The Kiwis know better.....

I think I will move to New Zealand (I like social democrats and progressive wallahs!)... will still enjoy the earthquakes there and my kids can play 'The Lord of the Rings' all afternoon.. but at least the Kiwis are getting the right people (women) in power! Priyanca Radhakrishnan bahini "has spent her work life advocating on behalf of people whose voices are often unheard – women survivors of domestic violence, and migrant workers who have been exploited."

Priyanca Radhakrishnan becomes New Zealand’s first Indian-origin minister! Hope someday we will have a first Nepali-origin minister somewhere other than in Nepal because so far we have had Bidya Didi, Sujata Auntie and the energy minister-ni etiyaadi,.. Pri bahini is only 41 and the NZ Prime Minister is only 40! Go figure...

And we have to deal with our 'corrupt' budas while Amrika is dealing with grandpas..... Merry (Early) Xmas! I think it's time the world sets some kind of an age limit for those who will lead.... I think our thulo mancheys in the kurchis should be under 60! After 60, they can play with their grandkids not mess the lives of all other grandkids out there.!

Oli Ba is our Dr Fauci

Our Prime Minister Oli Ba tells us that we can beat the coronavirus if we wash our face with warm water, drink warm water, eat hot food and avoid ice cream and cold soft drinks. We would like to know when did our PM become a certified medical doctor? 

And no, just washing your hands with warm water is not going to do, use soap please. And where did our national fool come up with 'everything hot is good' but 'cold is bad' stuff.  Our crazy comedian must have hired a bunch of witchdoctors instead of real doctors for now.

Amrika has Dr. Fauci and he is the most trusted man there right now. We have our own, Dr. Pun and he was asked by our Health Ministry for clarification after he became our media darling for telling us like it is about the coronavirus and the weaknesses of our incompetent government in dealing with it.

Our great communist government is slowly turning our nation into a real communist country like when Stalin was in power. Now, we just need our government to build gulags all over the country and send us there. Yes, you and I will definitely end up in gulags if we continue to tell our chor netas, lazy civil servants and sadist police wallahs like it is. 

Yes, we have a bunch of good netas, hardworking civil servants and police wallahs who are human and not just puppets of our politicians but a few will not help when thousands of them evil folks continue to run this country. 

Our government is not prepared for anything and has no plans on when to lift the lockdown or how to help our folks and businesses. Our government is just hoping that we, the people will keep quiet and continue to stay home or get our arse kicked by the police when we go out to buy daily essentials.  

But if this lockdown continues for another month and the police wallahs continue to act like savages then there might be chaos in this land of ours. Let us hope our government and security personnel will use their common sense instead of their 'communist' sense. 

Think about the people not those in power only. Think about how to get this country back on track instead of using this crisis to only make more money and violating our rights.

 Well, our 2nd COVID-19 case has fully recovered. She is a brave young girl and you can read her stuff at https://www.ledragondechaine.com/single-post/2020/04/18/Memoirs-of-a-Super-Spreader

If you read her blog then you will understand what she went through. Our media wallahs and even common folks should be careful when talking about our COVID-19 cases. Just because she got infected, we had people threatening her and talking shit. I think it's time our government went after such people than after Dr. Pun. It's time, our government went after them folks who kicked out nurses from their apartments or have denied entry to folks who are returning to their villages. 

Our PM tells us that we must follow the lockdown natak and yes, we are following it but those who are stuck in Kathmandu without a place to stay and no money to eat then them people should be allowed to go home not on foot but use our army trucks and ask the APF wallahs to do something then just hanging around our borders and doing nothing.

Our doctors and nurses are doing a great job but as usual, our government has failed to provide them with adequate resources. We can shout, bitch, rant and whine all we want but our Oli Ba and his courtiers will not do what is right and needed at the moment. 

Omni Group will get paid for whatever they managed to deliver to the government. We hear, they will get paid at least 28 Karod and half of it will be free money which will be distributed to our politicians. 

The government allows Bhatbhateni and other big supermarkets to open but the policewallahs tell the local shops to close by 8am and those who go to these stores are getting beaten up even today. When will our thulo mancheys learn? When will our police wallahs use logic first instead of laathis?

Well, let's get back to our Dr. Oli story. Our Prime Minister thinks he knows too much. Next week, he will probably tell us that he will send a Nepali to Mars. And a month later, he might gift us with a nuclear bomb from all the uranium we can get hold of from our mountains.

Dr. Oli also tells us that we will get infected with the coronavirus if we don't wear glasses. So wearing a mask and social distancing will not work if you are outside. You need to find heavy duty glasses and protect your eyes because according to Oli Ba, first your eyes get infected with the virus then only it gets to your nose and mouth and probably lungs but where the @#$! did he get this info? 

Don't be surprised if President Trump follows Oli Ba next and comes up with his own brand of nonsense soon. Or is it the other way round? Is Oli Ba learning a thing or two from Trump? The Amriki President tweeting about liberating states in the US is the biggest joke of the year and Oli should also start tweeting nonsense more often. 

So don't listen to Trump if you are an Amriki and don't listen to Oli Ba if you are a Nepali or else you will go crazy. Oli Ba, do you want to be remembered as the leader who finally decided to do what's right for the people or do you just want to be known as a comedian, and now a crazy witchdoctor? 

But of course our netas don't care about their legacy. They just want to enjoy their power while it lasts and then drop dead and who gives a @#$!...right?

If you want to some warm water and heavy-duty glasses to fight COVID-19 then send me an email at maguffadi@gmail.com

The Lockdown continues...

