Dashain Hangover

Let us thank our government for giving us the best Dashain gift ever. No, we did not get free Khasi or anything else from our incompetent government. Instead, we had to pay more for everything. The day we get any freebies from Singha Durbar is the day we know that we are officially what you would call a so-called 'developed' nation.

Instead, we had to pay more for everything. It seems that our Nepali Rupee is not worth much these days. Someday, we might be like one of those countries where you need to take a bora of cash to the market just to buy a chicken and that too after signing up to buy one a year ago.

One day, in the future, we will know that we have made it when our government offers us tax refunds or at least give us something instead of only increasing our taxes while failing to spend most of the funds meant for so-called development projects. So far it seems that our own government really doesn't want this land to be peaceful and prosperous because then our politicians and civil servants will stop getting chiya kharcha from service seekers. 

The price of maida, sugar  and nearly everything else went up before the festive season and now the food price is going up even more after Dashain.  By Tihar, most of us Nepalese will be broke while our thulo mancheys will not have to worry about rising food cost because they get boras of cash from civil servants, contractors and other con artists while the value of our hard-earned Rupee won't get you much these days. 

And don't be surprised when one Amriki dollar will get you a kilo of khasi soon.  And maybe a decade later, our Rupee will be like one of those Zimbabwean dollars then and we could all be billionaires in paper or even carry around trillion Rupee notes while the value of our notes would be worthless. 

Across the border, thousands of folks take to the streets to protest rising food cost but here in our land, we, the people stay silent and accept it as it is.  Maybe, we could save a few Rupees on fuel if our government gave us tax rebates on electric vehicles. But no, our sarkari hakims are the ones who would rather help our byaparis than help the people, the environment and help the country to reduce its trade deficit with its chimekis.

Our Prime Monster Oli whom we thought would be our savior has turned out to be no different from the rest of the folks who got to stay in Baluwatar. And we should not blame Oli and his greatest communist government on Earth for all of our problems. Yes, Rome was not built in a day and we need to be patient but we have nothing to be optimistic about from the way our Oli sarkar has been running the show so far. 

Instead of working for the people, our communist government wants to make sure that there is no dissent and we the people just shut up and put up with all the nataks our thulo mancheys dish us every now and then. 

We were told that we would be getting the water from Melamchi before Dashain. It looks like we might have to wait for some time. After all, we have waited almost two decades and we can still wait some more. After all, we are Nepalese. We have been patient for the past sixty years and continue to be patient even after successive governments have exploited us for their own self interest. 

It seems that we think we are better off with the new players but nobody really wants to change the system even though they talk about it before they get to power. We seem to have the worst Mayor in Kathmandu and he is not even worried about his legacy. 

He just wants to ride around in a luxury vehicle and enjoy the power and chiya kharcha that comes with it. This is the guy who thinks we are better off destroying hundreds of years of our history and replacing it with coffee shops and food stalls. 

Our former mayor has been accused of sexual harassment by two women but he acts like the women are to be blamed for misunderstanding his natak. It's about time, our thulo mancheys learn to resign and even quit politics for moral reasons but in this land of ours, our chors have no morals and they continue to get away with everything. 

Our Nepal Police has fired police officers involved with the  Nirmala case for failing to do their job. But they will not be barred from future government service. It's hard to believe that our police wallahs can't figure out the case and arrest those involved because our men and women in blue are quite competent when it comes to solving crimes without adequate resources. 

But we all know that those involved in the Nirmala murder case have ties with our thulo mancheys  and it's the same story with the case of the missing 33kg gold. 

Our former IGP has written his story. We all know that our politicians seek bribes from civil servants for promotion and lucrative postings. His story is nothing knew but even after knowing about misuse of power and corruption from our thulo mancheys, we can do nothing about it. 

It’s about time our civil servants all come clean and let us know how much they have paid to our netas so far. This is the land where politicians offer millions of dollars to then Chief Justice to look the other way. Thank God, she didn't take the money or else 

Lokman Dai would still be running the show in this land. This is the land where byaparis get to loot the consumers with the help of the government. This is the land where our own government is our own worst enemy. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Bam Dev for President

Bam Dev is an unlucky man. While his friends and foes won elections left and right, our man lost because of what you call political conspiracies. Yes this is the land of conspiracies where our thulo mancheys pull each others' legs to get to power. It's all about making money, misusing one's authority to exploit the people, the resources of the State and empty the national coffer.

