madhesi communities giving the old school byaparis a run for their money.

Binod Chaudhary is the only billionaire listed by the Forbes List. But according to our sources, there are probably a dozen dollar billionaires in our land. 

Anyways, the way Binod Dai is buying land everywhere, he will probably be known for his hotels more than Wai Wai by 2030. I have never met the man but he is more or less our Nepali Richard Branson minus the airlines.

This man started a disco back in the 80s. How cool is that? He invested in movies and other stuff and lost money on those ventures and never went back to trying creative stuff. 

Well, the movie business is fickle. You never know if you get to eat an extra pickle or get hit by a sickle. If Raj Kapoor can go bust across the border then we are a small industry, so we need to be careful when investing in creative endeavors. 

His brother is still following his musical passion. Maybe, they should just get rid of illegal structures at Norvic and ask permission from KMC to host musical nights for patients and their families on that government land.

Binod Dai should start his own political party now. After all, every celebrity in town seems to be opening a new political party like folks open a coffee shop in our country. 

Rabi Lamichhane thinks he can do better. Rabindra Mishra tried and I guess figured out, he couldn't do diddly squat and has now decided to join RPP. 

I will write about both Rabies soon...sorry meant Rabis (but plural of Rabi could be the former). Anyways, best of luck to both of them. 

Balen can also start his own political party in 2027. And his followers should call themselves Balentines. And hope they won't be confused with Ballantines, that Scotch whiskey thing.

Anyways, I think we need the capitalists, social activists, anarchists and other creative folks to form their own political parties so that we can finally get rid of the the so-called visionaries who in reality have had no vision at all except for emptying the national coffer whenever they get better offers from shady contractors, con-artists and criminals so that they can maks their cousins, cadres and cronies happy.

Our so-called socialists, our Kangaroos currently led by Sheroo Dai seem to never learn from their mistakes. Time for us to send them packing. But if we were to believe his astrologer, he might be around for further stints at Baluwatar until he drops you know what.

Our so-called communists split more than atoms. I think in the past fifty years, our communists have split so many times that we should have had some kind of an atomic explosion by now. Oh! We had one... our great Maobaddies.. sorry.. meant Maobaadis. 

Whatever happened to their 40-point demand? Dr. Saheb should retire and let her gold-medalist daughter take over his stuff. Prachanda is just getting started. He finally has his own house in Chitwan. 

Yes, folks... hard work pays off. Be patient, it took our great comrade more than four decades to finally build his dream home. What would have happened if he had gotten a full time job with some USAID project somewhere in Rolpa or Jajarkot or anywhere instead? 

Well, I don't know... that's like asking if Hitler had become a successful artist instead then things would have been different. 

At the end of the day, the majority decides in a democracy and the majority of us do have a little bit of Hitler and Stalin in all of us. Yes, we are all evil hola. Let us kill our inner demons this Dashain once and for all.

It's time, we said no to our communists as well. If they were real communists then we would have gulags, famine, violent purges and what not. They are just wild capitalists trying to sell us fake Gucci bags.

And what about our so-called Monarchists? Let us feel sorry for Kamal Dai. He didn't know he was going to get hit by a freight train. He lost his Kingship of the RPP.  Stop blaming Gyanu Uncle for your problems. History will be kind to the last Shah King of Nepal.

Our former Pancheys and fans of House of Shah should stop dreaming. Yes, some of us have soft spot for monarchy, but the truth is that we will never have a Maharajdhiraaj ever. 

Well, we already have a new Shah in town. His name is Balen. Anyways, former Crown Princess Himani Rajya Laxmi Shah should form her own party instead and send the RPP wallahs packing. 

After all, we just need to peek across the border to understand how former royal families in India have stayed relevant by becoming politicians. Who knows, we might have a first woman Prime Minister Himani Shah by 2032 AD, but it will most likely be a coalition government of artists, anarchists and adventurists.

And who would be the best choice for a President then? Our own superstar Rajesh Hamal. He is our Thalaiva, our Rajnikanth.

