Time for Revolt

Our major political parties are run by old fogies who grew up in the ‘typewriter’ age.  So let us not blame our netas for trying to ban our voice online because it’s new to them.  They don’t use computers at all. They only use their smartphones to make shady deals or play Candy Crush because most of their other work are carried out by their personal aides.

These guys never used typewriters in the first place and we can’t expect them to be Twitter-experts now. Here we are today, where Amriki President Trump uses Twitter like crazy to lambast his real and imaginary opponents while our grumpy old men here are bitter that we the people use Twitter to voice our opinion against our thulo mancheys. 

At least the Amriki President writes his own tweet most of the time while most of our netas have their personal aides fire up their social media engine because our netas are too big for their boots. Bideshi netas ride around their cities in bicycles and make their cities cycle-friendly while our netas drive around our cities in luxury vehicles and want to make our roads friendly for trucks and tippers while pedestrians have to be faster than Usain Bolt to cross the Ring Road areas and cyclists have nowhere to cycle.

It doesn’t matter if you are a Congressis or a Communist or a con artist because our political parties are run by the same bunch of chors for the past three or more decades. Look at the Congressis! The same old men and a few women run the show since the 1990s. Deuba still thinks he will be the Prime Monster again come next general election. 

And don’t be surprised if he does get to live in Baluwatar once again because his astrologers have always been right. Young Turks like Gagan Thapa do not have enough money, muscles and votes within the party to topple the old fogies from their seats. It’s the same story with our comrades and even the Madhesi parties.

It’s about time the young folks in our political parties stand up and fight against the old hacks who have been enjoying the free lunch since the 1990s. Oli and his fellow courtiers tell their own comrades to quit the party if they do not like the way the current ruling Maharajas are running the show. And that’s probably a very good advice. 

I think it’s about time, our young turks from all political parties quit and get together to form a new political party so that come 2022, we will have a new party running this country and most of them at least will favor freedom of speech, assembly and religion instead of turning this country into a police state.

What about our Bibeksheel-Sajha or the Naya Shakti wallahs? Well, it looks like Dr Baburam will continue to win from Gorkha and be just another lawamaker forever while Rabindra Mishra needs to join forces with some other folks to win a seat or two in the House or else not much will happen for our newbies.

We may not like our leaders but we really have no choice but to deal with the  politicians of today. The two major parties in this land will be our greatest communist party on Earth and the grand old party of Nepal, the Congressis. The Madhesi parties will continue to bag their bunch of seats and get ministerial posts here and there and for the rest of the political parties, it’s time to close down the shutter or join the main players and get a few crumbs here and there.

Kamal Dai is once again back with his ‘Hindu State and Monarchy’ double-combo meal plan but it is not going to work because the RPP wallahs will have to wait for re-birth and hope to win two-third majority in the House in their next life and then bring monarchy and the Hindu State back to the fold once again.

I think Gyanu Uncle should just form his own political party instead. Don’t hang out with the RPP folks because the former Pancheys will not help the former King to win votes now. In the previous CA election, many folks cast their votes one for “dai” and one for ‘gai’ but most of the voters are not going to give ‘sympathy’ votes no more. 

That’s the reason why our Emperor used his tricks to hop in bed with the UML so that he could still be in the game instead of just being a washed up politician with nowhere to go less than a decade after coming out in the open.

So, young turks of our political parties, please rise up and revolt. The old monsters have to go. They are the reason why millions of young folks have to go overseas to make a few Dinars more to feed their families. Our netas blame the sarkari hakims for not doing their job. 

Well, if our netas had allowed our civil servants to do their job instead of playing politics then we would not be here today where civil servants and our chors are the only ones with the dough while the rest of us are barely surviving. 

I think it’s time folks like Gagan Thapa, Yogesh Bhattarai and other young women leaders of major political parties join hands with the newbies and form their own political party. Socialism is out. Communism is actually dead. Even the Chinese don’t even give any respect to our communists. So, now we need to think about a new political system instead of trying to copy from India, China or from a state that no longer exists. 

And yes, Gyanu Uncle can join the same party as well and maybe he can be our lawmaker someday. And Kamal Dai, please stick to Tennis and even win some major international tournaments for veterans instead of trying to be relevant even today when we all know that monarchy will not make a comeback. 

But you never know …. After all Delhi gets what Delhi wants so our politicians better get their act together or you know what happens in Nepali politics. It’s been the same story ever since our Rana uncles left the building.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Speechless in Baluwatar

When Oli became our Prime Monster for the first time, he promised us many things. He left Baluwatar without fulfilling any of the promises made. We are still waiting for our government to pour some money to promote wind energy. We are still waiting for our homes to be connected to cooking gas pipelines. We are waiting for everything Oli promised us then. 

We seem to be a patient lot and continue to believe our national comedian the second time around. This time, we are waiting for trains connecting Lhasa to Lalitpur to Lucknow. Yes, we will be the bridge between the two chimekis. But somebody forgot to tell Oli that it will cost a lot of money and  many decades because of difficult geographic terrain and will probably be like 'Melamchi' due to political interference and lazy contractors. After all, our successive governments always fail to spend the dough for our development projects year in and year out. 

It was better when Oli was our national comedian and made us laugh. Today, Oli is a different man. He is no longer funny. He is a grumpy old man who thinks that the world is against him. How did a man who seemed happy and was always ready to entertain us with his one-liners suddenly turn into a crazy wacko who wants to stop us all from voicing our opinion?

