Rescue, Relief & Rehabilitation

Every Monsoon, floods and landslides wreck havoc in this land of ours and thousands of folks are displaced from their homes. But as usual, our incompetent government has shown us all that it is very ill-prepared to deal with natural disasters. When will our incompetent civil servants learn from past disasters and work out a plan to at least minimize the effect of such disasters in the future?

It's not that we don’t have government agencies to deal with such disasters but there is no co-ordination among them and our corrupt government seems to have no cash at hand to provide relief materials and housing to the flood and landslide victims. 

But the government somehow has the funds to provide millions of Rupees to political cadres instead of the common folks. That's how our government works in this land and it's the common folks who lose everything while our clowns may lose their kurchi for a while but somehow will find ways to get back to power and loot some more from the state treasury.

Our security personnel are doing all they can to rescue the stranded victims with their limited resources. It's mostly the soldiers and constables who are out there to rescue our folks from landslides and floods. Yet, these low-level security personnel get nothing. The pay is not much and the perks are minimal while the senior officers live like Kings and their wives are called 'Maharanis'. 

It's about time our Nepal Police, Nepal Army and the Armed Police Force at least provide adequate housing and ration to their soldiers and constables instead of treating them like slaves. No wonder, the constables vent their frustration and anger at the public during protest programs because they seem to be fed up with how they are treated by high-ranking officers. And many of them are leaving their jobs to work as security guards in foreign lands. 

The Shree Tins left the building sixty years ago and yet we still have the 'Hukumi Sashan' in place. 'Afno Manchey' gets everything while the common folks get nothing but false assurances from the government.

I guess our government has not learned any lessons from the Big One from last year. It's been more than a year now and yet most of our earthquake victims have yet to receive the grants. And every monsoon season, we see floods and landslides across the country. Yes, natural disasters cannot be prevented but is it not the job of our government and its agencies to at least have a plan on how to deal with it?  

It's time we had a separate Ministry for Disaster Management. And we need to have someone who once used to be a Boy Scout or a Girl Guide to head the ministry. At least that person will be prepared and do their best. 

After all, our ministers and Prime Monster all take their oath and promise to honor the law of the land, do their best and help the people. But in reality, they break and bend the law, help only their cadres, cousins and contractors. When will our netas feel for the people instead of only their cadres? Why can't these stupid corrupt clowns for once help the needy and poor instead of only helping the fake-VAT bill byaparis and con artists who make money from government contracts?

Our politicians should stop preaching about nationalism and sovereignty when they are the ones who do the bidding for the bideshis and will not think twice to sell our land to our chimekis for a few Rupees more. Yes, we understand that everything is fair in politics. You become enemies and the next day, you become friends because the enemy of your enemy is a friend.  

But when our netas talk about reconciliation, they do not mean bringing everyone together and making it work. It means only working with whoever wants to partner with you to topple the government now and then backstab them later.  

Yes, Prachanda will be our Prime Monster for the second time. And he will have nine months to prove us all that he is a changed man. Our Emperor will not do much either. He will have a hard time trying to keep his own cadres happy. After all, he has brought back other mini-Maoists back into the fold and if he can't keep them happy then they will break up again and it will be the same natak come next general election. 

Then, Sher Bahadur will be our Prime Monster for the fourth time and we should not expect much from the King himself because he really don't know much about how to run the country except forming Jumbo cabinets and providing luxurious perks to our lawmakers.  It really doesn't matter who heads the government, things will only get worse and not better. 

Our corrupt politicians and lazy civil servants will not just go to bed tomorrow night and wake up realizing that what they have doing is all wrong and  they must bring political and social change for the good of the country and its people.

So let us not expect things to get better any time or even in a year or two. 

Our new Morons and Maoist combo-plan is to hold local elections while Prachanda is in Baluwatar and hold our federal and provincial elections while Sheru Uncle take his turn to sleep in Baluwatar. Whom are we kidding? It's been more than decade and half since we have had local representatives heading our local bodies. And the all-party mechanism continues to enjoy the loot. 

