The Crooks Have All The Fun!

Let us congratulate our Maharaja Deuba and his crew for showing us all, that politicians don’t have any permanent enemies. Our Emperor Prachanda has also shown us that he is very flexible and can bend either way as long as he gets to be relevant and make some dough. 

We, the people really need to learn a lot of things from our chor netas. Yes, forget all the moral science lessons learned in school. Our corrupt clowns and civil servants have no morals and for them only money matters the most.  They join politics or civil service in hopes of making some moolah and they will do their best to make sure that service seekers pay them chiya kharcha.

No wonder, our fake VAT bill byaparis evade billions of Rupees in taxes every year and our netas and civil servants get richer and fatter. If we were to compare the before they came to power or became a hakim saheb pictures with the pictures of our chors today then you would clearly see the difference. 

From starving, skinny and sunken faces without any smiles to red, chubby and bubbly faces with a smirk after amassing millions and millions of Rupees in bribes and what not. 

And it seems that our corrupt folks really take the 'code of silence' more seriously than the Costa Nostra! Yes, the mafia folks in the West do turn on each other for reduction in fines, jail term and other benefits but here in this land of ours, we have yet to witness one person who has been sent to jail for corruption speak out against other civil servants and our politicians who have benefited from such shady deals.

Tulsi Giri was our Prime Monster under the Pancheys and vice-chairperson during Gyanu Uncle's rule. When it comes to wasting our taxpayers money, our politicians do not discriminate against the old or the new players. After all, who doesn't like free lunch?

Let us not blame Deuba or Kamal Thapa for doing their best to provide funds to Giri for his medical treatment. Our Emperor Prachanda had earlier tried to provide funds to Giri as well. So, all politicians,  left, right or nowhere are in the game to make some moolah and help each other out in times of need instead of helping the common folks.

We have a former President who would rather spend lakhs per month from our national coffer to rent a house, a few minutes walk from his own residence. Soon, our current President will also get few lakhs per month for rent and other expenses.  We have half a dozen Prime Monsters  who get security, perks and other benefits from the State and let us not count our former Speakers, Chief Justices and other thulo mancheys. 

It seems that our state treasury is more like a personal piggy bank for our thulo mancheys. Yes, all of them can share the funds to provide security, vehicles and other allowances for themselves while the common folks have to run around in circles for days and months to get basic services from the State.

Our President has finally authenticated the ordinance on election to the National Assembly. Oli might not get to enjoy the Bideshi New Year in Baluwatar but he should finish wrapping up his stuff to move there soon.

We expect our politicians to change but we seem to forget that there is no incentive for them to change their colors for the good of the nation when everything is going fine for them and their stooges? 

Our politicians know very well that they are not here to make this nation prosperous. They are here to act like mini-Maharajas, enjoy the loot while they can and make sure that they don't get prosecuted by new players by offering free lunch to all political parasites, old and new.

And we thought that even though we do have enough crooks at the national level, we would at least get good folks to run our local bodies but we were wrong. Look at our Mayor from Kathmandu. The man whom we thought would act like Buddha, has turned out become just another broker for our shady contractors. Maybe, we should also Oli uncle to take some sense to his brother in law. 

After all, our mayor thinks it is better for all of us if we turn Rani Pokhari into another fun park or circus. The man didn't just wake up one night and thought of fountains, coffee shops and picnic spots inside such historic places. He must have received proposals from con artists who want to pay a few Rupees to our government while making hundred times more for themselves and our politicians.

Let us all wish each other a very Happy Bideshi New Year and look forward to a better year for ourselves. Yes, our government and civil servants will not repent overnight and be honest and hardworking. 

Our Mayors and Chief Ministers will continue to favor byaparis and contractors over the common folks and historic sites. But we must not lose hope, be strong and fight back if we see our folks in power try to roll over us with their corrupt nataks.  

Someday, we will be fortunate enough to witness our own  David defeated our corrupt Golaiths!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

The Call from Delhi

The great Indian magician Modi has called our three stooges who run the show in this land of ours. It's not unusual for foreign leaders to call our netas but it seems that Oli, Prachanda and Deuba (OPD) seem to be in the top contact list of our chimekis. 

Did Modi call Trump and then Hillary and even Bernie Sanders last year? I guess not but this is Nepal where our top leaders do matter because it is easier for our chimekis to play them against each other as they don't stick to their words at all. 

And of course, Bernie didn't make it to the finals and Hillary lost even if she won the popular vote. Modi could have won a few brownie points if he had also called Rabindra Mishra as well. But of course Mishra wants to be our AAP while Modi is so far the Baap of Desi politics for now.

But our OPD is a different story. All three of our buffoons won from their constituencies. Oli is a superman in Jhapa.  He could have marketed himself as a mini-Mandela but most of us know him as a man of wisecracks who gives our real comedian a run for their money. 

Yes, the man did spend 14 years in our 'Panchyati' prisons then. But we still don't understand why our politicians who spent many years in rotten jails and were tortured by our police wallahs do not want to reform our police service and the prison system as well?

Deuba is a Maharaja from Dadeldhura. He never loses elections from there because most of the folks from his region who are in government service owe their jobs to Deuba.

And he is also known as the great distributor who will distribute cash, gift hampers, luxury vehicles and anything that can help him to stay in power but this time, his party has crashed miserably and it will take a while to get the mojo back. And, our Maharani lost even though she bought a house to show that she was not just another tourist but that's politics.  