Oli and his courtiers think that they can roll over us just because they have a two-third majority in the House. But somebody needs to remind our great comrades that we are a federal democratic republic of Nepal where freedom of speech, assembly and religion and of the press is granted in the constitution of this land. 

Our constitution allows us to express our opinion freely without fear of 

punishment but Oli and his courtiers have yet to read the constitution.  So, the first thing the Speaker of the House should do is ask all our lawmakers to read the constitution and then sit for an exam and post the marks online. If you do not pass the exam then you are not fit to be our lawmaker. But of course, you don't need fulfill any criteria except for age to be our lawmaker. 

And if our two-third majority government really wanted to change this country then they should vote for age and term limit for our lawmakers. But we all know that our greatest communist government on Earth will not do that because then our old fogies would all have to stay home and read newspaper in the sun and eat badam and suntala and not get any chance to embezzle funds from the State coffer.

Oli has once again done us proud by acting like a mafia Don instead of a Prime Minister. A PM is a person who leads the nation and should act like our guardian. But here in this land of ours, the person who lives in Baluwatar seems to be taken over by an evil spirit and make the person think that he is a dictator. 

Oli is not happy with the media wallahs. Our state-run newspapers have stopped publishing stories about 'Nirmala'. Our Miscommunication Mantri threatens private media wallahs about shutting them down and reminds them that the government is the leading advertiser in the dailies and they should be careful or risk losing ad revenue.  

And now Oli is after the so-called intellectual community. Oli is not happy with the so-called PhD and padantey wallahs. He accuses them of making cheap comments against him and his courtiers. He wants the so-called intellectuals to come to him first for a debate session before going to the press to voice their opinion. He has even promised us all that the so-called intellectuals will be bedridden if Oli responds to their cheap comments. 

Oli knows he has the power to jail us. Our police wallahs will not hesitate to carry out 'encounters' and our CDO sahebs will be more than happy to send us to jail following the orders of the Home Ministry.  During the days of the Pancheys, folks like Oli were considered terrorists. The folks like Oli became our rulers and the Maoists were considered terrorists. 

Today, then Maoists are now in bed with Oli and the people and the press are now considered terrorists. Yes, this is the new Nepal where the taxpayers are treated like terrorists and the chors running this country who actually are committing treason are treated like Kings. So, let us request our media wallahs not to be harsh on Oli and his courtiers or their programs and policies. 

We, the people may not believe in our netas but at least bideshi cults do believe in our leaders. A South Korean cult decides to dole out cash prize and an award to our PM and he happily accepts it without double checking their background. 

Oli is more than happy to receive a medal for good governance and leadership which is probably the biggest joke of 2018. And let us thank our government for spending Karods of Rupees to host a conference for this cult and invite politicians with not so good human right record to our land. 

Dear PM Oli, do not criticize retired professor and civil servants if they do not agree with your nataks. Please do not take us back to the old days of Pancheys.  They had mandaleys then while you have most of the mundreys today but please remember that all good things do come to an end. So, enjoy your time in Baluwatar and go home to Balkot. 

Then, we will have our Emperor in Baluwatar and we hope that he will be less thin-skinned and not so arrogant like Oli. Yes, Prachanda will be different because he has already shown us time and again that he can bend backwards, sideways or anyways to be in the game. We need a flexible person at this hour not a grumpy old man who is slowly transforming into a despot. Oli, we want you to be like the late Mandela but you want to be a Mugabe!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

The People's President!

Our Oli government seems to be in the news for all the wrong reasons every week and instead of apologizing for their nataks, those in power blame the people for making a big issue out of stuff like wasting millions of Rupees on vehicles for VVIPs. It seems that this government is hell bent on misusing power and wasting state funds for their own person benefit.

The joke of the week is that our government wants to relocate the Nepal Police Academy to Panauti from Maharajgunj because our President needs a bigger space. Yes, build a 1,000 room palace for our President so that whoever gets to be our commander-in-chief can live like one of our Shree Tin uncles. 

We had heard stories about the Rana clan enjoying the good life then but now, we can finally get to see our thulo mancheys wasting our state funds to live a life that would make then Rana uncles and the House of Shah look like middle-class folks. I guess, this is reason why we became a republic where ripping off the public is the sole objective of those in power.  

And instead of making sure that the people come first, our successive governments have done more for the pickpockets instead. 

Our Minister of Miscommunication, Mr. Go Cool Bans Quota tells us that we should not drag the office of the President into controversy and those who are against the expansion natak is against democracy as well. 

Even Baghdad Bob should be rolling from his grave today. We are lucky to have such mantris who are not ashamed to tell us that the government is wasting billions of Rupees of taxpayers' money on chiya kharcha and vehicles and other perks for our chors.

I think we need to ask our Professors from the Department of English at TU to teach a class or two to our thulo mancheys so that they know the meanings of English words.  

Dear Minister, we are not against Democracy. We, the people have voted to send folks like you to the Parliament in hopes that you and your fellow lawmakers will do good for the people and the country. We have been fooled again and again but we still hope that our politicians will change and finally work for the people. But we have been fooled even this time around as well. 

Why does our President need to live like one of those dictators in a totalitarian regime when most of us barely make enough to provide for our families? Our government tells us that the current space is not enough to even house 175 security personnel deployed for our Madame President. I guess, our government wants to provide a single room each for the security personnel at the President's House while it doesn't care about thousands of our soldiers in the Nepal Army and those in Nepal Police who have to live in bunkers and run down sheds across the country.

Why is our IGP Saheb silent when it matters the most? Our government had approved of the relocation of Police Academy a few months ago but the decision was made public only recently. IGP Khanal should save his organization from being a mere private security company for our chors. 