God bless everyone. Time for all Durgas of Nepal to rise up and pump up the volume and send the same old grumpy old men who have looted us all for the past thirty plus years, on a one-way trip to Mars. Someone please send a tweet to Elon Musk!

For complaints, send me an email at  maguffadi@gmail.com 

Image source: ruchiskitchen.com

Sandeep Lamichhane

 

It's sad to hear about Paul Shah, our music video superstar getting 2.5 years jail sentence for indecent and illegal behavior with a minor. He will probably get the same sentence at the other court as well. 

Many folks blame the under-age singer for sending Paul Shah to jail. But I think these people should understand that the legal age of consent in our land is 18 and it doesn't matter who started it all but all folks should understand that an adult should not be in any physical relationship with a minor.

And now, we have Sandeep Lamichhane, our cricket sensation in a mess as Nepal Police tries to figure out how to get him back to face the court. Lamichhane or his lawyer knows very well that the cricketer will not get bail on such type of cases. Paul Shah's case is an example.

Some of us blame the girl as in most cases when it comes to the issue of sexual assault. Lamichhane is hesitant to come back home. His cricketing career is now almost over.

The best thing for him is to come home. He will be spending 25 days in the local police station before the court send him to prison as the court case moves forward. Then in months, the court will decide whether he is guilty or not.

In such cases, our courts do find the defendant guilty when it comes to minors. Lamichhane had a physical relationship with a minor. The whole world knows that by now.

If he is found guilty, he is likely to face 5 to 10 years in prison. A promising young lad who could someday be a cricketing superstar is now facing the greatest crisis in his young life.

You can't hide from the law. Even if you show up a decade later, you will still have to face the music. The best option is to go to court and hope for the best.

We need to teach our young kids more about sexual education in our schools. The first priorty is to talk about safe sex practices with our teenagers. I think it should be mandatory for students to learn about sexual education once they are 13. 

Some of us think sexual education will increase sexual activities among teenagers. We expect folks to get married and have sex and reproduce but we don't want to teach them stuff about our hormones and what not.

As the old folks used to say, "Prevention is better than cure"... it's better to practice safe sex whether you are a teenager or a 40-year old virgin.

But the most important thing for now, in this tiktok age is to also make our young folks and even old folks aware about the laws of our land.

Having sex with a minor is against the law. It doesnt matter if the girl is 16 and looks like or has developed phyiscal attributes that of a 30 year old. 

Oh! She doesn't look 17. Oh! Our grandparents had sex when they were 14. Oh! Please stop your bull sheet. Yes, I admire both Paul Shah and Sandeep Lamichhane for their talent but I do not admire the choice they have made when it comes to having a physical relationship with someone who is a minor.

A rape is a rape, be it against a minor, adult, girls or boys, men or women or other gender. But when it comes to minors, even their consent does not allow you to engage in sexual activities with them. To all folks, who blame the victims, please get that straight!

Let us all feel sorry for both Paul Shah and Sandeep Lamichhane. Paul was making 20 lakhs per month, acting in music videos. Sandeep was probably making the same figure, playing in cricket leagues all over the world. Their careers are now crushed. But they are to be blamed for the choices they have made and not the minor girls who were starstruck with these celebrities.

We all make mistakes. But at the end of the day, we also have our duty to be responsible as law abiding citizens of this great land of ours. Yes, we know that our politicians and contractors get lesser sentences in such cases but that doesn't mean, we should treat such cases lightly.

Happy Dashain to all of us. May Goddess Durga protect us and our families. 

For complaints, send me an email at  maguffadi@gmail.com 

Image source: OpIndia

Dr Harka Gurung

 

Dr. Harka Gurung passed away in a helicopter crash on September 23rd, 2006. Our prayers to the family on his 16th remembrance day.

The Panchayati era was different. We had an absolute monarch and his style of one-party democracy. Today, we have a multi-party democracy where 100+ parties are registered with the Election Commission.

We all have good and evil in us. Let's leave the bad and ugly parts of our system for another day.