And our Emperor finally won from the place where he grew up, went to school and started his magic tricks.  He tells us that he will be around for a decade and that's about it. Prachanda is a great magician and is now also known as a great mathematician as well. 

But the man is also great flip-flopper and he can change his colors faster than a chameleon. He wants to be the party chief and even our Prime Monster again and maybe a decade later if he sticks to his words of calling it quits from active politics then he hopes to be our President as well. 

Nothing gets done in this land without our top chors agreeing to share the loot. Our politicians have quotas for everything from lucrative transfers, promotions and appointment of our judges, ambassadors and thulo mancheys at government commissions. 

Yes, our buffoons practice the 'sharing is caring' mantra amongst themselves but when it comes to the common folks and the country, they just act like we really don't exist.

Oli will soon be our Prime Monster, Prachanda wants to be the party chairperson of the 'new' commie company while Deuba just wants to hang in there for a few more weeks and make a few extra Rupees while our politicians disagree with each other regarding the Upper House natak.  

Our 'Lefties' want to go for the majority system that will help them to have fun in the Upper House as well while the government wants the President to pass the ordinance to elect folks in the Upper House through the single transferrable voting system. 

And the funny thing is that even our Election Commission (EC) wallahs have no idea what to do. Yes, our President is in a dilemma. Everybody is trying to figure out what to do next. 

Our Constitution tells us that we need an Upper House first and then we can finally throw a party for Oli and his entourage. And when our politicians disagree, they need the help of our chimeki to settle their affairs. Yes, our chor netas only listen to the Desi bhais and Chinese friends. They don't listen to our experts because our experts follow the party line and are biased against those on the other side. 

Yes, our chimekis have been running the 'real' show in this land and we, the common folks are just spectators and our chor netas are just clowns. Maybe Modi can help our netas. After all the Desis have been helping out since the days when our Shree Tins left the building.

Modi has invited our 'captain' of the ship, Oli to visit India. Oli has also invited Modi to visit Nepal. I think the great Indian chai wallah has lost the goodwill he earned when he first visited Nepal back then. We have forgotten the blockade already because we are Nepalis, we seem to forget and forget easily unlike the Desis who are still mad at the British. 

Yes, our own brothers and sisters blocked the borders and it may have been a 'political' game but we all know that if Modi had just called our Madhesi netas then they would have backed off in a go. They wouldn't even need a call, a simple SMS from the Indian Embassy would have resolved the 'blockade' natak.

Oli tells Modi that his government will work towards providing stability, making our democracy stronger and practicing good governance and making sure that our country finally witnesses economic prosperity. You really don't need to tell the Desi PM what you want to do in our own land. And  instead of only inviting Modi, invite Xi as well and let us host a 'NIC' summit instead.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

To The Left!

Well, the election results are out and it is indeed sad to see our grand old party, the Nepali Kangaroos asked to move to the left by the 'left alliance'.  Who would have thought that our Kangaroos would fail miserably?  Where did Maharja Deuba and his courtiers go wrong?  

Our Emperor Prachanda has once again shown us that he still has his tricks left in his bag. Our Meowists happened to fare a little better with the support of the United Mundrey Leaders. They would have won only a dozen seats if they had not started their affair with the other comrades. And we have to thank the Meowists for showing us all that they are very flexible when it comes to forging and breaking up alliances. 

And our national comedian Oli knew very well that if he hadn't brought the Meowist on board then the Kangaroos would have and the result might not have been as expected. Anyways, let us congratulate Oli and Prachanda for their 'Lefty' win. And we should not worry like the Kangaroos about the 'Communification' of  Nepal because no matter what, not much will change in this land. 

Our civil servants will continue to be lazy and not perform while running to politicians for lucrative postings and promotions. Our contractors and con artists will tie up with sons and daughters of our politicians to bag government contracts worth billions and then carry out shoddy work and pocket the money and nobody will be held accountable. Our politicians will continue to work for their cousins and cadres instead of the common folks. 

Yes, let's feel bad for our chor netas as well. After all, they need to make their cadres happy or else they might not win next time. Loyal cadres will now flock to the residences of our chor netas in the valley and will request, beg and even threaten them for jobs, state funds and what not. 

Our netas will spend most of their time trying to figure out how to dole out funds and provide government jobs to their cadres. They will not have enough time to think about their constituency and yet we think that they will do something good for the country.  Politicians in other lands resign and quit politics or step aside and ask someone to lead the party instead whenever they fail but in our land of ours, our politicians linger around till they drop dead.

Our Maharaja Deuba is no mood to resign at all. His astrologers do not see such moves on his charts. After all, he expects to be our Prime Monster a few more times in the future. Rabindra Mishra could have won from his constituency if he had managed to develop a bromance with the comrades. But of course, our Bibeksheel-Sajha folks don't want to use any muscles or waste any money to buy votes or promise freebies to those who will help them win. 

That's the difference between the 'old' chors and the 'new' turks.  But in politics, it seems that you must make deals with the chors as well if you want to bag a few seats and become a national party.  

Maybe, it would have been better if Mishra dai and his party had united with Naya Shakti and few others to at least be a national party for now.  Dr Saheb would certainly have won from Gorkha and both parties would at least get enough PR votes to send a few MPs to the federal parliament.