Why is our opposition wallahs silent on this one? Are they also being offered commissions when the government wastes Rs 8 billion grant provided by our Desi brothers?  Yes, it's all about the money.  Just ask the Mayor of Kathmandu. If he was allowed to do according to his wishes, the man would tear down our temples and build coffee shops instead and rent it out to byaparis!

Our police wallahs both in service and retired ones should take to the streets to protest against the government's decision to relocate the Police Academy.  And then will Nepal Police send their own folks to beat up the protestors? 

Nepal Army and the Armed Police Force (APF) get whatever they want from the government, be it helicopters, arms and other stuff but why is Nepal Police treated like an outsider when it is the only security organization that deals with the public day in and day out. Why is our government hell bent on destroying the professionalism of Nepal Police? Political interference is rising while the morale of the police force is sinking every day.

Our government tells us that our President needs Rs 180 million to buy new vehicles. Why not spend more and buy a helicopter instead so that our President can help us all by not creating traffic jams in the city. Just build helipads on rooftops of our government buildings all over the country? 

And our Vice-President's office will be shifted to the place where the Social Welfare Council  calls home. What's next? Shift the Prime Minister's residence from Baluwatar to Tundihkhel so that whoever is in charge of running this country can enjoy the open space while we, the people will have nowhere to go when the next Big One hits our country.

Our politicians and civil servants have not learned a thing from the earthquakes of 2015. Thousands of government buildings are yet to be repaired or rebuilt. Our government can't even build the walls surrounding our government offices and yet it talks about making this county great.  

Dear Madame President, please speak up now or else it will be too late. You do not need dozen vehicles to ride around the city. You do no really need a helicopter or a helipad or other freebies at the expense of our taxpayers'. Stop the looting of our national coffer to provide for our thulo mancheys.  

If you want to be the People's  President then be like the one from Uruguay. Yes, be like Jose Mujica, the former President of Uruguay. Give 90% of your salary and chiya kharcha to charities that benefit the poor and small business owners. But this is the land where the government exploits the poor and small businesses while providing rebates to the rich and fake-VAT Bill byaparis.  

So, do not expect our thulo mancheys to have a change of heart anytime soon. Let them enjoy the free lunch because in a decade or two, there will be no lunch at all.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Nepali Leaks

We are done with Tihar and the evil continues to rule over the good in this land of ours.  The only folks who have all the fun during the festive season are our hardworking civil servants, honest contractors and humble politicians. After all, this land is the land of opportunity for these bunch of thieves while for the rest of us, we seek fortunes abroad.

We can cry and whine about rising food costs but our government doesn't care about the shrinking wallet of the Nepali people. All our incompetent government cares about is how to appoint their near and dear ones to the positions of authority and even make some dough out of it. Yes, everything is for sale in this land and those in power are milking it all while leaving this beautiful country of ours dry.

So, if your uncle is appointed an ambassador or a hakim saheb at one of our government agency then don't forget to ask him how much chiya kharcha he has paid to the Oli government. After all, we have the greatest communist government on Earth that fires a competent first woman chief of Nepal Telecom and chooses other incompetent folks because she doesn't want to bow down and make some money for our pickpockets.

Our great Prime Monster Oli continues to act like a dictator while he has a year or two or enjoy his last stint at Baluwatar.  Our Oli government does not like freedom of speech, freedom of press or freedom of religion. 

I can understand the religion part because communists don't like other Gods because they themselves think that they are the only ones whom we should bow down and submit to instead of the other Gods we believe in. Our Oli government is also against our media wallahs. 

Maybe, it is learning a thing or two from some guy in the West. And if you want to get arrested and spend a few days or even a month or two in jail then just go ahead and honestly comment on some posts about our chor netas on Facebook.  So, if you really want to comment on our chor netas and thulo mancheys then only say nice things about them.  

If you are not happy with the Bouddha-Jorpati road section then do not blame our thulo mancheys. Instead thank them for allowing the folks living there to exercise their ankles and get some practice if they do decide to go trekking someday. Do not write about corruption in social media because our netas and civil servants have zero tolerance against corruption. 

They  do not take a paisa from contractors and other con artists. They really are patriots who want to make this country great again but it is us, the people, the media and everybody else who try to create obstacles in their quest to bring glory to this land by talking and protesting about our right to free speech and information.

Our Oli government is not happy with some of our mantris for talking to the press about cabinet decisions right after the cabinet meeting. Oli thinks that such information has misled the people. Somebody is really either smoking something else or needs to visit a neurosurgeon soon. But of course, he will go to foreign lands for medical treatment at the expense of our taxpayers' while most of us will have no choice but to get fleeced by our private hospitals back home.

Why is the greatest communist government on Earth afraid of its own people, media and even well-wishers? Oli now warns his own mini-sinisters not to leak the cabinet decisions before they mature. Earlier, the government shared cabinet decisions soon after they were passed but now it will be once a week because this Oli government is different. 

It has a two-third majority but wants to be like the regime of Gaddafi, Saddam Hussein and name any other dictators now and before. But of course, we don't have oil or any nukes so we don't have to worry about the West coming after our buffoons. But it's about time, Oli open a new ministry of miscommunication. So, you can hire someone like Baghdad Bob to head the ministry and dish out your own misinformation and keep us all out of the loop.

But Oli doesn't need to worry too much because even if your government shared all information with the public, it really doesn't matter at all. We all know that we are not going to get 40,000 MW of electricity in a decade and earn billions of dollars from selling our resources to our chimekis. 