 The only good thing that came out from the Shree Tin regime were the palaces around the valley. But if our Shumshers had instead spent that money on building roads and railway tracks across the country instead of 1,000 room palaces then we could have been a little better off than we are today.

The Shree Paanch didn't go around building new palaces except the Narayanhiti but wanted to run the show alone. We can't blame them. After hundred plus years of being treated like slaves trapped inside their palaces, they were eager to rule hola.

The Panchayati systen was harsh on freedom of speech, religion, assembly and what not but not to be soft on them but they knew how to get talented young folks to be a part of the system.

Our politicians should learn a thing or two from them as well. At least carry out routine maintenance on Singha Durbar or tear it down and make a new one and pocket billions of Rupees. Which option would they choose?

We need more technocrats in our political parties today. Our politicians are the new Shree Tins. They have become the new Maharajas. Instead of inviting young skilled folks back to the country, they are busy inviting shady NRN byaparis to help them launder the black money to St. Kitts.

Enough of the rant. Let's go back to late Dr. Harka Gurung. I heard that he was a good footballer and tennis player. Hope someday, we will have a Harka Cup where not only A division clubs but B C D and even amateur teams can participate.

Our politicians today are not into physical exercise. Well, they do exercise their mouth to spew venom. The only exception is Kamal Thapa. He is a veteran tennis champ but he is pretty much on the sidelines from our political ring for now.

The great scholar needs to be given credit for a lot of things. He did so much for tourism and mountaineering in this country. Hope someday we will have a mountain named after him.

Dr. Gurung was for the Constituent Assembly even during the Panchayat days. Baburam went to JNU and came up with a 40-point demand. If he had only read Dr. Gurung's articles, he would have toned down to less than 5-point demand hola.

None of the 40-point demand by the Maoists have been fulfilled, not even when they were in power or have been sharing power with the same chors who put a bounty on their heads. That's politics. You not only make a deal with the devil, you become the devil.

If our lawbreakers had followed Dr. Gurung's advice, then we would have reduced the number of districts and provinces to make it more manageable. But what do our politicians do? They create a new map that makes it look like we have a horn like an unicorn. Forget Lipulekh, first develop Liwang instead.

Our federal government is still not willing to decentralize power and empower the disenfranchised. Our provinical governments have no power and get peanuts to do any substantial development works in their backyard.

If only had our politicians followed some of his advice, we would have a better regulated border with India, our migrants would be better off and there would have been improvements in health, education and even fighting the climate crisis.

I thinks we need to regulate our border with India. We can also keep track of our migrants who work in India and also keep track of Indian migrants who work here. The remittance from both sides will move through legal channels instead of hundi or hawala. 

And both sides can help their migrants when they are in need as databases will help to manage the millions of migrants who cross the border on the other side for better opportunities.

India would not have to worry about fake Indian notes arriving from Pakistan to Kathmandu then to India. And can you please stop sending hitmen to bump off fake currency racketeers every year or two? There must be some other way to deal with them instead of scaring the whole country with such shootings. Our Nepal Police look defeated when RAW folks carry out these missions in our land. 

But who do our politicians listen to? It's the same bunch of conniving cadres, corrupt civil servants and colluding contractors. At the end of the day, cash is King. 

Our clowns should change their political slogans. We don't want to be another Singapore or Switzerland. We are sick of hearing the same guff for the past thirty years. It's time to speak the truth. 

Just admit that you are in it for the money so that your children and their great great grand children will have enough dough to splurge around. 

The way things are going, don't be surprised if we become another Swaziland or Somalia.

For complaints, send me an email at  maguffadi@gmail.com 

Image source: Facebook

Demolition Man

 

Our honorable Mayor saab of Kathmandu seems to be on a roll. We knew him as a rapper. Then found out he was also an engineer.

Today, folks in Kathmandu know him as something else. If Balen ever participated in a WWE championship, he would probably go by the name of 'The Bulldozer'.

