Game of Thrones!

If the creators of Game of Thrones were to visit Nepal then they would probably have enough material to last another ten seasons.  Yes, we have all the alliances, conspiracies and all the masala needed for a successful TV series thanks to our chor netas and their political nataks! 

Maybe, our netas should quit politics and join the entertainment industry as writers while our 'real' writers can join politics and give us something new instead.  It’s also about time our 'real' comedians opened a political party. Maybe, we should have a 'Chakka Panja' party in this land and we can vote for our funny men and women instead of the usual blood sucking parasites.

It’s about time our politicians stopped lying to us and instead throw away their masks and be honest with the people. Please do not talk about eliminating corruption once and for all. We all know that the whole system is corrupt. We now need politicians who will promise to steal a few Rupees less and instead give back the extra Rupee back to his or her constituency. 

Our politicians need our shady byaparis, slimy contractors, stinky civil servants to bring in the dough so that they can fight elections and get the opportunity to loot the state funds for their own personal benefits. Please do not blame the bideshis for our problems. 

It is because of our lazy civil servants who never do their homework and our spineless politicians who do not have the courage to take a stand which is why bideshis continue to roll over us and tell us what's right for our country.  We have no one but to blame our netas for all the problems in this land. 

Our so-called top byaparis evade taxes. Our tax department takes chiya kharcha to look the other way. Our hakim sahebs then use the chiya kharcha to pay our netas so that they can continue to stay in the same office and rake in more moolah. 

It's sad to know that most of our hakim sahebs are in the position of power due to offering boras of cash to the ministers and so-called top leaders of our major political parties. 

It seems that everybody wants to be a politician these days not because they want to do something for their constituency but instead use their influence to get funds from the state and use it for their self interest. No wonder, our netas use all the money and muscles to win elections. 

We are now ready for the first phase of our provincial and parliamentary elections. Our Meowists have once again surprised us all by changing their partner. This time, it's all about sharing the love with other comrades whereas our Kangaroos now want to be friends with whoever are not friends with the communists!  

Our Doctor Saheb has decided to be friends with the Kangaroos instead of joining the 'Commie' bandwagon.  Maybe,we the people should learn a thing or two from our politicians when it comes to forging alliances and breaking it off when your interest is not fulfilled. 

In the past seventy years, this country has seen it all.  We went from the hundred-year rule of our Rana uncles to getting the House of Shah back on the road with Mandaleys having all the fun. We saw our morons whom we thought would change this country but they turn out to be more corrupt than the mandaleys. Our Meowists and Madhesi netas turned out to be the same as the previous pickpockets.  

We have to thank our Kangaroos for introducing nepotism to its fullest in our bureaucracy and throwing meritocracy out the window. We should thank the other parties for taking turns to be coalition partners in successive governments so that they could all get a piece of the loot. 

Maharaja Deuba as usual is not interested in anything except making as much as dough as possible. Now wonder, our Saala Saheb sits at the Finance Ministry and makes decisions so that their near and dear ones can get some dough.

Our security agencies also seem to be more interested to make some dough in the name of security. And our top security officers will then have to pay off our netas to get promotions and lucrative postings. 

Our Kangaroos tell us that we should not vote for the comrades because if they win then we will have to deal with fifty years of doom and gloom. Well, we gave our Kangaroos the right to govern us when they won the majority during the first parliamentary election after the 90s but then they screwed us all by forming coalition government with the same mandaleys and even breaking up and back-stabbing each other to topple one's own government. 

Once we will have our provincial governments, we will have more problems because where are we going to get the dough to feed five hundred and fifty loafers? And we will have our mini-Presidents for our provinces. And let's not even talk about our federal parliament members and the Upper House members.  Our incompetent government has no choice but to raise our taxes to feed our poor, starving politicians. 

Our netas need our bhais in Delhi to work out a plan on how to rule this country. Yes, Delhi has been helping out since the 50s.  The House of Shah has to thank Delhi for helping them out then. Our Morons, Mewoist and Madhesi netas have to thank Delhi for helping them out as well over the years as well.

Maybe, one day, we, the people will have the courage to kick all the clowns out of the country and for a country like ours we might be better off if we go 'Swiss' with direct democracy instead of the so-called representative one where corrupt fools win elections.

