Congratulations!

Let us all congratulate our incompetent and corrupt government for once again leading us to glory by making sure that we remain one of the top corrupt countries in the world. We thought things would get better after we officially became a Republic. 

But it seems that our politicians really don't have access to the Oxford English Dictionary. Republic does not mean ripping off the public. Peace does not mean sharing a piece of the loot and emptying our state treasury and also the pockets of common citizens as well. Reconstruction does not mean diverting funds meant for the needy to the corrupt to build new homes for themselves.

We are now in the 130th position when it comes to the corruption ranking. Last year we were at 126th  and don’t be surprised if we are on the bottom of the list in a decade. Our politicians show no signs of changing their bad habits and continue to seek commissions from contractors. 

Our civil servants continue to seek bribes from common citizens. Our police stations now hold few criminals but have enough storage for hundreds of liters of fuel and tons of cooking gas cylinders.

We are the third most corrupt country in South Asia. We hope that our government will do their best to make us the number one corrupt country in the SAARC region by 2020. It seems that our civil servants and politicians strongly believe that we, the common citizens owe them everything just because they are in power. 

It took our government a year to finally appoint a guy with little experience to head the National Reconstruction Authority (NRA). And it will probably take another year before the government begins any reconstruction works in the earthquake affected districts. 

But it seems that we might have a new government in a few months and then we might have to get a new CEO for NRA and then it will be another year of figuring out how to divide the foreign aid amongst the political parties. 

It seems that our political crisis will not end soon. Our Madhesi leaders are not sure how to pack up and ask their cadres to go home instead of blocking our borders. Our government is busy coming up with new plans to make us a developed nation in a year. 

Oli has promised us that we will have 24 hour electricity in a year. Then, we will save billions of dollars on fuel and also make billions more by selling our electricity to our chimekis. Oli will make our land a developed nation in five months while it took Singaporeans fifty years to be where they are today.

Kamal Thapa tell us that we will soon have local elections but we all know very well that our major political parties would rather keep us in limbo rather than have local elections. Why have local representatives in our wards and municipalities when our all-party mechanism can loot all the development funds meant for the people?

Our young lands won the Banglabandhu Gold Cup in Bangladesh and they have been promised Rs 7 lakhs each. I don't know if they have received the money yet. Here in this land of ours hooligans who destroy public property and harass common citizens during bandas get a million Rupees each if they somehow lose their lives. 

But our athletes who make us all proud by winning tournaments abroad get less. Ganesh Thapa made Karods of Rupees and is said to own hundreds of ropanis of land in the valley. Our football players don't even have enough to buy a new pair of football boots. 

Corruption is everywhere. So I guess instead of only blaming our politicians, we should blame ourselves for letting the corrupt roll over us again and again. Ganesh Thapa will live the rest of his life in luxury while our football players will live in poverty after they hang up their boots. 

Officials who head our sports organizations in the country make millions while athletes have to sometimes even pay chiya kharcha to be on the team.

It seems that we, the common folks are okay with all the corruption in this land. We seem to believe that we have no choice but to pay chiya kharcha to get things done. After all, our CIAA wallahs only catch the small fishes. 

Yes, our former police chiefs both in Nepal Police and Armed Police Force have been charged with corruption but nobody seems to be in jail. Either they pay millions of Rupees in bail money to stay home or somehow the courts find them not guilty in a few years and everything is forgotten.

Our former Army Chief Saheb is having fun in India. He is worth billions but that didn't stop him from acting like a Shree Tins when he was in power. Well, actually he comes from the family of Shree Tins so maybe we cannot blame him. 

After all, it's in his genes. But why do you need to spend billions of Rupees to build a new military hospital in the middle of the city when you could have used that money to upgrade the hospital in Chaunni? 

Hope one day, our politicians, civil servants, and security chiefs will be found guilty and spend time in jail while all their ill-gotten assets are confiscated by the state. We don't know when but let us be optimistic as always. 

Tomorrow will be a better day. Hope one day, we will learn to honor and respect honest folks instead of bowing down to corrupt clowns. One day, Nepal will be free from the parasites that have been sucking us all dry. And only then our ancestors will thank us for finally being strong and courageous enough to get rid of the evil doers.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Stop the Bullets!

It seems that our Nepal Police personnel only know how to loot, boot and if nothing works then shoot at common folks. Our gurujis have to  pay chiya kharcha to our traffic police. Our black marketers and mundreys pay protection fee to our detectives and police chiefs around the country.  

Our restaurant owners have to face the music if they open after 10 pm. If they pay then they can open past midnight if not then the owner will have to spend a night in jail and face harassment every other day till they close down shop or pay the police to open till late.