It seems that the only reason folks join politics is to make money. Our netas have forgotten that politics is public service. Here in this land, our netas think that the public owes them everything and this land is their private property where they can do whatever they want and get away with it. 

Yes, whenever things go bad, either you blame your own party comrades, the other guys or foreign hands. If you can't blame them all then blame the voters but never blame yourself for your failure. And if you are our Prime Monster then blame the country for broken roads, poverty, corruption and all the mess we have in our land. 

He tells us that it was already broken and why are folks hell bent on criticizing such a great government? Well, our netas only know how to break stuff. They know how to destroy public property. Our Oli government wants to cut down trees worth billions of dollars in the name of building an international airport. Except for the media and those who want to save our environment, most of us are not even interested to find out why our netas want to destroy the environment in the name of development?

Oli tells us that he didn't start the fire. It was burning all along and he will rather add oil to it rather than figuring out a way to stop the fire from burning the whole country down. 

You cannot criticize this government. You cannot tell Oli and his courtiers to do the right thing because we now live in Oli-land where freedom of speech is out of the window. If you criticize this government then don't be surprised if you are denied boarding on your way to Thailand for Dashain vacation.

Bam Dev once again wants to be a mantri. It seems that our old fogies want the Kurchi till they drop dead. They never think about retiring from politics or becoming a senior mentor and letting the young turks take over their political parties. 

Prachanda has been running the show for his Mao Inc. since the 90s and now he is the co-chairperson of the greatest communist party on Earth. Makune, Jhallu Dai, Oli and Bam Dev are the big sharks and have been leading the show for decades. Nobody wants to leave town and write their memoir and spend the rest of their lives giving speeches inspiring young comrades to do the right thing. 

If our netas wrote their memoris then they would just write about how they sacrificed everything to make Nepal peaceful and prosperous. And the reality is that only our netas, civil servants and contractors have gotten rich in this land while the rest of us have to cut down on sugar in our tea and probably go vegetarian because we can't afford to eat Khasi. Maybe, it's a good thing that our thulo mancheys do want us to lead a healthy lifestyle instead. 

Of course, like most of the senior netas of our major political parties, Bam Dev too wants to at least spend a night in Baluwatar some day before his time is up. He wanted some guy to resign from his seat in Kathmandu so he could contest the election again and probably win and become a lawmaker then our deputy Prime Monster and once again our Home Minister when Prachanda moves to Baluwatar.  

But I guess his master plan has failed as he has backed off due to criticism from all quarters. Our Election Commission (EC) wallahs would have to spend Karods of Rupees to hold the election in Kathmandu so that Bam Dev could finally enter the House.

Maybe, our greatest communist government on Earth should make Bam Dev happy by making him our President. Yes, anything is possible in politics. Bam Dev could be our President and maybe he will at least speak about the violence against women in this land of ours unlike our current Madame who seems to be too busy cutting ribbons and giving speeches in conferences rather than being our guardian.

I think it's about time our EC wallahs made it mandatory for only those residents registered in the same constituency to stand up for election from that constituency. If the rule applies for our local wards then why not for those contesting elections for the federal parliament? We have folks from the Far West representing a constituency from the Central Region. Will the guy from Jhapa really have any loyalty or even feel for the people in Jhamsikhel?

I think the woman from Jhapa should stand up for election from her own constituency and help the people there instead. Let us all feel sorry for Bam Dev for now. All his batch mates have become Prime Monsters. If the man can't live in Baluwatar then at least move him to Maharajgunj and let him enjoy the perks. After all, this is the time to loot us all because there is nobody to stop our chors!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Ban Sugar , Save Lives

First, let us all welcome back our great Prime Monster Oli who has had fun visiting New York, taking pictures with Trump and the First Lady. I think our Foreign Ministry wallahs should at least teach our netas how to present themselves when taking pictures. 

It's not that hard to smile and show your teeth. Trump may not be the Amriki President the world expects him to be but he sure does know that when the photographers says 'cheese' then you show your pearly whites and not look like a grumpy old man instead.

Oli must have also learned a thing or two from his visit to Costa Rica. Well, the truth is that our netas don't learn anything from their foreign trips. They are just happy to waste our taxpayers money and want to visit foreign lands because they get spending money from the State.  

Oli has been to Bangkok many times for his medical treatment. If he had any common sense then this country would have world-class government-run hospitals. But no, our netas want to award licenses to byaparis to open medical schools like folks opening driving centers in the valley. Yes, it's all about the money. Byaparis make money. 

