Life After Corona .. or with Corona

It's been a long time since I wrote something other than the weekly column stuff for newspapers. Our hardworking government has announced that it will extend the lockdown till April 8 but we all know that our netas and civil servants will follow the 'Desi' or should we say, the 'Modi' formula and extend our lockdown period till April 15.

So, we have another two more weeks to go before we go back to 'half-normal' days. Coronavirus has taught us a few stuff. We need to wash our hands regularly. So, all men who go for the shortie and never wash their hands should start washing their hands from now on.

We should not touch our face (mouth, nose etc) for no other reason other than when we are washing our face.

Social distancing will be the buzzword until the next century. Don't be surprised if your bus fare, air fare and every other transport stuff gets expensive. Our microbus can hold 15-18 people max but our conductors can squeeze in 30. 

If we take social distancing a little too far then expect our buses, planes and trains (not here but everywhere else) to have a seat approximately 3 feet apart, which means, you will now have to pay for three seats instead of one. So your 15 Rupees micro-bus fare will jump to 45. And don't even start using that calculator on your smartphone to figure out your plane ticket from Kathmandu to Delhi!

Our movie theaters will do the same and when we go to the malls, we will get coupons and probably have to wait outside, 3 feet apart and in line for hours for our chance to stroll around the mall and not buy anything.

I think the coronavirus will be here with us for a long time. We will have to get used to it like our other 'flu' stuff.  I don't think it's going to go away like other viruses similar to the corona. 

I don't want to go on a rant about how our Health Minister is a fool or our Health Ministry officials are having a party as they figure out how to make millions of Rupees from health kits and stuff they are buying from China. 

Whenever we have a crisis, our government wallahs only think about making some dough out of it instead of helping the people. So, let us not talk about corruption for a while. We know how corrupt our buffoons are and for the moment, let us figure out how to spend another two or more weeks inside our house and not go crazy.

We are Nepalis! We adapt to anything and our earthquakes, blockades and curfews during so-many so-called andolans didn't put us down. But corona is different. Maybe, our government could do us a favor if they gave us a bora of rice, a jhola full of daal and mula ko achar and gundruk and some masyaura (nutrela ki kay bhancha... you know them soya chunks)... we really don't need any masu for now. Soya will do it for us. 

Anyways, let us stay strong and be with our families. Play ludo, scrabble, uno, skip-bo, or chess or whatever. Just play something. Dance for at least 10 minutes  a day to your favorite, Nepali, English, Hindi, Bhojpuri, or your ethnic-language song. Wash your hands for at least 20 seconds. Now is the time to learn how to sing our Nepali national anthem by heart. Well, that's it for today. 

And it's my birthday. I am getting old. I am scared. I have not changed a bit. Even the coronavirus is scared of me.... Lord, help me become a better man!

If you need advice on how to be scared and still survive then you can email me at maguffadi@gmail.com 

When will we learn?

We had an earthquake and our government was nowhere to be found for a few days while we, the people were helping each other out. We had a blockade and we were left to find cooking gas and fuel in the black market while the government was busy doing nothing. 

And now, with the coronavirus, our government is once again ill-prepared to tackle the spread of the virus and does not have any plans to help us if we face the same crisis as in other countries.

It seems that our government’s job is to only collect taxes and then use it to pay our slimy contractors, lazy civil servants and crazy politicians.  We are never short of cash when it comes to handing out free checks to cadres and cousins but we beg for everything from ambulances to school buses and even tents from the bideshis.

Why can’t our government ask for help from the Amrikis to set up an emergency command center to deal with natural disasters and diseases? We can ask the Chinese and the Indians to help us as well. But no, our government is short-sighted and asks for small things while it forgets to look at the bigger picture.

We, the people have been left to fend for ourselves time and again. 

We saw it during the earthquake, the blockade and now the coronavirus. Yes, our healthcare system is not equipped to handle any crisis that affects millions of us. We have to take care of ourselves because our government will not even come to help us if face similar situation like in China or Italy.

So, let us not expect our government to handle this crisis well by managing its resources because the government uses its resources only for the thulo mancheys and not for the common folks. 

We are already facing shortages of cooking gas and fuel even though the government has not stopped the supply. Where do all the fuel and cooking gas go? Why is not our government after our gas dealers and petrol pump wallahs and only after a few folks who are hoarding thousands of masks?

A mask is not going to prevent the spread of the coronavirus. Awareness will. Yes, those infected are better off wearing masks and keeping a distance from others. But of course, we see our PM going back to Baluwatar where he doesn’t wear a mask but everyone around him does. The vulnerable ones should wear the masks not the other way round. 