We know that we will not be part of the rail network that connects Lhasa to Lucknow not even in the next century because Chindia has different plans for us.  We know that the poor will get identity cards but not the dough because our civil servants and netas will embezzle billions  of Rupees meant for the needy.  

What this country really needs now are whistleblowers in each and every government offices in this land.  We really need to know the real story. We all know that our politicians, civil servants and those in power are all corrupt and are all in it only for the money but we still don't know the real figure and where all the 'black money' really goes. 

We need bank statements, video and  audio evidences and even dig out trash from our chor netas' houses so that we can see the true colors of these traitors and only our media wallahs can save this land for finally going down the drain.  So, dear journalists, please rise above party politics and even gift hampers from bideshis. 

This is our land and if the government is not willing to save it from sinking then it is up to you and your fraternity to rise up and fight against those who misuse their power to tower over us. Let us request all our patrakars to be like Harry Potter, so that we can finally prevail against hundreds of Lord Voldemort of this land.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Tea Party!

If you want to really figure out how a political party will run this country if they come to power then just attend one of their tea parties. Don't fall for their hawatari speeches because our netas have promised us thousands of MW of electricity in the past decade and we have not even managed to add a hundred.

Instead we are covering half of our demand from our chimeki across the border. And instead of using our water, we are asking the Desis to burn their coal to provide us electricity. Yes, this government is not for saving the environment but for destroying it in the name of development and modernity. 

Yes, destroy our Chure region to make our contractors richer. Destroy our forests so that everybody can make millions while the airport will be like Melamchi and take most probably half a century before it comes to operation. 

We have the resources but it is our own civil servants, contractors and our clowns who work together to make sure that this country remains underdeveloped while their bellies and bank accounts are overdeveloped. Millions of Nepalis work abroad to make a few Ringgits, Dinars and lucky ones earn Yen and Dollars. Here at home, those in power make millions and billions but do not want to share the money with the common folks. 

Forget Singapore or Switzerland, remember Somalia or Sudan. Instead, try the tea at one of those tea parties and if it's not worth it then you know whom not to vote for if elections are around the corner. Our politicians loot billions of Rupees from this country, civil servants , contractors and common citizens but when it comes to tea parties, they practice extreme frugality.

So far, none of our political parties have managed to organize a good tea party  at all. Everything is disorganized and it seems that the members of the organizing committee themselves don't have a clue about the program schedule or what to do when the tea runs out. 

Yes, it's tough to manage an event where tens of thousands of folks come rushing in to grab a cup of tea and a packet of tidbits but hire a PR firm or an event management company and make it a fun event instead of asking thousands and thousands of folks who have lots of free time to stand in line for hours to take  grab a cup of tea and if lucky then take a selfies with our so-called leaders.

Our political parties organize tea parties during the festive season to waste their ill-gotten money from byaparis and other con artists. Most of our politicians prefer bideshis whiskey in the evening and it would be better if they organized a beer festival or a wine tasting event or ask one of those dealers selling whiskey from Scotland to organize an event for our netas. 

Yes, just show us your true colors instead of acting like saints when most of you are savages hungry for power and money.

Our comrades spent more than 50 lakhs to organize their tea party at Bhrikuti Mandap recently.  Why spend so much for a box of samosa, kera and ladoo and watered down milk tea? Why not ask all your cadres across the country to visit child care centers and old folks home and spend a day with the kids and our senior citizens and make their day worthwhile. 

And now our Kangaroos want to beat our comrades and tell us that 100,000 folks attended their tea party. Even if you spend a hundred Rupees on one person then the cost will top 1 Karod. I think it would be better if 100,000 folks brought their own food and shared it with the less fortunate rather than wasting the party's money and creating traffic jams nearby. 

We all thought that Baburam's new party could make a difference. Well, Dr Saheb will get all the freebies from the State as a former PM and he doesn't have to worry about chiya kharcha. But one man show cannot change this country. Rabindra Dai should have made a deal with the UML and he could have beaten Prakash Dai. 

Yes, sometimes you have to make deals with the clowns as well to bring changes to this country. Look at our Emperor. A while ago he was in bed with Deuba then he changed partners and is now bromancing Oli and who knows later one, he may switch sides and show us another set of his magic tricks. 

We have another four years to go and it's about time, any political party that wants to challenge the old chors start making their war plans now. Yes, if we do not vote for a new player in the next election then we are all doomed because with the way these chors are running the show, this country will cease to exist and then we can all be Kings and Queens of our own 24 kingdoms. 

Tihar is here. Our cows give us milk. Dogs are our best friends. Crows do their thing but our politicians give us nothing to be happy about. Instead, we have to worry about everything while our chor netas only worry about how to appoint their near and dear ones to positions of power and even make money off it. Let us wish Oli better health. 

Let us wish our Emperor more wealth as if he has not made enough and for the  rest of us, let us pray that we finally have the courage to stand up and hold those in power accountable for their actions. 

First, let us start with the the Jorpati road. If our government cannot take action against contractors and sarkari hakims , then it's now time for the people to wake up and smell the rotting corruption in this land.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Dashain Hangover

Let us thank our government for giving us the best Dashain gift ever. No, we did not get free Khasi or anything else from our incompetent government. Instead, we had to pay more for everything. The day we get any freebies from Singha Durbar is the day we know that we are officially what you would call a so-called 'developed' nation.

Instead, we had to pay more for everything. It seems that our Nepali Rupee is not worth much these days. Someday, we might be like one of those countries where you need to take a bora of cash to the market just to buy a chicken and that too after signing up to buy one a year ago.

