Saturday, September 20, 2014

Mundrey to Mantri




Let's congratulate our great leader KP Oli for recalling two of the party's ministers and sending two chamchas in their place. Oli has proven that he has a vision for this country, that is , to make it a heaven for criminals and hell for the common folks.  

The two new lucky mini-sinisters are Dipak Chandra Amatya and Mahesh Basnet.  Amatya is our new mini-sinister for Culture, Tourism and Civil Aviation. His only claim to fame is that he has been a serial arse-kisser of Jhallu Baba.  

Amatya has proven that if you work hard as a personal aide of a politician then someday you too can become a mantri.  Working hard does not mean that you are assisting the politician to do some good for the country. It means, making sure that the politician's near and dear ones get funds from the state treasury and loyal cadres get government jobs. 

Let's hope that Amatya will do his best to promote tourism by giving contracts to promote our country to his near and dear ones. And please buy a dozen new planes as soon as possible so that our hardworking Nepal Airlines employees can steal the tyres, life jackets and anything that is worth selling in the black market.

And the biggest joke of the week is that our youth leader Mahesh Basnet is our new mini-sinister for Industry. Basnet is a serial arse-kicker. He has lots of little mundreys under his command. Our political parties need both dealmakers and deal breakers.

If you can seal the deal then you can share the loot with other free loaders but if the mundreys of other parties win the government contract then you send in your own goons to break the deal. 

Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose but at the end of the day, it's the political parties who make the dough from all the government contracts in the country.  And our great leaders need such thugs as Basnet to win elections, carry out bandas and extort from our fake-VAT Bill byaparis. 

Basnet is also good at lighting up torches and organizing masal julus. And he is an expert when it comes to hitting our cops with torches. But now, he will get security from our Nepal Police and not to forget, free vehicles and more chiya kharcha as well. 

I guess, there should be a new sport in our national games. Let's call it a '400m torch obstacle rally'. An athlete will need to light a torch, start running while shouting political slogans non-stop and getting past a dozen riot-police who will try their best to stop the athlete from crossing the finishing line.

Yes, Basnet lost in the Constituent Assembly election but he is our new mantri. Well, Makune lost twice in the CA election part-I and still went on to become our Prime Monster. I think our CPN-UML party likes losers. 

Well, Makune won twice this time but he lost the race for the chairperson of his own party. KP Oli is not in good health and we thought he would do some good and leave a legacy but it turns out that he just wants to make some dough and promote mundreys while he is still alive and kicking.

Let's hope that someday Basnet will also be our Prime Monster and our land will be ruled by mundreys. Then, all of us can go abroad to make a few Dinars more while the mundreys loot everything in this land.

KP Oli seems to love mundreys because they are good at fundraising by any means. First, they send  you a letter from the party and ask for help gently. If that doesn't work, then they send the mundreys to extort the byaparis. 

Well, nearly all political parties ask for voluntary contribution and our byaparis happily contribute as well. After all, no one wants to mess with the mundreys. Even if our cops arrest these thugs, they are free to go the next day because our so-called leaders pressure our men and women in blue to release them.

UML now stands for United Mundrey Leaders. Basnet will do his best to bring an industrial revolution in the country by using his skills as a torch-carrier. KP Oli is a smart man. Dashain is near and Basnet can use his muscles and now as a mantri, he can misuse his power as well to extort some dough from our byaparis.

Basnet is a role model for all mundreys in the country. If you are a mundrey then please join the CPN-UML. Ganesh Lama and all other mundreys in town should join Oli's party and they too can become mantri someday. 

Just be patient, gather as many mundreys as possible and use them to organize bandas and go on a rampage once in a while. And one day, the same laathi-charging cops will have no choice but to salute you and provide security for you and your loved ones.  

A 'Nepali Dream' comes true for a mundrey. Long Live Gun-a-tantra! 

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