But when it comes to using their boots and laathis, our police wallahs do not discriminate against any groups.  Nepal Police doesn't care whom they charge at and thrash around. Kamal Thapa got thrashed a while ago. Even our late Girija Babu got a laathi on his head many years ago. 

But of course our netas get thrashed and then they get to trash the whole country. Common folks get thrashed and the state does neither apologize nor provide compensation unless the victim happens to be a political cadre.

Of course, our men and women in blue don't fire at the protesters unless they get the order from our CDO sahebs. I think our senior government officials who rule our districts like Shree Tins need to be on the street when they issue order to fire at our brothers and sisters instead of barking orders from their cozy District Administration Office.

Our CDOs need to at least take a day-long training on riot control. They should wear the riot gear and carry shields and laathis so that they also get the feel of how hard it is for Nepal Police personnel to control our angry protesters armed with sickles, bamboo sticks, swords and what not. We need to also hire some experts who can train our cops the art of perfect stone hurling. 

Maybe it's better to arm our cops with catapults and the protesters can also arm themselves with slingshots. Let us not use stones and tear gas. Let us not please use rubber or real bullets or even water cannons. 

Let both parties keep a distance of at least 50 meters and let them go at it. At least they will use small stones instead of bricks and what not. But of course, we should advise both parties to wear helmet and protective gear to cover their face. 

Why on earth is Nepal Police acting like private security guards for our political parties. The Youth Force, an organization full of mundreys for our CPN-UML need protection from the cops from other protesters. 

I think our political parties should battle it out with each other on the street, in the House and wherever possible. Nepal Police should act like a mute spectator like they do when political parties carry out bandas and then burn vehicles and thrash common folks.

Our Nepal police shot innocent bystanders to protect the Youth Force from getting into a fist-fight with our Madhesi protesters. The Youth Force has enough muscles to protect themselves. But of course, their own comedian heads our government and our police wallahs have to follow orders or face the music themselves. 

It's sad that we have a Maoist heading the Home Ministry and he must have forgotten the police brutality during the so-called People's War. Shakti Basnet should do something to reform the police force. 

Our Nepal Police should use maximum restraint when dealing with protesters. They should stop using foul language and physical violence to control the protesters. 

It seems that most of our politicians spent their years in jail and faced torture from our own police wallahs during their underground days but when they come in power, they seem to just be happy and even proud when the same police wallahs who tortured them then are now saluting them. 

Nepal Police does not protect common citizens but is forced to provide security to political cadres. It would have been better if our police wallahs had stayed home or let both the parties to battle it out against each other. At least, innocent folks would not be caught in police firing and then lost their lives.

Our earthquake survivors in the hills and the mountains are dying from cold weather. The government has neither provided blankets nor have our folks been shifted somewhere else where they can at least live in temporary shelters to protect themselves from cold. Our great comedian and his crew stay in the capital and tell us that reconstruction will begin from the valley. Start from Barpak and focus on our hills and mountains. 

We, the people in the valley can pitch in and help folks in Bungmati and contribute our share to rebuild the world heritage sites in the capital. But of course, our government officials are lazy bums who would rather make more billions by denying millions of our folks the much needed resources to rebuild their homes and bring their lives to normal.

It seems that both the ballots and the bullets are for us, the common folks who have nothing do with the dirty political games played out by our greedy, corrupt, shameless and spineless politicians. 

We go to the voting booths to cast our votes in hopes that honest politicians who have a clean vision for the country will lead us to peace and prosperity. But we instead get the same thieves who use the byaparis money and hired goons to steal votes and win from their constituencies. 

No wonder our elected thieves loot the state treasury without prejudice. They all are in it for the money not to develop this beautiful land of ours. Our politicians have turned this land into hell. 

We must not and should not continue to be the silent majority who give our clowns all the time in the world to resolve the political crisis while we hope for eternal peace in our land. 

Dear netas, stop using Nepal Police to kill common citizens. If you have the guts then battle it out with each other  but please leave us all one.  

I think it's time we invited our Madhesi protesters in the valley. Let us end this blockade now. Our Madhesi parties should gherao Singha Durbar, Baluwatar and the House. Carry out the blockade in Baluwatar. Make Oli stay home and work on new jokes. 

And who will lead the Baluwatar Blockade protest program? It should be our real comedians who will soon be out of jobs if Oli continues to make us laugh with his gibberish.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Emirs of Nepal

No Oil Corporation (NOC) is a role model for all organizations in the country. Let us hope that someday the folks at Harvard Business School will teach their students how run their companies based on the work ethic and business strategies followed by NOC.