Yes, let's have seven heads of our provinces running the show like the Swiss.  Yes, let us not go for the British model or the Amriki 'President' formula. Neither will work in this land. What we need is direct democracy so that we, the common folks will finally have opportunity to take part in decision-making and also be able to challenge any law passed by our nincompoops! 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Follow The Money!

Our Election Commission (EC) wallahs tell our political parties to follow the election code of conduct but as always, our chors know only how to break the rules and not worry about it because they can get away with it.  

We maybe one of the poorest countries in the world but it seems that our netas have enough dough to hire choppers and spend like they are one of the cousins of the Saudi King. But the Saudis have oil for now. What do we have? Well, we the people have boils listening to our politicians making promises they will never fulfill.

And it seems that some folks do want to foil the election campaigns of some of our netas by throwing stones and using home-made firecrackers. Let us hope that our candidates will be provided police security. Sorry, most of them already have tons of security thanks to their stint as our ministers and they still worry about security. 

And our candidates will be spending more this time around because we now have slimy contractors and shady byaparis standing up for elections thanks to our major political parties who have given them the tickets. We even have criminals standing up for elections. So what does that teach us? Well, if you have the dough you can buy our politicians and someday even this country because our lawmakers will not hesitate to sell it to the highest bidder if they get the chance. 

Yes, this is the only land on earth where our politicians rarely get punished for their misdeeds. And even if a few of them do go to jail then it's only for a year or two and a fine of a few Karods when they have looted hundred times more. Even our civil servants are not ashamed when they are arrested and accused of embezzling hundreds of Karods. 

These hakim sahebs know very well that they will spend a few years in jail and then everything will be back to normal because they have already stashed their ill-gotten wealth somewhere or in the name of their father-in-law's cousin.  And why do you need to be afraid of the people when you have already paid off millions of Rupees in chiya kharcha to our chor netas?  

And when it comes to campaign finances, our political parties never tell the EC or the people where they get their funds from and it seems that the EC does not have the courage to take any action against our major political parties at all.  We all know that our political parties receive funds from both domestic and foreign donors. 

Our bideshi Embassies do offer them tons of cash during elections. We have mostly byaparis who have no choice but to offer our politicians boras of cash because they have been evading taxes and would want to be on the safe side when our chors are in power. 

The EC tells our candidates that they can't spend more than 25 lakhs if they are standing up for election to be our member of the parliament. But we all know that you need to spend a few Karods and more if you really want to win. 

I think our government officials should stop acting like they don’t know the price of the vegetables in the market today. Or maybe their calculators are all broken or they don't know how to use Excel. Please do the math! You cannot stand up for election to be our MP and expect to win by spending only 25 lakhs. We hear that our Emperor spent more than fifty Karods to make sure that our first daughter became our Mayor in Chitwan. So where does all the money come from?  

The EC tells our chor netas that anyone who wants to donate more than five thousand Rupees to our clowns has to do so by using the banking channels. But our donors don’t want the world to know that they donated some money to our politicians. Our byaparis would rather donate to all the major parties because he or she has to be in the good books or face harassment later by our tax departments and other government agencies.  And the tax department officials will then work out a deal to make sure that the byaparis pay less taxes while the kickbacks go all the way to our netas.

We all know that our political parties ask our fake VAT-bill byaparis, contractors and even civil servants to donate voluntarily during elections. After all, you need money to publish phamplets, distribute caps and t-shirts, hire taxis and vehicles and loudspeakers and what not. And you need the money to hire mundrey gundas and pay for their fuel and chiya kharcha as well. 

Mundrey gundas might not work in urban areas but in most of our rural areas, you need muscles and money to make sure that folks there vote for you. Either you offer your voters masu and raksi or use the muscles to threaten them whichever works to win you the votes to be our MPs.  

We have nothing to be excited about and we know very well that our lives will not change for better even after we elect our chors in our provinces and for our federal parliament as well. Most of them will be the same crooks who have been robbing us blind. 

We will have new faces, the byaparis and mundrey dons who will now get to evade taxes freely and extort others. Do we really think our independent and the 'new' political parties stand a chance against our blood-sucking parasites? Nope but let us wish them good luck and hope they will at least become a national party.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Fake Manifestos!

Our circus companies have once again come up with their election manifestos to let us know that they will promise us everything and deliver nothing. I think our political parties and our chor netas are lucky to be born in Nepal because they can say whatever they want and get away with it. 

