Whose Budget Is It Anyway?

This is the second time, our great communist government on Earth has presented the budget for this great land of ours. We all thought things would get better once we had an almost two-third majority government in place. But boy, we have never been so wrong in our lives. 

Oli and his crew seems to be stuck in the 90s and think that we will all pat them on their back for increasing the chiya kharcha for our senior citizens, widows, orphans and disabled folks in this country. Well, we have heard about our government employees pocketing millions of Rupees meant for the needy people. 

Roughly two million Nepalis are expected to receive some form of social security allowances but how far will Rs 3,000 go for our grannies and grandpas and what will our  widows and the needy do with the Rs 2,000 they are now expected to receive from our national coffer? Do expect nearly half of the funds meant for the needy people to be pocketed by those responsible of distributing these funds. 

That’s how our low-level sarkari folks get to make some money on the side. You know this great country of ours is going down the drain when our sarkarki chors ask for Chiya Kharcha from the Chiya Kharcha meant for the poor and the needy.

Our comrades had earlier promised Rs 5,000 for our senior citizens when they were campaigning before the federal elections. But of course, our netas also promise us 40,000 MW of electricity in a decade and the water from Melamchi by Dashain. 

And we can’t blame our chor netas for not fulfilling their promises because they actually never give us a fixed date of completion for any of their dream projects. So, Melamchi by Dashain might mean the Dashain next year or in the year 2030 AD. And when will we finally be able to generate 40,000 MW of electricity and sell most of it to India?  Just check the date for the next Halley’s Comet. 

Singapore was a malaria-infested swamp land sixty years ago and look at it now. Our land is a God’s gift to the world. We have the highest mountain on earth and the bravest and hardworking folks but how did we go wrong when it comes to politics? Maybe, we should learn a thing or two from the last episode from the Game of Thrones. 

Where can our thulo mancheys find their ‘Bran the Broken’? Maybe, Bam Dev could be our PM next time and let’s give him a chance to lead us into the future. After all, Bam’s story is as close to Bran from GoT if we look it from a political perspective. And one word of advice for Bam as if our politicians take any advice from us is that you have to rule by love and not by fear. 

Don’t try to scare us with fines and jail sentences so that we will shut our mouth and look the other way when our sarkari folks are looting us blind. The Shree Tins tried it. The Pancheys tried it. And now our comrades want to use the same formula of Hukumi Shashan.Well, it didn’t work then and it is not going to work now. 

And let’s go back to our Budget Bhasan again. Our Finance Minister, the former Nepal Rastra Bank Governor thinks we are better off with taking less money when we go abroad and has also cut down on how much we can spend across the border in Modi-land. 

Yes, let us not forget to congratulate Modi for his victory and let us not forget our Oli acting like our Maharaja by screwing up the flight schedules at our only international airport as he wanted to attend Modi’s swearing-in ceremony. 

Why not take a direct Kathmandu to Delhi night bus and show us that our comrades are for the people and not only for cadres, contractors and civil servants?

Our government has once again hiked the salaries of our civil servants, public school teachers and security personnel. Yes, our civil servants really need salary increment every year because it is difficult to do with the meager government salary. 

But, I think our government forget that our civil servants, especially the thulo mancheys don’t need the government salary at all. How on Earth do our hakim sahebs make enough to send their kids to Amrika and other western countries, buy apartments there and still be able to build mini-mansions here in the valley? Just ask the contractor for Melamchi or even the Ncell wallahs. 

Our hakim sahebs and netas only dream about commissions from all contractors while the common folks can only dream of a better tomorrow but even that is wishful thinking and we know the true reality we face every day.

Our government tells us that the salary hike will motivate our civil servants and help them to serve the public better. Yes, and Oli tells us that we are a dust-free city but he forgets to mention that come heavy rain for an hour and our capital turns into a mini-Venice. Yes, Nepal Tourism can promote our land for Monsoon by offering free rafts and boating services to tourists in the valley.

And our lawbreakers, the ones who were elected should be happy that our government has increased the constituency dumpling fund by 50%. Now, our elected MPs in the federal parliament will get 6 Karods to help the folks in their constituencies to build new temples and welcome gates which helps only the few and most of the beneficiaries will be their own cadres. 

Yes, even the ‘Afno Gaun, Afai Banau’natak once again is the same way to dole out funds for your own cadres. Most of our young lads and ladies in the villages have gone abroad to make a few Dinars more while only the young and the old remain back home. 

