Dashain Gifts

Dashain is round the corner and as usual, our corrupt incompetent government wants to give us common citizens a lot of gift hampers. The gifts from the government are different from what you and I give each other during birthdays, weddings and other social functions.  

We give cash, clothes and cutleries. Our government is a different story. It only knows how to hike taxes, fails to spend most of the funds meant for development works and allows byaparis to increase their prices and empty our wallets. 

We are now paying more taxes because we have to feed thousands of our lawmakers in the province and the center. And our mayors and provincial ministers drive around in luxury vehicles worth Karods. It's about time, our federal ministers demand helicopters to go around town for ribbon-cutting ceremonies. I think our President should have a private plane. 

Oli has already done us proud by not flying with our national carrier but paying millions more to a private airlines when he goes to visit our chimekis. 

As usual, our government fails to spend most of the money meant for development works every year while contractors never finish their job on time. It seems that Thekdaars in this land are more powerful than those who are in charge of monitoring their works.

How on earth did we end up like this where rule of law doesn't matter and only rule of thieves apply in all walks of life? Ever since, we became a Republic, our politicians have developed a different attitude towards the people, country and the system itself. It seems that they now know that the monarchy is not going to come back any time soon unless our chimekis have other plans. 

Yes, we may brag about how we toppled the previous regime but at the end of the day, negotiations and deals are signed not here but there.  

This has been going on since the days of the Shree Tins and it will go on until the day, our leaders are brave enough to take a stand and settle their differences on their own instead of begging and crying for help from our chimekis to help them to gain power.

Our Oli government has turned out to be no better than the previous ones and our netas don't care about folks going back home to their villages for the festive season.  Instead, our politicians, civil servants and thulo mancheys are happy when millions of our young folks leave their villages for the Middle East. 

Manpower companies make billions, chor agents make millions and our sarkari hakim sahebs and elected lawbreakers take their cut as well. This is the land of commission where if you can provide chiya kharcha then the netas and hakim sahebs will go to bed with you and if you are an ordinary, poor but hardworking citizens with nothing to offer then the government will make sure that your work takes time and you spend money and time running around for days to meet the hakim sahebs to sign your files.

Our transport mafia has won the battle against our government. They did carry out their transport strike and now they are free to increase their fare. As usual, the consumers suffer while our con artists make the moolah and corrupt clowns get their share. 

No wonder, our mantris can't take any action against byparais because at the end of the day, they need the chiya kharcha from the same byaparis to fight elections, to buy apartments in the West for their kids and to invest in departmental stores, cooking gas, media and other thekka-patta businesses across the country.

And we now see byaparis getting nominated by our parties to be our MPs. Look at the guy from Pappu Construction. He gets to be our lawmaker because he has paid millions to a political party. He gets government contracts worth billions of Rupees and our government is okay with the guy not finishing his work on time. 

And now, there is an arrest warrant for the byapari turned lawmaker and let's see if the guy is arrested and charged with negligence at all. Let us all feel sorry for our Home Minister who seem to be powerless when it comes to going after gold smugglers, murderers and contractors. It doesn't help when most of the criminals are under the protection of top leaders of our political parties.

As usual, this Dashain, the common folks will have to pay more for everything. The price of maida is already up. The price of Khasi will be more than what you paid last year. Bus fares are up. It seems that the only thing that goes down is the country itself and its hardworking people while the taxes, food prices, and everything else goes up. 

Oli and his comrades tell us that they are more patriotic than the ordinary Nepalis. Maybe that's why nobody is interested to cut down our trade deficit with our chimekis. We now import almost everything. We do not have enough Khasis in this land. We import old buffaloes so that we can enjoy our vyar vyar momos. 

It the government at least implemented odd-even vehicle rule and banned all transport at least on the last Saturday of the month then we can save quite a lot on fuel imports from our chimeki. Our municipalities could help us by providing free gamalas so that we can grow vegetables, dalley khursani and even fruits on our roof tops in the valley.  At least give us something instead of only taking everything from us. How about a kg of khasi ko masu for all taxpayers? 

But no, our government and those in power want nothing to do with anything that helps the people. They only care for their cousins, cadres and contractors.  And they will make sure that their near and dear ones get the funds in the form of student loans, youth employment loans and other grants the government has to offer to citizens. 