Once again, let us thank our government for extending the lockdown period again until April 27th. I don't know why the government just keeps on extending the lockdown period but does not do enough to get hold of testing kits, PPEs, ventilators and other necessary resources to equip our hospitals when patients infected with COVID-19 will get admitted by the thousands once the lockdown is lifted.

Yes, we have a very few reported cases and no death so far but that doesn't mean we are all safe. The government is ill-prepared and except for extending the lockdown period, it has no plans how to fight this battle against the coronavirus. 

Yes, we the people support the lockdown but our policewallahs seem to be getting the wrong instructions from our thulo mancheys. Making folks stay on the street for hours (as some kind of a punishment) just because they were walking around at 7 am in the morning is not going to help any of us. 

If these folks were out there hanging out with their tole-baasis then they should be given a warning not to repeat the same mistake again and if found violating the lockdown thing then there has to be a fine system like in Singapore. 

In Singapore, they do let you out to the malls but you have to maintain social distancing and you will get like S$ 300 fine if you don't wear a mask while outside. I think we need to at least match the fine like in Singapore dollars. 

Yes, let's pay fine like Rs 25,000 for drunk driving, Rs 50,000 for not maintaining social distancing or walking around with no valid reason. Our fines are like Rs 100 or Rs 1,000. We are Nepalis, we got some money. Make us think a hundred times before violating government regulation (yes, increase the fine by 1,000%) and then things might be in order.

Do not harass folks who really have to go get their milk and eggs for their kids. The police wallahs are now even going to retail stores, dairy and meat shops and asking them to open only in the mornings and if found opening during evenings, then even the shop owners will be arrested rey. 

I guess our security personnel never know how to deal with the public. They only know how to threaten, rain laathis on our backs and once inside the police station, use all verbal and physical abuse they can dish out. 

I guess our policewallahs think they are above the law and nobody will hold them accountable. I guess they sometimes forget they are also citizens of this land and have their families. We are all brothers and sisters, well not all but at least treat us with respect and help us not harm us.

Yes, our policewallahs are the ones who will be there out on the streets to enforce the lockdown stuff but our Home Ministry must come up with some kind of a system. 

Maintain social distancing, go to the shops from 5 am in the morning till 8 am or ask the local ward office to coordinate with our so-called big departmental stores and do a home delivery system. 

The local wards can even coordinate with our private trash collection companies who come to our homes every other day even during this lockdown period. They have better info on each household than our municipalities and wards and so-called online grocery pasals.

Anyways, the government will once again extend the lockdown period till May 3rd like the Indians have done. They could have just done it today instead of giving us some kind of hope that we will be slowly opening up after April 27th. 

I feel sorry for our government. They have no clue on how to provide relief to the daily wage workers and needy ones. They have no idea how to provide relief packages to small, medium and even big businesses. They have no idea how to mobilize retired nurses, doctors and even volunteers to fight against COVID-19. 

Our government only knows how to use our own taxpayers money to make money for themselves.

Our Prime Minister tells us that after his death, all his wealth will be given to his foundation. So what. Who really cares? First of all, we all want to know how did he manage to build two houses in one and half ropani of land in Balkot and where did he get more than half a Karod in his bank account? 

He tells us that it's his wife's money and the cash is from his savings from his salary and perks as lawmakers for so many years. Yes, you are right. Our communists seem to only marry women from very well-off families and they seem to be good at saving all of the salary and perks while ordinary citizens can't even save a paisa from their salaries.

Oli Ba is a lucky man. Before he got out of prison, he was not even in the second-tier in his own party. He was skinny, sick (health-wise), and broke. 

Today, he has millions and probably billions of Rupees. Yes, give the man a break. But we really had high hopes from Oli Ba. He has failed us miserably as his courtiers are engaged in billion Rupees scams all around. 

He doesn't speak about them fools. Prachanda is no better and we all know that come next election, he is jumping ship and sleeping with the Congressis just to be in power.

But why do you want to be in power just for the sake of amassing billion of Rupees in ill-gotten wealth and do nothing for the people? Just making a few dozen arseholes billionaires will not help the people and this land. 

I feel sorry for our politicians and civil servants who tell us to sing our national anthem, wear our national dress and bow down to our thulo mancheys and not question them at all but in reality, they are the traitors not patriots who have taken this country down the drain. 

And the coronavirus has proven once again that our government is not for the people. Our thulo mancheys are not affected. They get to ride around in luxury vehicles with or without passes. They will get enough supply of cooking gas and daily essentials from our sarkari hakims. 

It's good to be a government official in this land. They will never be held accountable and they can keep on looting us all even in crisis like this.

In a few weeks or months, we will probably see millions, yes millions not hundred or thousands, of our migrant workers in foreign lands coming back home. 

Once our remittance money stops flowing then our economy will be doomed. It's not our fake VAT-bill byaparies and thulo mancheys who are keeping our economy afloat, it's our migrant workers overseas who send their money back home to their families that is helping our byaparis make some money. Once that dries up then it's the end for our byaparies and even the middle-class.

The government will also lose in revenue and tax collection as well. The government will be broke but our thulo mancheys will keep on using whatever money is left to only pay their salary and perks. When will we learn or are we heading for anarchy and chaos and eventually military rule in this land to make our system stable?

We don't know but that day may come soon if our politicians and civil servants keep on screwing it up. Once there is army rule in Nepal, then forget about democracy and what not. 

Yes, I do support the army when it comes to protecting our borders and helping us during natural disasters but not to be the government or the police. But the day might come not out of choice but necessity to stop the maximum loot we have experienced so far in the past decade.