Maybe, it’s time for ‘Afno Desh, Afai Banau’ campaign and ask our netas and hakim sahebs to decrease their Chiya Kharcha fee from the rest of us and let us stop using foreign goods for a year and see how much we can save. How about our VVIPs riding around town in bicycles for a year and lead us by example instead of looting us more.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Oli is Back!

Let us hope that Oli Ba is refreshed after more than a week long vacation visiting Vietnam and Cambodia. I think he could have saved us millions of Rupees if he had just booked his ticket with one of our travel agencies in town that offers vacation packages for ASEAN countries. We know we have made it only when our loafers fly Economy and take less than a dozen people when travelling overseas on so-called official visits.

Our President got done visiting China a few weeks ago and now Oli is back in town after wasting our taxpayers money. Our netas think that they need to travel to foreign lands to show us that they are thulo mancheys. 

Why can’t our President do a nation-wide tour and visit all of our districts? Yes, spend a year outside the valley so that we don’t have to whine and honk whenever she heads to the airport or any other ribbon-cutting ceremonies in town. 

I think it’s about time we send our Vice President Nanda Dai abroad as well. Let the man enjoy some time with his family in Singapore or Thailand or even Maldives or Mauritius. 

After all, our Vice President is the only VVIP who sought treatment at home for his illness rather than wasting millions of Rupees abroad. But we know what kind of a person our VP is. 

The man would rather go to Dolpa and spend a week there instead of going to foreign lands. Maybe Nanda Dai should be our President next time. And after Nanda Dai’s tenure then our politicians should do us a favor by making sure that we have a President we can look up to and be proud of. Kami Rita Sherpa could be our President then. 

Yes, then we will have world leaders coming to meet him in Nepal to shake his hands rather than our President begging for invitation to foreign lands to attend conferences where a presence of a mid-level government official is enough.

Well, so why did Oli visit Vietnam and Cambodia instead of the Vatican and Chile? Why Vatican? Well, he could be the first PM to meet the Pope and it could be a good time to promote Visit Nepal 2020 among the 1.2 billion Roman Catholics. And then visit Mecca and promote Nepal to 1.8 billion Muslims. 

I think it would be best if Oli should just go on a world tour and visit all the countries in the world and help to finish Nepal Tourism’s hefty budget.  And what about Chile?  Well, we could at learn from them about strong building codes and how to have buildings still standing up and minimizing loss of lives during major earthquakes.

And let us not worry about our country not having a PM at home for a year because this land has been functioning on auto-pilot for the past decade and it doesn’t make any difference if no one is home at Baluwatar. It doesn’t make any difference to us if Oli, Prachanda or Deuba or a fortune teller from Ratnapark lives in Baluawatar. 

We have yet to have a PM who wants to lead this country because most of the folks who have lived in Baluwatar have been led by civil servants, contractors and cadres.

Oli tells us that he visited Vietnam and Cambodia because he wants to see for himself how these two countries have been doing great lately. But politicians are pathological liars. If you ask the real Oli then the reason he visited these two countries is because he dreams of the political system set up there. Vietnam is a Marxist-Leninist one-party state. 

In Vietnam, the Communist Party is the only political party legally allowed to have some fun. Oli dreams of his party only being the only circus company allowed to entertain us. But I think Oli forgets that his party maybe communist but he is a democratically elected PM and the last time we had a one-party state was thirty years ago. 

So, Maybe, it’s time we got done with the current system as well. We have seen the Monarchy and the Mandaleys and we were not happy with them. We have seen the Morons and they have looted more than our Rana uncles did. Yes, the Shree Tins had all the fun then but at least built the palaces for themselves. If not for them, then our President would today be living in a hut and our government offices would be out there in the fields. 

Well, the Shree Tins didn’t do much for the country apart from the palaces. At least during the time of the Pancheys, we had a brick factory, a cement factory, a churot factory, trolley bus and Sajha Bus running its network all over the country and our national carrier used to fly to London and Frankfurt. 

Our morons couldn’t even give us a new national stadium and we had to do with the old Panchey-made stadium and it is still under renovation since the Earthquake. So, we have seen the Ranas, we have seen the Shahs and we have seen our freeloaders. What do we want to see next? Our Maoist and Madhesi netas weren’t any good either. 

And Oli thinks he can learn a thing or two from Cambodia. Well, the only thing “Lord Prime Minister, Supreme Military Commander Hun Sen” can teach Oli or our fellow communist is how to stay in power for three decades and continue to have fun. After all, Cambodia is a one-party dominant state. 