Our Madhesi parties have shown us that they have enough votes to be our national parties even if they only win from the plains. And it's about time they too took sides either with the Kangaroos or the UMLs or maybe join hands with the 'other' new ones and become the third party in this land. Yes, be a party for the minorities in this land because the 'old' parties are not eager to give minorities a chance. 

Our comrades now have the opportunity to lead this country to prosperity if they manage to stick together and do what's right for the country instead of only looting the state funds to provide for their cousins and cadres. Let's see if Oli and Prachanda will stick to their words and finally unite as one big 'Commie' party of Nepal. 

It seems that the so-called top leaders do really get along as long as they can make the moolah but our cadres are a different lot.  It would be really hard for the cadres to get along because if our commies do unite then most of our cadres will spend their time fighting with each other when it comes to heading their parties in their wards and provinces. After all, most of our cadres 

are in it for the money as well.

Let us wish our comrades all the best. Let us hope that they will at least have a roadmap for a better Nepal which focuses on attracting foreign investment from our chimekis, providing millions of jobs to our young folks by attracting tens of millions of middle-class Chinese and Indian tourists. We cannot compete with our chimekis when it comes to manufacturing stuff. But we can make billions and billions of dollars by focusing on tourism alone. But who's listening? 

Will Oli stand up from the crowd and be our Prime Minister and lead us to prosperity or will he be just another Prime Monster who came, sat on the Kurchi and left with doing nothing for the common folks and the country. Let us hope he will listen to the 'common' people and not only his cadres and con artists. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Are We There Yet?

First of all let us congratulate our government for successfully holding our local, provincial and parliamentary elections. In a week, our Election Commission wallahs will let us know who won and who failed to even get their deposit back.  It seems that most of our so-called top loafers of our major political parties will win from their constituencies. After all, they have lots of money and muscles to help them win the election.

Let us thank our Emperor Prachanda and Maharaja Deuba for doing the right thing even if it meant that their parties would not do well in these elections. Our Emperor showed us all that he can break and forge alliances with his enemies as long as it helps him or his near and dear ones. 

His brief romance with the Kangaroos helped his daughter to be our Mayor. And now his new fling with our United Mundrey Leaders might help him to become our President. 

If our comrades do get the majority then it seems that our national comedian Oli uncle will be our Prime Monster again. Hopefully, if that happens then his dream to give us cooking gas through pipelines and having our own ships will come true. We might also start generating thousands of MW of electricity through wind power. 

But we never know with our Emperor and what his next magic trick will be. He might still want to be our PM and might change partners like the French politicians. And our Maharaja Deuba tells us that his astrologers have told him that he will be our Prime Monster seven times. 

If our fortune tellers are correct then this man will still be our Prime Monster in 2020 and even a decade later. He might even be hanging around Baluwatar when he is like 90!

Yes, most of us think that having a stable government that will govern for five years will finally bring peace and prosperity in this land of ours. But we know that our politicians will fight with each other and engage in backstabbing and taking boras of cash from both domestic and foreign donors to topple their own government. 

Our comrades who promise to unite and rule for the next fifty years will show their true colors in a week. Our politicians are good at breaking up their own parties rather than making up. Let us see how far our bromance between Oli and Prachanda will go. 

The truth is that as long as we have the same bunch of thieves ruling us, not much will change and the naked corruption nataks will continue forever. Our government promises to govern for everyone but at the end of the day, our politicians will work together to help our shady byaparis and contractors and their cadres while the common folks will get nothing.

Our government has yet to appoint any provincial chiefs, have not yet determine where our provincial capitals will be and does not know where they will house the provincial assemblies. So don't be surprised if our provincial lawmakers hang out by the chiya pasal until they know where they will be meeting. 

We only know our provinces by number and it might even take years or might never have the name of our provinces due to disagreement between our provincial lawmakers. You need two-third majority to name a province. 

I think our provincial lawmakers should just come up with a top ten list and then ask us, the voters to vote via SMS so that we can save money on paper, security and other chiya kharcha for our civil servants. SMS fees can also help our provinces to generate some revenue so that it can afford to feed its lawmakers, ministers, chief ministers and chiefs. 

And let us congratulate Deepak Manange Dai for being a provincial lawmaker from Manang.  Yes, we need lots of folks like him to be our lawmakers both in our provinces and at the federal level. After all, when will our dons only work as muscles for our chor netas. 

Everybody has to climb the ladder and we all know that folks like Deepak Dai, Ganesh Lama and other dons have already made the money and they have the muscle and if things go right, then they will be our ministers at the provinces and someday even be a minister at the center as well. 

Even our major political parties have opted to favor criminals and contractors instead of their own loyal political cadres when it comes to handing out tickets. And even our so-called youth leaders of major political parties depend on mundrey gundas to provide security for them. If our politicians think that only money and muscles matter than in a decade or two, we will only have criminals and  shady byaparis running the country. 

Well, they have been doing that for decades but now, we will have them as our lawmakers. We don’t know if we should be happy or sad or ashamed of ourselves. After all, we are the ones who vote for our corrupt clowns, contractors and criminals. 

And when these buffoons win and go to the House, they will only work for the benefit of their donors. That's how it works and we can't do anything about it.