We all know that we will not have our mayors and ward chairperson until we get the provincial and federal setup right. And with the way our politicians continue to bicker over petty issues, this country will continue to be held hostage by a dozen thieves while millions of us continue to suffer from their lack of political will to resolve the political crisis. 

It seems that most of us don't see any light at the end of the tunnel because our politicians and civil make sure that we do not move forward. Maybe it's time to start all over again. We don't need the monarchy or the morons to lead this country. We have seen them all. We need people with morals and ethics to lead us to peace and prosperity. Somebody please put up an ad in the major dailies!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Let it Go!

It seems that politicians in our Shark region want to hang on to power till they drop dead. Our netas never retire until the day they leave Earth for hell. Our national top comedian, Konfused Pampered Oli  does not want to resign even when he knows that he does not have the number to continue to lead the government. 

After all, a week more and you can dole out millions of Rupees from the state treasury to your near and dear ones with utter disregard for the law. And you can transfer your chamchas to lucrative postings before the other guys show up and do their thing. 

Our very own ‘Google Boy’ gets 10 million Rupees for his foundation. It would have been better if we had approached the real ‘Google’ folks to make our golden child their brand ambassador or something instead of wasting our taxpayers’ money. 

KP Oli has done his part. He came, he saw all the problems in this land and conquered our hearts with silly jokes and shared his dreams with us which will probably come true but not from the current leadership but from the next generation of leaders. 

We hope we will have good honest folks leading this country in the next ten years when most of our current batches of thieves go to hell.

The United Mundrey Leaders (UML) and their partners didn’t do much for the country. We had the blockade and those who led the banda programs are now partners in the so-called new coalition that is itching to take over the government and loot some more. 

Our Maoist ministers didn’t do much. I don’t know if they are for the people or they just want to continue to rip off the people like all other mantris who have sat on the kurchis. 

Now, it’s the Maoist, our Morons and the Madhesi Morcha who plan to stick together like the 3M sticky pads for now so that they can share the ministries and make some moolah. 

After all, our political parties do come together only when they get to share the loot and for everything else, they just agree to disagree and waste billions of Rupees on salaries and perks for our clowns. 

Dhir Shumsher uncle had 17 sons and the band of brothers enjoyed the loot. Now we have 17 corrupt traitors who lead our political parties and they continue to enjoy the loot. The players have changed but the greed remains the same.

So will things be different when our Emperor becomes our Prime Monster? 

Nope! According to the new ‘master plan’, our Emperor will become our man in Baluwatar for 9 months and then King Deuba will take charge for another nine. I hope our Emperor does leave after his agreement and let Deuba loot some more. 

But Nepali politics is just another game among the pickpockets. We never know when they will patch up, break up or join hands with another team to just stay in power.  

Our morons are expected to get 12 ministries. Our Maoists will get 8 and then we have the Madhesi Morcha and other fellow minnows that will get a few so that they too can enjoy the lollipop of power.

And what does a new mantri do when he or she goes to the office on the first day? He or she will ask the Government Secretary to find ways to make some money because the mother party needs to make some dough and he or she needs to make some and then there are near and dear ones who need the chiya kharcha and sarkari jagir as well. 

So, the first hundred days will not be spent studying the problems faced by the country and the people. Instead, there will be numerous brainstorming sessions on how to dole out contracts to con artists, lucrative postings for civil servants and grants to cadres. Yes, everyone gets a piece of the pie except the common folks!

Our political parties have signed so many agreements with each other that it’s hard to keep tab on all of it. They never sign agreements to develop the hydropower, tourism and our agricultural sector. 

Instead, we import electricity from India at a higher price. And we continue to have load shedding even though our political parties continue to make a fool of themselves by promising us 10,000 MW of electricity in the next decade.  

We could make billions of Dollars from tourism but our government is not interested to help our tourism entrepreneurs or build the needed infrastructure across the country. Every year landslides affect our major highways and yet our incompetent government is still not interested to provide adequate resources to minimize such obstructions.

Our political parties never sign agreements to stop bandas and vandalism of public property. Recently a school bus in the city was torched. We all know who did it except our government. I guess our police wallahs should be given the authority to at least protect the public from such incidents. Just killing a few dons will not help to get rid of all the social ills in this land. 

