The People's President!

Our Oli government seems to be in the news for all the wrong reasons every week and instead of apologizing for their nataks, those in power blame the people for making a big issue out of stuff like wasting millions of Rupees on vehicles for VVIPs. It seems that this government is hell bent on misusing power and wasting state funds for their own person benefit.

The joke of the week is that our government wants to relocate the Nepal Police Academy to Panauti from Maharajgunj because our President needs a bigger space. Yes, build a 1,000 room palace for our President so that whoever gets to be our commander-in-chief can live like one of our Shree Tin uncles. 

We had heard stories about the Rana clan enjoying the good life then but now, we can finally get to see our thulo mancheys wasting our state funds to live a life that would make then Rana uncles and the House of Shah look like middle-class folks. I guess, this is reason why we became a republic where ripping off the public is the sole objective of those in power.  

And instead of making sure that the people come first, our successive governments have done more for the pickpockets instead. 

Our Minister of Miscommunication, Mr. Go Cool Bans Quota tells us that we should not drag the office of the President into controversy and those who are against the expansion natak is against democracy as well. 

Even Baghdad Bob should be rolling from his grave today. We are lucky to have such mantris who are not ashamed to tell us that the government is wasting billions of Rupees of taxpayers' money on chiya kharcha and vehicles and other perks for our chors.

I think we need to ask our Professors from the Department of English at TU to teach a class or two to our thulo mancheys so that they know the meanings of English words.  

Dear Minister, we are not against Democracy. We, the people have voted to send folks like you to the Parliament in hopes that you and your fellow lawmakers will do good for the people and the country. We have been fooled again and again but we still hope that our politicians will change and finally work for the people. But we have been fooled even this time around as well. 

Why does our President need to live like one of those dictators in a totalitarian regime when most of us barely make enough to provide for our families? Our government tells us that the current space is not enough to even house 175 security personnel deployed for our Madame President. I guess, our government wants to provide a single room each for the security personnel at the President's House while it doesn't care about thousands of our soldiers in the Nepal Army and those in Nepal Police who have to live in bunkers and run down sheds across the country.

Why is our IGP Saheb silent when it matters the most? Our government had approved of the relocation of Police Academy a few months ago but the decision was made public only recently. IGP Khanal should save his organization from being a mere private security company for our chors. 

Why is our opposition wallahs silent on this one? Are they also being offered commissions when the government wastes Rs 8 billion grant provided by our Desi brothers?  Yes, it's all about the money.  Just ask the Mayor of Kathmandu. If he was allowed to do according to his wishes, the man would tear down our temples and build coffee shops instead and rent it out to byaparis!

Our police wallahs both in service and retired ones should take to the streets to protest against the government's decision to relocate the Police Academy.  And then will Nepal Police send their own folks to beat up the protestors? 

Nepal Army and the Armed Police Force (APF) get whatever they want from the government, be it helicopters, arms and other stuff but why is Nepal Police treated like an outsider when it is the only security organization that deals with the public day in and day out. Why is our government hell bent on destroying the professionalism of Nepal Police? Political interference is rising while the morale of the police force is sinking every day.

Our government tells us that our President needs Rs 180 million to buy new vehicles. Why not spend more and buy a helicopter instead so that our President can help us all by not creating traffic jams in the city. Just build helipads on rooftops of our government buildings all over the country? 

And our Vice-President's office will be shifted to the place where the Social Welfare Council  calls home. What's next? Shift the Prime Minister's residence from Baluwatar to Tundihkhel so that whoever is in charge of running this country can enjoy the open space while we, the people will have nowhere to go when the next Big One hits our country.

Our politicians and civil servants have not learned a thing from the earthquakes of 2015. Thousands of government buildings are yet to be repaired or rebuilt. Our government can't even build the walls surrounding our government offices and yet it talks about making this county great.  

Dear Madame President, please speak up now or else it will be too late. You do not need dozen vehicles to ride around the city. You do no really need a helicopter or a helipad or other freebies at the expense of our taxpayers'. Stop the looting of our national coffer to provide for our thulo mancheys.  

If you want to be the People's  President then be like the one from Uruguay. Yes, be like Jose Mujica, the former President of Uruguay. Give 90% of your salary and chiya kharcha to charities that benefit the poor and small business owners. But this is the land where the government exploits the poor and small businesses while providing rebates to the rich and fake-VAT Bill byaparis.  