 After all, we live in a democratic country and we need to respect the votes of our own people.  Someday, we will all have the courage to vote with our conscience instead of family, party or social lines and elect folks who will do something for the people and the country instead of only for their cousins and cadres!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

The Beginning of the End

We are now closer to finally getting done with elections in our land for a while. If everything goes okay then our government won't have to waste billions of Rupees for the next five years on elections and our netas, contractors and con artists won't have to spend hundreds of billions of Rupees for some time as well. 

But we never know with our politicians. Our chor netas are good at forming and toppling governments for petty reasons or for boras of cash or for their foreign handlers. It seems that most of our so-called top leaders of major political parties will win from their constituencies. 

Yes, elections cost a lot of money and most of the folks who do win and get elected to represent us then get together and make sure that they waste billions more in perks and benefits for themselves. Let us thank our Election Commission wallahs, security agencies and other government offices for making some dough thanks to elections. 

Our EC commissioners now ride around in luxury vehicles. Our security agencies have gotten hundreds of new vehicles and lots of chiya kharcha in the name of security. Our Home Ministry is always happy because they are the ones who gets to make the most dough during elections. 

Most us make fun of King Deuba but he knows how to milk the system better than any other politician in this land. So what, if he just mumbles and fumbles and no one understands his speech or his actions; he just keeps on looting and misusing his power and nobody can touch him!

The second phase of our provincial and parliamentary elections will conclude this week. In a few weeks time, we will have our provincial lawmakers and federal parliament members and they will all work together to make Nepal great. Well, that's what we expect from our lawmakers but we all know that it is just wishful thinking.

We have been led by crooks since we began celebrating 'Democracy Day' in this land.  Our thulo mancheys have been free to loot, boot and shoot the common folks. Our political parties preach us about democracy and yet they are not democratic at all when it comes to running their own parties. 

And we all should feel blessed that our political parties are now showing us all that they no longer believe in their own cadres to win elections. They need mundrey gundas and contractors and their muscles and money. 

Yes, give tickets to criminals and shady byaparis and they will win and help to add the seats for our parties. What can we expect from our state and federal parliaments when most of our lawmakers will be either criminals or contractors who have screwed us all by their shoddy construction works while making money for themselves and our netas?

It took our Maoists a decade of so-called civil war to finally come back from the real jungle to the concrete jungle. We can say the same for our Madhesi netas. It has taken them a decade as well to be some kind of a force, be it good or bad. 

Our grand old party, the Kangaroos has lost touch with the people.  It's hard to believe that it's the same party that had folks like Ganeshman and Kishunji and of course BP and many other netas who really seem to care about the country more than their cousins!  

Even Panchey Prime Monsters like Kriti Nidhi Bista and Marich Man Shrestha deserves at least an ounce of respect even if they were part of an autocratic regime. They had the political courage to take a stand against bidhesis. Look at our netas today. 

Our bideshi ambassadors should be given government medals for having the courage to visit the residences of our chor netas and telling them to either shut up, put up or just take the money and do nothing. Bista did not want a state funeral when he died. Marichman didn’t' get one but our netas since the 90s get freebies when alive and then grand state funeral when dead. Either way, they waste our taxpayers money and we are yet to get netas who will help us save a few Rupees instead!

Bibeksheel Sajha Party should learn a thing or two from our Maoists and Madhesi netas. Well, Rabindra Dai and his friends can't go to the jungle or destroy public property in the name of politics. They can't just walk up to Deuba and hand him a new '40-point' demand either or talk about seceding. Our Maoists have yet to fulfill those demands they wanted  Deuba and then government to fulfill. 

Yes, we are all hypocrites! But what the BiSa party can do is give themselves at least a decade or two to be a major force in this country.  If they went underground and started the usual blasting and looting nataks then they might get there sooner given the track records of our political parties but of course the BiSa wallahs are very gentle folks and they are more than likely to get a few PR seats here and there but it will be difficult to win the first-past-the-post natak this time. 

Why? Because we have lots of chors with their illegal money making sure that good, honest folks not get a chance! 

Most of our political parties promise us everything. We will have thousands of MW electricity. We will all be making at least ten thousand dollars a year in our own land in a decade. But how come we are yet to hear from any political parties about vegetables prices. 

Somebody promise us a free bora of onions or at least free electricity once we have the capacity to generate thousands of MW electricity. Promise us the small stuff first. Free clean drinking water and better sanitation system. Better roads, less pollution, affordable education, healthcare, housing and food.  We don't want to go to Mars yet. 

We just want to go to Maitighar without breathing in poisonous fumes and dust. We want to buy vegetables at affordable prices and not sell our mothers' jewelry to be able to buy food. 

We don't want the mafia running our medical schools and private hospitals and private schools making it difficult for us. We want our government back but it has been hijacked by mundreys and crooks.  And what do you expect when you have to many cooks running the show?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Game of Thrones!

If the creators of Game of Thrones were to visit Nepal then they would probably have enough material to last another ten seasons.  Yes, we have all the alliances, conspiracies and all the masala needed for a successful TV series thanks to our chor netas and their political nataks! 

Maybe, our netas should quit politics and join the entertainment industry as writers while our 'real' writers can join politics and give us something new instead.  It’s also about time our 'real' comedians opened a political party. Maybe, we should have a 'Chakka Panja' party in this land and we can vote for our funny men and women instead of the usual blood sucking parasites.

It’s about time our politicians stopped lying to us and instead throw away their masks and be honest with the people. Please do not talk about eliminating corruption once and for all. We all know that the whole system is corrupt. We now need politicians who will promise to steal a few Rupees less and instead give back the extra Rupee back to his or her constituency. 

