The Crooks Have All The Fun!

Let us congratulate our Maharaja Deuba and his crew for showing us all, that politicians don’t have any permanent enemies. Our Emperor Prachanda has also shown us that he is very flexible and can bend either way as long as he gets to be relevant and make some dough. 

We, the people really need to learn a lot of things from our chor netas. Yes, forget all the moral science lessons learned in school. Our corrupt clowns and civil servants have no morals and for them only money matters the most.  They join politics or civil service in hopes of making some moolah and they will do their best to make sure that service seekers pay them chiya kharcha.

No wonder, our fake VAT bill byaparis evade billions of Rupees in taxes every year and our netas and civil servants get richer and fatter. If we were to compare the before they came to power or became a hakim saheb pictures with the pictures of our chors today then you would clearly see the difference. 

From starving, skinny and sunken faces without any smiles to red, chubby and bubbly faces with a smirk after amassing millions and millions of Rupees in bribes and what not. 

And it seems that our corrupt folks really take the 'code of silence' more seriously than the Costa Nostra! Yes, the mafia folks in the West do turn on each other for reduction in fines, jail term and other benefits but here in this land of ours, we have yet to witness one person who has been sent to jail for corruption speak out against other civil servants and our politicians who have benefited from such shady deals.

Tulsi Giri was our Prime Monster under the Pancheys and vice-chairperson during Gyanu Uncle's rule. When it comes to wasting our taxpayers money, our politicians do not discriminate against the old or the new players. After all, who doesn't like free lunch?

Let us not blame Deuba or Kamal Thapa for doing their best to provide funds to Giri for his medical treatment. Our Emperor Prachanda had earlier tried to provide funds to Giri as well. So, all politicians,  left, right or nowhere are in the game to make some moolah and help each other out in times of need instead of helping the common folks.

We have a former President who would rather spend lakhs per month from our national coffer to rent a house, a few minutes walk from his own residence. Soon, our current President will also get few lakhs per month for rent and other expenses.  We have half a dozen Prime Monsters  who get security, perks and other benefits from the State and let us not count our former Speakers, Chief Justices and other thulo mancheys. 

It seems that our state treasury is more like a personal piggy bank for our thulo mancheys. Yes, all of them can share the funds to provide security, vehicles and other allowances for themselves while the common folks have to run around in circles for days and months to get basic services from the State.

Our President has finally authenticated the ordinance on election to the National Assembly. Oli might not get to enjoy the Bideshi New Year in Baluwatar but he should finish wrapping up his stuff to move there soon.

We expect our politicians to change but we seem to forget that there is no incentive for them to change their colors for the good of the nation when everything is going fine for them and their stooges? 

Our politicians know very well that they are not here to make this nation prosperous. They are here to act like mini-Maharajas, enjoy the loot while they can and make sure that they don't get prosecuted by new players by offering free lunch to all political parasites, old and new.

And we thought that even though we do have enough crooks at the national level, we would at least get good folks to run our local bodies but we were wrong. Look at our Mayor from Kathmandu. The man whom we thought would act like Buddha, has turned out become just another broker for our shady contractors. Maybe, we should also Oli uncle to take some sense to his brother in law. 

After all, our mayor thinks it is better for all of us if we turn Rani Pokhari into another fun park or circus. The man didn't just wake up one night and thought of fountains, coffee shops and picnic spots inside such historic places. He must have received proposals from con artists who want to pay a few Rupees to our government while making hundred times more for themselves and our politicians.

Let us all wish each other a very Happy Bideshi New Year and look forward to a better year for ourselves. Yes, our government and civil servants will not repent overnight and be honest and hardworking. 

Our Mayors and Chief Ministers will continue to favor byaparis and contractors over the common folks and historic sites. But we must not lose hope, be strong and fight back if we see our folks in power try to roll over us with their corrupt nataks.  

Someday, we will be fortunate enough to witness our own  David defeated our corrupt Golaiths!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

The Call from Delhi

The great Indian magician Modi has called our three stooges who run the show in this land of ours. It's not unusual for foreign leaders to call our netas but it seems that Oli, Prachanda and Deuba (OPD) seem to be in the top contact list of our chimekis. 