They evade taxes. They pay our netas, civil servants, mundrey gundas and other con artists. All the chors are happy except the common folks who have to bear with pollution, corruption and inflation every year and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel for now.

Our Emperor visits Singapore a lot nowadays. He even calls up Makune from some five star hotel in the Lion City. Yes, he will probably ask the State to foot his phone bills as well. 

But our Emperor has no plans to turn our country into Singapore because if we became like them then our netas, civil servants won't be able to loot billions of Rupees every year from the State, service seekers and contractors. Maybe, we should start paying our civil servants and netas tens of millions of Rupees in salaries instead so that we can save billions of Rupees from corruption.

And our greatest communist government on Earth has once again proven that it is not only for the contractors and medical mafia but also for sugar byaparis as well. Yes, let us thank our government for making us pay more for sugar. I think the Health Minister should go on TV and tell us that it is a good thing that sugar prices are up because now, we can cut down our sugar intake and maintain our blood sugar level. Then, we don't have to take medications and save a few Rupees.  

Our netas tell us that banning porn will now make our women safer.  Yes, we should have certain mechanism to filter access to such materials for our young ones but banning anything has not really turned out to be successful anywhere. Banning alcohol will not stop people from buying illegal liquor. Banning free speech and right to assembly will not help the government to stay in power for long. 

What we need to ban is our netas and thulo mancheys from flying overseas to attend hawa-tari conferences and wasting our tax payers money. We should ban all vehicles used by our mantris from 10am to 5pm. Yes, our ministers should be at the office before ten and leave for their mantra quarter after five instead of acting like a bully on the road with sirens blazing and security personnel driving the vehicles as if they are drunk. 

Our Oli government is getting too big for its boots because it boasts a two-third majority in the House. They feel that they are now invincible and they can just walk over everyone, from the opposition to the common folks and can get away with it. This government stops people from flying abroad to attend conferences because they have opposing views. 

This government now wants all of us to seek approval from our ward offices whenever we visit foreign lands so that we can prove that we have the financial capacity to go abroad. But if the law is equal to all regardless of those in power and the common folks then our chor netas should seek approval to visit foreign lands as well. 

Maybe, the President can be the one to approve such visits but we have a President who pardons convicted murderers but cannot speak against the violence against young girls and women in this country. 

Madame President, please tell the Oli government to act against those who commit such heinous crimes against women. Please use your authority to straighten up this government because you may enjoy all the perks for now but history will judge you differently. 

But our politicians and thulo mancheys are a different lot. They are not like you and me. We hold grudges for at least two or three generations just because your uncle decided to encroach a feet of your father's land. But learn something from our chor netas. They may act like they are sworn enemies in public. They will talk bad about India in public. 

They will tell us that they are all for zero corruption in public. But when they are together behind closed doors, they are the ones who will embrace each other and enjoy bideshi whiskey, marry off their kids to each others' as if they are forging alliances as in the Middle Ages and will bow down to a mid-level officer from the Indian Embassy begging for their kids' scholarships to medical schools in India. 

And what about corruption?  Well, the whole country seems to know how much our former Army Chief made when in office. We all know how much Sujata Auntie and others made from the APC natak with Nepal Police. We all know where Prachanda has invested his money. 

We all know how our netas groom mundrey gundas to win elections and carry out other dirty works.  If were to judge a government on its corruption record, don't look far, just look at the hakim sahebs they appoint in paisa-kamauney government agencies. This government has once again appointed the same corrupt man to head the Nepal Telecommunications Authority. 

And our Oli government fires the first woman to head Nepal Telecom. Go figure! This land is not for children and women but for old fogies who at their death bed still wants to loot us all and drown this country. Oli tells us that we were poor before this government came to power. 

Our roads were all broken down and Oli should not be blamed for all the problems. He is right but at least, you can fix the problems instead of making it worse by only working for the contractors and other con artists instead of helping the common folks. 

Why favor the rich and that too those who have earned it through illegal means instead of hard work while strangling the poor?  We were supposed to have the greatest communist government on Earth. The country voted for the communists hoping that our lives would be little better than before. But we were wrong.

This is probably the worst government ever in the history of  Nepal. Dear comrades, you still have more than a thousand days to make it right.  It's about time you did what is right instead of bullying us all with your might.

Oli, look back at the fourteen years you spend in prison fighting against the Panchey. Was it all some natak so that one day, you can be just like them or has power corrupted you just like those before you?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com