And no, the monarchy is not going to make a comeback, dear Raja-lovers. I have deep respect for the House of Shah but they also got screwed by our Shree Tins for a century and then the Pancheys for three decades. 

We have witnessed another three decades since we had our so-called multi-party democracy and we now know that our Congresis, UMLs , Maobadis, Madhesis and even Janjaati parties are no better than the Pancheys or even the Ranas. 

So it means that we are all the same. Now, when the army comes rolling in, will it be different? A little, maybe because they will be dealing with the Chinese, Indians, Amrikans and the EU wallahs more professionally than our bhaat-maara hakim sahebs and chor netas but that does not mean we will be fine because taking over a country is one thing but running the country with good governance, transparency, accountability and with respect to the rights of the citizens is a whole other ball game.

If you want to know when the lockdown ends (I don't), then send an email to maguffadi@gmail.com.

National Anthem ... Play or not to Play?

Our Desi brother Narendra Modi asked his fellow Indians to light candles, bang plates and all other nataks for 9 minutes recently and all Indians went crazy and the coronavirus didn't care much. And now, our Prime Minister Oli Ba has asked us to play the National Anthem at 8 am tomorrow, on Nepali New Year's day, as a tribute to the folks fighting on the frontline to contain the spread of COVID-19 in our nation.

Well, the 'Play the national anthem' thing is being organized by an organization and our PM just wanted to help promote it hola but how is that going to actually help our heroes? 

Our government has imposed nationwide lockdown since March 24 (yes, a good move!) and will more than likely extend it until April 30 to follow the Desi formula but apart from that, it has failed to get adequate testing kits, PPEs, ventilators and equip our hospitals with resources to fight COVID-19. Instead, it has done nothing but tried to make a quick buck even during such crisis.

Our policewallahs are getting their paycheck cut because the police HQ thought it would be a good PR stunt. No, it's not. Our lawmakers, VVIPs and Madame President can just ask the government to deduct their year's worth of salary instead because our politicians and civil servants get to make money from the illegal channel anyway. 

And our Madame President will get at least 2 lakhs per month after she leaves office monthly as perks for being our former President. So, why not give the paycheck now to fund the fight against COVID-19?

Our medical personnel are threatened by our government officials to work in the frontline without protective gears. Our garbage collectors are doing their work without proper gears and picking up our trash every other day. And where are our thulo mancheys? 

They are at home, drinking bidheshi whiskey and planning on how to make quick bucks from another lot of medical supplies that they have given our Army wallahs to look after, after the media found out that our incompetent bufoons wanted to make a quick 50 Karod from a 100 Karod deal when they asked OMNI Group to bring medical supplies from China.

I feel sorry for our Nepal Army for being asked to get the medical supplies. It's not the job of the army wallahs to buy medicine. It's the job of our Health Ministry to get the needed testing kits, PPEs and equip our hospitals and it's the job of our Foreign Ministry to ask for help from our bideshi friends for the stuff or cash or whatever if needed, while it's the job of our Home Ministry to ask our police wallahs to use restrain and respect and not laathis and (foul) language while enforcing the lockdown. 

Nepal Army should be mobilized at our borders with India to prevent bideshis from entering our land during the lockdown period while allowing Nepali citizens to enter their own motherland but enforce the quarantine thing strictly which the army is capable of doing and not our police or APF or even the local authorities. 

Our government should pay for the quarantine of our citizens who come from abroad for at least three weeks. Feed them well, give them better accommodation and all needed to make sure they are okay and test them on their way home and even after three weeks and keep them contacted till it's over. 

And our government should ask the provincial governments and our local wards to help the daily wage workers and marginalized communities during the lockdown with adequate daily essentials and not do political bhaag-bandaa at this moment.

But our government is doing nothing at all to help in the works of testing, tracing contacts and if needed, isolating infected folks at the moment. Just extending the lockdown will only prevent the spread of COVID-19 for the time being but once the lockdown is lifted, we are going to be hit real hard and the worst case scenario is that we will have at least 300,000 folks dying from the coronavirus. 

But if our government can buy enough testing kits which will probably cost us somewhere around US$ 150 to 200 million (if everyone of us is tested), then we can isolate the ones infected and give the the needed care to fight COVID-19.

Our government will not be spending billions of dollars this year on development works unless they really want to waste it as usual come the monsoon season. Stop all payments to our slimy contractors. Stop all funds to our lawmakers in their so-called development fund and save us some money. 

Instead of restricting import on alcohol (I really don't care if you drink or not) or expensive vehicles (I care if our civil servants and politicians use luxury vehicles at our taxpayers' expense but if you have earned your money honestly with hard work and you want to splurge then who has any problem although I prefer electric vehicles but we are all free to choose how to spend our well-earned money), the government should just go ahead and ban all expensive vehicles for our politicians and government agencies. Yes, go for e-vehicles and buses and not Land Cruisers or Prado for our mantris, hakim sahebs and VVIPs. It will saves us billions of Rupees!

Our government thinks that extending the lockdown will help. Yes, it will help for now to pause the 'coronavirus' movie but once we press the 'play' button, we cannot just fast forward it till the end. We will just have to play along and see the crisis unfolding before us as our non-existent health care system drops dead and we won't even have time to bury our dead. 

So, can we just handle a lockdown for the next six months or a year or until someone gets us a vaccine for COVID-19. No, we can't. And this government will have to pay for it if things really get out of hand. I think our comrades have not realized yet that if they fail us this time, the NCP will be dead come next election. 

Yes, for our chor netas, it's all about politics but we are still waiting for our greatest communist government on Earth to act like communists and give us free education, free health care and at least free social services and stuff. But these eggheads are not communists. They are opportunists, who are fake Communist Folkers. 

