Right to Protest!

It seems that our Home Minister and his pals are hell-bent on making this nation of ours a police state. It’s sad to see the same folks who were tortured, imprisoned and harassed by the security services of the state then when fighting against the system now turn against the people when in power. 

I think our netas don't realize that these new rules and regulations they want to enforce on the people and on our lives will one day come to haunt them as well. 

Instead of moving forward, we seem to be going back to the days when our Shree Tin uncles ruled this country. We can understand that things were different then. You had just one family having all the fun and they wanted to ensure that they continued to have fun till the end. But all good things and even bad things must come to an end someday. 

Our netas don't realize that they will not be in power forever. The Romans had their fun and so did the British when they were on a colonizing binge party and our House of Shah had a good two hundred plus years of fun even though they spent most of it manipulated by their courtiers and then our Shree Tin uncles.  And one day, those who now rule this country will have to take a back seat as well. 

Our greatest communist government on earth is slowly showing its true colors and if we don't wake up now, it might be a little too late when you realize that you can no longer assemble peacefully, or protest against our thulo mancheys. 

Our Home Minister tells us that we should not be pissed off just because he has banned the Maitighar Mandala area as a protest zone along with Baneshwor and Bhadrakali areas. He has given us seven protest zones in the valley and we are free to beat the drum and shout slogans and do our stuff there. 

It seems that it was fine for our political parties when in opposition to shut down our highways, shut down our schools and shut down the nation and get away with it but now, it's not okay to walk around the valley protesting against those in power. 

Our Home Minister calls Dr KC an authoritarian figure. Somebody please give our politicians an Oxford English Dictionary.  Our netas must be finding out meanings of words from a fake dictionary. When we talk about 'peace', these buffoons think 'piece' and want to share a piece of the loot amongst them while the people get poorer each day. 

Let us not even talk about prosperity in this land because it means illegal riches for the near and dear ones of our netas and hakim sahebs while most of us live in poverty. 

If our Home Minister really knew the meaning of 'authoritarian' then he would just do his job and focus on security and safety of the people and crack down on contractors and mundrey gundas. But no, that’s not enough. 

It looks good on paper when our Home Minister tells us that he will go after the slimy contractors and other con artists but in reality, these contractors are the ones who pay off commissions to our hakim sahebs and then our hakim sahebs sends some of the money to our netas and those up in the ghoos-khori ladder. 

But instead of taking care of business, our Home Minister is after NGOs and INGOs. You want those involved in NGOs to submit their personal financial details. We have political parties failing to submit their financial reports on time and our politicians make up fake asset list and think they can fool us when they tell us that most of what they have came from their in-laws. 

Our police wallahs think they are doing a great job by arresting people for their comments on social media. I think we should learn from the Amrikans to figure out what freedom of speech, freedom of the press and free exercise of religion means.  

But instead of reading the First Amendment to the US Constitution, our netas are trying to instead learn from the Amriki President. Yes, go after the media, go after those protesting against the government, go after anybody that is not affiliated with the ruling coalition. 

But don't go after those who are actually the ones who made most of the chiya kharcha from billions of dollars of gold smuggling in this nation in the past decade! Byaparis are easy target. They are the ones who have to voluntary contribute to our political parties and when it's too hot to handle then they are also the ones to get arrested and made to look like they are the only chors in town. The biggest chors are still living the good life and nobody can touch them. 

If our Home Minister is really after the big sharks then he is a brave man and let us wish him the best. We cannot be angry with him even if he is lying because that's what all politicians do. Our Maoists were rebels then. They were fighting to change the system. Today, our comrades are running the show but now have become Meowists.

Yes, Home Minister, crack down on freedom of speech, freedom of press, and the right of an individual to believe in his or her God or in Messi. Instead of making this nation great, our politicians want to turn it into a totalitarian state.  

And we, the people have to either wake up or just shut up or just learn to find other creative ways to protest against those who are corrupt and misuse their power. Maybe, we should just all pitch in some dough and fix our roads in the valley by ourselves. 