NOC knows how to treat its employees. NOC will take care of its employees as long as they work together to steal and then sell fuel to pumps that will pay them more chiya kharcha than the rest. As long as you don't rock the boat and continue to help each other, NOC will reward its employees with bonuses. 

Why can't our state enterprises hire competent people? Even if the board hires one, the trade unions at these state enterprises revolt and padlock the offices of the new hakim saheb or make his or her life miserable by either slacking off or ignoring the directives of the top management.

First of all, to get a job at one of our public enterprises, you need to have as much source-force as possible. If you have the right connection then you are more than likely to get a job at one of our debt-ridden state enterprises. 

And most of the time, even if you know the right people, you will still have to fork out bribes to finally get the job. Where does the money go? The fixer who knows how to get you the job will take his or her cut. 

Then he or she will have to pay the hakim sahebs and the hakim sahebs will then have to share his cut with the personal assistant of the mantri who heads the concerned ministry. he personal assistant then will keep some and give the rest to the mantri's spouse. 

NOC owes billions of Rupees to our incompetent government and financial institutions but it still wants to award its staff with bonuses. It plans to distribute Rs 900 million in bonuses to its corrupt staff.  

Why can't our eggheads pay off the debt first and then only pay bonuses later if the enterprise continues to make a profit?  It seems that our state enterprises need to learn a few thing about accounting and how to keep their books right. 

It seems that every enterprise in this land, both public and private have two different books. One book is needed to show the state and pay minimal or no taxes, and one for themselves, so that they can distribute the loot to their employees or partners. 

The only thing common for our private and public enterprises is that they may evade taxes but they will voluntarily have to pay our netas. After all, it's our political parties who need the dough to buy the votes so that they can get in power and loot more.

This is the only country in the world where the corrupt ones cannot be fired and are rarely punished with fines and jail term. Instead, they are proud to have managed to loot millions and even billions of Rupees. 

Gopal Khadka is not ashamed of his corrupt deeds. After all, he has paid millions of Rupees in kickbacks to our politicians and he will continue to stay at NOC and make more millions for himself and our clowns. NOC does not care about international market prices. Oil prices are now at the lowest in more than a decade but our state enterprise continues to rip us off.  

It's been more than four months and the people have been facing shortages of cooking gas and fuel. Our government officials and politicians continue to get fuel supplies while the people have to stay in queue for days and even months to get half-filled cooking gas and a few liters of fuel.

The problem is not only with NOC. Look at our No Electricity Authority (NEA). We continue to pay our utility bills even though we have to bear with load shedding and once a week supply of water from our Khanepani folks. 

Our state enterprises and government agencies are all the same. We have yet to find a government agency that really works for the people. Our civil servants are not servants. They are the masters and we are the serfs but it's the time for the serfs to revolt.

Our netas are not leaders. They are loafers who will sell everything in this land for their own financial gain. It doesn't make any difference to them that the country is going down the drain. After all, their princelings will get to enjoy the ill-gotten riches. Majority of netas have sent their kids abroad for further studies. 

While most of the Nepalis struggle to pay their tuition fees, our princelings either get full scholarship or are funded by the blood money earned by their corrupt parents. Most of our princelings live not in crowded one-bedroom apartments but have their own pads in the West and most have permanent residency or have become citizens of foreign lands.

We expect our netas to be honest, compassionate and have high moral principles. Our expectations have never been met. Instead, we have a bunch of thieves masquerading as leaders who continue to loot us all. Our politicians are not worried about hundreds of thousands of folks living in tents in the cold winter. 

Our politicians are not worried about millions of folks suffering from shortages of everything. Our politicians are not worried that the way we are moving forward, we will probably have barely an hour of electricity a day in the future. Our politicians are only worried about how to make the next Rupee.

Our student unions won't stand up and take to the streets to demand an end to the political crisis. Baidya Ba and Biplab seem to be on vacation. Our three major political parties only know how to pull each other's leg. 

The only person who is worried about the Nepali people seem to be our Gyanu Uncle. But he should have done his best then when he had the chance. If only Gyanu Uncle had then announced that he would not take a paisa from the state but instead doled out billions of Rupees of his own money every year to the people then he would still be ruling the country. But it's never too late. 

The House of Shah might never rule us again but the least they can do is sell all their business holdings and land and give the proceeds to charities. You don't have to be a King to win our hearts and minds. 

Those who have been in power have never thought about their legacies. They seem to live in the present and enjoy it to the fullest. But how will history remember them?  