Yes, Oli’s dream is our national nightmare. Oli will not be around in thirty years but he thinks he will be around forever. He is not a Satya Mohan Joshi. We are a Kakistocracy where this land is ruled by the least qualified and shameless buffoons. If we were a democracy then Joshi would be our President now.  

And if our media wallahs have to pay millions in fines and spend decades in jail for writing the truth then what does our government propose for the clowns who have been spewing lies and selling this country to the highest bidder? 

Well, just ask Pathak, our former CIAA commissioner  and many of  those who have managed to become judges, Ambassadors and hakim sahebs in government agencies to figure out how our netas reward the traitors and want to jail the patriots. If we do not stand up now then our human rights, freedom of the press and everything our martyrs fought for will be lost. 

Oli wants to be a Hun Sen. He can’t be because in a year, our comrades will break up and our Emperor will probably make a deal with Deuba and it’s once again the same old natak for us to enjoy.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Shift the Capital!

It’s about time our incompetent government seriously thinks about moving our capital to another city. Yes, our netas have been talking about this for a long time and so have we but it’s now time to talk the talk and walk the walk. We can’t have airports shutting down just because a VIP is leaving for a foreign land. 

I think it is better if we pay the Nepal Army to build their own airbase and our chor netas can fly in and out from there instead of using our only international airport and giving us all a hard time. Visit Nepal 2020 is round the corner and what message does it send to the tourists when our airport is closed for a VIP and they have to miss their flights back home.

And our concerned agencies should either move our domestic airport somewhere else or open the TIA for 24 hours and schedule international flights at night and the domestic ones for the day. Forget Nijgadh or Pokhara or Bhairahawa. 

I don’t think we neither have the capacity or the resources to handle three of four different international airports. Our civil servants never do their homework and our netas are only interested to make a quick buck while in power. That’s why nothing really happens in this country except corruption from thulo mancheys and only frustration for the common folks.

We can’t have our roads closed for hours to let the VIP on his or her way to the airport. I think it is better if our netas thought about the people for once  and asked their personal aides to schedule programs in the early morning or late evenings so that we the people do not waste our energy honking our horns and creating more noise pollution. 

And our Ministry of Foreign Affairs wallah should at least give some advice to our VVIPs when they are on foreign trips abroad. Do not make a fool of yourself. So, learn how table manners and even how to walk or even get off the plane. Just watch Trump and how he does on Air Force One. We can’t have our Madame President and her entourage walk down the plane as if they are done shopping at Bhatbhateni. 

And Madame President, why are you attending conferences abroad just for the sake of wasting our taxpayers money? If you really want to go to on a world tour then visit the Vatican and meet the Pope. Go to Amrika and give a speech from the White House Lawn celebrating Nepal-US friendship. 

Go visit the Queen and remind her that the Gurkhas have been serving the British Crown for two hundred years and have yet to get the respect from the British. Visit Singapore and remind the Prime Minister that the Nepalis serving in Singapore Police should not face such discrimination, especially their kids who have to leave Singapore when their fathers finish their service.

I think we can solve some of our VVIP-induced traffic jams if we shift the capital elsewhere. Chitwan would be the best place to shift our very very irritating people who have no shame wasting our taxpayers money on luxury vehicles, chiya kharcha and medical treatment abroad. 

I think our Emperor should ask Oli Ba to come up with a plan to shift all things government to Chitwan and Renu Didi can also benefit from it as well. It’s time our freeloaders moved out of the Kathmandu Valley so that the 6 million residents here do not have to deal with traffic jams and out of control Armed Police Force vehicles escorting our chors every other day.

Our Madame President seems to be living in a bubble with no access to TV, newspapers or even social media stuff. The people are pissed that they have to wait for hours while our Madame President gets out of the President’s House to attend another ribbon-cutting function or when she makes a trip overseas. And we all thought we were done with such nataks but boy, we were so wrong, weren’t we?

We thought things would change once Gyanu Uncle left the building but it seems that we just got rid of one King so that hundreds of mini-maharajas and maharanis could enjoy the show. And our greatest communist government on Earth has lost face with its nataks to curb press freedom, peaceful assembly and has been trying to control us all with new laws that would even put the North Koreans to shame.

I think our comrades fail to understand that even our Rana uncles had to leave the building and the House of Shah is no more ruling the country and one day, they too will lose elections and be the opposition. So please treat Deuba kindly because his astrologer has predicted another tenure at Baluwatar for our King from Dadeldhura. 

And who knows, our Emperor might switch partners come next election because the man is a magician and he always comes up with new magic tricks to enthrall us all.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com