One day, in the future, we will know that we have made it when our government offers us tax refunds or at least give us something instead of only increasing our taxes while failing to spend most of the funds meant for so-called development projects. So far it seems that our own government really doesn't want this land to be peaceful and prosperous because then our politicians and civil servants will stop getting chiya kharcha from service seekers. 

The price of maida, sugar  and nearly everything else went up before the festive season and now the food price is going up even more after Dashain.  By Tihar, most of us Nepalese will be broke while our thulo mancheys will not have to worry about rising food cost because they get boras of cash from civil servants, contractors and other con artists while the value of our hard-earned Rupee won't get you much these days. 

And don't be surprised when one Amriki dollar will get you a kilo of khasi soon.  And maybe a decade later, our Rupee will be like one of those Zimbabwean dollars then and we could all be billionaires in paper or even carry around trillion Rupee notes while the value of our notes would be worthless. 

Across the border, thousands of folks take to the streets to protest rising food cost but here in our land, we, the people stay silent and accept it as it is.  Maybe, we could save a few Rupees on fuel if our government gave us tax rebates on electric vehicles. But no, our sarkari hakims are the ones who would rather help our byaparis than help the people, the environment and help the country to reduce its trade deficit with its chimekis.

Our Prime Monster Oli whom we thought would be our savior has turned out to be no different from the rest of the folks who got to stay in Baluwatar. And we should not blame Oli and his greatest communist government on Earth for all of our problems. Yes, Rome was not built in a day and we need to be patient but we have nothing to be optimistic about from the way our Oli sarkar has been running the show so far. 

Instead of working for the people, our communist government wants to make sure that there is no dissent and we the people just shut up and put up with all the nataks our thulo mancheys dish us every now and then. 

We were told that we would be getting the water from Melamchi before Dashain. It looks like we might have to wait for some time. After all, we have waited almost two decades and we can still wait some more. After all, we are Nepalese. We have been patient for the past sixty years and continue to be patient even after successive governments have exploited us for their own self interest. 

It seems that we think we are better off with the new players but nobody really wants to change the system even though they talk about it before they get to power. We seem to have the worst Mayor in Kathmandu and he is not even worried about his legacy. 

He just wants to ride around in a luxury vehicle and enjoy the power and chiya kharcha that comes with it. This is the guy who thinks we are better off destroying hundreds of years of our history and replacing it with coffee shops and food stalls. 

Our former mayor has been accused of sexual harassment by two women but he acts like the women are to be blamed for misunderstanding his natak. It's about time, our thulo mancheys learn to resign and even quit politics for moral reasons but in this land of ours, our chors have no morals and they continue to get away with everything. 

Our Nepal Police has fired police officers involved with the  Nirmala case for failing to do their job. But they will not be barred from future government service. It's hard to believe that our police wallahs can't figure out the case and arrest those involved because our men and women in blue are quite competent when it comes to solving crimes without adequate resources. 

But we all know that those involved in the Nirmala murder case have ties with our thulo mancheys  and it's the same story with the case of the missing 33kg gold. 

Our former IGP has written his story. We all know that our politicians seek bribes from civil servants for promotion and lucrative postings. His story is nothing knew but even after knowing about misuse of power and corruption from our thulo mancheys, we can do nothing about it. 

It’s about time our civil servants all come clean and let us know how much they have paid to our netas so far. This is the land where politicians offer millions of dollars to then Chief Justice to look the other way. Thank God, she didn't take the money or else 

Lokman Dai would still be running the show in this land. This is the land where byaparis get to loot the consumers with the help of the government. This is the land where our own government is our own worst enemy. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Bam Dev for President

Bam Dev is an unlucky man. While his friends and foes won elections left and right, our man lost because of what you call political conspiracies. Yes this is the land of conspiracies where our thulo mancheys pull each others' legs to get to power. It's all about making money, misusing one's authority to exploit the people, the resources of the State and empty the national coffer.

It seems that the only reason folks join politics is to make money. Our netas have forgotten that politics is public service. Here in this land, our netas think that the public owes them everything and this land is their private property where they can do whatever they want and get away with it. 

Yes, whenever things go bad, either you blame your own party comrades, the other guys or foreign hands. If you can't blame them all then blame the voters but never blame yourself for your failure. And if you are our Prime Monster then blame the country for broken roads, poverty, corruption and all the mess we have in our land. 

He tells us that it was already broken and why are folks hell bent on criticizing such a great government? Well, our netas only know how to break stuff. They know how to destroy public property. Our Oli government wants to cut down trees worth billions of dollars in the name of building an international airport. Except for the media and those who want to save our environment, most of us are not even interested to find out why our netas want to destroy the environment in the name of development?

Oli tells us that he didn't start the fire. It was burning all along and he will rather add oil to it rather than figuring out a way to stop the fire from burning the whole country down. 

You cannot criticize this government. You cannot tell Oli and his courtiers to do the right thing because we now live in Oli-land where freedom of speech is out of the window. If you criticize this government then don't be surprised if you are denied boarding on your way to Thailand for Dashain vacation.

Bam Dev once again wants to be a mantri. It seems that our old fogies want the Kurchi till they drop dead. They never think about retiring from politics or becoming a senior mentor and letting the young turks take over their political parties. 

Prachanda has been running the show for his Mao Inc. since the 90s and now he is the co-chairperson of the greatest communist party on Earth. Makune, Jhallu Dai, Oli and Bam Dev are the big sharks and have been leading the show for decades. Nobody wants to leave town and write their memoir and spend the rest of their lives giving speeches inspiring young comrades to do the right thing. 

