Euro 2020 predictions

 

LT has asked me who will win the Euro 2020 (now 2021) this year. I have no idea but I think Belgium, France, Italy and Germany are the favorites this year.

I have been a great fan of England since I was a tiny weeny kid but the English always love to disappoint at the end! The last time they won anything was back in 1966 on home ground. So, the next time, you expect England to win is if any major tournament goes back to London!

Well, England hosted the 1996 Euro but failed to make it to the finals. Denmark and Greece shocked the world with their victories in the Euro but it will take a while for a dark horse to win the Euro anytime soon!

Football really unites people. The World Cup is going to happen next year but today, let's focus on the Euro 2020 or shall we call it UEFA Euro 2020 Championship to be correct!

Belgium has a good team with brilliant strikers and so does France. Italians are always good at defending and scoring while Germans are Germans. Germany failed in the last World Cup due to the winners' curse hola but they are a great team.

The last great Euro Championship was probably in 1988 when Holland showed the world how to play beautiful football again. We expected them to win the World Cup later but it never happened.

Portugal got lucky during the last Euro and we don't expect Portugal to do wonders this time around. England will probably get to the quarterfinals and falter. They are a good, young team but something doesn't click when they perform out their in the field.

I am rooting for Belgium this year. The Germans, Italians and the French have won their share. Let's root for the Belgians this time! Let's see how it goes! 

If you have any questions on life and everything else, do write me an email at maguffadi@gmail.com

How to win elections?

Ms. R writes to me to ask about how to win elections here in Nepal. Well, you need two things in Nepal, money and muscles and that's about it!

We have like 130+ political parties registered with our Election Commission but for now, it's the Kangaroos and the Unidentified Mundrey Loafers along with our now once again, Mao-buddies (they are no longer baddies, they are just byaparis!) and our Madhesi parties.

The rest of the political parties are just on the sidelines. Bibeksheel-Sajha then should have focused on the PR seats. Our Bijukche Dai's party is now just one-seat party in the House! 

If we look at the PR system, we get the rough idea of how majority of our Nepali voters vote during elections. Nearly 75% of the folks vote for our Kangaroos and Unidentified Mundrey Loafers and the Maobuddies! And add almost 10% to our Madhesi parties and then the game is over.

It's better if we have a two-party football game but we Nepalese love to disagree and not get along when it comes to everything. Yes, folks talk about alternative politics and party but maybe, the other 126 political parties should just unite and figure things out.

Maybe, it's time we have a capitalist party instead of the usual so-called socialist and communist wallahs! Our communist netas are not communists. They are crazy capitalists walking around in Marx's t-shirt. Our Kangaroos are not social democrats. They are just another crazy capitalists and they tell you in the face unlike our comrades who talk about the poor and do nothing for the poor and the needy folks!

So if you really want to win elections in Nepal, first get your dough ready! Yes, tons of it. If you only want to win from your constituency then better be prepared to spend at least 5 Karod. If you want your party to win at least 10 seats and another 5 in the PR stuff then just multiply it by 10 hola!

And you need some muscles if you are really fighting elections in the Terai or the hilly region. It's all cowboy style politics up in the hills and down in the plains. What about in the cities, or so-called urban areas? Well, the game is to buy off your opponents and their vote banks if possible.

For example, if you are standing up for elections in Kathmandu Valley and you are more than likely to come up third then better buy off your opponent who has no chance of winning but will likely come second place by a percent or two! 

Time to ask him or her out for coffee, and just hand him your 5 karod investment for your choonaab! He or she will do everything possible to even get a few more votes from the person who will win the elections by offering some chiya kharcha to the guy or the gal's cousins!

So, better get hold of all the fake-VAT bill byaparis and martial artists and mundrey toley gundas and spend like crazy and win your seat. But to get a return on your 5 Karod investment, you better offer more and be a mantri. If not, then use your influence to bag some government contracts for your cousins and recover your investment!

Well, that's how you win elections in this beautiful land of ours ruled by greedy beasts! 

How to win the FIFA World Cup?

Thank you Mr. AJT for sending an email asking me how we, Nepal can win the FIFA World Cup, most probably in 3021 when it is played in Mars and hosted by Elon Musk!

Well, first, we have to start training our players from an young age, say, like 10 year olds. ANFA, our footballing body, whose job is to take millions from FIFA and splurge it on their own officials and give players peanuts, should learn a thing or two from youth academies of the greatest football teams on Earth.