Our police wallahs should not just act as mute spectators when savages burn down school buses and threaten the lives of our school children. Don’t just save your bullets to kill another Chari or Ghaitey. 

Use your bullets to protect this land from so-called political cadres who continue to traumatize our kids and make our lives miserable with their banda nataks and violence. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Frenemies

Our top national comedian Mr Krazy Pompous Oli will soon leave Baluwatar and move to back home to Balkot. In some countries, politicians leave in taxis or their own private vehicle once they are no longer in office but here in our land of ours, the government provides them vehicles for life along with dozens of security personnel, chiya kharcha and more. 

Why do our politicians need thirty or even forty security personnel to guard their homes? I hope our clowns have built a futsal ground in their backyard. Our security personnel do need some exercise once in a while rather than dozing off or using their mobile phones to update their Facebook statuses while on duty.

So what has Oli done for the country in the past nine months as our Prime Monster? Nothing!  And what has the state given Oli in the past nine months? Everything! He will now get better vehicles, dozens of security personnel to guard his residence and provide security for him wherever he goes. He will continue to get millions of Rupees for medical treatment here and abroad. 

It seems that our politicians only want to be our Prime Monster so that they can get life-time perks that comes with having slept at Bauwatar be it for a few months or a few years.

It’s good to be a politician in a land where the people are submissive and have the courage to continue to adapt to all the hardship brought on by the lack of leadership of our politicians. It’s good to be a politician in a land where you can continue to steal billions of Rupees meant for the people and get away with it. 

Our politicians do have thick skin and a strong spine. The media does try hard to publish stories of corruption and abuse of authority but it seems that it does not really affect any of our politicians and civil servants.  They are not ashamed of their misdeeds and they do not have to abide by the law even when the Supreme Court tells them to do so.

I think we should have a law that bars state perks to our politicians who spent less than a year in office. We could save billions of Rupee by not having to provide luxury vehicles, security personnel and other chiya kharcha to our chors who had been in office for less than a year but seem to enjoy all the perks till they drop dead.

And it seems that our politicians are only good at math when it comes to figuring out how much heads they need to topple the government and form a new one. How come they do not do the math when it comes to our trade deficit with India. 

We seem to export less than a billion dollars worth of goods whereas we import six times more. Maybe, if we had not increased the salaries of our civil servants, our food prices would not have jumped by more than 20% in a month.  There will come a day when our bank notes are deemed worthless and we will be using it to pack peanuts and chat-patey. 

It seems that we, the people should learn from our politicians. Look at our Emperor and the Pajero King. Once enemies, they are now in love with each other. So, we the people must also learn to forgive our neighbours. Don’t carry a grudge just because the other person failed to invite you for his daughter’s wedding. 

Once, Deuba put a price on Prachanda’s head and our Emperor wanted to put a hit on the King. But today, things have changed. Today, there are lovers and they will enjoy the fruit of their labor of toppling Oli’s circus show by sharing the top kurchi. 

I think it’s a good thing that both Prachanda and Deuba will be our Prime Monsters in their ‘sharing is caring’ natak. Both have been our Prime Monsters and we can save at least a few Rupees because we don’t have to give a whole load of state perks to a new jerk. 

Our Emperor could not do much in the nine months he lived in Baluwatar. He left office like a juvenile delinquent just because he could not fire the then Army Chief. Our King has been Prime Monster again and again and if it weren’t for him, many of our former lawmakers would have to take the Micro instead of still driving around in tax-free luxury vehicles.

The musical chair of power sharing will continue and we can’t do a thing about it. We will probably have a new CEO heading the National Reconstruction Authority. Our brothers and sisters who were displaced by the earthquake and who lost their loved ones will continue to be denied compensation because of our lazy inefficient bums. 

But life goes on. We, the people have always suffered and will continue to suffer miserably. Our politicians will continue to not give a hoot to all of the problems faced by the common folks, but will continue to enjoy the loot and will have no qualms to give orders to shoot at protesters demanding reform of the corrupt system. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Rain brings Pain

Every year, hundreds of our folks lose their lives and thousands are displaced from their homes due to floods and landslides but our incompetent government is neither prepared nor does anything to minimize the damage from such natural disasters.  

