The Good, Bad and the Ugly

The Good thing about having India as our chimeki is that we don't need a visa to cross the border. And of course, the Indian don't need one either. If the Desis think that they are like Americans then maybe we should consider ourselves Candians. We are much friendlier and laid back while the Desis do want to rule the world someday and do act like the Amrikans in the SAARC region. 

They want to be a superpower while we don't know what we want to be. Thanks to our incompetent government, we are not being able to capitalize on the middle-class Indians and Chinese who could visit our land and spend some dough.  We are not talking about a few million, we are talking about hundreds of millions of Chindians. 

We mostly get Indian tourists who book a bus, throw a few cylinders of cooking gas on the roof, bring their own food supplies and have picnics along the highway as they come to visit our temples or those who come for a few days to have fun in our casinos and that's about it. Maybe, we need to ask the Ambanis to host a wedding party for one of their kids in Chitwan or Everest or Pokhara. 

Let us ask Jack Ma to visit Nepal and tell us his stories at Bouddha.  If we had really good officials at our Ministry of Foreign Affairs then we would have asked Prince Harry to plan his honeymoon in Nepal.  Our Nepal Tourism Board has millions of Rupees in its promotional budget and we don't know where they spend it. 

Just attending travel expos or placing ads on buses in Western countries is not enough. Why not give a free trip to Nepal to each person from each country in the world? And we, the people can provide free room and board for the promotional campaign. 

But it's sad, that most of the tourists don't even spend ten dollars a day while visiting our land while domestic tourists spend five times more in Chitwan, Pokhara and even Rara.  Maybe, we should have a rule for our citizens as well, that makes it mandatory to visit at least one rural district other than your own and get a stamp on your special passbook before you can go abroad.  It could help us bond with our brothers and sisters and as well help to bring in some dough in the local economy. 

We need tourists who can spend more so that our government can make more from taxes, our byaparis can have a decent return on investment and millions of us can find jobs in the tourism sector. Yes, we really need to learn a thing or two from Bhutan when it comes to making money from the tourists. 

It's about time Oli and Modi sit down and work on a wall so that we don't hear about Indian border security forces throwing away the border pillars and harassing our citizens in our own land. Instead of an open border, it's time we regulated our border and kept track of all those who use our checkpoints, be it our own folks or the bidehis. I think this will make both countries safer and we can also help our citizens who may need help across the border if we at least have some information about where they were heading. 

It's sad but true that many of us do pay tons of money to visit India for medical treatment. We, the people pay cash while our corrupt netas use the taxpayers' money to fund their treatment.  Our civil servants and netas should learn a thing or two from the Desis when it comes to medical and other education institutions. It's about time, our incompetent government asked the Desis to help us set up schools like IITs and IIMs in Nepal. 

We can have seven such schools in each of our provinces and select the best of the best. Instead of allowing only byaparis to open medical schools, it's about time, the government asked for help with our chimekis to open medical schools run by the government. It's not only about asking the Desis for help. We can also ask the Chinese to pitch in. 

Millions of our brothers and sisters do work in India and they do their best to support their families back home. But they don't get any respect neither in India nor in Nepal. Yes, washing dishes in Japan will help you earn more than if you do that across the border. But work is work and even a few Indian Rupees helps to provide for families in our villages. It’s about time. we have a database of our folks who are living in India and contributing to our economy as well.

Yes, the Indians have their special agents in the capital taking care of business.  Yes, most countries have their intelligence folks doing their stuff in foreign lands except ours. Do, we have our special agents in Amrika or even in Delhi? It's time the Desis change the name of their intelligence agency from RAW to something that sounds a little bit more scarier like the CIA or Mossad.  And we need to revamp our intelligence services as well. 

After all, except for our land, all countries in the world first look after their self interest and then only figure out how to help their chimekis. For our government, our civil servants and our politicians, it is the other way round.  Let us hope Modi will have a good time here and Oli will use his tricks to get us more than the usual cheap gift hampers. 

Maybe, we need some help with setting up a nuclear plant. If the Desis are not willing to help, just call the French. Now, that could finally help our chimekis to listen to us once in a while!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Modi Again!

The Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi (NaMo) is coming to Nepal next week. We are not really excited like we were the first time around. Let us hope NaMo is prepared with witty one-liners, jokes and mix-masala guff to change our views on his government and its natak during the blockade. 

NaMo is going to rule India for some time. We have no choice but to make sure that we get the best out of any deals with India and our civil servants and netas should make sure that NaMo is happy while he is here. Somebody should hire a guy from Gujrat to make the 'best' chai in the world for NaMo. Yes, little things do count when you are trying to flatter your chimekis.

Our man Oli was in Delhi a month ago to eat some chai and samosas. That's what our thulo mancheys do when they visit our chimekis. They act like they just won a free travel package and are happy to spend our taxpayers' money. 

Instead of getting good deals for one's country, they sign on agreements that benefit the chimekis more than us. Oli did not sign any new agreements but we could have at least made the Desis aware that they should not play politics and tell us that they will not buy electricity if the hydropower projects were not built by the Desis. We have no one to blame but our civil servants who always fail to do their homework before our netas visit foreign lands.  

The Desis want our water and electricity. But what do we want from them? At least the Indian civil servants know what they want from Nepal but our civil servants only want scholarships for their kids in Indian universities and nothing for the country. It's a shame that our netas and hakim sahebs have failed again and again to do what's best for the country.

Namo is a vegetarian. Oli should ask NaMo to try the Veggie Momo in Nepal and the Desi PM can tweet about it. We can even officially name our Veggie Momo, "NaMomo" if that helps to get lots of freebies from India. 

We are tired of getting bicycles, buses and ambulances.  What we want is less hassle at the border for our folks who work in India. We want our byaparis to get their goods from the Indian ports or export their stuff without obstruction as per our agreement with India. We want better trade deals with India. 

Oli told the Desis that friendship is more important than agreements while he was in India.  But it's about time our netas and civil servants hired experts to figure out a way to reduce the trade deficit with India. We export less than a billion dollars worth of goods to our chimeki while we import ten times more. 

Our politicians talk about economic revolution but just having new cement factories is not going to make our country prosperous. We need real jobs. It seems that the only folks who make money in this land are the folks with the Department of Roads and the contractors who get the contracts to build our roads. 

And our politicians and civil servants get the commission. The same road is built, dug up for other works by other government agencies and then rebuilt again and again and our contractors get extension forever to carry out their shoddy works.  

When Modi first came to Nepal, he did manage to win the hearts and minds of the Nepali people with his nataks. Yes, just say a sentence in Nepali and we all jump off our chairs and start applauding as if the guy just gave an hour speech in fluent Nepali. While our politicians hide behind luxury vehicles surrounded by armed guards, Modi decided to stop his vehicle and walk around to meet and greet Nepalis. We wished our politicians were like NaMo! 

Then, came the blockade and we had to pay Rs 500 for a liter of petrol and more than six times more for cooking gas. Our government, our Madhesi parties and the Desis didn't care that the millions of Nepalis suffered during the blockade. The only folks who cared about our suffering were the folks who were protesting during the day and then helping to provide us fuel and cooking gas during the night by getting it from India. 

Instead of landing at our one and only international airport, NaMo will land in Janakpur on an Indian Air Force helicopter. It would have been nice if NaMo landed in Bhairahawa, drove to Lumbini and finally admitted that Buddha was born in Nepal and requested all to visit Lumbini. Then, all would be forgiven and we would probably forget about the blockade and other nataks from the Desis back then.

NaMo is expected to land in Janakpur, then offer worship at the Janaki Temple and then fly to Mustang on the same day and then come to Kathmandu. A while ago, three former Desi Ambassadors to Nepal were having a reunion in Dolpa. It seems that the Desis are interested in our beautiful rural areas right next to China. Either they really do enjoy the scenery or they have other things in mind.  

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

One Thousand Dollars!

Our government tells us that our per capita income has now crossed the US$1,000 mark this year.  Should we be happy that we have finally crossed the 1,000 mark or should we be angry that our politicians and civil servants have made this country and its citizens poor by looting us all?