So, do not expect our thulo mancheys to have a change of heart anytime soon. Let them enjoy the free lunch because in a decade or two, there will be no lunch at all.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Nepali Leaks

We are done with Tihar and the evil continues to rule over the good in this land of ours.  The only folks who have all the fun during the festive season are our hardworking civil servants, honest contractors and humble politicians. After all, this land is the land of opportunity for these bunch of thieves while for the rest of us, we seek fortunes abroad.

We can cry and whine about rising food costs but our government doesn't care about the shrinking wallet of the Nepali people. All our incompetent government cares about is how to appoint their near and dear ones to the positions of authority and even make some dough out of it. Yes, everything is for sale in this land and those in power are milking it all while leaving this beautiful country of ours dry.

So, if your uncle is appointed an ambassador or a hakim saheb at one of our government agency then don't forget to ask him how much chiya kharcha he has paid to the Oli government. After all, we have the greatest communist government on Earth that fires a competent first woman chief of Nepal Telecom and chooses other incompetent folks because she doesn't want to bow down and make some money for our pickpockets.

Our great Prime Monster Oli continues to act like a dictator while he has a year or two or enjoy his last stint at Baluwatar.  Our Oli government does not like freedom of speech, freedom of press or freedom of religion. 

I can understand the religion part because communists don't like other Gods because they themselves think that they are the only ones whom we should bow down and submit to instead of the other Gods we believe in. Our Oli government is also against our media wallahs. 

Maybe, it is learning a thing or two from some guy in the West. And if you want to get arrested and spend a few days or even a month or two in jail then just go ahead and honestly comment on some posts about our chor netas on Facebook.  So, if you really want to comment on our chor netas and thulo mancheys then only say nice things about them.  

If you are not happy with the Bouddha-Jorpati road section then do not blame our thulo mancheys. Instead thank them for allowing the folks living there to exercise their ankles and get some practice if they do decide to go trekking someday. Do not write about corruption in social media because our netas and civil servants have zero tolerance against corruption. 

They  do not take a paisa from contractors and other con artists. They really are patriots who want to make this country great again but it is us, the people, the media and everybody else who try to create obstacles in their quest to bring glory to this land by talking and protesting about our right to free speech and information.

Our Oli government is not happy with some of our mantris for talking to the press about cabinet decisions right after the cabinet meeting. Oli thinks that such information has misled the people. Somebody is really either smoking something else or needs to visit a neurosurgeon soon. But of course, he will go to foreign lands for medical treatment at the expense of our taxpayers' while most of us will have no choice but to get fleeced by our private hospitals back home.

Why is the greatest communist government on Earth afraid of its own people, media and even well-wishers? Oli now warns his own mini-sinisters not to leak the cabinet decisions before they mature. Earlier, the government shared cabinet decisions soon after they were passed but now it will be once a week because this Oli government is different. 

It has a two-third majority but wants to be like the regime of Gaddafi, Saddam Hussein and name any other dictators now and before. But of course, we don't have oil or any nukes so we don't have to worry about the West coming after our buffoons. But it's about time, Oli open a new ministry of miscommunication. So, you can hire someone like Baghdad Bob to head the ministry and dish out your own misinformation and keep us all out of the loop.

But Oli doesn't need to worry too much because even if your government shared all information with the public, it really doesn't matter at all. We all know that we are not going to get 40,000 MW of electricity in a decade and earn billions of dollars from selling our resources to our chimekis. 

We know that we will not be part of the rail network that connects Lhasa to Lucknow not even in the next century because Chindia has different plans for us.  We know that the poor will get identity cards but not the dough because our civil servants and netas will embezzle billions  of Rupees meant for the needy.  

What this country really needs now are whistleblowers in each and every government offices in this land.  We really need to know the real story. We all know that our politicians, civil servants and those in power are all corrupt and are all in it only for the money but we still don't know the real figure and where all the 'black money' really goes. 

We need bank statements, video and  audio evidences and even dig out trash from our chor netas' houses so that we can see the true colors of these traitors and only our media wallahs can save this land for finally going down the drain.  So, dear journalists, please rise above party politics and even gift hampers from bideshis. 

