Back in the Game Again!

Our great Emperor is once again back into the power game as our 39th Prime Monster. If the man had not joined politics he would certainly be one of the country's finest actors today. He knows when to laugh, when to cry , when to grind his teeth and show his rage and when to fall flat and just smile and wait for another day to cook up another coalition to get back into power.

I think it's time we banned garlands, khatas, abirs and what not inside the House. Yes, you are now our Prime Monster but don't prance around with garlands suffocating your neck and wearing abir on your forehead as if you just came from Rio with a gold medal. 

Our Emperor should hire an astrologer and appoint him as his spiritual adviser or something. The number '9' seems to be the number for our Emperor. He was our Prime Monster earlier for nine months until he resigned because he did not get what he want which was to fire the Army Chief. 

Yes, our politicians have different priorities. They are busy figuring out whom to promote or transfer to lucrative postings rather than find ways to at least curb inflation, minimize corruption and make sure that everyone follows the laws of the land.

Now, after nine years, our Emperor is back in Baluwatar and he will be hanging there for the next nine months. Will things be different the second time around? Nope. As usual, there will be ministries to be divided among the coalition partners. And every top government positions will be divided among their loyal cadres as well. 

It's funny that we have a quota system when it comes to our government jobs. They tell us that we live in a democracy and we are now a federal republic but instead of promoting meritocracy, our politicians continue to follow the 'afno manchey' formula so that they can continue to make some moolah from those whom they have appointed to such lucrative postings. 

Our Emperor tells us that he is a changed man. Yes, he is. He now plays ping pong everyday to keep himself fit. Politics has been good for our man. From a skinny fellow, living in a dark room in Patan and riding a rusty bicycle around town, he is now an obese old man who rides in a luxury vehicle and lives in a rented house where the monthly rent is more than what an average Nepali makes in a year. Life is good for our politicians. 

After all, they have sacrificed their lives to fight the system, spent years in jail or underground so that one day, if they got lucky and came into power, then they could exploit the system to earn illegal riches rather than working together to bring reform in the system. 

That has been the story of all our politicians in this land. Yes, their kids are now better off and live a luxurious lifestyle while millions of our kids have no opportunity in this land and have no option but to go overseas and work in inhumane conditions to make a few Dinars more.

The new government is busy making sure they keep our Madhesi parties happy by declaring those killed by the state in the Madhes Andolan as martyrs and providing a million Rupees each to the victims' families. 

But in reality, the victims' families will get peanuts while local leaders will take most of it for their own kharcha! Let us hope our government will also provide for the families of our security personnel who were murdered during the andolan and also take action against the perpetrators as well.

Our Prime Monster tell us that his government will be 'the government for poor' or whatever that means because so far our politicians and civil servants have stolen from the state treasury and made the government, the country and the people poor. When our government talks about livelihood, it means providing contracts to cadres and slimy contractors so that they can make some dough. 

When they talk about education, it means providing scholarships and grants to children of near and dear ones so that they can study in foreign lands and settle there. When they talk about health, it's about making sure our government buys medical equipment for millions and let it rust and buy another one just for the sake of commission. 

When our government talks about food security, it means providing security to our byaparis who sell adulterated products and not taking action against them even when they jack up the prices by 30% every year while the farmers who sell the produce don't event make enough to provide for their families. 

When our government talks about self-employment, it means providing loans to their own cadres while millions of youth neither get any loans nor getting any training to develop their skills to earn a decent living.

Our Emperor tells us that the government will first identify the poor people and then only roll out programs to make their lives better. Yes, carry out the study , waste millions while the poor will get the most identity cards and nothing else. 

We know very well that things will not change for good. Our politicians will continue to play the 'share the loot' game and will do nothing for the poor and the needy. After all, we cannot only blame our Emperor alone. 

He is just another player who had a vision to change this country for good but once he got into the system, our civil servants and his coalition partners have changed him for good. Now, he is just another politician who spends his time making sure he finds ways to make money so that he can keep his near and dear ones happy. 

What about the country and the people? Well, for our politicians neither exist for they only know how to steal from the state and the people. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Rescue, Relief & Rehabilitation

Every Monsoon, floods and landslides wreck havoc in this land of ours and thousands of folks are displaced from their homes. But as usual, our incompetent government has shown us all that it is very ill-prepared to deal with natural disasters. When will our incompetent civil servants learn from past disasters and work out a plan to at least minimize the effect of such disasters in the future?