If you are a real man or a woman then be a real communist not a capitalist faking it as a student of old crazy fogies like Mao, Stalin, Lenin or even Marx. At least Marx gets my respect, he was talking about saving democracy with his manifesto unlike the other three folks who destroyed it all and our comrades have fared no better except that we have not yet seen the gulags yet and hope it won't happen here in our land. 

Well, it won't because we will always have Delhi to save our thulo manchey's arse as they did during the Rana days when they saved Tribbhy's behind then they saved BP's and then Prachanda's and tomorrow they might save yours if you are thinking of another revolution to topple this system. It's the same thing, the same story keep on repeating when it comes to our 'politics'.

The best option to fight the COVID-19 pandemic for now is to mobilize all local wards and village development committees to test all residents and all negative ones can in a week or two go back to work and continue to test them again after two to three weeks. All those with COVID-19 can stay home for further quarantine for 21 days and those who really need urgent medical care should be sent to special isolation units. 

People must understand that 90 to 98% of us will recover from COVID-19 and for the unlucky 2 to 10%, we need to provide them with the best medical care possible to help them fight it out or help manage their pain well while they lose the battle against COVID-19. 

But our government doesn't care. After all, our netas are used to getting medical treatment abroad. If only, these arseholes had thought about building better hospitals and training our medical professionals well then we would have world-class medical facilities. 

Learn from Singapore when it comes to medical care and let's learn from South Korea on how to manage the testing, contact tracing, isolating and fighting this virus head on instead of trying to hide from it for a while and expecting it to just disappear. It's not and we just have to face it head-on and win and our government has nothing in its arsenal to fight COVID-19.

Yes, it's time for the government to spend our taxpayers money for the people. The government talks about taking over private hospitals and what not. First, take care of your government hospitals. Make all government hospitals, isolation units to fight COVID-19. Ask all government doctors and nurses to not be afraid and provide them with needed PPEs and life insurance overage of at least 1 to 2 Karod. 

And what about private hospitals? We also need health institutions too look after other medical treatment apartment from COVID-19. We have folks who need dialysis treatment, who need heart surgeries and what not. Our government asking private hospitals to set up a COVID-19 ward inside their premises along with other wards is like asking other patients to be infected with COVID-19 as well.

I feel sorry for our politicians and civil servants. Poor folks, they do not know how to help the people be it during the earthquakes, or the blockades or during floods and landslides and other disasters. Instead, they just want to make a quick buck while most of us have no income now and are slowly losing our savings just to feed our families. 

I think we, Nepalese are a patient lot. We have been through this before, well not the virus but similar to lockdowns but of course, now, we have to stay home and not walk around the streets but we know how to take care of ourselves while we stay home for weeks. Most of us are not going crazy but will soon if the lockdown keeps on getting extended even after April 30.

So, the best option for our already weak economy to survive is to at least test the young and working folks and if they are negative let them go to work. The kids and the old should stay home for another few months to be on the safe side. This virus will come back again in winter and it will be as deadly as it is now. We have not even experienced the first wave yet but our open border with India will be a problem for a year or two as the world races to find a cure for COVID-19.

So, the best we can do for now is wash your hands regularly, do not touch your face, eyes, nose while outside, practice social distancing and if you are a genius then try to find a cure for COVID-19. 

Newton saw them apples during the Bubonic Plague that occurred from 1665 to 1666 in England and he came up with something right? So, it might be a year-long isolation for some of us and it's now the time to come up with something on your own to help humanity with your theorems or a home-made nuclear device or a vaccine for COVID-19 or even the best momo recipe in the world. Let's start from today, okay?

So, if you want to play the national anthem then it's fine. It' s not going to help but if it will give you peace and you think that's the best way to pay respect to our frontline warriors then good for you. But this time, do learn the national anthem by heart as well so you can sing it till the end as you play it or hear it on radio tomorrow morning at 8am. What about me? I will play 1974 AD's Nepali Ho ... that's my national anthem... Saya Thunga is good, Shreeman Gambhir, no comment now.. but Yo Man Ta Mero Nepali Ho... Jai Hos! 

If you want to figure out how to stay safe from the coronavirus then send an email to maguffadi@gmail.com ... all I can assure you is that I can teach you how to wash you hands for 20 seconds while you sing 'Yo man ta mero Nepali Ho'....

The End of the Handshake!

Yes, most of us are under lockdown during the pandemic but we also have to think about our life after this thing settle downs. Well, experts tell us that we have to be ready for more, like a second wave, come winter and we all have to be ready for it then as we are doing the best to protect ourselves now.

Yes, the handshake has come to an end. And I hope the high-fives and fist-bumps will end as well. So, should we do it our way, the 'Namaste' forever till the world ends. You are right, Namaste will be the only way we greet from now on unless you want to have a go at getting the coronavirus or the flu or some other virus from the usual handshakes, high-fives and fist-bumps and other physical contact when greeting someone. 

So, the world has changed. We can still shake hands and hug our families but let's not take the risk when we are out meeting friends, colleagues, lovers and foes. Social distancing might be around for a while. 

I feel sorry for shopping mall owners, movie theater owners or any other establishments that host large public gathering. But of course, we might even get 24-hour theaters and malls here back in Nepal as well if we can keep on practicing social distancing forever. Well, it might not be practical to do that but we all know now that we will facing this kind of crisis forever. The world will not be the same even after we somehow control or help to minimize the spread of COVID-19. 