Now, if that happened, then the Road Department would have nothing to do and the contractor cannot get paid which means that he can't pay off commissions which eventually end up in our mantris' backyard.  Then of course, the Home Ministry will come up with another regulation that bans people from fixing this country by ourselves.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Baluwatar to Beijing

There are three countries our Prime Monsters must visit before they move out of Baluwatar. You have to drink milk tea and eat samosa with the Desis, try some dim sum with the Chinese and get yourself a hotdog in New York during the UN General Assembly nataks and manage a photo with the Amriki President then. 

And after you cover these three nations in your bucket list then if you have time, you visit Geneva. And for medical purposes, you can always visit Thailand and waste millions of our taxpayer's Rupees. Yes, it's good to be a thulo neta in this land where a few hundred parasites get to misuse their power and make billions on the side while millions of us have to go overseas to make a few Dinars and Ringgits so that our kids can buy smartphones and then send the money back to the bideshis. 

Yes, for every seven Rupees we make from others, we pay ninety three rupees to the bideshis to buy food, clothes and a whole lot of stuff but our government is not interested to work on narrowing down our trade deficit especially with our Desi brothers. the only thing our government is interested is to ask for loans and investment for our highways, hydropower and cement factories. Yes, that's where you can make commissions from contractors who get a piece of the government contract. 

Our PMs visit Delhi and bow down to the big brothers because if you don't then you never know when your time is up back home. If we look at our political history, our leaders have always sought the help of the Desis to come to a compromise with those in power. That's how we got rid of the Shree Tins and then the Shree Paanch and hopefully, one day, people power will finally come to Nepal and we can then ask the Desis for help to finally get rid of our Shree Hundreds as well. But at the end of the day, our netas forget the voters who actually voted for them and think that we don't matter at all. 

Our politicians can act all high and mighty and talk bad about the Desis in front of their cadres and the public but then you always have to  bend backwards, sideways and in any way possible to accommodate the demands of our chimekis later on. Just because you wear a Daura-Surwal and a topi doesn’t make you a nationalist or the great savior we have been waiting for. 

Oli has now been to India and China and lots of MOUs have been signed with both countries but we know very well that most of it will either take decades or never be fulfilled at all. And it's not our chimekis who are to be blamed but our lazy civil servants and spineless politicians who think only short-term and ask for useless freebies while failing to do their homework and getting deals that will help us in the long run.

It’s been more than three years since we got hit by the 'Big One' and thousands of our folks lost their lives and hundreds of thousands were displaced from their homes. Our incompetent government can’t even fix the front gate at Singh Durbar or rebuild the walls of Narayanhiti Palace Museum but it talks big and promises us that we will be a developed, rich nation within a decade. 

We are now asking the Chinese to help us with the reconstruction of Nuwakot Durbar. Why do we need help from Chimekis to build our own temples and palaces? Just give Dhurmus and Suntali the job and they will rebuild this nation in a year with money donated by Nepalis here and abroad without seeking a Rupee from our poor government. 

The Italian PM can take a taxi to work. The Dutch PM can take a mop and clean up the coffee spilled on the floor. Some PMs overseas take cheap flights on economy to save taxpayers's money but our politicians are a different lot. Our Prime Monster would rather spend millions more and charter a private plane to China rather than using our national carrier. Good Job Oli! You really make us proud.  

And Oli could have done us a big favor if he had traded in his Daura-Surwal for black suit and dyed his hair black like the Chinese Communists do and had take a bora of frozen momos from our local vyar vyar momo pasals in town and gifted it to the great leaders there. 

Oli could have gone on Chinese television and spoken a few lines of Mandarin inviting all Chinese folks to visit Nepal at least once in their life time. But, no, our netas are still stuck on highways and hydro but seem to forget about humans.  We could have hundreds of millions of tourists from Chindia coming to our land but our netas and civil servants don't want to see this land prosper and see us make some money through hard work. After all, we are a nation ruled by bunch of thieves who know only how to steal from all of us!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Too Big for their Boots!

Our man in Baluwatar will be visiting China next week. The leader of the greatest communist party on earth will meet leaders of the Chinese Communist Party. Oli went to India and then Modi did his 'religious' trek in our land. Let' s hope President Xi Jinping will also come to Nepal soon and enjoy our local vyar vyar momos. 