Some of our municipalities are producing hand sanitizers and masks for the public. Kudos to them but look at our federal government and how it seems to be out of touch with reality! The coronavirus will continue to affect global economy for a year. We will not have tourists in our land till next year. Our migrant workers will not be able to go overseas to make that extra Dinar and Ringgits to take care of their families.

2020 is going to be tough for all of us. It’s time to go into the ‘earthquake mode’ and take care of each other. We really don’t need much. A simple dal bhat will be enough. It’s time for our wards to stock up on rice and lentils and probably have a public kitchen ready. We can volunteer to deliver dal, bhat and tarkari to our fellow ward members.

Yes, it’s time to save some money because we don’t know how long this will last but we hope that it will come under control before the end of this year but till then we must remain strong, united and look out for each other while the government just begs for extra dough to set up a command center or for health kits and other stuff which will never be used and will probably be sold or gifted to near and dear ones just like the tents provided by the bideshis during the earthquake.

So when will our government learn? Well, most probably never because we do not hold our buffoons accountable for anything. We vote, we pay taxes while they use our taxes for their own personal benefit and our votes to gain power and rule over us like the feudal lords of the Middle Ages. So let us just leave our government alone? 

Let us just learn to protect ourselves, make our own sanitizers, take preventive measures and expect the virus to eventually be under control all over the world.  And until then, let’s eat our plain old basic soul food, our dal bhat and spend quality time with our families. Yes, we may earn less this year but as long as we have our families with each other, we will have the strength to get over this as well. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You can contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com.

Blame it on the Corona

Our incompetent government is going to have an easy year as our netas, civil servants and contractors can blame the coronavirus for the country not moving forward. Every year, our contractors get busy during the monsoon. 

This year will be the same but if our contractors fail to finish their work on time, they can blame China and the coronavirus. They can just tell us that their equipment is stuck in China and just share the contract money with our civil servants as usual. 

Yes, it’s true that most of our hydropower projects are in a limbo because we need Chinese workers and equipment and most of the technical team seem to be stranded back home after the Chinese New Year. 

If Oli Ba had a good PR team, then our government would at least do a ‘We are with you China’ video with the Nepali people praying and asking for the Chinese to stay strong. Oli Ba could have prepared a message even if it’s in broken Mandarin to wish China a speedy recovery. 

But of course, our netas seem to have advisors who do not use social media much. No wonder, our communist government wants to ban social media and all forms of expression in this land.

Our tourism campaign has been halted and we cannot blame our Tourism Minister for the coronavirus. We didn’t start the fire but our government can do much better to at least create awareness among our ordinary folks about the virus instead of just letting us get carried away with fake online news. 

Instead of calling our country, ‘coronavirus free’, our airports and government agencies should be provided resources to make sure that tourists are screened properly and effective measures are taken if we do get those infected with the coronavirus. A table and two chairs and a flex board are not going to help.

Some folks have started to eat tons of garlic. Good for them but of course it might bad for their breath if they have to attend any meetings. Some are scared to go out and then get scared more as they scroll through all the fake online news. Some folks think that wearing a mask will prevent the spread of virus.  Well, if you are standing right next to the person who is infected then the chances of getting infected is of course higher. But of course, how do you know who is infected?

We have our mantris telling us that if we do get infected then we have to go on a self-quarantine instead of waiting for government help. Yes, our government doesn’t have much funds for the people. It has only enough dough for its own puppets.  

Well, we have not had problems like China, Italy and South Korea but it’s always better to be prepared. Finally, our government is following other countries when it comes to issuing travel ban and other preventive measures to combat the widespread outbreak of the coronavirus.

I think it’s time our netas went on national TV and showed us their hand-washing skills. Yes, let them sing the national anthem till the end as they finish washing their hands. I bet you that nine out of ten politicians in this land do not know the national anthem by heart. Some of it might still confuse it with the old one and recite a few lines from the old anthem. I think we should make it a part of the oath-taking ceremony and if you fail to sing the national anthem till the end then you don’t get to be our mantri or PM.

Our PM Oli Ba is slowly recovering from his surgery. We hope he will be fit again and be back to his game. Our Emperor is down with fever and cold. Let’s wish him speedy recovery as well. But it’s time, our Health Ministry at least carry out awareness campaigns to educate the public about the coronavirus.

Let us all wash our hands and sing the national anthem at the same time. Let us not touch our mouth, eyes, nose most of the time. Finally, our ‘Namaste’ seems to be the best contact-less greeting for the world. And I think it’s the best time to encourage mobile payment as we minimize the risk by not touching our bank notes. 