This is our land and if the government is not willing to save it from sinking then it is up to you and your fraternity to rise up and fight against those who misuse their power to tower over us. Let us request all our patrakars to be like Harry Potter, so that we can finally prevail against hundreds of Lord Voldemort of this land.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Tea Party!

If you want to really figure out how a political party will run this country if they come to power then just attend one of their tea parties. Don't fall for their hawatari speeches because our netas have promised us thousands of MW of electricity in the past decade and we have not even managed to add a hundred.

Instead we are covering half of our demand from our chimeki across the border. And instead of using our water, we are asking the Desis to burn their coal to provide us electricity. Yes, this government is not for saving the environment but for destroying it in the name of development and modernity. 

Yes, destroy our Chure region to make our contractors richer. Destroy our forests so that everybody can make millions while the airport will be like Melamchi and take most probably half a century before it comes to operation. 

We have the resources but it is our own civil servants, contractors and our clowns who work together to make sure that this country remains underdeveloped while their bellies and bank accounts are overdeveloped. Millions of Nepalis work abroad to make a few Ringgits, Dinars and lucky ones earn Yen and Dollars. Here at home, those in power make millions and billions but do not want to share the money with the common folks. 

Forget Singapore or Switzerland, remember Somalia or Sudan. Instead, try the tea at one of those tea parties and if it's not worth it then you know whom not to vote for if elections are around the corner. Our politicians loot billions of Rupees from this country, civil servants , contractors and common citizens but when it comes to tea parties, they practice extreme frugality.

So far, none of our political parties have managed to organize a good tea party  at all. Everything is disorganized and it seems that the members of the organizing committee themselves don't have a clue about the program schedule or what to do when the tea runs out. 

Yes, it's tough to manage an event where tens of thousands of folks come rushing in to grab a cup of tea and a packet of tidbits but hire a PR firm or an event management company and make it a fun event instead of asking thousands and thousands of folks who have lots of free time to stand in line for hours to take  grab a cup of tea and if lucky then take a selfies with our so-called leaders.

Our political parties organize tea parties during the festive season to waste their ill-gotten money from byaparis and other con artists. Most of our politicians prefer bideshis whiskey in the evening and it would be better if they organized a beer festival or a wine tasting event or ask one of those dealers selling whiskey from Scotland to organize an event for our netas. 

Yes, just show us your true colors instead of acting like saints when most of you are savages hungry for power and money.

Our comrades spent more than 50 lakhs to organize their tea party at Bhrikuti Mandap recently.  Why spend so much for a box of samosa, kera and ladoo and watered down milk tea? Why not ask all your cadres across the country to visit child care centers and old folks home and spend a day with the kids and our senior citizens and make their day worthwhile. 

And now our Kangaroos want to beat our comrades and tell us that 100,000 folks attended their tea party. Even if you spend a hundred Rupees on one person then the cost will top 1 Karod. I think it would be better if 100,000 folks brought their own food and shared it with the less fortunate rather than wasting the party's money and creating traffic jams nearby. 

We all thought that Baburam's new party could make a difference. Well, Dr Saheb will get all the freebies from the State as a former PM and he doesn't have to worry about chiya kharcha. But one man show cannot change this country. Rabindra Dai should have made a deal with the UML and he could have beaten Prakash Dai. 

Yes, sometimes you have to make deals with the clowns as well to bring changes to this country. Look at our Emperor. A while ago he was in bed with Deuba then he changed partners and is now bromancing Oli and who knows later one, he may switch sides and show us another set of his magic tricks. 

We have another four years to go and it's about time, any political party that wants to challenge the old chors start making their war plans now. Yes, if we do not vote for a new player in the next election then we are all doomed because with the way these chors are running the show, this country will cease to exist and then we can all be Kings and Queens of our own 24 kingdoms. 

Tihar is here. Our cows give us milk. Dogs are our best friends. Crows do their thing but our politicians give us nothing to be happy about. Instead, we have to worry about everything while our chor netas only worry about how to appoint their near and dear ones to positions of power and even make money off it. Let us wish Oli better health. 

Let us wish our Emperor more wealth as if he has not made enough and for the  rest of us, let us pray that we finally have the courage to stand up and hold those in power accountable for their actions. 

First, let us start with the the Jorpati road. If our government cannot take action against contractors and sarkari hakims , then it's now time for the people to wake up and smell the rotting corruption in this land.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com