Our netas go to foreign lands not to get good deals for the country but to waste our taxpayer's money. It's vacation time for their near and dear ones while our thulo mancheys beg for bridges and buses. Oli tells us that we will have a railway line from Kathmandu to Kerung. But first, our netas and civil servants must seek approval from the Desi Ambassador in town or else the project will be stuck like many others in the past. Yes, the key to Nepal's progress lies not in Singha Durbar but somewhere else. 

So, if we really want to stand up against our government for trying to make our land a police state then we must gherao all the bideshis Embassies in town and ask them to stop doling out funds to our netas. Once, the free cash dries up, then maybe our good for nothing politician will get down to business and do something good for this nation instead of turning this beautiful land of ours into a failed state where only slimy contractors, lazy civil servants and corrupt clowns have fun.

Our Home Minister is in a mission to get rid of gangsters. It seems that the Indians are slowly moving away from 'encounters' but our police wallahs think that shooting criminals in broad daylight will solve all the problems. 

Someday, we will all need to be walking around in bullet-proof vests because you never know when our men and women in blue will start shooting for no apparent reason. It seems that we are following the Desi model of politics, policing and puppet shows from the 80s. India has had moved on to better things while our netas are turning this land into what Bihar was a few decades ago.

The Home Ministry thinks that our NGOs and INGOs are the main problem. Now, all office bearers of NGOs have to submit property details and update their stuff every four months. It's funny that our political parties fail to submit their financial reports on time and our netas all submit fake property details and get away with it but now they want to get rid of NGOs in this country. 

Where are our civil society leaders today? Maybe, we were just happy to get rid of a King but now when we have hundreds of Maharajas in the country, our so-called community leaders seem to be hiding.

Our Home Minister promises to take action against slimy contractors but most of them are connected to our so-called top leaders of major political parties. This is the country where only small fishes get caught while the big sharks continue to loot the State. 

Our communists should learn the good stuff from the Chinese communists like to how to attract foreign investment and focusing on infrastructure and not follow their steps when it comes to dealing with human rights and freedom of speech, religion and assembly. 

But it seems that our communists first want to shut down everything before they turn this land into a police state. I think our former Maoists have forgotten that if it weren't for the NGOs and the INGOs then they would not have gotten this far. But of course, once you get into power, you forget everything and just enjoy the freebies. 

Our Emperor wants to be our President like the Amriki and the Chinese so that he can finally rule Nepal forever. But Trump can't do more than two terms and Xi should have left office after two terms as well but now, he gets to be the man in China for life. 

Our comrades should understand that this is Nepal and even if you have two-third majority in the House, don't get too big for your boots because at the end, the Nepali voters will get to vote again in five years unless you want to scrap everything and turn us into a one-party circus land. 

We thought that our comrades would do the right thing and take us forward but it seems that they are just happy that they now control the House and most of the provinces and plan to just misuse their power to help their near and dear ones. 

It's about time our media, civil society and the common folks stand up and tell our folks in power that the people stood up  against the Shree Tins, the Pancheys and one day, they will not bow down to those in power today who think that they now have the mandate to make this land worse than ever.

Let us thank the Oli government for increase in food prices. Yes, we now pay more for food and fuel and even our taxes on land, vehicle and what not. Forget about any freebies from the State. It seems that our comrades are not interested to help the common folks. They are no better than our Congressis.

It doesn’t matter if you are a communist or not because at the end of the day, our politicians are all con artists. Their main goal is to get into power and make money. Let us all apologize to the real martyrs of all the movements in this land and seek forgiveness for where this country is heading. Yes, it is up to us, the common folks to feel sorry for ourselves because our thulo mancheys will neither apologize nor seek forgiveness for their misdeeds. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Spineless EC!

The Election Commission (EC) is like any other government agencies in town.  The hakim sahebs there know how to waste taxpayers money by purchasing luxury vehicles for themselves. The EC spent millions of Rupees on voter education and most of us were still confused when we went to the polls. And like most of our sarkari offices, we all know that lots of inflated bills are approved and chiya kharcha is shared among the folks there. 