It's not that we don’t have government agencies to deal with such disasters but there is no co-ordination among them and our corrupt government seems to have no cash at hand to provide relief materials and housing to the flood and landslide victims. 

But the government somehow has the funds to provide millions of Rupees to political cadres instead of the common folks. That's how our government works in this land and it's the common folks who lose everything while our clowns may lose their kurchi for a while but somehow will find ways to get back to power and loot some more from the state treasury.

Our security personnel are doing all they can to rescue the stranded victims with their limited resources. It's mostly the soldiers and constables who are out there to rescue our folks from landslides and floods. Yet, these low-level security personnel get nothing. The pay is not much and the perks are minimal while the senior officers live like Kings and their wives are called 'Maharanis'. 

It's about time our Nepal Police, Nepal Army and the Armed Police Force at least provide adequate housing and ration to their soldiers and constables instead of treating them like slaves. No wonder, the constables vent their frustration and anger at the public during protest programs because they seem to be fed up with how they are treated by high-ranking officers. And many of them are leaving their jobs to work as security guards in foreign lands. 

The Shree Tins left the building sixty years ago and yet we still have the 'Hukumi Sashan' in place. 'Afno Manchey' gets everything while the common folks get nothing but false assurances from the government.

I guess our government has not learned any lessons from the Big One from last year. It's been more than a year now and yet most of our earthquake victims have yet to receive the grants. And every monsoon season, we see floods and landslides across the country. Yes, natural disasters cannot be prevented but is it not the job of our government and its agencies to at least have a plan on how to deal with it?  

It's time we had a separate Ministry for Disaster Management. And we need to have someone who once used to be a Boy Scout or a Girl Guide to head the ministry. At least that person will be prepared and do their best. 

After all, our ministers and Prime Monster all take their oath and promise to honor the law of the land, do their best and help the people. But in reality, they break and bend the law, help only their cadres, cousins and contractors. When will our netas feel for the people instead of only their cadres? Why can't these stupid corrupt clowns for once help the needy and poor instead of only helping the fake-VAT bill byaparis and con artists who make money from government contracts?

Our politicians should stop preaching about nationalism and sovereignty when they are the ones who do the bidding for the bideshis and will not think twice to sell our land to our chimekis for a few Rupees more. Yes, we understand that everything is fair in politics. You become enemies and the next day, you become friends because the enemy of your enemy is a friend.  

But when our netas talk about reconciliation, they do not mean bringing everyone together and making it work. It means only working with whoever wants to partner with you to topple the government now and then backstab them later.  

Yes, Prachanda will be our Prime Monster for the second time. And he will have nine months to prove us all that he is a changed man. Our Emperor will not do much either. He will have a hard time trying to keep his own cadres happy. After all, he has brought back other mini-Maoists back into the fold and if he can't keep them happy then they will break up again and it will be the same natak come next general election. 

Then, Sher Bahadur will be our Prime Monster for the fourth time and we should not expect much from the King himself because he really don't know much about how to run the country except forming Jumbo cabinets and providing luxurious perks to our lawmakers.  It really doesn't matter who heads the government, things will only get worse and not better. 

Our corrupt politicians and lazy civil servants will not just go to bed tomorrow night and wake up realizing that what they have doing is all wrong and  they must bring political and social change for the good of the country and its people.

So let us not expect things to get better any time or even in a year or two. 

Our new Morons and Maoist combo-plan is to hold local elections while Prachanda is in Baluwatar and hold our federal and provincial elections while Sheru Uncle take his turn to sleep in Baluwatar. Whom are we kidding? It's been more than decade and half since we have had local representatives heading our local bodies. And the all-party mechanism continues to enjoy the loot. 

We all know that we will not have our mayors and ward chairperson until we get the provincial and federal setup right. And with the way our politicians continue to bicker over petty issues, this country will continue to be held hostage by a dozen thieves while millions of us continue to suffer from their lack of political will to resolve the political crisis. 