Did Modi call Trump and then Hillary and even Bernie Sanders last year? I guess not but this is Nepal where our top leaders do matter because it is easier for our chimekis to play them against each other as they don't stick to their words at all. 

And of course, Bernie didn't make it to the finals and Hillary lost even if she won the popular vote. Modi could have won a few brownie points if he had also called Rabindra Mishra as well. But of course Mishra wants to be our AAP while Modi is so far the Baap of Desi politics for now.

But our OPD is a different story. All three of our buffoons won from their constituencies. Oli is a superman in Jhapa.  He could have marketed himself as a mini-Mandela but most of us know him as a man of wisecracks who gives our real comedian a run for their money. 

Yes, the man did spend 14 years in our 'Panchyati' prisons then. But we still don't understand why our politicians who spent many years in rotten jails and were tortured by our police wallahs do not want to reform our police service and the prison system as well?

Deuba is a Maharaja from Dadeldhura. He never loses elections from there because most of the folks from his region who are in government service owe their jobs to Deuba.

And he is also known as the great distributor who will distribute cash, gift hampers, luxury vehicles and anything that can help him to stay in power but this time, his party has crashed miserably and it will take a while to get the mojo back. And, our Maharani lost even though she bought a house to show that she was not just another tourist but that's politics.  

And our Emperor finally won from the place where he grew up, went to school and started his magic tricks.  He tells us that he will be around for a decade and that's about it. Prachanda is a great magician and is now also known as a great mathematician as well. 

But the man is also great flip-flopper and he can change his colors faster than a chameleon. He wants to be the party chief and even our Prime Monster again and maybe a decade later if he sticks to his words of calling it quits from active politics then he hopes to be our President as well. 

Nothing gets done in this land without our top chors agreeing to share the loot. Our politicians have quotas for everything from lucrative transfers, promotions and appointment of our judges, ambassadors and thulo mancheys at government commissions. 

Yes, our buffoons practice the 'sharing is caring' mantra amongst themselves but when it comes to the common folks and the country, they just act like we really don't exist.

Oli will soon be our Prime Monster, Prachanda wants to be the party chairperson of the 'new' commie company while Deuba just wants to hang in there for a few more weeks and make a few extra Rupees while our politicians disagree with each other regarding the Upper House natak.  

Our 'Lefties' want to go for the majority system that will help them to have fun in the Upper House as well while the government wants the President to pass the ordinance to elect folks in the Upper House through the single transferrable voting system. 

And the funny thing is that even our Election Commission (EC) wallahs have no idea what to do. Yes, our President is in a dilemma. Everybody is trying to figure out what to do next. 

Our Constitution tells us that we need an Upper House first and then we can finally throw a party for Oli and his entourage. And when our politicians disagree, they need the help of our chimeki to settle their affairs. Yes, our chor netas only listen to the Desi bhais and Chinese friends. They don't listen to our experts because our experts follow the party line and are biased against those on the other side. 

Yes, our chimekis have been running the 'real' show in this land and we, the common folks are just spectators and our chor netas are just clowns. Maybe Modi can help our netas. After all the Desis have been helping out since the days when our Shree Tins left the building.

Modi has invited our 'captain' of the ship, Oli to visit India. Oli has also invited Modi to visit Nepal. I think the great Indian chai wallah has lost the goodwill he earned when he first visited Nepal back then. We have forgotten the blockade already because we are Nepalis, we seem to forget and forget easily unlike the Desis who are still mad at the British. 

Yes, our own brothers and sisters blocked the borders and it may have been a 'political' game but we all know that if Modi had just called our Madhesi netas then they would have backed off in a go. They wouldn't even need a call, a simple SMS from the Indian Embassy would have resolved the 'blockade' natak.

Oli tells Modi that his government will work towards providing stability, making our democracy stronger and practicing good governance and making sure that our country finally witnesses economic prosperity. You really don't need to tell the Desi PM what you want to do in our own land. And  instead of only inviting Modi, invite Xi as well and let us host a 'NIC' summit instead.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

To The Left!

Well, the election results are out and it is indeed sad to see our grand old party, the Nepali Kangaroos asked to move to the left by the 'left alliance'.  Who would have thought that our Kangaroos would fail miserably?  Where did Maharja Deuba and his courtiers go wrong?  