Let's hope one day, we will really get used to electronic voting machines so that our politicians won't have to chew the ballot papers to win elections. And we also won't have to waste millions more to feed our civil servants and members of the political parties when they spend days and weeks counting votes. We can get the results within hours and all of us can go back to the work the next day instead of wasting our time at local chiya pasals talking politics for weeks or even months. 

It seems that politics is like a sport in this country. We see politics everywhere and we need factions as well. It's not only national politics but even the local tole sudhar samiti will have factions and both parties will battle it out as if they will get the chance to loot billions of Rupees from the State Treasury like our political parties. Even our local youth clubs will turn into war zones when it's time for elections to elect a new Executive Committee. 

Yes, whenever there is money to be made from parking or renting out government land to vegetable sellers or any freebies from the State , then we will have folks battling it out to lead our toles, youth clubs and any social, sports and even recreational organizations. 

It seems that our laws of the land are only for common folks while our civil servants, politicians and political parties can get away with anything. Our EC has decided to give official status to the greatest communist party on Earth. Yes, our Nepal Communist Party (NCP) is now registered with EC even as it fails to ensure 33% seats to women.  Our EC folks think it's okay to allow the registration of NCP even if it does not meet the requirements set by the EC. 

The NCP has only 16% women in its central committee whereas it has only two women in its standing committee and no women in its nine-member central secretariat.  The greatest Communist party on Earth has only 72 women in its 441-member central committee.  

Our communist netas are poor men married to rich women but it seems that when it comes to politics, they do not want to give women opportunities to lead the party. A few years ago, we were hoping for a woman Prime Minister when we had the all-women Speaker, Chief Justice and President combination in place.

But it seems that Oli Baba did not even think it would be a good move to give opportunity to a woman to lead Province 3 as its Chief Minister. Instead another  grumpy old man was given the chance to be the Chief Mumbler. After all, our Chief Ministers now know that they will not be given adequate budget nor authority to make their provinces prosperous. The so-called sharing is caring natak is only true when our political parties share the loot at the federal level but our central government is not interested to share revenue, authority and a whole lot of stuff with the provincial and local bodies at all.

We may have a woman President but we will know that we have at least made it when we will have a woman Prime Minister in Singha Durbar in real life instead of only in reel life. Yes, we wouldn't mind Gauri Malla as our real Prime Minister someday.  

India had Indira Gandhi, Pakistan had Benazir, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh have had their shares of iron ladies. When will get ours?  The British had one before and they now have another but the Amrikis missed out the chance to have a woman leader at the White House. When will we get our Superwoman?

Our PM Oli has asked women politicians of his own party not to make it a big issue because the 33% quota will be fulfilled when the party has its general convention in the next two years. What our women politicians from all political parties need to understand is that these old men will not give women and 

minorities any chance to lead the parties. 

Our women politicians should quit their parties and establish a new all-women political party instead. Yes, let us show the world that we can do it. Our sisters, mothers, girlfriends and wives should all get together and register a new political party. Then our EC wallahs might come up with a new rule that seeks 33% representation of men. 

We have seen what our men netas have done to this country. Yes, we have seen a few corrupt women netas as well but it's about time our women politicians got together and stand up for elections the next time around and finally lead us to peace and prosperity instead of dividing this country into pieces so that most of our netas and their near ones can get free lunch from the State. 

Mothers know best but why are we still giving our clowns the chance to pass the test when they have failed miserably over and over again. Yes, we should try again till we succeed but not in politics. Aren't we tired of our blood sucking parasites?  If yes, then ask your sisters, wives, girlfriends and mothers to work together to take us all out from the political cesspool.  Women of Nepal unite to form the greatest political party on Earth!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

A Trillion Rupee Budget!

Our Finance Minister has tabled the budget for the coming fiscal year and it's nothing new but the same old hisab kitab which makes no sense at all. We can only be proud of ourselves when our government manages to balance its books and hopefully show a surplus someday. Until then, we will be borrowing from our own and the bideshis to run the country while the debt piles up. 