For our politicians and hakim sahebs, Dashain comes every week. For common citizens, it comes once a year and instead of being happy and celebrating the victory of good over evil, we have to feel sorry for ourselves because in this land, evil has triumphed and good has already left the building.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

All Aboard

Our greatest Prime Monster Oli Dai is off to New York to waste our taxpayer money like every other Prime Monster before him. It seems that our Prime Monsters want to spend some vacation time in New York every year in the name of attending the General Assembly of the United Nations.  

And it's always good to take a break before the Dashain season begins. Yes, refresh yourself overseas because when you get back home, you have to face a hectic schedule of contractors showering you with gift hampers.  When Dashain comes, our netas, hakim sahebs and thulo mancyes get free khasis, free bideshi whiskeys and boras of cash from other con artists who make their moolah from government contracts.

Why spend millions of Rupees and make the Americans richer by spending a few days in the Big Apple when that money can be spent on the needy ones here back home? If our chor netas were really serious about saving us a few Rupees then they would be taking a small crew when visiting foreign lands but it seems that our thulo mancheys think that this country owes them free vacation packages and if they don't take their near and dear ones now then they won't have the opportunity to do so later at the expense of the State.

So what will Oli do in New York? As usual, he will give a speech here and there and talk about how successful our country has been so far since we became a Republic. And he will also ask bideshis for help to develop our country. Oli will talk about the success of our peace process to the world. Either the bideshis do not know the ground reality or like to look the other way as long as it fulfills their self interest.  

Our peace process has not been successful. Then rebels are now our rulers along with the same batch of unified mundrey leaders who would even shame other wild capitalist pigs. The security forces and the rebel forces both participated in torture and killings of innocent folks and nobody has been punished at all. 

We all know that everything is now swept under the carpet and neither the Army wallahs and then rebels and now netas want to bring those issues back on the table again. It seems that in New Nepal, our army is now a business house while the House is occupied not by lawmakers who want to bring change to the nation but lawbreakers who want to join hands to loot the State and leave us penniless. 

I think our politicians should change their speech writers because our eggheads have been giving the same speech for the past fifty years be it the Pancheys then or the pickpockets today. I think our netas suffer from some kind of an eye disorder. Somebody please called Dr. Ruit at Tilganga to take a look. Our pickpockets tell us that we are a success story but so far only those lazy bums who have engaged in politics have made the moolah. 

We all know that majority of the netas who a decade ago had a shirt and two slippers now own land worth hundreds of Karods and drive around in luxury vehicles. Their kids are now contractors and have a stake in most of our so-called development projects across the country. Even the contracts for roads ,airports and other infrastructure projects have been handed out to companies who have managed to make the near and dear ones of our netas partners in these ventures.

Our chor netas neither have any vision nor any mission to change this country. We did expect a lot from Oli and the greatest communist party on Earth. But this is not the same party of Madan Bhandari or Man Mohan or has nothing to do with Marx either. This is the party of the mundreys where criminals, con artists and con artists can get their views across to the netas while the real hardworking cadres and comrades are sidelined by the bosses who only seem to care about making as much dough as possible while in power. 

Our greatest communist government should realize that elections will come every five years if all is good and if we the voters can elect you to loot us all then we can change our minds and give the opposition wallahs the same opportunity to loot us again after the next election. 

After all, Ganesh Man was right when he told us that we are all bhedas and we have been led by the wolves to the slaughterhouse. Leadership is not about just telling jokes, proverbs and giving hawatari speeches but it's about actions and we are not asking for big trucks when we can get by bicycles. 

Oli Dai and Bhauju will get the opportunity to meet President Trump and the First Lady for 12 seconds, take a picture and move along. Our Foreign Ministry officials should warn Oli that Trump has the habit of pulling the other person violently while shaking their hands. So, just do the usual Namaste and tell the most powerful man on Earth that it also saves oneself from germs of others as well.  

Oli will also visit Costa Rica after he is done eating hot dogs in New York. Why on Earth do you want to visit Costa Rica? Maybe, one of Oli's advisors just threw a dart at the world map and picked up the destination or there must be something there. If Oli and his advisors were smart then they would have told our media wallahs and the common folks that Oli has chosen Costa Rica because this small country in Central America is politically stable and prosperous compared to its neighbors. And it's been seventy years since they got rid of their army. 

Maybe, that's the magic formula that Oli wants to learn. Costa Rica uses the money that could have gone to the military for its health care, education and social security programs. I think it's time we thought about it as well. Instead of a standing army where the Jar-Shaabs make billions why not allow all Nepali citizens to apply for a UN rapid reaction force and our national army could just be the UN Army to be used for peacekeeping around the world as well.