If our netas wrote their memoris then they would just write about how they sacrificed everything to make Nepal peaceful and prosperous. And the reality is that only our netas, civil servants and contractors have gotten rich in this land while the rest of us have to cut down on sugar in our tea and probably go vegetarian because we can't afford to eat Khasi. Maybe, it's a good thing that our thulo mancheys do want us to lead a healthy lifestyle instead. 

Of course, like most of the senior netas of our major political parties, Bam Dev too wants to at least spend a night in Baluwatar some day before his time is up. He wanted some guy to resign from his seat in Kathmandu so he could contest the election again and probably win and become a lawmaker then our deputy Prime Monster and once again our Home Minister when Prachanda moves to Baluwatar.  

But I guess his master plan has failed as he has backed off due to criticism from all quarters. Our Election Commission (EC) wallahs would have to spend Karods of Rupees to hold the election in Kathmandu so that Bam Dev could finally enter the House.

Maybe, our greatest communist government on Earth should make Bam Dev happy by making him our President. Yes, anything is possible in politics. Bam Dev could be our President and maybe he will at least speak about the violence against women in this land of ours unlike our current Madame who seems to be too busy cutting ribbons and giving speeches in conferences rather than being our guardian.

I think it's about time our EC wallahs made it mandatory for only those residents registered in the same constituency to stand up for election from that constituency. If the rule applies for our local wards then why not for those contesting elections for the federal parliament? We have folks from the Far West representing a constituency from the Central Region. Will the guy from Jhapa really have any loyalty or even feel for the people in Jhamsikhel?

I think the woman from Jhapa should stand up for election from her own constituency and help the people there instead. Let us all feel sorry for Bam Dev for now. All his batch mates have become Prime Monsters. If the man can't live in Baluwatar then at least move him to Maharajgunj and let him enjoy the perks. After all, this is the time to loot us all because there is nobody to stop our chors!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Ban Sugar , Save Lives

First, let us all welcome back our great Prime Monster Oli who has had fun visiting New York, taking pictures with Trump and the First Lady. I think our Foreign Ministry wallahs should at least teach our netas how to present themselves when taking pictures. 

It's not that hard to smile and show your teeth. Trump may not be the Amriki President the world expects him to be but he sure does know that when the photographers says 'cheese' then you show your pearly whites and not look like a grumpy old man instead.

Oli must have also learned a thing or two from his visit to Costa Rica. Well, the truth is that our netas don't learn anything from their foreign trips. They are just happy to waste our taxpayers money and want to visit foreign lands because they get spending money from the State.  

Oli has been to Bangkok many times for his medical treatment. If he had any common sense then this country would have world-class government-run hospitals. But no, our netas want to award licenses to byaparis to open medical schools like folks opening driving centers in the valley. Yes, it's all about the money. Byaparis make money. 

They evade taxes. They pay our netas, civil servants, mundrey gundas and other con artists. All the chors are happy except the common folks who have to bear with pollution, corruption and inflation every year and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel for now.

Our Emperor visits Singapore a lot nowadays. He even calls up Makune from some five star hotel in the Lion City. Yes, he will probably ask the State to foot his phone bills as well. 

But our Emperor has no plans to turn our country into Singapore because if we became like them then our netas, civil servants won't be able to loot billions of Rupees every year from the State, service seekers and contractors. Maybe, we should start paying our civil servants and netas tens of millions of Rupees in salaries instead so that we can save billions of Rupees from corruption.

And our greatest communist government on Earth has once again proven that it is not only for the contractors and medical mafia but also for sugar byaparis as well. Yes, let us thank our government for making us pay more for sugar. I think the Health Minister should go on TV and tell us that it is a good thing that sugar prices are up because now, we can cut down our sugar intake and maintain our blood sugar level. Then, we don't have to take medications and save a few Rupees.  

Our netas tell us that banning porn will now make our women safer.  Yes, we should have certain mechanism to filter access to such materials for our young ones but banning anything has not really turned out to be successful anywhere. Banning alcohol will not stop people from buying illegal liquor. Banning free speech and right to assembly will not help the government to stay in power for long. 

What we need to ban is our netas and thulo mancheys from flying overseas to attend hawa-tari conferences and wasting our tax payers money. We should ban all vehicles used by our mantris from 10am to 5pm. Yes, our ministers should be at the office before ten and leave for their mantra quarter after five instead of acting like a bully on the road with sirens blazing and security personnel driving the vehicles as if they are drunk. 

Our Oli government is getting too big for its boots because it boasts a two-third majority in the House. They feel that they are now invincible and they can just walk over everyone, from the opposition to the common folks and can get away with it. This government stops people from flying abroad to attend conferences because they have opposing views. 

This government now wants all of us to seek approval from our ward offices whenever we visit foreign lands so that we can prove that we have the financial capacity to go abroad. But if the law is equal to all regardless of those in power and the common folks then our chor netas should seek approval to visit foreign lands as well. 

Maybe, the President can be the one to approve such visits but we have a President who pardons convicted murderers but cannot speak against the violence against young girls and women in this country. 

Madame President, please tell the Oli government to act against those who commit such heinous crimes against women. Please use your authority to straighten up this government because you may enjoy all the perks for now but history will judge you differently. 

But our politicians and thulo mancheys are a different lot. They are not like you and me. We hold grudges for at least two or three generations just because your uncle decided to encroach a feet of your father's land. But learn something from our chor netas. They may act like they are sworn enemies in public. They will talk bad about India in public. 