Our politicians need our shady byaparis, slimy contractors, stinky civil servants to bring in the dough so that they can fight elections and get the opportunity to loot the state funds for their own personal benefits. Please do not blame the bideshis for our problems. 

It is because of our lazy civil servants who never do their homework and our spineless politicians who do not have the courage to take a stand which is why bideshis continue to roll over us and tell us what's right for our country.  We have no one but to blame our netas for all the problems in this land. 

Our so-called top byaparis evade taxes. Our tax department takes chiya kharcha to look the other way. Our hakim sahebs then use the chiya kharcha to pay our netas so that they can continue to stay in the same office and rake in more moolah. 

It's sad to know that most of our hakim sahebs are in the position of power due to offering boras of cash to the ministers and so-called top leaders of our major political parties. 

It seems that everybody wants to be a politician these days not because they want to do something for their constituency but instead use their influence to get funds from the state and use it for their self interest. No wonder, our netas use all the money and muscles to win elections. 

We are now ready for the first phase of our provincial and parliamentary elections. Our Meowists have once again surprised us all by changing their partner. This time, it's all about sharing the love with other comrades whereas our Kangaroos now want to be friends with whoever are not friends with the communists!  

Our Doctor Saheb has decided to be friends with the Kangaroos instead of joining the 'Commie' bandwagon.  Maybe,we the people should learn a thing or two from our politicians when it comes to forging alliances and breaking it off when your interest is not fulfilled. 

In the past seventy years, this country has seen it all.  We went from the hundred-year rule of our Rana uncles to getting the House of Shah back on the road with Mandaleys having all the fun. We saw our morons whom we thought would change this country but they turn out to be more corrupt than the mandaleys. Our Meowists and Madhesi netas turned out to be the same as the previous pickpockets.  

We have to thank our Kangaroos for introducing nepotism to its fullest in our bureaucracy and throwing meritocracy out the window. We should thank the other parties for taking turns to be coalition partners in successive governments so that they could all get a piece of the loot. 

Maharaja Deuba as usual is not interested in anything except making as much as dough as possible. Now wonder, our Saala Saheb sits at the Finance Ministry and makes decisions so that their near and dear ones can get some dough.

Our security agencies also seem to be more interested to make some dough in the name of security. And our top security officers will then have to pay off our netas to get promotions and lucrative postings. 

Our Kangaroos tell us that we should not vote for the comrades because if they win then we will have to deal with fifty years of doom and gloom. Well, we gave our Kangaroos the right to govern us when they won the majority during the first parliamentary election after the 90s but then they screwed us all by forming coalition government with the same mandaleys and even breaking up and back-stabbing each other to topple one's own government. 

Once we will have our provincial governments, we will have more problems because where are we going to get the dough to feed five hundred and fifty loafers? And we will have our mini-Presidents for our provinces. And let's not even talk about our federal parliament members and the Upper House members.  Our incompetent government has no choice but to raise our taxes to feed our poor, starving politicians. 

Our netas need our bhais in Delhi to work out a plan on how to rule this country. Yes, Delhi has been helping out since the 50s.  The House of Shah has to thank Delhi for helping them out then. Our Morons, Mewoist and Madhesi netas have to thank Delhi for helping them out as well over the years as well.

Maybe, one day, we, the people will have the courage to kick all the clowns out of the country and for a country like ours we might be better off if we go 'Swiss' with direct democracy instead of the so-called representative one where corrupt fools win elections.

Yes, let's have seven heads of our provinces running the show like the Swiss.  Yes, let us not go for the British model or the Amriki 'President' formula. Neither will work in this land. What we need is direct democracy so that we, the common folks will finally have opportunity to take part in decision-making and also be able to challenge any law passed by our nincompoops! 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Follow The Money!

Our Election Commission (EC) wallahs tell our political parties to follow the election code of conduct but as always, our chors know only how to break the rules and not worry about it because they can get away with it.  

We maybe one of the poorest countries in the world but it seems that our netas have enough dough to hire choppers and spend like they are one of the cousins of the Saudi King. But the Saudis have oil for now. What do we have? Well, we the people have boils listening to our politicians making promises they will never fulfill.

And it seems that some folks do want to foil the election campaigns of some of our netas by throwing stones and using home-made firecrackers. Let us hope that our candidates will be provided police security. Sorry, most of them already have tons of security thanks to their stint as our ministers and they still worry about security. 

And our candidates will be spending more this time around because we now have slimy contractors and shady byaparis standing up for elections thanks to our major political parties who have given them the tickets. We even have criminals standing up for elections. So what does that teach us? Well, if you have the dough you can buy our politicians and someday even this country because our lawmakers will not hesitate to sell it to the highest bidder if they get the chance. 

Yes, this is the only land on earth where our politicians rarely get punished for their misdeeds. And even if a few of them do go to jail then it's only for a year or two and a fine of a few Karods when they have looted hundred times more. Even our civil servants are not ashamed when they are arrested and accused of embezzling hundreds of Karods. 

These hakim sahebs know very well that they will spend a few years in jail and then everything will be back to normal because they have already stashed their ill-gotten wealth somewhere or in the name of their father-in-law's cousin.  And why do you need to be afraid of the people when you have already paid off millions of Rupees in chiya kharcha to our chor netas?  