It seems that most of us don't see any light at the end of the tunnel because our politicians and civil make sure that we do not move forward. Maybe it's time to start all over again. We don't need the monarchy or the morons to lead this country. We have seen them all. We need people with morals and ethics to lead us to peace and prosperity. Somebody please put up an ad in the major dailies!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Let it Go!

It seems that politicians in our Shark region want to hang on to power till they drop dead. Our netas never retire until the day they leave Earth for hell. Our national top comedian, Konfused Pampered Oli  does not want to resign even when he knows that he does not have the number to continue to lead the government. 

After all, a week more and you can dole out millions of Rupees from the state treasury to your near and dear ones with utter disregard for the law. And you can transfer your chamchas to lucrative postings before the other guys show up and do their thing. 

Our very own ‘Google Boy’ gets 10 million Rupees for his foundation. It would have been better if we had approached the real ‘Google’ folks to make our golden child their brand ambassador or something instead of wasting our taxpayers’ money. 

KP Oli has done his part. He came, he saw all the problems in this land and conquered our hearts with silly jokes and shared his dreams with us which will probably come true but not from the current leadership but from the next generation of leaders. 

We hope we will have good honest folks leading this country in the next ten years when most of our current batches of thieves go to hell.

The United Mundrey Leaders (UML) and their partners didn’t do much for the country. We had the blockade and those who led the banda programs are now partners in the so-called new coalition that is itching to take over the government and loot some more. 

Our Maoist ministers didn’t do much. I don’t know if they are for the people or they just want to continue to rip off the people like all other mantris who have sat on the kurchis. 

Now, it’s the Maoist, our Morons and the Madhesi Morcha who plan to stick together like the 3M sticky pads for now so that they can share the ministries and make some moolah. 

After all, our political parties do come together only when they get to share the loot and for everything else, they just agree to disagree and waste billions of Rupees on salaries and perks for our clowns. 

Dhir Shumsher uncle had 17 sons and the band of brothers enjoyed the loot. Now we have 17 corrupt traitors who lead our political parties and they continue to enjoy the loot. The players have changed but the greed remains the same.

So will things be different when our Emperor becomes our Prime Monster? 

Nope! According to the new ‘master plan’, our Emperor will become our man in Baluwatar for 9 months and then King Deuba will take charge for another nine. I hope our Emperor does leave after his agreement and let Deuba loot some more. 

But Nepali politics is just another game among the pickpockets. We never know when they will patch up, break up or join hands with another team to just stay in power.  

Our morons are expected to get 12 ministries. Our Maoists will get 8 and then we have the Madhesi Morcha and other fellow minnows that will get a few so that they too can enjoy the lollipop of power.

And what does a new mantri do when he or she goes to the office on the first day? He or she will ask the Government Secretary to find ways to make some money because the mother party needs to make some dough and he or she needs to make some and then there are near and dear ones who need the chiya kharcha and sarkari jagir as well. 

So, the first hundred days will not be spent studying the problems faced by the country and the people. Instead, there will be numerous brainstorming sessions on how to dole out contracts to con artists, lucrative postings for civil servants and grants to cadres. Yes, everyone gets a piece of the pie except the common folks!

Our political parties have signed so many agreements with each other that it’s hard to keep tab on all of it. They never sign agreements to develop the hydropower, tourism and our agricultural sector. 

Instead, we import electricity from India at a higher price. And we continue to have load shedding even though our political parties continue to make a fool of themselves by promising us 10,000 MW of electricity in the next decade.  

We could make billions of Dollars from tourism but our government is not interested to help our tourism entrepreneurs or build the needed infrastructure across the country. Every year landslides affect our major highways and yet our incompetent government is still not interested to provide adequate resources to minimize such obstructions.

Our political parties never sign agreements to stop bandas and vandalism of public property. Recently a school bus in the city was torched. We all know who did it except our government. I guess our police wallahs should be given the authority to at least protect the public from such incidents. Just killing a few dons will not help to get rid of all the social ills in this land. 

Our police wallahs should not just act as mute spectators when savages burn down school buses and threaten the lives of our school children. Don’t just save your bullets to kill another Chari or Ghaitey. 

Use your bullets to protect this land from so-called political cadres who continue to traumatize our kids and make our lives miserable with their banda nataks and violence. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com