All our clowns will be remembered as corrupt band of thieves. We should ask the children of our Emirs how they feel about their parents and luxurious lifestyle they lead by starving and suffocating the dreams and hopes of millions of Nepalis?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Light at the end of the tunnel

We, the people have not lost hope in our politicians. That is why we keep on electing the same buffoons, hoping that they have learned something from past political movements. It seems that we have achieved nothing from so many andolans in this land. 

Yes, the Shree Tins left the building and we had the House of Shah and the Pancheys. We thought we got rid of the Pancheys but they are still alive and kicking. And the same folks who were involved in killing protesters during the Jana Andolan – 2 are now in the government. 

Kamal Dai should have been either in jail or living in exile or should be hiding in his house due to shame for his past deeds. But no, he is our Deputy Prime Minister and Foreign Minister and does not think he owes our martyrs any apologies. He gets to travel around the world as if he has won one of a kind world trip package funded by the Nepali people.

It seems that politicians get a second chance sometimes but in our country, they get to screw up for eternity and still be involved in politics and even get to become mantris again and again. Bill Clinton didn't get impeached. But that's a different story. Amrikans are a different lot. 

They are the same people who elected Dubya twice. And now they have Donald Trump and his fellow Republicans on one side and Hillary and her friends on the other side. Obama has already won the Nobel Peace Prize but he has yet to do anything to bring world peace. 

It really doesn't matter if Hillary or Trump or some other redneck or a liberal becomes the Amriki President. Amriki foreign policy will remain the same and not change a bit. It's the same with the Desis as well.

But here in this land, everything changes when new folks get to be mantris. It seems that the new players have to shut down any projects initiated by the previous government even if it was for the good of the people. And the new mantri will approve new projects just for the sake of being able to say that he or she started something new. 

But of course, it also depends on how much commission can be made from such projects. The mantri does not even have to do the math. His or her personal assistant and the civil servants will do all the work and the minister has to only sign on the dotted line and make millions or even billions of Rupees.

Our media tells us that our Prime Monster Oli is trying to figure out where to go first. Will it be China or India?  Why should our PM always visit one of these two chimekis first?  Why not contact Elon Musk and arrange a trip to Mars. The Desis sent a satellite. We will send our Prime Monster, all his cabinet members and maybe add another dozen hate mongers, freeloaders and slimy contractors as well. 

What this country needs to get rid of first is not poverty or corruption. If we can get rid of our corrupt clowns then we will finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It seems that we will never be able to send these crooks to jail. Well, we have sent a few of our mantris but they seem to get out in a year and pay not even ten percent of what they actually made from bribes in fines. 

The CIAA conducts sting operations and nabs lower-level government employees. But they can't do the same for our politicians. It's not that difficult to figure out who is making some dough. Just tap the phones of all of our personal assistants of our netas. 

Raid their homes and get hold of their black books, with all the details of from where the politician gets the money and where it goes. We don’t' even have to arrest our great netas. Just gather all their relatives, cooks, drivers and domestic helps and organize a picnic inside the CIAA compound. They will start singing. 

Baburam tells us that his 'new power' will solve all our problems. No, it won't. What we need is not the same old clowns with new tricks. Dr Saheb is a brilliant man. No doubt about it. Dr Saheb should enroll in a public speaking course. Hang out with the advertising wallahs and learn to put on an act. 

We know  that you have the brains but not enough money or muscles. We also can't expect you to be like Gandhi or Martin Luther King or Mandela because your path for transformation is not turn the other cheek but tear up both the cheeks.

KP Oli has failed as our PM. It seems that the only option left for us to find a way to resolve the crisis in Terai is to invite our Madhesi-Tharu netas to Baluwatar and let them run the country. 

Why do we need six Deputy Prime Monsters? Why can't we just have like Eight Prime Monsters? Yes, let them run the country for a year. Loot as much as you can. And then wait for someone to start protest programs somewhere in the country and repeat the same natak again and again. 

Or if we don't want the same bunch of clowns ruining everything in this land then we must wake up. We must take a stand and tell our corrupt clowns, civil servants and high-level security officials that we have had enough of your looting spree. 

These parasites do not even respect our courts. We should boycott them in all social functions. We should shun them. Why are we the people ashamed of ourselves just because we are poor but  honest and hardworking?  

It's them who should be ashamed of themselves. They maybe rich but they have no morals. They will have to face the music someday. These buffoons all want to rule over us by using violence. 