Let's have 400 young lads and ladies. Yes, we need to win both men and women's tournament. Our national women team has a far better chance to win the FIFA World Cup before this century ends than our men's team.  They just need a little bit more motivation, training and lots of incentives.

Well, get's back to our men's team. I think that was the question asked by AJT!

We start by training 400 lads from the age of 10. By the time, they are 18, 300 will drop out, we will have 100 left. By the time, they are 21, we will probably have a good team ready to take on the world. 

Instead of focusing on tall players, we need players who are average 5'6 to 5'8. Yes, it's the short players who are good strikers and midfielders. Look at Maradona, Messi and our great Kante! 

And we will have no problem with meeting the height requirement but god knows what will happen in a decade or two, since our young kids are all tall and lanky. Too much cheeseballs, cokes and choco pie durig their pre-teen days hola!

We need to have good training, focus on strength and let's get them develop some sprinters' bodies.... not likhurey hawa ley dhalney bodies! Look at the recent game against Iraq. These Iraqis looked all muscled up and we were there getting side-swapped by the air itself. It must be our regular chana-diet which hasn't changed in the last thirty years.

Let's get our footballers, protein shakes, two eggs, two bananas, lots of meat and veggies as well. We need to pay them at least Rs 100,000 per month and not peanuts. These young lads need to take care of their families as well!

And the best thing is to get Kante to be our national coach when he retires! Kante is simple human being. He doesn't kiss the trophy like those eggheads. He gives a slight touch like he is saying 'nice to meet you'. Kante is humble. Our players need to learn to be humble as well. Don't think you are Messi just because you are this year's top scorer at the domestic league!

We need to play aggressive football. Don't worry about getting six goals in your own net. Score 7! Let's play beautiful football. Combine, the Brazilian Samba, Tiki-Taka, Kante ko Bhaka and then we will be the most loved team on Earth. Jai Nepal!

Back in town....

It's been a while, and I have been asked to write something during the pandemic by one of our Guffadi readers. She has promised to donate US$5 for each day of guffadi guff for a food package distribution program I am helping out with. God bless her! So, I expect to donate US$150 for the food package program by the end of this month... bhannu parla!

So, what should I write about today. A lot has changed since November 3rd, 2020.

Biden is in the White House. With due respect to Biden, the man who wanted to be President in his 30s has finally gotten the chance to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom in his late 70s. Lesson of the year: Your day will come. If you couldn't win the Nobel Prize or the woman or a man of your dreams at 30s... don't worry... you might get the second opportunity in your 70s! Just keep your head high, grind, keep on working towards your goal whatever that maybe!

Thank God, Trump didn't win his second term or else we would have had to deal with his ego for another four years. By then, there would have been a civil war in Amrika and God knows how that would turn out!

We have our second lockdown here in Nepal. We live in a wonderful nation where the government is corrupt, incompetent and sleazy while our people are just happy to go along with the flow. 

No vaccine... fine! No relief for the poor and the needy... fine! Those in power seem to enjoy the pandemic. Our fake byaparis and our hakim sahebs seem to make more dough out of our suffering and our chor netas get to keep some of the profit! 

Ujwal Thapa is gone. I met him only once in my life.. .that was before he started Bibeksheel. There was a protest rally in front of the Prime Minister's residence then. Rest in Peace, brother. Thank you for promoting this blog way back then!

Let's hope the young folks inspired by Ujwal will take the lead and make Bibeksheel better!

The lockdown here is likely to be eased after June 14th. We just have to be careful. Wear double-mask when outside, keep a safe distance and don't hold meetings in poorly-ventilated rooms... meet outside in the open. Stay safe!

Oli Ba has now the Madhesi party back in the power seats. Rajendra Mahato is a jackass. We all know that! Upendra Mahato's jwai is our foreign minister. With due respect to the Madhesi parties. Please work to uplift the people in the Terai and not only to make billions of government contracts and sarkari saruwa baduwa here in Kathmandu!

And today is World Environment Day. Our government bans plastic bags once again while allowing destruction of the Chure region to go further. We have wild beasts in power and no one to tame them. It's about time the Hobbits rose up... but will we?

It will be a year or so for this pandemic to settle down. Hope we all get vaccinated by then. 2022 is going to be a great year! Let us wait it out and go back to the good old days next year!

If there is anything you would like me to write about, do send an email to maguffadi@gmail.com . I am tired of talking about our politics and politician. I can write about anything, for example, how to win the Nobel Prize or how to start a new political party or how to make a home-made nuclear drive as well! God bless!