Our Emperor Prachanda has once again shown us that he still has his tricks left in his bag. Our Meowists happened to fare a little better with the support of the United Mundrey Leaders. They would have won only a dozen seats if they had not started their affair with the other comrades. And we have to thank the Meowists for showing us all that they are very flexible when it comes to forging and breaking up alliances. 

And our national comedian Oli knew very well that if he hadn't brought the Meowist on board then the Kangaroos would have and the result might not have been as expected. Anyways, let us congratulate Oli and Prachanda for their 'Lefty' win. And we should not worry like the Kangaroos about the 'Communification' of  Nepal because no matter what, not much will change in this land. 

Our civil servants will continue to be lazy and not perform while running to politicians for lucrative postings and promotions. Our contractors and con artists will tie up with sons and daughters of our politicians to bag government contracts worth billions and then carry out shoddy work and pocket the money and nobody will be held accountable. Our politicians will continue to work for their cousins and cadres instead of the common folks. 

Yes, let's feel bad for our chor netas as well. After all, they need to make their cadres happy or else they might not win next time. Loyal cadres will now flock to the residences of our chor netas in the valley and will request, beg and even threaten them for jobs, state funds and what not. 

Our netas will spend most of their time trying to figure out how to dole out funds and provide government jobs to their cadres. They will not have enough time to think about their constituency and yet we think that they will do something good for the country.  Politicians in other lands resign and quit politics or step aside and ask someone to lead the party instead whenever they fail but in our land of ours, our politicians linger around till they drop dead.

Our Maharaja Deuba is no mood to resign at all. His astrologers do not see such moves on his charts. After all, he expects to be our Prime Monster a few more times in the future. Rabindra Mishra could have won from his constituency if he had managed to develop a bromance with the comrades. But of course, our Bibeksheel-Sajha folks don't want to use any muscles or waste any money to buy votes or promise freebies to those who will help them win. 

That's the difference between the 'old' chors and the 'new' turks.  But in politics, it seems that you must make deals with the chors as well if you want to bag a few seats and become a national party.  

Maybe, it would have been better if Mishra dai and his party had united with Naya Shakti and few others to at least be a national party for now.  Dr Saheb would certainly have won from Gorkha and both parties would at least get enough PR votes to send a few MPs to the federal parliament.

Our Madhesi parties have shown us that they have enough votes to be our national parties even if they only win from the plains. And it's about time they too took sides either with the Kangaroos or the UMLs or maybe join hands with the 'other' new ones and become the third party in this land. Yes, be a party for the minorities in this land because the 'old' parties are not eager to give minorities a chance. 

Our comrades now have the opportunity to lead this country to prosperity if they manage to stick together and do what's right for the country instead of only looting the state funds to provide for their cousins and cadres. Let's see if Oli and Prachanda will stick to their words and finally unite as one big 'Commie' party of Nepal. 

It seems that the so-called top leaders do really get along as long as they can make the moolah but our cadres are a different lot.  It would be really hard for the cadres to get along because if our commies do unite then most of our cadres will spend their time fighting with each other when it comes to heading their parties in their wards and provinces. After all, most of our cadres 

are in it for the money as well.

Let us wish our comrades all the best. Let us hope that they will at least have a roadmap for a better Nepal which focuses on attracting foreign investment from our chimekis, providing millions of jobs to our young folks by attracting tens of millions of middle-class Chinese and Indian tourists. We cannot compete with our chimekis when it comes to manufacturing stuff. But we can make billions and billions of dollars by focusing on tourism alone. But who's listening? 

Will Oli stand up from the crowd and be our Prime Minister and lead us to prosperity or will he be just another Prime Monster who came, sat on the Kurchi and left with doing nothing for the common folks and the country. Let us hope he will listen to the 'common' people and not only his cadres and con artists. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Are We There Yet?

First of all let us congratulate our government for successfully holding our local, provincial and parliamentary elections. In a week, our Election Commission wallahs will let us know who won and who failed to even get their deposit back.  It seems that most of our so-called top loafers of our major political parties will win from their constituencies. After all, they have lots of money and muscles to help them win the election.