Trump as usual doesn't care. Many years ago, the world looked up to America when it came to helping others or bombing third world countries or meddling in other's domestic affairs. Now, America under Trump doesn't want to do any of that. Yes, it's wrong to bomb others or work to change the regime somewhere else for oil or nukes or whatever but the US can still be a leader when it comes to providing aid and help to the developing countries and even its allies. 

But Trump came to power not to help the world but to break down his own country's system, to make America great again by destroying the 'American Dream' for the rest of us while doing nothing for his voter base either. Yes, angry white Americans did vote for Trump and so did the so-called conservatives but look where it is now.

Trump has failed his own people but it seems that his voter base and the Republic Party and the racist Fox News will always have his back. Good for him. He knows what he is doing. He attacks the media because that's what pumps up his voters. He attacks minorities and the world. In a few years, hope his voters will realize that without immigrants, America will never be a great nation. 

It was the immigrants who made America great then and will make it greater even tomorrow but only if America once again gets a President who worries about all of the citizens in his land instead of only the white people. Nothing wrong with being white but if America wasn't kind to all those immigrants from Europe then, the white Americans of today would not be in the United States, would they?

Fake News vs Google Baba

Some folks read the major dailies online to get their news. By some folks, I mean around 30% hola (that's according to my dog Twinkle) and the rest 70% only use Facebook and get their news from so-called online portals (nearly 90% of them are fake news).

We should all know by now that you should always wash your hands (at least 20 seconds, yes learn our national anthem and sing while you wash), wear masks if you are outside and social distancing is the most important of all stuff for now.

But then we have all the fake news about eating tons of garlic or eating gober or cow urine or every other nautanki tips someone can come up with.

I think it's better to use google.com aka Google Baba or Google Mata and find out more about COVID-19. This is not the time to read conspiracy theories or believe what the egghead Trump tells the world. Trump is not an expert and just because he is the President of the United States doesn't mean that he knows everything. 

Trump is a jackass and yes, he got elected and might get re-elected because he knows how to cater to his voters. No, it's not the poor White Americans only but even educated, middle-class conservatives who believe that he is the man to lead them to disintegration of Amrika.

Well, let's forget about Trump because his nataks is not going to affect any of us here in Nepal. It's our own incompetent government trying to act smart by trying to make some moolah out of medical kits and supplies from China. 

Well, our government tells us that the folks who were supposed to supply the medical stuff are no longer allowed to do so and their 5 Kaord deposit is now in our national treasury as their contract has been cancelled. But it's time our Health Minister resigned and our Oli Ba appoint a doctor or someone who knows a little more about public health to head the Health Ministry.

But Oli Ba is oily. He likes to defend every one of his courtiers even if they are corrupt and get caught in controversies here and there. Our Madame President is more worried about our Nepalis in the West than our Nepalis who are stranded across the border. We all know that our politicians and civil servants do not care much about our own people and are only interested to make a quick buck everywhere.

It's ironic that once again, citizens of this land are helping the poor and the needy by collecting funds and distributing daily essentials while our government wallahs are still trying to figure out how to make money during this crisis.

Don't be surprised if our government once again extends our lockdown for another week till April 15. After all, India is closed until then and we have seen how migrant workers in India are suffering. India was not prepared but that doesn't mean our government can get away with their own nataks.

Well, let's get back to the story of the day. Please go to WHO ko website or use Google Baba or Mata and search for news about COVID-19 or how to be safe if you are still confused how to take preventive measures to stay safe. 

The number one tip is STAY HOME.... stay with your families and if you have to go out to buy stuff or meet people, then make sure you wash your hands before and after you come back, take off your clothes after you come back (but do wear a new/fresh one and not walk around nude in the house and scare your dog!) and eat dal, bhat, tarkari (the best food on Earth) and hope things will start to be a little bit normal after April 15.

Our lazy-arse government doesn't care about contact tracing, then testing the folks and if needed isolating them from the general population for a while. Our government can a learn a thing or two from Taiwan, Singapore and even South Korea. But, they won't because they do not have the courage to use the government's fund to help the people. They think that we all owe them everything and our national treasury is theirs to loot.

Anyways, don't go crazy by using Facebook 24/7 or even Tik Tok and get burnt out for now. Read a book or two. Learn to cook at least dal, bhat and tarkari from your mother, wife, sister or whoever is the best cook in the house. Dance for at least 10 minutes per day to your favorite songs. 

And don't get depressed or paranoid by reading lots of fake news out there. And don't eat too much and spend the whole day sleeping. Read about 'flattening the curve' not fattening your curve for now.

If you are still confused on what do then do send me an email at maguffadi@gmail.com for fake tips!

Life After Corona .. or with Corona

It's been a long time since I wrote something other than the weekly column stuff for newspapers. Our hardworking government has announced that it will extend the lockdown till April 8 but we all know that our netas and civil servants will follow the 'Desi' or should we say, the 'Modi' formula and extend our lockdown period till April 15.

So, we have another two more weeks to go before we go back to 'half-normal' days. Coronavirus has taught us a few stuff. We need to wash our hands regularly. So, all men who go for the shortie and never wash their hands should start washing their hands from now on.

We should not touch our face (mouth, nose etc) for no other reason other than when we are washing our face.

Social distancing will be the buzzword until the next century. Don't be surprised if your bus fare, air fare and every other transport stuff gets expensive. Our microbus can hold 15-18 people max but our conductors can squeeze in 30. 

If we take social distancing a little too far then expect our buses, planes and trains (not here but everywhere else) to have a seat approximately 3 feet apart, which means, you will now have to pay for three seats instead of one. So your 15 Rupees micro-bus fare will jump to 45. And don't even start using that calculator on your smartphone to figure out your plane ticket from Kathmandu to Delhi!