And when it comes to campaign finances, our political parties never tell the EC or the people where they get their funds from and it seems that the EC does not have the courage to take any action against our major political parties at all.  We all know that our political parties receive funds from both domestic and foreign donors. 

Our bideshi Embassies do offer them tons of cash during elections. We have mostly byaparis who have no choice but to offer our politicians boras of cash because they have been evading taxes and would want to be on the safe side when our chors are in power. 

The EC tells our candidates that they can't spend more than 25 lakhs if they are standing up for election to be our member of the parliament. But we all know that you need to spend a few Karods and more if you really want to win. 

I think our government officials should stop acting like they don’t know the price of the vegetables in the market today. Or maybe their calculators are all broken or they don't know how to use Excel. Please do the math! You cannot stand up for election to be our MP and expect to win by spending only 25 lakhs. We hear that our Emperor spent more than fifty Karods to make sure that our first daughter became our Mayor in Chitwan. So where does all the money come from?  

The EC tells our chor netas that anyone who wants to donate more than five thousand Rupees to our clowns has to do so by using the banking channels. But our donors don’t want the world to know that they donated some money to our politicians. Our byaparis would rather donate to all the major parties because he or she has to be in the good books or face harassment later by our tax departments and other government agencies.  And the tax department officials will then work out a deal to make sure that the byaparis pay less taxes while the kickbacks go all the way to our netas.

We all know that our political parties ask our fake VAT-bill byaparis, contractors and even civil servants to donate voluntarily during elections. After all, you need money to publish phamplets, distribute caps and t-shirts, hire taxis and vehicles and loudspeakers and what not. And you need the money to hire mundrey gundas and pay for their fuel and chiya kharcha as well. 

Mundrey gundas might not work in urban areas but in most of our rural areas, you need muscles and money to make sure that folks there vote for you. Either you offer your voters masu and raksi or use the muscles to threaten them whichever works to win you the votes to be our MPs.  

We have nothing to be excited about and we know very well that our lives will not change for better even after we elect our chors in our provinces and for our federal parliament as well. Most of them will be the same crooks who have been robbing us blind. 

We will have new faces, the byaparis and mundrey dons who will now get to evade taxes freely and extort others. Do we really think our independent and the 'new' political parties stand a chance against our blood-sucking parasites? Nope but let us wish them good luck and hope they will at least become a national party.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Fake Manifestos!

Our circus companies have once again come up with their election manifestos to let us know that they will promise us everything and deliver nothing. I think our political parties and our chor netas are lucky to be born in Nepal because they can say whatever they want and get away with it. 

The only person in the West who act like our netas is the Amriki President Trump. And King Deuba should summon the Amriki Ambassador to his residence and ask why Emperor Trump didn’t want to visit Nepal. Let's hope our politicians will also return the snub and not visit Amrika until a new resident moves into the White House. 

But our politicians are a different lot. They might just quit politics and move to Amrika if they get that DV thing! Yes, not all of our politicians make money. It's only the few hundred who have all the fun while the rest of the toley and jilla netas are a hungry lot who dream of amassing millions someday but until then, it’s all about making sure that the top leaders' spouses are happy and they will do something to give the tickets to stand up for elections. Yes, at the end of the day, it's the aunties who hold the 'real' power!

It seems that  we, the people of Nepal are the most passive, submissive and compliant folks on this planet. Yes, we don't care about corruption and misuse of authority by our thulo mancheys. It seems that a few thousand evil chors have banded together to loot us all and millions of us, Nepalis do not have the courage to fight the system and kick these thousand chors out of the country! 

There is only one person in this beautiful land of ours who wants to get into a ring against the mafia running this country but he seems to be all alone. Where are our so-called intellectuals, so-called civil society leaders and the people?  Taking to the streets and lighting candles will not be enough. We are fighting against folks who seem to be more cruel and oppressive than all the previous regimes combined! 

Our corrupt government and chor netas want to see the doctor dead so that they can all have fun minting money by opening medical schools in every neighborhood in the country.  Our netas and their spouses go to Bangkok to seek medical treatment at the expense of our taxpayers' money and they are not ashamed of it all. 

I think we should have a law that bars our politicians and their near and dear ones from using state funds to seek medical treatment abroad. You can spend your own ill-gotten money to go to Amrika but don't loot the state treasury to take your family for a vacation to Disneyland.

But our netas and hakim sahebs are not only greedy but they seem to be frugal when it comes to spending their own ill-gotten riches but will go all out to misuse the state funds. Yes, they always seem to forget to return the state vehicles once they are out of power.  

And our top leaders continue to drive around in luxury vehicles and they demand other perks as if the government is their father-in-law. Yes, most of our top netas do not own much property or have much cash in the bank. 

It's their spouses who own everything and most of it were gifted to them by their rich fathers. Yes, it seems that most of our netas, especially the communist ones did marry daughters of rich feudal landlords!

I think our political parties should not waste their time to come up with stupid policies and plans to make this nation great again. And please don't waste money on publishing hawa-taari manifestos and littering our streets!

Aren't we tried of the same old promises that will never be fulfilled? A decade ago, our major political parties promised us ten, twenty and even forty thousand MW of electricity. I think we have managed to add a few hundred to our national grid so far and we have ended load shedding by buying electricity from the Desis! 

Our comrades have promised to make this land wealthy in a decade. Yes, we will be making at least 5,000 US$ each if we believe them. Our netas make millions of dollars each year. If they gave it back to the people then we could all have at least a few thousand dollars in the bank not in a decade but in a week or two.

