Saturday, April 1, 2017

GPS for our Parasites!

Our Department of Tourism plans to track climbers with a GPS device this season so that those who tell us that they have climbed Everest are not faking it. 

Yes, we had a bideshi couple who nearly fooled us last year with their conquest of Everest but they should have asked a Photoshop expert to do it right but they failed and have been barred for climbing our mountains anytime soon.  Yes, it's not easy to climb Everest or even other peaks in our land. 

But our Crown Prince did it and even managed to elope with the other comrade's wife.  Our Kollywood actress even climbed Everest. It may sound easy as if it's like hiking to Shivapuri or Pulchowki but it's not unless you get a very experienced Sherpa guide who will literally walk you to Everest and back. 

But of course our Sherpa brothers and sisters don't get all the credit and risk their lives for a few thousand dollars while our trekking agencies and bideshi expedition wallahs make most of the dough!

The GPS device will also help to track climbers who go missing or are involved in any accidents up there. I think that would really help our rescue teams when searching for our stranded climbers. 

But let’s hope that our sarkari hakims won't be buying cheap GPS devices that don't work at all or will stop working in less than a year. 

After all our corrupt government tends to buy the cheapest product around, take tons of commission from the vendors and then stop using it after it breaks down. Look at our Traffic Police! The breathalyzers don't work anymore and they have gone back to almost French-kissing the potential MaPaSe candidates.

I think that's a great idea and it's about time we had such GPS devices for our politicians as well. We really need to track our parasites so that we all know where they are going, whom do they meet and if they go missing, we can at least track them and bring them back to the House when it's time to vote for the amendments to our constitution. 

Our parasites love to visit foreign lands and if they can't then visit foreign embassies in town and have lunch or chiya with our bideshi ambassadors. It seems that the foreign envoys seem to have more power in this land than in other countries. We have a new Desi Ambassador in town.  

Let us hope he will invite our politicians for Tandoori Chicken and Whiskey and maybe even organize a 'Bhangra Nite' for our low-life loafers. Yes, only bideshis can help us to help our politicians to loosen up, be themselves and help each other to move this country forward. And our parasites only listen to the bideshis because that's where the dough is. 

We all know that most of our politicians and civil servants get special chiya kharcha from our bideshi embassies. Some favor Masala Dosa while others choose Dumplings and some of our politicians prefer pancakes from the Amriki Embassy while the rest want baked beans from the British or other cakes from Scandinavian countries.

The local election fever is slowly heating up. Some of our cynics tell us that there won't be any local elections. Some of our experts tell us that our incompetent government has no choice but to go forward with it and maybe carry out in phases so that our security wallahs do have the adequate resources and time to take care of our volatile regions. 

And it seems that ours is the only country where we have factions within the factions in our political parties. And instead of being united and fighting the election against their opponents, they would rather fight among themselves. 

Only one person will get the ticket from a political party to stand up for election to be our Mayor or Ward Chairperson but there will be a dozen candidates vying for that ticket. And the rest who will not get the ticket will be pissed off and will do everything possible to make sure that the person from their own party loses the election. 

Our political games are not about how to do good for this country. It's only about their big ego and our politicians work hard to prevent this country from moving forward because they don't get the ministry or don't get to be number two in the government or don't get any chiya kharcha from the so-called top leaders. 

We don't know what works for our politicians. Ram Dev Baba and his breathing techniques have not helped at all. Sri Sri Sri Ravi Shankar visits our land every now and then but our politicians have yet to learn any of his 'good life' techniques either. 

And it won't help even if we invite any Buddhist, Christian, Muslim or Jain religious leader to visit our land and preach to our parasites. These buffoons will never change. It's about time our bideshi envoys stopped providing them cash or scholarships to their children or any other support to inflate their ego!

And let us hope that our local elections will be carried out successfully and we must all make sure that we go out there and vote. And it's about time, we stopped electing he same bunch of thieves. 

I think it's about time to vote for an independent candidate who doesn't have any money or muscles and no backing from any of our major mundrey parties. We must show our parasites that we are no longer fools and we won't be taken for granted as always. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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