We hear that our Emperor spends ten times more on bideshi whiskey each year. While average Nepalis can barely afford to buy a cup of milk tea each day, our politicians can afford to drink expensive wines and whiskey every night. 

But of course, our Emperor doesn't need to open his wallet and spend his own money. He will always have byaparis bringing him Blue Label and boras of cash. It's funny that the man who promised to fight for the poor now resides in a mansion and enjoys the life of a billionaire. 

It seems that for our politicians, politics is a get-rich-quick scheme. We need someone to remind our chors that there is a difference between public service and self-service. But our Madame President is busy visiting temples rather than telling our juvenile delinquents running our country to get their act right. And our PM Oli is busy doing what he does best, which is dreaming and asking us to dream with him even if those dreams may never come true. 

Yes, we all need to dream for a better tomorrow but what we need now is a doer instead of a talker. Our politicians need to focus first on the basic stuff rather than talk about so-called national pride projects and what not. We don't care about ships in our rivers or trains from Lhasa to Lamjung to Lucknow. It's about time our netas and civil servants focus on what needs to be urgently addressed instead of promising us to send a politician to Mars. 

It's a shame that our capital city is dirty, dusty, stinky and without adequate drinking, sewage and even transportation system. Most of us have to buy water from private tanker wallahs and most of it is filthy anyway. Most of us have to buy scooters and bikes because the private buses and micros don't get to all the neighborhoods in the city. Our government can't even clean the Bagmati river and yet it promises to clean up the bureaucracy and the system that continues to drags us down. 

We wanted someone like Jose Mujica but instead we got ourselves a Zuma. Why do our politicians start out fighting the system with courage and don’t worry about their lives but once they are lucky enough to survive it all then change their colors? We have yet to find a politician who shuns a luxurious lifestyle. It seems that all those years of sacrifice was meant to finally loot us all and enjoy the life of a Maharaja once they get to power!

Our political parties never fail to promise us that we will all be making at least US$ 10,000 per year in a decade and more than 10,000 MW of electricity if they get the majority of the votes.  Well, they have been promising us the same thing for the past three decades. We have seen many political parties heading our government and none of them have done much for this country except to enrich themselves and their cousins and cadres. 

Yes, let us all congratulate our politicians and civil servants for doing all they can to make sure that we, the people remain poor while our thulo mancheys make more in a day from ghoos juice than what our average folks make in a year. 

There is nothing to be happy about when the bideshis tell us that we are one of the poorest countries in the world. How can the most beautiful land on earth with the most hardworking citizens remain poor forever while our civil servants and politicians can afford to buy apartments worth half a million dollars for their kids in New York, Sydney and London?

Many NGOs and INGOs make money by playing the 'poverty' card while the directors, consultants and employees of such organizations will continue to be happy as long as our government remains ineffective, inefficient and corrupt. 

We will know that we are moving towards prosperity when our annual growth rate hits at least 10%. Our chimekis are the next superpowers of the world. By 2030, they will be ruling the world while we will probably be making a little bit more than what we do today.  We have the potential to attract more than 100 million tourists from Chindia and we have not even achieved 1% of our potential yet. 

But that is possible only if our government supports those involved in the tourism sector. But in Nepal, the job of the government is not to encourage businesses to grow and support them with incentives and tax breaks. Instead, our civil servants would rather help our business evade taxes so that the chiya kharcha will go to the hakim sahebs and our netas instead of our State treasury.

That's what's great about this country? Those who seek our votes make all the notes while the voters get nothing but false assurances. You know your country is in a bad shape when a villager in a remote area has to charter a helicopter and pay thousands of US dollars to take his pregnant wife to the city for medical treatment.  He will then have to pay off the loan by selling whatever he has or go to the Middle East.

Our Finance Minister tells us that our state treasury has little cash and we are almost broke but it seems that our government has no plans to take drastic steps to cut down wasteful spending on benefits and perks to our civil servants and politicians. 

It seems that no one is ashamed to ask for free lunch from the State. It's time we asked our politicians and civil servants what they can do for this country rather than what this country can do from them. Yes, JFK's words are still relevant to all of us today.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com