We will prevail not by slapping them around but helping each other out and being united. We need our own Dr King. We need folks who can lead us with a non-violent movement. Yes, We already have a Doctor but he doesn't cut it. Maybe we should look up to Dr Bhagwan for new inspiration instead.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

World Peace

Our standup comedian Oli, whose Boli is like a Goli, has wished us all a Happy New Year and hopes that this year will bring world peace. Dear Mr Prime Monster, please bring peace at home before you even think about world peace. 

Maybe, Oli should visit all the conflict zones around the world and take along an interpreter so that his Ukhhan-Tukka can make the world leaders  laugh and probably help to finally bring peace on Earth.

I guess we need to send our Prime Monster to Syria because he and his fellow freeloaders can't even go to Siraha. They neither have the time nor have the courage to go to the plains and sit down for talks with our Madhesi parties. 

It's just sad that our beautiful country is being held hostage by a dozen politicians on both sides. How long will we the people continue to suffer from shortages of cooking gas and fuel while our corrupt clowns, civil servants and high-level security personnel get as much as they want?

It seems that earthquakes and blockades have been a boon to our black marketers and politicians. The people are suffering but our civil servants and politicians are making a killing. 

Most of our folks who lost their homes and families in the quakes have yet to receive adequate relief materials. Our civil servants and politicians have been stealing and will steal more from the funds meant for the earthquake victims and their families. 

The blockade has made most of us pay black market price for cooking gas and fuel. The government can't ensure smooth supply of daily essentials while the media tells us that trucks carrying cooking gas and fuel are entering our land smoothly in the past week or so. Where do all the cooking gas and fuel go? 

Our netas continue to ride around in luxury vehicles and waste fuel with two or three security vehicles making sure that they are protected from hardworking but hungry citizens.  What happened to the cycles gifted by our Mantri Paswan to our PM and former PMs? 

I guess, they will probably re-gift it to their grandchildren. Yes, we have our own Princelings who will enjoy the good life just because their Dad or Mom had the skill to talk gibberish and fool us all with their empty promises while emptying our pockets.

So far, our incompetent government and our Madhesi superheros have met more than two dozen times and all they have done is waste our taxpayers' money on chiya and biskoot. We, the common folks have been hoping for the end of the political crisis so that we would not have to suffer miserably due to the shortages of everything.

But it seems that our politicians are busy waiting for the Desis to make the next move. Maybe, we should just allow the Indian Embassy to hold a Kabbadi match between our ruling clowns and our Madhesi pahelwaans. Yes, let us host the match inside the Embassy and whoever wins get to loot the state treasury for a year or two. 

Maybe Oli should go to Syria and instead of China and India. Yes, camp there and do not move until the Russians and the Amrikans go home and who knows then  he could win a Nobel Prize next year for bringing peace to the Middle East. 

Or if he can't do that then at least Oli could do a promotion campaign to boost our tourism by inviting Obama and Putin to have breakfast on the Everest Base Camp. Obama will be leaving the Oval Office in about a year but Putin might still be around till the end of the world.  

If Oli is really patriotic as he claims to be then he should probably visit North Korea and bring home a home-made nuclear device. The device might not even work but at least it will help our Chimekis to treat us with respect than bully us around.

Oli has also appealed to all of us to help in ending the current political crisis while we unite to work towards economic prosperity. If Oli needs our help so bad that why on Earth do we need our political parties, security forces and the incompetent civil servants to run this country? 

I think we should just form a Tole Sudhaar Samiti and make it an autonomous governing bodies. Let's have like 100,000 small tole-states and run our own show instead of using most of our taxes to pay our lazy civil servants?

Our Nepal Police have shown us that when it comes to brutality, they do not discriminate whether it is the Pahadis or Madhesis, women or children or even foreign refugees or senior citizens.  Nepal Police should stop recruiting savages or is the police itself turning able-bodied men and women into savages after they join the force? 

Kamal Dai gets hit on the head by our Police and then he becomes our Foreign Minister. Rajendra Mahato got hit on the head as well. So don't be surprised if he gets to be a mantri soon and once again go on a looting spree. 2016 will be no different than the previous year. We, the common folks will continue to suffer while our politicians and civil servants will continue to loot and make billions of Rupees for themselves and their families.  

Oli dreams of becoming our Mandela by bringing world peace while he continues to make sure everybody gets the piece of the pie from our Mandaleys, Madhesi, Maoist to Morons. Yes, let us hope that Oli will also share the loot with our protesting Madhesi netas as well. 

We don't mind having hundred ministries and double the mantris. After all, that's what our politicians have been doing for all these years, which is making sure that they empty the state treasury and make this country broke while millions of us go overseas so that we can continue to send back home some money so that our families can afford to buy stuff at black market prices. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com