Our movie theaters will do the same and when we go to the malls, we will get coupons and probably have to wait outside, 3 feet apart and in line for hours for our chance to stroll around the mall and not buy anything.

I think the coronavirus will be here with us for a long time. We will have to get used to it like our other 'flu' stuff.  I don't think it's going to go away like other viruses similar to the corona. 

I don't want to go on a rant about how our Health Minister is a fool or our Health Ministry officials are having a party as they figure out how to make millions of Rupees from health kits and stuff they are buying from China. 

Whenever we have a crisis, our government wallahs only think about making some dough out of it instead of helping the people. So, let us not talk about corruption for a while. We know how corrupt our buffoons are and for the moment, let us figure out how to spend another two or more weeks inside our house and not go crazy.

We are Nepalis! We adapt to anything and our earthquakes, blockades and curfews during so-many so-called andolans didn't put us down. But corona is different. Maybe, our government could do us a favor if they gave us a bora of rice, a jhola full of daal and mula ko achar and gundruk and some masyaura (nutrela ki kay bhancha... you know them soya chunks)... we really don't need any masu for now. Soya will do it for us. 

Anyways, let us stay strong and be with our families. Play ludo, scrabble, uno, skip-bo, or chess or whatever. Just play something. Dance for at least 10 minutes  a day to your favorite, Nepali, English, Hindi, Bhojpuri, or your ethnic-language song. Wash your hands for at least 20 seconds. Now is the time to learn how to sing our Nepali national anthem by heart. Well, that's it for today. 

And it's my birthday. I am getting old. I am scared. I have not changed a bit. Even the coronavirus is scared of me.... Lord, help me become a better man!

If you need advice on how to be scared and still survive then you can email me at maguffadi@gmail.com 

When will we learn?

We had an earthquake and our government was nowhere to be found for a few days while we, the people were helping each other out. We had a blockade and we were left to find cooking gas and fuel in the black market while the government was busy doing nothing. 

And now, with the coronavirus, our government is once again ill-prepared to tackle the spread of the virus and does not have any plans to help us if we face the same crisis as in other countries.

It seems that our government’s job is to only collect taxes and then use it to pay our slimy contractors, lazy civil servants and crazy politicians.  We are never short of cash when it comes to handing out free checks to cadres and cousins but we beg for everything from ambulances to school buses and even tents from the bideshis.

Why can’t our government ask for help from the Amrikis to set up an emergency command center to deal with natural disasters and diseases? We can ask the Chinese and the Indians to help us as well. But no, our government is short-sighted and asks for small things while it forgets to look at the bigger picture.

We, the people have been left to fend for ourselves time and again. 

We saw it during the earthquake, the blockade and now the coronavirus. Yes, our healthcare system is not equipped to handle any crisis that affects millions of us. We have to take care of ourselves because our government will not even come to help us if face similar situation like in China or Italy.

So, let us not expect our government to handle this crisis well by managing its resources because the government uses its resources only for the thulo mancheys and not for the common folks. 

We are already facing shortages of cooking gas and fuel even though the government has not stopped the supply. Where do all the fuel and cooking gas go? Why is not our government after our gas dealers and petrol pump wallahs and only after a few folks who are hoarding thousands of masks?

A mask is not going to prevent the spread of the coronavirus. Awareness will. Yes, those infected are better off wearing masks and keeping a distance from others. But of course, we see our PM going back to Baluwatar where he doesn’t wear a mask but everyone around him does. The vulnerable ones should wear the masks not the other way round. 

Some of our municipalities are producing hand sanitizers and masks for the public. Kudos to them but look at our federal government and how it seems to be out of touch with reality! The coronavirus will continue to affect global economy for a year. We will not have tourists in our land till next year. Our migrant workers will not be able to go overseas to make that extra Dinar and Ringgits to take care of their families.

2020 is going to be tough for all of us. It’s time to go into the ‘earthquake mode’ and take care of each other. We really don’t need much. A simple dal bhat will be enough. It’s time for our wards to stock up on rice and lentils and probably have a public kitchen ready. We can volunteer to deliver dal, bhat and tarkari to our fellow ward members.

Yes, it’s time to save some money because we don’t know how long this will last but we hope that it will come under control before the end of this year but till then we must remain strong, united and look out for each other while the government just begs for extra dough to set up a command center or for health kits and other stuff which will never be used and will probably be sold or gifted to near and dear ones just like the tents provided by the bideshis during the earthquake.

So when will our government learn? Well, most probably never because we do not hold our buffoons accountable for anything. We vote, we pay taxes while they use our taxes for their own personal benefit and our votes to gain power and rule over us like the feudal lords of the Middle Ages. So let us just leave our government alone? 

Let us just learn to protect ourselves, make our own sanitizers, take preventive measures and expect the virus to eventually be under control all over the world.  And until then, let’s eat our plain old basic soul food, our dal bhat and spend quality time with our families. Yes, we may earn less this year but as long as we have our families with each other, we will have the strength to get over this as well. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You can contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com.

Blame it on the Corona

Our incompetent government is going to have an easy year as our netas, civil servants and contractors can blame the coronavirus for the country not moving forward. Every year, our contractors get busy during the monsoon. 

This year will be the same but if our contractors fail to finish their work on time, they can blame China and the coronavirus. They can just tell us that their equipment is stuck in China and just share the contract money with our civil servants as usual. 

Yes, it’s true that most of our hydropower projects are in a limbo because we need Chinese workers and equipment and most of the technical team seem to be stranded back home after the Chinese New Year. 