Oli can also learn a thing or two about how a country earns money from tourists from its jungles and its ecological friendly policies instead of our netas, hakim sahebs and other chors trying to cut down lakhs of trees and make billions of dollars in the name of  building an international airport while destroying our environment and inviting natural disasters in that region in the future.  

Our netas can learn a lot of things to from the world while they visit foreign lands but we are cursed with ignorant fools who think they know everything. Dear Netas, first learn to tie your shoelaces before you teach us about anything else.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Paranoid Parasites

It seems that our ruling clowns see conspiracies everywhere.  Our greatest communist government on Earth is acting more like an insecure coalition government instead of the one commanding a two-third majority in the House.  

The parents of  late Nirmala want justice but our incompetent police wallahs have managed to destroy evidence and instead tried to frame other innocent folks for the crime committed against Nirmala. And now, our Emperor tells us that someone is conspiring against the government by committing crimes across the country. 

Dear Emperor, we know that you are just itching to get to Baluwatar again once Oli is done with his shift but don't blame others for the incompetency of our government agencies.

Instead of directing the police wallahs to find out the truth, you are making it worse when you tell us that the crimes committed in this land is more of a political conspiracy against the greatest communist government on Earth. And we though the Orange man in the West was crazy. 

We knew our netas were parasites who were good at sucking the blood of hardworking Nepalese but we didn’t know that these clowns were also suffering from paranoia. I think it's time our so-called great communist leaders visit psychiatrists and seek counseling and even medication because no matter how much we curse, blame and make fun of our chor netas, it is in their hands to take this country forward to peace and prosperity or backward to doom and destruction. 

So far, it looks like we are not moving forward but a step back toward the dark ages where ordinary citizens had no freedom while only a few hundred feudal lords had all the fun. So, our rebels went to the jungle and Oli and his friends spent decades in jail so that one day, they could finally get to sit on the Kurchi and do exactly or even worse than the regime they fought against. 

Our comrades are not communist. If they were then they would not try to award licenses for medical colleges to byaparis in the valley. They would not sit silent and let the shady contractors bag all the government contracts and do nothing to finish their assigned tasks. They would go after the big sharks who smuggle gold worth billions of dollars instead of going after the little fishes. 

They would rather nationalize all private colleges and hospitals and make education and healthcare free for the public. And if they were true communist then they would also work on a deal with some foreign power to develop a nuclear bomb or two to protect our nation from both real and imaginary enemies. 

We really haven't gone to war with anyone in the past hundred and fifty years and we are not going to war with anyone anytime soon but it always helps to go nuclear if we want other nations to take us seriously. So, if our government is really communist then we should be friends with China, Cuba, North Korea and even Iran.  

Then we can get all kinds of stuff from China. We can learn a thing or two about healthcare and education from the Cubans. We can get fake Marlboros, fake dollars and a few suitcases of home-made nuclear devices from the Koreans. And what about Iran?  Well, we can get discounts on dates and pistachios for Dashain and Tihar!

Our great communist government seems hell bent on destroying the foundations of democracy by preventing peaceful assembly, freedom of the press and religion and independence of the judiciary. Maybe, we should have to amend the constitution and have an age limit, term limit and even limit on how many times one can be a minister and a Prime Monster.  

Oli thinks he is on the same stature as folks like Mandela or Mr. Lee from Singapore. But Oli should be reminded that we can learn a lot about reconciliation from Mandela and how to turn a poor backward malaria-infested swamp land to a developed nation in a few decades from late Lee. 

But of course, our communist government can change the constitution and put forth the term, age and all kinds of limit on power with their majority but will not do anything right for the good of this country. Instead, they think that nobody can or should stop them from enjoying the loot till the next general election.

What our netas have failed to understand is that the greatest resources of any nation is its people and not  land, sea, mountains or water. Singapore buys water from Malaysia. Singapore doesn't have mountains but more than 16 million visit this small city state every year while we can't even get a million visitors when we have the highest mountain on Earth. 

We can attract hundreds of millions of tourists to visit the birthplace of Lord Buddha but it seems that India has done a better job  of promoting Bodh  Gaya while our successive governments have appointed incompetent cadres to head the Lumbini Development Trust.

God has done his or her job well when it comes to our land. Well, if you think otherwise then just thank plate tectonics for our beautiful land. But our corrupt politicians and civil servants have not allowed the people to seek or receive opportunities to better their lives and do something productive for this country. 