We don’t know when this ‘coronavirus’ thing will continue to affect the world. Let us hope that t will probably be controlled within a few months and we can finally get some cheap stuff from Khasa and our contractors can get their equipment and Chinese workers as well.  Most of the western world had been making tons of dough from the millions of Chinese tourists visiting their land. This year is going to be difficult for all of us. 

Our tourism entrepreneurs will be the ones to suffer the most and so will our airlines. Let’s hope our government will also follow the world when it comes to providing waivers on taxes to industries affected by the impact of the coronavirus. And it would also help, if we, the people get some tax breaks as well. 

It’s going to be a slow year. We have stood up to the earthquake, to the blockade and the corona should not be a problem. After all, we are Nepalis. We take care of ourselves even when the government is a no show.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You can contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com.

(Don’t) Visit Nepal 2020

We were expecting two million tourists to visit Nepal this year but it looks like we might not reach the target due to the widespread outbreak of coronavirus in China and various other countries. Even before the Visit Nepal Year 2020 campaign was officially launched, tourism entrepreneurs had serious doubt about attracting 2 million tourists to our land due to inadequate tourism infrastructure in our country.

Our Tourism Minister was in Australia at the wrong time but he didn’t want to cancel the visit at the last minute because he was dead serious in promoting our country no matter what. Thank God, he is not in China right now, trying to carry out another promotional campaign. I think our mantris’ advisors should at least read international news before they head out overseas to waste our taxpayers’ money.

Let us feel sorry for our Tourism Minister because he just can’t seem to get anything right. He now tells us that his ministry is looking for alternative markets such as the Sheikhs from the Middle East. 

Well, those folks have plenty of money and they will only be staying at five-star resorts and flying charter flights all over the country if they do come to Nepal. Private helicopter companies and five start hotels might make a few Dinars but that’s not really going to help much. We need millions of tourists so that millions of us can save some money after they spend their dough here.

Maybe, it’s time to focus on us, the domestic tourists instead and make our national campaign a success. Yes, scrap all international campaigns and let’s focus on the people here at home for once. After all, it seems that we, Nepalis, spend more than the majority of bhukka tourists we get in our country. 

A foreign tourist travels on a budget. Most of them work, save and then make plans to visit Nepal. Most of the tourists do spend most of their dough in India and then hop on a bus and enter Nepal to spend their last remaining hundred dollars. No wonder, you can get hotel rooms in Thamel for less than 5 dollars a day. Maybe, we should learn a thing or two from Bhutan. 

Yes, let’s set a price like the Bhutanese. We want high-spending tourists, not tourists who spend less than a domestic tourist would spend when they visit Pokhara. Well, we can’t blame them for only drinking a bottle of beer in five hours while Nepalis drink five bottles in an hour. Maybe, we just need more Polish and Russian tourists and our vodka manufacturers can also make a killing as well.

So, it’s time for the folks at the Nepal Tourism Board and the VNY 2020 secretariat to spend some dough if there is any left, to promote our local places to us locals. It’s about time our government offered us rebates or stipend so that we, Nepalis can visit Rara, Muktinath and other beautiful places in our land.

How about offering us a thousand Rupees if we do get out at least a hundred kilometers away from our home and visit a local tourist or religious place? 

I think the government used to have similar packages for civil servants. Our government should give us some dough back so that we can support local businesses as well.

Maybe, the government should come up with a new policy when it comes to promoting domestic tourism. If you do go to Thailand during Dashain and spend a thousand dollars then you should spend the same amount back home. So if you had fun in Pattaya and Bangkok during your five- night stay then you should spend the same amount of dough in Pathivara and Baglung. 

So, what happens if you don’t have any dough to go to foreign lands for vacation? Then, the government should give us some of our taxpayers’ money back to fund our vacation here at home. Our incompetent communist government can at least claim to be the party of the people if it decides to give some dough back to the people. 

We  really don’t care if Bam Dev wants to be our PM through the window or the back door or wherever possible. We really don’t care if Prachanda becomes our PM again because not much will change in this country. But we will care if our government for once decides to give some dough back to the people instead of only providing funds and misusing our taxpayers’ money on their own cadres, contractors and cousins. 

If the government really cares then it’s about time, it did something for its people. Our government doesn’t care about controlling corruption, pollution, inflation and frustration of the people. 

For once, spend some money on the people. Let the people from Darchula visit Dhulikhel. Give them a free bus ride. Let the people from Lubhu visit Lumbini. Give them free accommodation. Our netas should understand that giving back sometimes matters to us instead of only sucking us dry. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You can contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com.