I guess our government just waits for our lands to be flooded and they then ask our security personnel to rescue our folks. It would be wise for our folks in the plains to buy a raft and life jackets because the government is always too slow to respond to such disasters.

Our Narayang-Muglin road section is always obstructed during the monsoon but so far our lazy civil servants have not figured out how to prevent such obstruction. Why can’t our government build strong, sturdy retaining walls instead of carrying out shoddy works on highways prone to landslides? 

Maybe, our Nepal Army should be given the task to build retaining walls across the country instead of doling out the contracts to slimy contractors who are neither punished nor lose their license for failing to do their jobs.

And when a day is wasted trying to clear the road, our petrol pumps are swarmed by people who somehow have to refuel their tanks the next day. Why can’t our folks always fill up their tanks when they get the chance instead of waiting for someone to spread the rumour that fuel supply is low and then only head to the pumps and stay in line for hours to put a few litres of petrol?

Our corrupt government only knows how to fill in the potholes and pave our roads a week before monsoon. Our capital turns into rivers whenever there is a heavy rain. Maybe our government could do us a favour if they deployed rafts in the city during monsoon so that we would not have to swim around the city.  I guess our Department of  Roads and the Sanitation wallahs have yet to learn how to build drains across the city. 

Yes, our government agencies never coordinate with each other and we, the people have to suffer every other month. The Road wallahs pave the road. The Khanepani folks then show up a month later and then dig up the newly-paved road. 

They tell us that it’s for the Melamchi pipeline. And after they are done digging, the Road wallahs do not pave the road again but just leave it in hopes that big trucks and tippers will come rambling down the road to level the dug up road.

Our folks up north are also suffering from floods and landslides. It seems that it will take us a decade before our traders can finally bring their goods from Khasa. 

Our government is not serious at all to make sure that our highways are not obstructed. Our government doesn’t care if the prices of vegetables and other daily essential increase by 50% in a week. Our government does not think it is important to provide relief and rescue works for the people displaced by the floods and landslides as soon as possible.

But our government has other priorities to take care of and it cannot be stuck dealing with petty issues like controlling food prices,  curbing corruption or clearing the obstruction in our highways. Our politicians and civil servants do not need to check their wallets when buying vegetables every day. They are not worried about inflation because they make enough chiya kharcha to last them another decade or two.  

They do not want to fight against corruption because that would be like asking a pickpocket to stop stealing other folks’ wallets and find an honest job. It doesn’t matter if our highways are obstructed because our politicians will get to use Nepal Army’s helicopters to move around the country. 

Yes, our Nepal Army needs not just one or two but a dozen helicopters to make sure that it can cover the whole country during natural disasters. We should have a law that bars politicians from using government helicopters for their own party programs. Our Defense Minister does not have to visit Army camps in rural areas. 

If he really wants to make sure that our Army folks are doing their job then just visit the Army headquarter and get your briefs from the Generals there. But of course, when the Army or other security agencies buy any stuff worth billions then our clowns and contractors find ways to make some dough. 

We still have not found out how many politicians got paid when our Nepal Police bought useless armoured personnel carriers for their Sudan mission? When will we have our own consortium of investigative journalists in the country who will then bring out our own ‘Nepal Papers’ so that we, the people will finally get to know who got paid by whom and how much of the dough is in the country or abroad?

Yes, we need the monsoon because it is good for the farmers. But our farmers never get their fertilizer on time. Our farmers never get better market price for their products because the middlemen make all the dough while the farmers get peanuts. 

Our politicians are not interested to help the people. They are only interested to help themselves. Our politicians make sure that one of their own gets full medical treatment at the expense of the state or even  travel overseas for medical treatment in an air ambulance while common folks get nothing.

Our major political parties are now running around trying to do their math to form a new government. But whoever gets to live in Baluwatar will not do anything good for the country. Maybe, we should just shift our ministries and even the parliament to Bhotekoshi. Maybe then our politicians will make sure that landslides and floods will bring minimal damage to the region. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Dr KC is Crazy!