They will tell us that they are all for zero corruption in public. But when they are together behind closed doors, they are the ones who will embrace each other and enjoy bideshi whiskey, marry off their kids to each others' as if they are forging alliances as in the Middle Ages and will bow down to a mid-level officer from the Indian Embassy begging for their kids' scholarships to medical schools in India. 

And what about corruption?  Well, the whole country seems to know how much our former Army Chief made when in office. We all know how much Sujata Auntie and others made from the APC natak with Nepal Police. We all know where Prachanda has invested his money. 

We all know how our netas groom mundrey gundas to win elections and carry out other dirty works.  If were to judge a government on its corruption record, don't look far, just look at the hakim sahebs they appoint in paisa-kamauney government agencies. This government has once again appointed the same corrupt man to head the Nepal Telecommunications Authority. 

And our Oli government fires the first woman to head Nepal Telecom. Go figure! This land is not for children and women but for old fogies who at their death bed still wants to loot us all and drown this country. Oli tells us that we were poor before this government came to power. 

Our roads were all broken down and Oli should not be blamed for all the problems. He is right but at least, you can fix the problems instead of making it worse by only working for the contractors and other con artists instead of helping the common folks. 

Why favor the rich and that too those who have earned it through illegal means instead of hard work while strangling the poor?  We were supposed to have the greatest communist government on Earth. The country voted for the communists hoping that our lives would be little better than before. But we were wrong.

This is probably the worst government ever in the history of  Nepal. Dear comrades, you still have more than a thousand days to make it right.  It's about time you did what is right instead of bullying us all with your might.

Oli, look back at the fourteen years you spend in prison fighting against the Panchey. Was it all some natak so that one day, you can be just like them or has power corrupted you just like those before you?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Dashain Gifts

Dashain is round the corner and as usual, our corrupt incompetent government wants to give us common citizens a lot of gift hampers. The gifts from the government are different from what you and I give each other during birthdays, weddings and other social functions.  

We give cash, clothes and cutleries. Our government is a different story. It only knows how to hike taxes, fails to spend most of the funds meant for development works and allows byaparis to increase their prices and empty our wallets. 

We are now paying more taxes because we have to feed thousands of our lawmakers in the province and the center. And our mayors and provincial ministers drive around in luxury vehicles worth Karods. It's about time, our federal ministers demand helicopters to go around town for ribbon-cutting ceremonies. I think our President should have a private plane. 

Oli has already done us proud by not flying with our national carrier but paying millions more to a private airlines when he goes to visit our chimekis. 

As usual, our government fails to spend most of the money meant for development works every year while contractors never finish their job on time. It seems that Thekdaars in this land are more powerful than those who are in charge of monitoring their works.

How on earth did we end up like this where rule of law doesn't matter and only rule of thieves apply in all walks of life? Ever since, we became a Republic, our politicians have developed a different attitude towards the people, country and the system itself. It seems that they now know that the monarchy is not going to come back any time soon unless our chimekis have other plans. 

Yes, we may brag about how we toppled the previous regime but at the end of the day, negotiations and deals are signed not here but there.  

This has been going on since the days of the Shree Tins and it will go on until the day, our leaders are brave enough to take a stand and settle their differences on their own instead of begging and crying for help from our chimekis to help them to gain power.

Our Oli government has turned out to be no better than the previous ones and our netas don't care about folks going back home to their villages for the festive season.  Instead, our politicians, civil servants and thulo mancheys are happy when millions of our young folks leave their villages for the Middle East. 

Manpower companies make billions, chor agents make millions and our sarkari hakim sahebs and elected lawbreakers take their cut as well. This is the land of commission where if you can provide chiya kharcha then the netas and hakim sahebs will go to bed with you and if you are an ordinary, poor but hardworking citizens with nothing to offer then the government will make sure that your work takes time and you spend money and time running around for days to meet the hakim sahebs to sign your files.

Our transport mafia has won the battle against our government. They did carry out their transport strike and now they are free to increase their fare. As usual, the consumers suffer while our con artists make the moolah and corrupt clowns get their share. 

No wonder, our mantris can't take any action against byparais because at the end of the day, they need the chiya kharcha from the same byaparis to fight elections, to buy apartments in the West for their kids and to invest in departmental stores, cooking gas, media and other thekka-patta businesses across the country.

And we now see byaparis getting nominated by our parties to be our MPs. Look at the guy from Pappu Construction. He gets to be our lawmaker because he has paid millions to a political party. He gets government contracts worth billions of Rupees and our government is okay with the guy not finishing his work on time. 

And now, there is an arrest warrant for the byapari turned lawmaker and let's see if the guy is arrested and charged with negligence at all. Let us all feel sorry for our Home Minister who seem to be powerless when it comes to going after gold smugglers, murderers and contractors. It doesn't help when most of the criminals are under the protection of top leaders of our political parties.

As usual, this Dashain, the common folks will have to pay more for everything. The price of maida is already up. The price of Khasi will be more than what you paid last year. Bus fares are up. It seems that the only thing that goes down is the country itself and its hardworking people while the taxes, food prices, and everything else goes up. 

Oli and his comrades tell us that they are more patriotic than the ordinary Nepalis. Maybe that's why nobody is interested to cut down our trade deficit with our chimekis. We now import almost everything. We do not have enough Khasis in this land. We import old buffaloes so that we can enjoy our vyar vyar momos. 