For most of the folks in Kathmandu, he is now the their 'Demolition Man'. Some folks think that he is doing the right thing. Some folks think that he has gone crazy.

Many of our valley follks have built illegal structures on their land. Some of them thought they could get away with it. Some bribed the government officials to get away with it.

Maybe some of them didn't know it was illegal to grab some free land in front of your house. Yes, some people even don't know the names of their neighbors even if they have lived side by side for the past three decades.

Is Balen doing the right thing? It's up to the voters of Kathmandu Metropolitan City (KMC) to decide.

He is now collecting back taxes from our tax evading byaparis and other government agencies.

He has cleared the footpath and illegal structures all around the valley. When it comes to Tukucha, it seems that voters are confused. Is it a river or a sewage. Or is it a river turned into a sewage or well, visit the chiya pasals to figure out other theories.

Yes, we do feel sorry for the footpath pasaleys. Maybe, our Mayor saab can come up with a night market plan from 6pm to midnight so our Rs 200 tshirt wallahs and Rs 100 momo wallahs can also make a living.

When it comes to tax evasion and illegal structures, we also need to hold our sarkari folks accountable. These corrupt clowns had approved many illegal structures by filling their pockets.

And those who have built illegal structures or were using the approved space for other means should also be penalized as well. You just can't get away with only blaming the sarkari chors.

Ghoos liney diney sabai chor nai ho. We are all responsible for this mess. It's time we refused to pay chiya karcha for everything just to speed up the approval process for anything.

The biggest problem facing Kathmanduites is the issue of garbage. Balen is right when he says we should segregate our trash.

Maybe, KMC should start its own recycle venture, a mini power plant from trash and even organize an international art festival where artists from here and abroad can work together to create works of art from the trash collected from our streets and Bagmati.

The landfill problem will continue forever. Maybe Balen can do all Kathmanduites a favor. Promote roof-top farming or gardening. Grow some dalley or lemongrass!

Balen give the folks of Kathmandu free bins to throw their organic waste and make compost mal and use it as a fertilizer for their rooftop farm.

Balen is an independent Mayor. He does not have to find jobs for his cadres, cousins or contractors. He won't be making 10% on them kickbacks like Bidhya Sundar did and he will certainly leave behind a good legacy.

For complaints, send me an email at  maguffadi@gmail.com 

Image source: Wiki Commons

Raju Srivastava

 

Indian comedian Raju Srivastava has passed away at a young middle-age of 58. He had earlier collapsed while working out a fitness center more than a month ago.

He was admitted to a hospital but sadly could not make it and had to leave this Earth yesterday.

Raju Bhai (we call it 'Dai' here) got his first big break from a comedy show in the early 80s but it was 'The Great Indian Laughter Challenge' that made him a star.

We will miss you Gajodhar Bhaiya!

Now, let's talk about our Nepali comedians. We have similar shows like the Indian ones here in our great land. Our new age comedians are of course different from the old school.

Thirty years ago, comedy in Nepal except for the great Maha jodi and Santosh Pant, were more like watching a bunch of contortionists.

Well, our comedians then did not bend their bodies but it was mostly facial expressions which made us laugh. Many made faces as if they were eating a dozen dalleys (hot fiery chilli) or cow dung cake.

Today, our new generation comedians are more vocal about social issues and other crazy stuff. And sometimes, talking about issues seem to land oneself in police custody.

Comedy is not easy. You can people angry with your antics. Some folks are angry at Balen, our Mayor saab for bulldozing his way around town. Some people find it funny too.

But making people laugh is probably the world's most difficult job. We are not the West where we can talk about or even crack jokes on religion, gender, caste, ethnicity, politics and not worry about going to jail.

Our Shark (SAARC) region is a different place. We sometimes have to be a little careful before we fire our comedy rockets to empty someone's pockets. Well, comedy shows are not cheap!

Our new comedians charge 30 to 40k per half an hour gig. They are doing okay unlike Kapil Sharma across the border.