Let us thank our Emperor Prachanda and Maharaja Deuba for doing the right thing even if it meant that their parties would not do well in these elections. Our Emperor showed us all that he can break and forge alliances with his enemies as long as it helps him or his near and dear ones. 

His brief romance with the Kangaroos helped his daughter to be our Mayor. And now his new fling with our United Mundrey Leaders might help him to become our President. 

If our comrades do get the majority then it seems that our national comedian Oli uncle will be our Prime Monster again. Hopefully, if that happens then his dream to give us cooking gas through pipelines and having our own ships will come true. We might also start generating thousands of MW of electricity through wind power. 

But we never know with our Emperor and what his next magic trick will be. He might still want to be our PM and might change partners like the French politicians. And our Maharaja Deuba tells us that his astrologers have told him that he will be our Prime Monster seven times. 

If our fortune tellers are correct then this man will still be our Prime Monster in 2020 and even a decade later. He might even be hanging around Baluwatar when he is like 90!

Yes, most of us think that having a stable government that will govern for five years will finally bring peace and prosperity in this land of ours. But we know that our politicians will fight with each other and engage in backstabbing and taking boras of cash from both domestic and foreign donors to topple their own government. 

Our comrades who promise to unite and rule for the next fifty years will show their true colors in a week. Our politicians are good at breaking up their own parties rather than making up. Let us see how far our bromance between Oli and Prachanda will go. 

The truth is that as long as we have the same bunch of thieves ruling us, not much will change and the naked corruption nataks will continue forever. Our government promises to govern for everyone but at the end of the day, our politicians will work together to help our shady byaparis and contractors and their cadres while the common folks will get nothing.

Our government has yet to appoint any provincial chiefs, have not yet determine where our provincial capitals will be and does not know where they will house the provincial assemblies. So don't be surprised if our provincial lawmakers hang out by the chiya pasal until they know where they will be meeting. 

We only know our provinces by number and it might even take years or might never have the name of our provinces due to disagreement between our provincial lawmakers. You need two-third majority to name a province. 

I think our provincial lawmakers should just come up with a top ten list and then ask us, the voters to vote via SMS so that we can save money on paper, security and other chiya kharcha for our civil servants. SMS fees can also help our provinces to generate some revenue so that it can afford to feed its lawmakers, ministers, chief ministers and chiefs. 

And let us congratulate Deepak Manange Dai for being a provincial lawmaker from Manang.  Yes, we need lots of folks like him to be our lawmakers both in our provinces and at the federal level. After all, when will our dons only work as muscles for our chor netas. 

Everybody has to climb the ladder and we all know that folks like Deepak Dai, Ganesh Lama and other dons have already made the money and they have the muscle and if things go right, then they will be our ministers at the provinces and someday even be a minister at the center as well. 

Even our major political parties have opted to favor criminals and contractors instead of their own loyal political cadres when it comes to handing out tickets. And even our so-called youth leaders of major political parties depend on mundrey gundas to provide security for them. If our politicians think that only money and muscles matter than in a decade or two, we will only have criminals and  shady byaparis running the country. 

Well, they have been doing that for decades but now, we will have them as our lawmakers. We don’t know if we should be happy or sad or ashamed of ourselves. After all, we are the ones who vote for our corrupt clowns, contractors and criminals. 

And when these buffoons win and go to the House, they will only work for the benefit of their donors. That's how it works and we can't do anything about it.

 After all, we live in a democratic country and we need to respect the votes of our own people.  Someday, we will all have the courage to vote with our conscience instead of family, party or social lines and elect folks who will do something for the people and the country instead of only for their cousins and cadres!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

The Beginning of the End

We are now closer to finally getting done with elections in our land for a while. If everything goes okay then our government won't have to waste billions of Rupees for the next five years on elections and our netas, contractors and con artists won't have to spend hundreds of billions of Rupees for some time as well. 

But we never know with our politicians. Our chor netas are good at forming and toppling governments for petty reasons or for boras of cash or for their foreign handlers. It seems that most of our so-called top leaders of major political parties will win from their constituencies. 