As usual, our Kangaroos and the comrades promise us peace, stability and prosperity. They promise us millions of jobs, highways connecting our hills and the plains, billions of dollars to be invested in our infrastructure and what not.

At the end of the day, our netas will continue to get their paychecks, perks and their near and dear ones will get the government contracts. The only folks who will be prosperous in this land are the thulo mancheys and their families. Not much has changed in the past two hundred years.  

The people will always remain poor. Seventy years ago, our villages were left with only women and children because most of the young lands and able men went to fight against the Germans and the Japanese so that they could make a few pounds while the thulo mancheys then made a fortune for sending hundreds of thousands of Nepali men to fight for the British Empire. 

Today, our villages are once again left with only women and children while manpower thugs make a fortune by sending millions of our young men and now even women to foreign lands where they surrender to the abuse, exploitation and deplorable living conditions in the Middle East.  

And our manpower thugs do pay off our mundrey gundas, hakim sahebs and chor netas! I think it's about time our political parties stop pretending that they are here to make this country great. Our netas and their chamchas are here to break this country apart and loot us all until there is nothing left to steal.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Let the Scumbags Rule!

Our chor netas, mundrey gundas and former civil servants are all busy getting ready for upcoming provincial and parliamentary elections in this country whereas the people just want to get done with the polls so that they can get back to the usual whining and ranting against our lawbreakers while the chors can go back to the usual 'looting game'. Let us just do what we know best and leave it to the evil doers to screw us all! 

Yes, not much will change in this country for the common folks. But for our con-artists, Christmas will come early as they get to enjoy the perks of being our lawmakers in the provinces and the House before the end of the Angrezi New Year! And for us, it will be just another goodbye to another year gone by without any progress in anything in this land of ours!  

Let us all feel sorry for the honest folks who have filed nominations to contest the upcoming elections in this land. We all know that they are not going to win at all. We have already seen from our local level elections that byaparis, mundrey gundas and the same old chors still have the money and muscles to win elections in this land. 

We, the people are still not ready to be ruled by hardworking, honest and helpful hobbits. We still want to be ruled by corrupt, callous and cold-hearted chors who have only served themselves instead of serving the folks who elected them!

We all know that our Maharaja Deuba will win from Dadeldhura again and most of our so-called top leaders of our circus companies will more than likely win as well. After all, our corrupt crooks use all the money and muscles they have to make sure that they are elected. 

And you can always find ways to recover your election expenses once you become a lawmaker in this country. There will be governments to topple, governments to form and at the end of the day, you need votes in the House as well to be able to siphon off the state treasury and raise your own salaries, perks and other chiya kharcha. 

We just got done feeding six hundred clowns for almost a decade and now we will have to be ready to feed more than eight hundred clowns both in our provinces and the federal parliament. We will have more than 275 loafers in the House and then we will have 59 snobs at the Upper House. And let us not even get started with our 550 provincial pickpockets.  

Our government can't even repair our roads or provide us clean drinking water, sanitation and other basic services but it seems to have enough funds to pay our clowns at the local, provincial and federal levels. 

We thought we would be getting our convention center back but it seems that we will have to do with the old Bhrikuti Mandap Exhibition Hall forever. Maybe, we should just ask the Chinese to build a new parliament building to house our eggheads and maybe we can finally take our families to the Birendra International Convention Center once again.

And if it wasn't enough, we will have to spend billions more as we have to provide housing, vehicles, security and chiya kharcha to our Chief Ministers and his or her ministers in our provinces. It's a great Loot-Tantra for our good for nothing pickpockets.

Our Emperor Prachanda wants to make it big from Chitwan. The last time around, he got thrashed in Kirtipur and nearly lost in Siraha. This time, he did his best by going to bed with the Kangaroos to make sure that our first daughter became our Mayor there and now he is in love with Oli and the other comrades. 

Our Emperor is confident that our communists will get the majority and will rule Nepal for five years without any backstabbing or kickbacks to topple the 'Commie' Rule in Nepal! But we should never underestimate our Kangaroos and especially Maharaja Deuba. 

This guy doesn’t care about the constitution or the Election Commission or the media or the people. If he had his way, he would have appointed all our former Constipated Assembly members ministers so that they could all get a vehicle, security and a little bit more chiya kharcha till the end of this month!

Gyanu Uncle should have formed his own political party and stood up for election from Kathmandu. But I guess, our former King doesn't want to be like the Indian Royals. Kamal Thapa is milking it so far but it's about time Gyanu Uncle also stood up for election as well and who knows, be our Chief Minister here in the so-called province #3 And he can once again do his thing at our jatras in the valley! 

After all, even Ganesh Lama, an honest byapari from Kavre is standing up for election as a Kangaroo. Well, that was bound to happen as our uncle Bijaya Gaddaar came back home to be a Kangaroo again.  

This country is really going to hell when scumbags stand up for elections and nobody is worried about it. We all talk about the House of Shah and then Crown Prince and his nataks but what about our new 'princelings' who carry unlicensed firearms and are all engaged in thekka-pattas today?  It's still the same system and the players may have changed but the coaches remain the same!

And our former DIG saheb who would have been our IGP if King Deuba had not played his 'game' is now standing up for election from Lalitpur. Yes, and if our comrades do win the majority in the federal parliament then don't be surprised if Prime Monster Bam Dev Gautam decides to appoint Silwal Dai as our Home Minister. 