The only person in the West who act like our netas is the Amriki President Trump. And King Deuba should summon the Amriki Ambassador to his residence and ask why Emperor Trump didn’t want to visit Nepal. Let's hope our politicians will also return the snub and not visit Amrika until a new resident moves into the White House. 

But our politicians are a different lot. They might just quit politics and move to Amrika if they get that DV thing! Yes, not all of our politicians make money. It's only the few hundred who have all the fun while the rest of the toley and jilla netas are a hungry lot who dream of amassing millions someday but until then, it’s all about making sure that the top leaders' spouses are happy and they will do something to give the tickets to stand up for elections. Yes, at the end of the day, it's the aunties who hold the 'real' power!

It seems that  we, the people of Nepal are the most passive, submissive and compliant folks on this planet. Yes, we don't care about corruption and misuse of authority by our thulo mancheys. It seems that a few thousand evil chors have banded together to loot us all and millions of us, Nepalis do not have the courage to fight the system and kick these thousand chors out of the country! 

There is only one person in this beautiful land of ours who wants to get into a ring against the mafia running this country but he seems to be all alone. Where are our so-called intellectuals, so-called civil society leaders and the people?  Taking to the streets and lighting candles will not be enough. We are fighting against folks who seem to be more cruel and oppressive than all the previous regimes combined! 

Our corrupt government and chor netas want to see the doctor dead so that they can all have fun minting money by opening medical schools in every neighborhood in the country.  Our netas and their spouses go to Bangkok to seek medical treatment at the expense of our taxpayers' money and they are not ashamed of it all. 

I think we should have a law that bars our politicians and their near and dear ones from using state funds to seek medical treatment abroad. You can spend your own ill-gotten money to go to Amrika but don't loot the state treasury to take your family for a vacation to Disneyland.

But our netas and hakim sahebs are not only greedy but they seem to be frugal when it comes to spending their own ill-gotten riches but will go all out to misuse the state funds. Yes, they always seem to forget to return the state vehicles once they are out of power.  

And our top leaders continue to drive around in luxury vehicles and they demand other perks as if the government is their father-in-law. Yes, most of our top netas do not own much property or have much cash in the bank. 

It's their spouses who own everything and most of it were gifted to them by their rich fathers. Yes, it seems that most of our netas, especially the communist ones did marry daughters of rich feudal landlords!

I think our political parties should not waste their time to come up with stupid policies and plans to make this nation great again. And please don't waste money on publishing hawa-taari manifestos and littering our streets!

Aren't we tried of the same old promises that will never be fulfilled? A decade ago, our major political parties promised us ten, twenty and even forty thousand MW of electricity. I think we have managed to add a few hundred to our national grid so far and we have ended load shedding by buying electricity from the Desis! 

Our comrades have promised to make this land wealthy in a decade. Yes, we will be making at least 5,000 US$ each if we believe them. Our netas make millions of dollars each year. If they gave it back to the people then we could all have at least a few thousand dollars in the bank not in a decade but in a week or two.

As usual, our Kangaroos and the comrades promise us peace, stability and prosperity. They promise us millions of jobs, highways connecting our hills and the plains, billions of dollars to be invested in our infrastructure and what not.

At the end of the day, our netas will continue to get their paychecks, perks and their near and dear ones will get the government contracts. The only folks who will be prosperous in this land are the thulo mancheys and their families. Not much has changed in the past two hundred years.  

The people will always remain poor. Seventy years ago, our villages were left with only women and children because most of the young lands and able men went to fight against the Germans and the Japanese so that they could make a few pounds while the thulo mancheys then made a fortune for sending hundreds of thousands of Nepali men to fight for the British Empire. 

Today, our villages are once again left with only women and children while manpower thugs make a fortune by sending millions of our young men and now even women to foreign lands where they surrender to the abuse, exploitation and deplorable living conditions in the Middle East.  

And our manpower thugs do pay off our mundrey gundas, hakim sahebs and chor netas! I think it's about time our political parties stop pretending that they are here to make this country great. Our netas and their chamchas are here to break this country apart and loot us all until there is nothing left to steal.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Let the Scumbags Rule!

Our chor netas, mundrey gundas and former civil servants are all busy getting ready for upcoming provincial and parliamentary elections in this country whereas the people just want to get done with the polls so that they can get back to the usual whining and ranting against our lawbreakers while the chors can go back to the usual 'looting game'. Let us just do what we know best and leave it to the evil doers to screw us all! 