Yes, elections cost a lot of money and most of the folks who do win and get elected to represent us then get together and make sure that they waste billions more in perks and benefits for themselves. Let us thank our Election Commission wallahs, security agencies and other government offices for making some dough thanks to elections. 

Our EC commissioners now ride around in luxury vehicles. Our security agencies have gotten hundreds of new vehicles and lots of chiya kharcha in the name of security. Our Home Ministry is always happy because they are the ones who gets to make the most dough during elections. 

Most us make fun of King Deuba but he knows how to milk the system better than any other politician in this land. So what, if he just mumbles and fumbles and no one understands his speech or his actions; he just keeps on looting and misusing his power and nobody can touch him!

The second phase of our provincial and parliamentary elections will conclude this week. In a few weeks time, we will have our provincial lawmakers and federal parliament members and they will all work together to make Nepal great. Well, that's what we expect from our lawmakers but we all know that it is just wishful thinking.

We have been led by crooks since we began celebrating 'Democracy Day' in this land.  Our thulo mancheys have been free to loot, boot and shoot the common folks. Our political parties preach us about democracy and yet they are not democratic at all when it comes to running their own parties. 

And we all should feel blessed that our political parties are now showing us all that they no longer believe in their own cadres to win elections. They need mundrey gundas and contractors and their muscles and money. 

Yes, give tickets to criminals and shady byaparis and they will win and help to add the seats for our parties. What can we expect from our state and federal parliaments when most of our lawmakers will be either criminals or contractors who have screwed us all by their shoddy construction works while making money for themselves and our netas?

It took our Maoists a decade of so-called civil war to finally come back from the real jungle to the concrete jungle. We can say the same for our Madhesi netas. It has taken them a decade as well to be some kind of a force, be it good or bad. 

Our grand old party, the Kangaroos has lost touch with the people.  It's hard to believe that it's the same party that had folks like Ganeshman and Kishunji and of course BP and many other netas who really seem to care about the country more than their cousins!  

Even Panchey Prime Monsters like Kriti Nidhi Bista and Marich Man Shrestha deserves at least an ounce of respect even if they were part of an autocratic regime. They had the political courage to take a stand against bidhesis. Look at our netas today. 

Our bideshi ambassadors should be given government medals for having the courage to visit the residences of our chor netas and telling them to either shut up, put up or just take the money and do nothing. Bista did not want a state funeral when he died. Marichman didn’t' get one but our netas since the 90s get freebies when alive and then grand state funeral when dead. Either way, they waste our taxpayers money and we are yet to get netas who will help us save a few Rupees instead!

Bibeksheel Sajha Party should learn a thing or two from our Maoists and Madhesi netas. Well, Rabindra Dai and his friends can't go to the jungle or destroy public property in the name of politics. They can't just walk up to Deuba and hand him a new '40-point' demand either or talk about seceding. Our Maoists have yet to fulfill those demands they wanted  Deuba and then government to fulfill. 

Yes, we are all hypocrites! But what the BiSa party can do is give themselves at least a decade or two to be a major force in this country.  If they went underground and started the usual blasting and looting nataks then they might get there sooner given the track records of our political parties but of course the BiSa wallahs are very gentle folks and they are more than likely to get a few PR seats here and there but it will be difficult to win the first-past-the-post natak this time. 

Why? Because we have lots of chors with their illegal money making sure that good, honest folks not get a chance! 

Most of our political parties promise us everything. We will have thousands of MW electricity. We will all be making at least ten thousand dollars a year in our own land in a decade. But how come we are yet to hear from any political parties about vegetables prices. 

Somebody promise us a free bora of onions or at least free electricity once we have the capacity to generate thousands of MW electricity. Promise us the small stuff first. Free clean drinking water and better sanitation system. Better roads, less pollution, affordable education, healthcare, housing and food.  We don't want to go to Mars yet. 

We just want to go to Maitighar without breathing in poisonous fumes and dust. We want to buy vegetables at affordable prices and not sell our mothers' jewelry to be able to buy food. 

We don't want the mafia running our medical schools and private hospitals and private schools making it difficult for us. We want our government back but it has been hijacked by mundreys and crooks.  And what do you expect when you have to many cooks running the show?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com