If Oli Ba had a good PR team, then our government would at least do a ‘We are with you China’ video with the Nepali people praying and asking for the Chinese to stay strong. Oli Ba could have prepared a message even if it’s in broken Mandarin to wish China a speedy recovery. 

But of course, our netas seem to have advisors who do not use social media much. No wonder, our communist government wants to ban social media and all forms of expression in this land.

Our tourism campaign has been halted and we cannot blame our Tourism Minister for the coronavirus. We didn’t start the fire but our government can do much better to at least create awareness among our ordinary folks about the virus instead of just letting us get carried away with fake online news. 

Instead of calling our country, ‘coronavirus free’, our airports and government agencies should be provided resources to make sure that tourists are screened properly and effective measures are taken if we do get those infected with the coronavirus. A table and two chairs and a flex board are not going to help.

Some folks have started to eat tons of garlic. Good for them but of course it might bad for their breath if they have to attend any meetings. Some are scared to go out and then get scared more as they scroll through all the fake online news. Some folks think that wearing a mask will prevent the spread of virus.  Well, if you are standing right next to the person who is infected then the chances of getting infected is of course higher. But of course, how do you know who is infected?

We have our mantris telling us that if we do get infected then we have to go on a self-quarantine instead of waiting for government help. Yes, our government doesn’t have much funds for the people. It has only enough dough for its own puppets.  

Well, we have not had problems like China, Italy and South Korea but it’s always better to be prepared. Finally, our government is following other countries when it comes to issuing travel ban and other preventive measures to combat the widespread outbreak of the coronavirus.

I think it’s time our netas went on national TV and showed us their hand-washing skills. Yes, let them sing the national anthem till the end as they finish washing their hands. I bet you that nine out of ten politicians in this land do not know the national anthem by heart. Some of it might still confuse it with the old one and recite a few lines from the old anthem. I think we should make it a part of the oath-taking ceremony and if you fail to sing the national anthem till the end then you don’t get to be our mantri or PM.

Our PM Oli Ba is slowly recovering from his surgery. We hope he will be fit again and be back to his game. Our Emperor is down with fever and cold. Let’s wish him speedy recovery as well. But it’s time, our Health Ministry at least carry out awareness campaigns to educate the public about the coronavirus.

Let us all wash our hands and sing the national anthem at the same time. Let us not touch our mouth, eyes, nose most of the time. Finally, our ‘Namaste’ seems to be the best contact-less greeting for the world. And I think it’s the best time to encourage mobile payment as we minimize the risk by not touching our bank notes. 

We don’t know when this ‘coronavirus’ thing will continue to affect the world. Let us hope that t will probably be controlled within a few months and we can finally get some cheap stuff from Khasa and our contractors can get their equipment and Chinese workers as well.  Most of the western world had been making tons of dough from the millions of Chinese tourists visiting their land. This year is going to be difficult for all of us. 

Our tourism entrepreneurs will be the ones to suffer the most and so will our airlines. Let’s hope our government will also follow the world when it comes to providing waivers on taxes to industries affected by the impact of the coronavirus. And it would also help, if we, the people get some tax breaks as well. 

It’s going to be a slow year. We have stood up to the earthquake, to the blockade and the corona should not be a problem. After all, we are Nepalis. We take care of ourselves even when the government is a no show.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You can contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com.

(Don’t) Visit Nepal 2020

We were expecting two million tourists to visit Nepal this year but it looks like we might not reach the target due to the widespread outbreak of coronavirus in China and various other countries. Even before the Visit Nepal Year 2020 campaign was officially launched, tourism entrepreneurs had serious doubt about attracting 2 million tourists to our land due to inadequate tourism infrastructure in our country.

Our Tourism Minister was in Australia at the wrong time but he didn’t want to cancel the visit at the last minute because he was dead serious in promoting our country no matter what. Thank God, he is not in China right now, trying to carry out another promotional campaign. I think our mantris’ advisors should at least read international news before they head out overseas to waste our taxpayers’ money.

Let us feel sorry for our Tourism Minister because he just can’t seem to get anything right. He now tells us that his ministry is looking for alternative markets such as the Sheikhs from the Middle East. 

Well, those folks have plenty of money and they will only be staying at five-star resorts and flying charter flights all over the country if they do come to Nepal. Private helicopter companies and five start hotels might make a few Dinars but that’s not really going to help much. We need millions of tourists so that millions of us can save some money after they spend their dough here.

Maybe, it’s time to focus on us, the domestic tourists instead and make our national campaign a success. Yes, scrap all international campaigns and let’s focus on the people here at home for once. After all, it seems that we, Nepalis, spend more than the majority of bhukka tourists we get in our country. 

A foreign tourist travels on a budget. Most of them work, save and then make plans to visit Nepal. Most of the tourists do spend most of their dough in India and then hop on a bus and enter Nepal to spend their last remaining hundred dollars. No wonder, you can get hotel rooms in Thamel for less than 5 dollars a day. Maybe, we should learn a thing or two from Bhutan. 

Yes, let’s set a price like the Bhutanese. We want high-spending tourists, not tourists who spend less than a domestic tourist would spend when they visit Pokhara. Well, we can’t blame them for only drinking a bottle of beer in five hours while Nepalis drink five bottles in an hour. Maybe, we just need more Polish and Russian tourists and our vodka manufacturers can also make a killing as well.

So, it’s time for the folks at the Nepal Tourism Board and the VNY 2020 secretariat to spend some dough if there is any left, to promote our local places to us locals. It’s about time our government offered us rebates or stipend so that we, Nepalis can visit Rara, Muktinath and other beautiful places in our land.