What is the CIAA?  If you are an Amrikan then you might think it is some kind of a rehab program for former CIA agents or an alumni association for the spooks. Our government tells us that it is the Commission for the Investigation of Abuse of Authority. 

But so far, our great warriors have only gone after low-level government employees. It even carries out sting operation against the small fishes while we have yet to hear about any sting operations against our netas and high-ranking civil servants. I guess it is easier to go after the flies with swatters than going after the tigers in mantri quarters or in their mansions. 

Well, we have our former APF chiefs under investigation for fake invoices and making millions of Rupees on the side but they are less likely to go to jail any time soon. Some of our former Nepal Police chiefs have been found guilty but are still at home reading newspapers instead of spending their time in prison. 

This is how the thulo mancheys roll in this land of ours. Everyone pays off everyone so that they can share the loot while common folks have to leave home and work overseas to feed their families.

When it comes to the CIAA, it is hard to fathom how the same guy who as the Chief Secretary then, did all he could to make sure Gyanu Uncle had some fun, can then  go on to become the head of the CIAA? 

The anti-corruption body then had recommended that such a corrupt person be never given any opportunity to hold any public office ever again. How did our political parties failed to find one honest person to head the anti-corruption body? 

I guess our corrupt netas needed a corrupt con artist to make sure that their wealth is not investigated. And the great superhero is on a mission to not go after the big sharks but against anyone with whom he holds a grudge.

Why can’t the CIAA investigate our political parties who never submit their financial reports on time? Why can’t the CIAA investigate our politicians who a decade ago were starving vagabonds but are now billionaires who live in mansions in the city?

It seems that we have a new King in the new Republic and his name is Lokman. The CIAA seems to have a new target every month. Last month, it was Kanak and it seems that this month it is Dr KC. 

The CIAA not only investigates corruption but also conducts exams, goes after people who do not hold public office and even seems to have medical experts in their ranks. The CIAA tells us that Dr KC suffers from mental illness and should be hospitalized instead of carrying out hunger strikes.

Yes, Dr KC is crazy. He is crazy because he goes on hunger strikes to fight against the system. The CIAA tells us that Dr KC is supported by criminals. Yes, people who want changes for the good of the people are criminals and traitors in this land whereas black marketers, fake VAT bill byaparis, slimy contractors and con artists are patriots and nationalists.

It is the government’s job to provide affordable health care to the people. But so far, private hospitals make billions while our public hospitals have neither adequate supplies of medicines and resources nor adequate manpower to help the patients. 

It is the government’s job to make sure that education is affordable to all but private schools can charge tens of thousands of Rupees and get away with it while our public schools never get their textbooks on time or don’t get it at all. Where is the CIAA? Why can’t it go after our government agencies where hakim sahebs make millions and even peons are well-off. 

Dr KC is crazy because he does not want the medical mafia to run medical colleges in the country. He doesn’t want byaparis making millions from medical students while providing them with limited resources to carry out their medical education. He wants medical schools to focus on quality not quantity.  

The CIAA tells us that Dr KC has no right to defame the CIAA and the honourable Chief Commissioner. Yes, if Lokman is the benchmark for honesty and integrity in this land then we are all doomed. Our corrupt netas and civil servants are honest, hardworking folks while the common folks are lazy bums who only wait for the government to help us out. 

No wonder, most of our brothers and sisters who were affected by the earthquake are still waiting for the 200,000 Rupees housing grant. We all know how far that money will go. Let alone build a house, it is not even enough to build a small one room shelter covered by tin sheets. 

We should all be ashamed that one man alone is crazy enough to fight the system and millions of us, the silent majority just hang around in chiya pasals and tell each other that the doctor is once again planning another hunger strike. 

We have no one to blame but us. Our society encourages nepotism. We all want our mancheys to get the job or the contract. We encourage lying and dishonesty because that takes you far while if you are honest and speak the truth, the society will call you crazy.  

Yes, Dr KC is crazy. He needs to be locked up in a mental institution for life because we don’t want such person to create chaos and anarchy in this land. Long Live Lokman-Tantra! 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com