But of course, if the UML wallahs get Baluwatar than our Emperor would want the Home Ministry but everything is possible in Nepali politics where ideologies take a back seat and it's about ego and money! Who wants to watch Amriki TV series or even the 'Desi' serials when our own 'real' politics has more masala than Trump's antics or Modi's magic tricks? 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Gunda-Tantra!

We celebrate a lot of 'diwas' in this beautiful land of ours. We have the Prajatantra, Lokatantra, Ganatantra and many more 'diwas' to celebrate everyone as well. We celebrate the day, our Shree Tins left the building. But instead we just had another autocratic ruler and his descendents who had all the fun. 

What did the Shree Tins give us? Nothing but they did build thousand-room palaces for themselves and later, our government used them to house our ministries and other government offices. 

Well, then the Big One hit us and our incompetent government have not begun repairing any of the damaged Rana palaces at all. Instead, they want to demolish most of them and build new buildings so that our netas, civil servants and contractors can make some dough. 

We celebrate the day our Shree Paanch left the building but instead, we now have hundreds of mini-maharajas who are having all the fun. Yes, we had one person ruling the country with the help of mandaleys. They did their best to hold on to their 'panchey' formula but it just failed after three decades of cutting down our forests and exploiting our resources to keep the system alive. 

Then, our late King Birendra decided to give multi-party democracy a chance. We saw our netas, from Girija Babu to others, who showed up in Kathmandu, skinny and wearing old soggy clothes. In a decade ,their cheeks were rosy and their near and dear ones made more money than what the Pancheys could dream of.  We have no one to blame but our 'democratic' leaders for destroying our state enterprises. Wouldn't it be cool to go around the city in our trolley buses?

Our Sajha buses used to be go all over the country then. Our national carrier used to fly to Tokyo, London, Frankfurt and if all had gone well, it would be flying to New York as well. 

Whatever happened to our brick, paper, tyre factories in the country? It seems that our 'new' netas were surprised that they would be given the chance to govern so easily. And then they forgot how much they had sacrificed over the years to fight the 'Panchey' system.  Instead, our Kangaroos destroyed our state enterprises, gave us a bloated and weak bureaucracy and engaged in massive corruption which must have even surprised the souls of the Shree Tins wandering around the valley. 

We though our mandaleys would go away but we were wrong as usual. Instead, the pancheys even became our Prime Monsters as our political parties needed help to form and topple governments. Then, we had our comrades and their 40-point demands. Yes, it was the same guy who now lives in Baluwatar who was having all the fun then as well. 

We had ten years of so-called civil war and thousands were killed by both our comrades and the security forces but what did we get? We got nothing. Our comrades were expecting less than a dozen seats but they were shocked when they became the largest party in this land during the first Constipated Assembly elections. Like our Kangaroos during the 90s, our comrades also forgot their sacrifices and instead engaged in corruption at all levels. 

Today,  Baidya Ba is at least right for once when he tells us that our comrades are not communists. Like most of our politicians in this land, they are opportunists and they have become a part of the system they had earlier sworn to break apart and make a 'New Nepal' for you and me. 

Instead, our comrades are the new 'Pancheys'. They will be a part of the coalition governments of tomorrow again and again and will get to be mini-sinisters and Prime Monsters as well. Don't be surprised when our mandaleys get the top kurchi too. Yes, folks like Kamal Thapa and Deepak Bohara continue to be mantris in 'New Nepal' and nobody is worried. 

One day, Kamal Dai will be our Prime Monster too because our so-called democratic netas would rather make deals with the 'old' chors so that all chors can continue to loot us all and have all the fun.

And now, thanks to our political parties, we can officially celebrate 'Gunda-Tantra Diwas' as well. We have seen our byaparis pay big bucks to be our lawmakers but now we are witnessing a new era of Nepali politics where mundrey gundas and so-called Dons finally come out and become politicians for good. 

Yes, everyone has to climb up the ladder and when it comes to politics, it's about time our mundrey gundas aim higher instead of just flexing their muscles for our netas. 

We have seen our political parties use folks like 'Chari' and 'Ghaitey' for their own self interest and when they were getting too big for their boots, they were shot dead by our brave police wallahs. Yes, our cops call it 'encounter' but everyone knows the real story. Our mundrey gundas are involved in abduction, extortion, loan sharking and other criminal activities. 

Our politicians need them because our mundreys can provide them muscles as well as money. And it would be a little difficult for our cops to shoot you if you are an elected member of our provincial assembly or the federal parliament. But would our cops have the courage to kill our politically affiliated criminals without the approval of our netas? Now that is the question!

We talk about our beautiful country going down the drain but now, it's all over. The country is already in the gutter. The Shree Tins lasted a little over hundred years. Our Pancheys played their music for three decades and time has come for the so-called 'Democratic' netas to step aside. 'Gunda-Tantra' is here. 

In this land of ours, folks like Dr KC are called crazy and needs to be jailed for trying to prevent our netas and byaparis from making some dough. Let us all welcome our dons and pickpockets to politics. 

We have no one to blame but us for staying quiet, for not taking a stand and for not having the courage to fight against our chors because we are more worried about a few Rupees while these buffoons loot billions from all of us. Gunda-Tantra Jindabad!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com