How about offering us a thousand Rupees if we do get out at least a hundred kilometers away from our home and visit a local tourist or religious place? 

I think the government used to have similar packages for civil servants. Our government should give us some dough back so that we can support local businesses as well.

Maybe, the government should come up with a new policy when it comes to promoting domestic tourism. If you do go to Thailand during Dashain and spend a thousand dollars then you should spend the same amount back home. So if you had fun in Pattaya and Bangkok during your five- night stay then you should spend the same amount of dough in Pathivara and Baglung. 

So, what happens if you don’t have any dough to go to foreign lands for vacation? Then, the government should give us some of our taxpayers’ money back to fund our vacation here at home. Our incompetent communist government can at least claim to be the party of the people if it decides to give some dough back to the people. 

We  really don’t care if Bam Dev wants to be our PM through the window or the back door or wherever possible. We really don’t care if Prachanda becomes our PM again because not much will change in this country. But we will care if our government for once decides to give some dough back to the people instead of only providing funds and misusing our taxpayers’ money on their own cadres, contractors and cousins. 

If the government really cares then it’s about time, it did something for its people. Our government doesn’t care about controlling corruption, pollution, inflation and frustration of the people. 

For once, spend some money on the people. Let the people from Darchula visit Dhulikhel. Give them a free bus ride. Let the people from Lubhu visit Lumbini. Give them free accommodation. Our netas should understand that giving back sometimes matters to us instead of only sucking us dry. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You can contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com.

Happy Birthday Oli Ba

First of all, let us take a sip of our doodh chiya and give a round of applause to Gokul Dai for resigning from office. Our former Misinformation Mantri can now start writing a weekly column for one of our newspapers since he will have a lot of free time. 

Gokul Dai is not the first mantri to ask for commission from big shady deals. He would have given some of it to his mother party, some to his spouse, some to his near and dear ones and they would all have had some fun with the free illegal money.

Our ward chairpersons around the country are minting money left and right. Our Mayors are making tons of dough from shady contractors. And why are we so surprised by our Mantris asking for some moolah from our byaparis? After all, you have to pay to get the ticket to stand up for election and if you become a mantri, you better bring home some bacon for your mother party or else you will not get to be a mantri again and again. 

Gokul Dai should have known better. Well, I think he was too smart for his own good. If you really want to talk illegal deals then it’s better to not talk it over the phone. Go to Gokarna Forest Resort, have a cup of coffee, walk around the golf course and do your deal. I think our mantris should know better if not then watch some movies about the Italian Mafia in New York.  

Well, John Gotti had to die in prison but there are other Mafia bosses who have managed to stay home because they discuss their deals while on a walk or somewhere else where the chances of being wiretapped or recorded is minimal. After all, our politicians are the mafia dons of today and they should probably watch the ‘Godfather’ series to learn how to act like a Mafia boss instead of acting like pickpockets.

Well, let’s get back to the talk of the town. Oli Ba celebrated his birthday not in some five star resort but back in the village where he was born. Whoever gifted the cake to Oli Ba should be jailed for a year or two for the worst cake design ever. You don’t make a cake of Nepal and then ask the PM to cut it.  

Why not just make a simple cake instead? And why are we so surprised once again by the Yeti folks personally delivering the cake on their own helicopter? Let them have all the fun because it’s their time to make as money as possible as long as these buffoons are in power. 

And don’t worry, they will continue to have fun even if the Congressis or any other coalition government comes to power the next time around. After all, they are byaparis and they will figure out a way to make deals with whoever is in power.

Oli Ba must certainly live in a bubble. We have to feel sorry for ourselves because our PM also has a hearing defect. He doesn’t listen to the people or the press. He listens only to his puppets. If Oli Ba is true to his words then he will hand over the keys to Prachanda soon. Let us hope Prachanda will not celebrate his birthday back in his village and waste millions of our taxpayers money as well.

Oli Ba accuses the opposition, the press and the people for trying to defame his government. He tells us that we are blind and we do not see the prosperity this government has brought but instead we spend our time whining and bitching about corruption and other nataks.

Oli Ba needs to visit an ENT doctor as well. There is a serious problem with his eyesight and hearing as well. Our government is not worried about all the corruption scandals the media reports about because it has the majority in the House. Our government doesn’t care about the people because the ordinary folks cannot pay Karods in commissions to those in power. Our government is probably the most incompetent ever because Oli believes in zero tolerance when it comes to corruption but his courtiers are the most corrupt netas ever. 

Yes, Oli is not a corrupt person. He will not take any ghoos and will not allow his courtiers to take the chiya kharcha either. So, the question is, where did Gokul Dai go wrong? Or is Oli Ba just making fun of the people with his jokes and one-liners and deep inside, he is just another corrupt clown like the rest of them.

We expected a lot from our great communist government. We gave them the majority in hopes of a prosperous Nepal and so far, only our netas and civil servants have fattened their wallets while we, the people see our earnings eaten up by inflation, taxes and chiya kharcha to our hakim sahebs. 

Let us all wish our Oli Ba a very happy Birthday. Instead of wasting millions of Rupees on such birthday natak, our PM should have just asked the Yeti folks to organize a tea party at all of our wards across the country. They would have gladly funded the chiya kharcha after all. 

Let us wish Oli Ba a very Happy Birthday and may he live to be 100 so that he can also travel in our railroads, go on a cruise since will have our own ships and probably by then, we will have our gas lines connected to our homes. Happy Birthday, Mr. Prime Minister. You have done us all proud by such a grand birthday party. Can we get a piece of the cake as well? 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You can contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com.