Yes, not much will change in this country for the common folks. But for our con-artists, Christmas will come early as they get to enjoy the perks of being our lawmakers in the provinces and the House before the end of the Angrezi New Year! And for us, it will be just another goodbye to another year gone by without any progress in anything in this land of ours!  

Let us all feel sorry for the honest folks who have filed nominations to contest the upcoming elections in this land. We all know that they are not going to win at all. We have already seen from our local level elections that byaparis, mundrey gundas and the same old chors still have the money and muscles to win elections in this land. 

We, the people are still not ready to be ruled by hardworking, honest and helpful hobbits. We still want to be ruled by corrupt, callous and cold-hearted chors who have only served themselves instead of serving the folks who elected them!

We all know that our Maharaja Deuba will win from Dadeldhura again and most of our so-called top leaders of our circus companies will more than likely win as well. After all, our corrupt crooks use all the money and muscles they have to make sure that they are elected. 

And you can always find ways to recover your election expenses once you become a lawmaker in this country. There will be governments to topple, governments to form and at the end of the day, you need votes in the House as well to be able to siphon off the state treasury and raise your own salaries, perks and other chiya kharcha. 

We just got done feeding six hundred clowns for almost a decade and now we will have to be ready to feed more than eight hundred clowns both in our provinces and the federal parliament. We will have more than 275 loafers in the House and then we will have 59 snobs at the Upper House. And let us not even get started with our 550 provincial pickpockets.  

Our government can't even repair our roads or provide us clean drinking water, sanitation and other basic services but it seems to have enough funds to pay our clowns at the local, provincial and federal levels. 

We thought we would be getting our convention center back but it seems that we will have to do with the old Bhrikuti Mandap Exhibition Hall forever. Maybe, we should just ask the Chinese to build a new parliament building to house our eggheads and maybe we can finally take our families to the Birendra International Convention Center once again.

And if it wasn't enough, we will have to spend billions more as we have to provide housing, vehicles, security and chiya kharcha to our Chief Ministers and his or her ministers in our provinces. It's a great Loot-Tantra for our good for nothing pickpockets.

Our Emperor Prachanda wants to make it big from Chitwan. The last time around, he got thrashed in Kirtipur and nearly lost in Siraha. This time, he did his best by going to bed with the Kangaroos to make sure that our first daughter became our Mayor there and now he is in love with Oli and the other comrades. 

Our Emperor is confident that our communists will get the majority and will rule Nepal for five years without any backstabbing or kickbacks to topple the 'Commie' Rule in Nepal! But we should never underestimate our Kangaroos and especially Maharaja Deuba. 

This guy doesn’t care about the constitution or the Election Commission or the media or the people. If he had his way, he would have appointed all our former Constipated Assembly members ministers so that they could all get a vehicle, security and a little bit more chiya kharcha till the end of this month!

Gyanu Uncle should have formed his own political party and stood up for election from Kathmandu. But I guess, our former King doesn't want to be like the Indian Royals. Kamal Thapa is milking it so far but it's about time Gyanu Uncle also stood up for election as well and who knows, be our Chief Minister here in the so-called province #3 And he can once again do his thing at our jatras in the valley! 

After all, even Ganesh Lama, an honest byapari from Kavre is standing up for election as a Kangaroo. Well, that was bound to happen as our uncle Bijaya Gaddaar came back home to be a Kangaroo again.  

This country is really going to hell when scumbags stand up for elections and nobody is worried about it. We all talk about the House of Shah and then Crown Prince and his nataks but what about our new 'princelings' who carry unlicensed firearms and are all engaged in thekka-pattas today?  It's still the same system and the players may have changed but the coaches remain the same!

And our former DIG saheb who would have been our IGP if King Deuba had not played his 'game' is now standing up for election from Lalitpur. Yes, and if our comrades do win the majority in the federal parliament then don't be surprised if Prime Monster Bam Dev Gautam decides to appoint Silwal Dai as our Home Minister. 

But of course, if the UML wallahs get Baluwatar than our Emperor would want the Home Ministry but everything is possible in Nepali politics where ideologies take a back seat and it's about ego and money! Who wants to watch Amriki TV series or even the 'Desi' serials when our own 'real' politics has more masala than Trump's antics or Modi's magic tricks? 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com