In Nepal, we can make fun of everything except two, religion and caste. So, my request for upcoming comedians! Please be an atheist and only talk about Stephen Huh-King or change your caste to a number and only blend in number theory jokes in your routine.

We are a Republic now or should I say, rip off the public.... we can now make fun of Paras Sarkar and not worry about being buried alive in Nagarjun. We can make fun of Prachanda, Oli and Deuba aka (POD) aka petrifyingly obnoxious daakus!

We dont really have to worry about Oli firing back at you with a real goli or Prachanda sending in his YCL gentlemen to your crib or Deuba spitting all over you with his saliva.

But you can't create a song or a music video and show our politicians and cadres suffering like us, ordinary Nepali citizens. You will have to delete your stuff from Youtube.

Anyways, don't make fun of Newars. Don't make fun of anyone but .... let me see.. the Bhramins. They are the least likely ones to be offended because at the end of the day they know pretty well who rakes in the moolah.

Okay, that was a joke as well. So, to all the beautiful Bhramins. Study hard, dont waste your money on masu or trying to win over your sasu. Just tighten up your belt, pass that Lok Sewa exams and ka-ching.. let the thunder (aka money) roll!

Well, I think that goes to all folks, doesnt matter which caste or creed you belong to.... study hard, work hard and party moderately! And save some money.

Follow the 2740 rule. Save Rs 274 Rupees per day and you will have Rs 100,000 in a year.

1 lakh will get me nothing... you might say. Well, at least it willl get you a round trip 4N5D somewhere. If you want to be wise then you need to travel.

If you stay in your tole all your life, you might not burn a hole in your pants but you will also never know what's outside the forbidden forest. Now, I am getting cryptic. This number theory is getting in my head!

For complaints, send me an email at  maguffadi@gmail.com 

Image source: The Express Tribune

President's Rule

Our Madame President has rejected the Citizenship Bill passed by our lawbreakers. What does this mean? Is it a showdown between the clowns and the Ringmaster?

Some say that the President's decision to throw the bill out the window tramples on the constitution. What's next? Buy a trampoline for Shital Niwas and do some trampling all day.

Our President has some reservation and that's probably the reason she wants some amendment to the bill.

Our lawbreakers seem to forget that our Madame President is the commander-in-chief of our great nation.

If there is a power struggle and it comes down to a MMA-like fight on the streets then she knows whom to call for help.

Our lawbreakers can bring tons load of freeloaders to the Capital on trucks, buses and what not. Hope our President doesn't bring out the tanks on the banks of Bagmati.

Yes, according to our half-baked constitution, the President has to perform her duties with consent from the cabinet.

The media tells us that half a million folks will be affected due to her refusal to authenticate the bill. But what's the real story, morning glory?

Winter is coming. It's Shital Niwas vs Singha Durbar. The ruling rowdies back the bill. The unruly crowdies back the President's decision for review of the bill.

Our President has been seeking advice and views from everywhere. Some folks say she is stepping out of line. Her job is to drink doodh chiya and hand out medals to the public.

The President thinks it's her job to safeguard the constitution from the con artists. She had sent the bill back to the House with 15-point suggestions.

We have our great federal and provincial elections coming up this November. 5 more years of the same bunch of vagabonds and pickpockets or are we going to elect more independents like Harka and Balen?

It's about time, we had an age limit and term limit for our lawbreakers. I think once you are 70, it is time to pack up your guntha and head to Benaras from Baluwatar or Balkot or wherever.

The parliament is dead for now. We have to wait till December before we get our lawbreakers back to the House for their free chiya and biskoot.

It's been more than thirty years since we re-started our multi-party democracy thing. Let's hope, we will finally get good governance by 2052 AD when even the second rung leaders of our same old chor parties are long gone from the face of this Earth.

But, a question to ponder.. what would happen if the President takes over the game instead of just being an umpire. Well, we will have the military running the show for a while and then few years down the road, another election perhaps but hope not the same clowns eating the cake again!

For complaints, send me an email at  maguffadi@gmail.com 

Image source: Wiki Commons