This country has not failed us. Our politicians have. Those in power are taking this country down the drain and since we do not have an effective sewage system, we are all going down as well except for our civil servants and politicians who have already transferred most of their wealth and kids abroad so that they can always take a hike when everything goes haywire in this land.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Our Civil Servants!

Our Prime Monster Oli Dai tells our civil servants to provide quality service at the doorstep of common citizens while wishing them the best on the occasion of the 15th Civil Service Day.  I think our man in Baluwatar has never been to our sarkari offices except for Baluwatar and Singha Durbar. And everybody is busy kissing the Prime Monster's ass and Oli doesn't know what is really happening in our government offices at all. 

Our netas should spend a day or two at our district administration offices, local ward offices, courts and land revenue offices across the country. Only then they will figure out why it is such a hassle for common citizens at our government offices. Instead of getting our job done in an hour or two, we need to spend the whole day or even a few days to receive the services from our government agencies. 

And the funny things about our sarkari offices are that our government employees are either on sick leave or are out for a meeting or two when you need that person to sign your papers. I think we should make it mandatory for all of our civil servants to sit on their desk minus the towel please and stay put except for lunch and  bathroom break. 

Please do not disappear an hour after the office opens or an hour before closing time. And yes, the Oli government should ban towels on chairs of our lazy bums. If you want to wipe your nose, hands and face then please bring a hankerchief from home or buy wipes from your own pocket for your own personal use. But in this land of ours, our hakim sahebs and netas want to empty our pockets by raising our taxes while using the funds from our state coffer for their own personal use. 

Yes, it would be nice if we had home delivery service for our passports, citizenship IDs and other government services as well. But of course, our civil servants are not here to serve the public. There are here to serve their political masters. 

Our civil servants are the luckiest folks in this country.  They get paid better than most of the folks in the private sector. And they also get to earn extra on the side by asking for chiya kharcha from service seekers. Byaparis and contractors pay commission to our hakim sahebs to get government contracts. 

But they also have to pay other folks like mantris and hakim sahebs above them for promotions and lucrative transfers and also share the loot from the commissions provide by fake VAT bill byaparis and slimy contractors.

Yes, there was corruption during the days of the Pancheys. It was what one would call 'under the table' corruption. Then we had multi-party democracy where corruption was now out of the closet and on the table. And now we are a republic and corruption is everywhere and all the 'black money' goes to the tax havens somewhere in the Caribbean and then comes back home as foreign investment from unknown sources. 

We all know that it is hard for our civil servants to survive with what they get from the government. But it's even harder for common folks who do not even make enough to survive at all. No wonder, millions of our young lads and ladies go overseas to make a few Dinars. 

Oli has promised to eradicate corruption like those before him. We all know that our political parties are the most corrupt ones in the nation and unless these circus companies are forced to strictly follow the rules by our Election Commission. 

Yes, our political parties do not have to submit their fake financial reports on time. They can get away with breaking the law by not providing 33% seats for women in their central committees. Yes, no matter what our chor netas tell us, most of them are male chauvinist pigs who do not want to give our women any opportunity to lead their parties or work in positions of influential authority.

Yes, we have a woman President but she is busy pardoning murderers and handing out medals to the same bunch of corrupt civil servants every year. We had a woman Chief Justice and she nearly got impeached because she was not corrupt and did not bend the law to make our chor netas happy. We had a woman Speaker in the House as well. 

But just a few women in the top doesn't mean that this country is ready for a woman in Baluwatar. Well, in reel life, we have Gauri Malla heading the country and I think it's about time we had a woman to lead us to peace and prosperity because all the old men have failed us miserably. 

Our bureaucracy is bloated, corrupt and inefficient. Our netas are interested to loot the state, byaparis and common folks and also extort from our civil servants. It's about time our civil servants stop playing politics and focus only on their job instead of being a political cadre for our political parties and doing their bidding instead of working hard to provide better services to the people. 

The PBC (Politicians, Bureaucrats and Criminals) network is strong in Nepal. We cannot dismantle the network because our police wallahs have no power to arrest them even if our courts orders them to do so. Our netas in New Nepal have made a mockery of our law enforcement agencies, the judiciary, the bureaucracy and nearly everything else in this land. 

If you want to survive in this country, then you must not speak the truth, you must not stand up for what is right and if you see crimes being committed then look the other way because the State is not going to help the poor, the needy and the victims or their families. 

Those in power and position of authority neither have manners nor morals.  All they have is a motive to make money by any means even if it means breaking the law and selling this country to the highest bidder. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com