I think it's about time we remind our incompetent government that unless we focus on infrastructure, we are not going anywhere.  And it's about time we got rid of our shady contractors and maybe give all the highway projects to the Army. After all, it seems that our Nepal Army will one day be the richest organization in town like in Egypt if it gets all the government contracts to build roads, hydropower and many more projects down the road.  

It's difficult for us to understand why the government is willing to spend Rs 45 billion on defence while the Ministry of women, children and senior citizen gets less than two billion Rupees. The Ministry of Youth and Sports gets around Rs 4 billion. This just shows that our politicians do not think that children, youth, women and senior citizens matter in this land. And they seem to be eager to please our Army Generals. 

Maybe, our netas know something that we don't and maybe we should just hand over all our hospitals, schools and even transportation businesses to the Army as well. Maybe, they will do a better job than the byaparis.  And we are not really going to go to war against the Chinese or the Indians anytime soon.  If Mohan Baidya was in Baluwatar than we would certainly be at war with India. Yet, our soldiers don’t  get enough ration and have to live in huts while our Generals get to have the fun. 

It's not only with the Army but we see the same nataks in other security agencies as well. The only difference is that our IGPs can go to jail while no one can touch the Army Generals. Let's hope that one day, the Army will finally be under civilian control. Well, our President is the commander in chief but who really controls the Army?

Let us not talk much about our President. She thinks it's okay to pardon convicted murderers.  So let us not expect all those human rights violators from both the state and then rebel forces to face the music anytime soon. Maybe, we should just blame Deuba for all the mess and punish him instead.

Our government tells us that we will manage to bring in 2 million tourists in the next two years. Yes, with the only international airport, let us not even expect a million and we don’t think we will be done with building our international airports in Bhairahawa and Pokhara by 2020.  

Forget Nijgadh! Maybe, we should promote skydiving so that international airlines don't need to land, just open the door up there and ask your passengers to parachute down to the TIA! Maybe then we will get mostly adventurous tourists who are also willing to spend hundreds of dollars in this land of ours rather than the usual bhukka tourists we seem to get most of the time. 

Our Finance Minister tells us that the country will witness an ambitious economic growth of 8 percent this coming year. Yes, it is possible because we have much smarter folks working at our ministries than the dumb ones at the World Bank, ADB and the IMF! After all, you have to be a local to figure out the math in your own land. 

As usual, our MPs will get Rs 40 million for the constituency infrastructure development fund. Well, they won't get to pocket it all but will have their say on where the money goes. And the dough will go to their cousins and cadres for their pet projects. 

Young entrepreneurs should be happy that the government is willing to provide loan of Rs 7 lakhs at 5% interest if you place your academic certificates as collateral. But you will have to know someone in the office to get the loan and they will probably ask for chiya kharcha as well. 

And if you have just returned from working overseas, you can apply for loan up to Rs 1 million if you can convince our sarkari hakims that you will use your skills in the country. We all know that those with real useful skills will not get the loans while the near and dear ones of our netas and cadres will get it in a jiffy.

Our government tells us that it will manage to increase its revenue growth by 33%. Many of our experts tell us that it is not possible but it will be if we can also tax all chiya kharcha in this land. Yes, for one time, let us grant amnesty to all those with black money like Oli suggested a long time ago. Maybe, we can pay our country's debt at one go if that happens. After all, we seem to have already granted amnesty to all those who did their thing during the so-called civil war.

Like all previous governments, this one too says that it will create jobs, increase productivity and make us prosperous. I think it's about time our government focused on making us self-sufficient in food and not in cement and iron rods. We can't eat cement and we are tired of spending billions of Rupees buying rice, dal and masu from our chimekis. 

Maybe, our government should really ask the experts on how to take care of the poor, unemployed and the old instead of promising us the moon and then providing peanuts in the budget for the common folks. And as usual, our government spends more than a billion US dollar on education. Our kids in public schools don't even get textbooks on time while most of the public school teachers bunk school and still get paid.  That’s how it is in our Republic!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com