It the government at least implemented odd-even vehicle rule and banned all transport at least on the last Saturday of the month then we can save quite a lot on fuel imports from our chimeki. Our municipalities could help us by providing free gamalas so that we can grow vegetables, dalley khursani and even fruits on our roof tops in the valley.  At least give us something instead of only taking everything from us. How about a kg of khasi ko masu for all taxpayers? 

But no, our government and those in power want nothing to do with anything that helps the people. They only care for their cousins, cadres and contractors.  And they will make sure that their near and dear ones get the funds in the form of student loans, youth employment loans and other grants the government has to offer to citizens. 

For our politicians and hakim sahebs, Dashain comes every week. For common citizens, it comes once a year and instead of being happy and celebrating the victory of good over evil, we have to feel sorry for ourselves because in this land, evil has triumphed and good has already left the building.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

All Aboard

Our greatest Prime Monster Oli Dai is off to New York to waste our taxpayer money like every other Prime Monster before him. It seems that our Prime Monsters want to spend some vacation time in New York every year in the name of attending the General Assembly of the United Nations.  

And it's always good to take a break before the Dashain season begins. Yes, refresh yourself overseas because when you get back home, you have to face a hectic schedule of contractors showering you with gift hampers.  When Dashain comes, our netas, hakim sahebs and thulo mancyes get free khasis, free bideshi whiskeys and boras of cash from other con artists who make their moolah from government contracts.

Why spend millions of Rupees and make the Americans richer by spending a few days in the Big Apple when that money can be spent on the needy ones here back home? If our chor netas were really serious about saving us a few Rupees then they would be taking a small crew when visiting foreign lands but it seems that our thulo mancheys think that this country owes them free vacation packages and if they don't take their near and dear ones now then they won't have the opportunity to do so later at the expense of the State.

So what will Oli do in New York? As usual, he will give a speech here and there and talk about how successful our country has been so far since we became a Republic. And he will also ask bideshis for help to develop our country. Oli will talk about the success of our peace process to the world. Either the bideshis do not know the ground reality or like to look the other way as long as it fulfills their self interest.  

Our peace process has not been successful. Then rebels are now our rulers along with the same batch of unified mundrey leaders who would even shame other wild capitalist pigs. The security forces and the rebel forces both participated in torture and killings of innocent folks and nobody has been punished at all. 

We all know that everything is now swept under the carpet and neither the Army wallahs and then rebels and now netas want to bring those issues back on the table again. It seems that in New Nepal, our army is now a business house while the House is occupied not by lawmakers who want to bring change to the nation but lawbreakers who want to join hands to loot the State and leave us penniless. 

I think our politicians should change their speech writers because our eggheads have been giving the same speech for the past fifty years be it the Pancheys then or the pickpockets today. I think our netas suffer from some kind of an eye disorder. Somebody please called Dr. Ruit at Tilganga to take a look. Our pickpockets tell us that we are a success story but so far only those lazy bums who have engaged in politics have made the moolah. 

We all know that majority of the netas who a decade ago had a shirt and two slippers now own land worth hundreds of Karods and drive around in luxury vehicles. Their kids are now contractors and have a stake in most of our so-called development projects across the country. Even the contracts for roads ,airports and other infrastructure projects have been handed out to companies who have managed to make the near and dear ones of our netas partners in these ventures.

Our chor netas neither have any vision nor any mission to change this country. We did expect a lot from Oli and the greatest communist party on Earth. But this is not the same party of Madan Bhandari or Man Mohan or has nothing to do with Marx either. This is the party of the mundreys where criminals, con artists and con artists can get their views across to the netas while the real hardworking cadres and comrades are sidelined by the bosses who only seem to care about making as much dough as possible while in power. 

Our greatest communist government should realize that elections will come every five years if all is good and if we the voters can elect you to loot us all then we can change our minds and give the opposition wallahs the same opportunity to loot us again after the next election. 

After all, Ganesh Man was right when he told us that we are all bhedas and we have been led by the wolves to the slaughterhouse. Leadership is not about just telling jokes, proverbs and giving hawatari speeches but it's about actions and we are not asking for big trucks when we can get by bicycles. 

Oli Dai and Bhauju will get the opportunity to meet President Trump and the First Lady for 12 seconds, take a picture and move along. Our Foreign Ministry officials should warn Oli that Trump has the habit of pulling the other person violently while shaking their hands. So, just do the usual Namaste and tell the most powerful man on Earth that it also saves oneself from germs of others as well.  

Oli will also visit Costa Rica after he is done eating hot dogs in New York. Why on Earth do you want to visit Costa Rica? Maybe, one of Oli's advisors just threw a dart at the world map and picked up the destination or there must be something there. If Oli and his advisors were smart then they would have told our media wallahs and the common folks that Oli has chosen Costa Rica because this small country in Central America is politically stable and prosperous compared to its neighbors. And it's been seventy years since they got rid of their army. 

Maybe, that's the magic formula that Oli wants to learn. Costa Rica uses the money that could have gone to the military for its health care, education and social security programs. I think it's time we thought about it as well. Instead of a standing army where the Jar-Shaabs make billions why not allow all Nepali citizens to apply for a UN rapid reaction force and our national army could just be the UN Army to be used for peacekeeping around the world as well.

Oli can also learn a thing or two about how a country earns money from tourists from its jungles and its ecological friendly policies instead of our netas, hakim sahebs and other chors trying to cut down lakhs of trees and make billions of dollars in the name of  building an international airport while destroying our environment and inviting natural disasters in that region in the future.  

Our netas can learn a lot of things to from the world while they visit foreign lands but we are cursed with ignorant fools who think they know everything. Dear Netas, first learn to tie your shoelaces before you teach us about anything else.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com