Gunda-Tantra!

We celebrate a lot of 'diwas' in this beautiful land of ours. We have the Prajatantra, Lokatantra, Ganatantra and many more 'diwas' to celebrate everyone as well. We celebrate the day, our Shree Tins left the building. But instead we just had another autocratic ruler and his descendents who had all the fun. 

What did the Shree Tins give us? Nothing but they did build thousand-room palaces for themselves and later, our government used them to house our ministries and other government offices. 

Well, then the Big One hit us and our incompetent government have not begun repairing any of the damaged Rana palaces at all. Instead, they want to demolish most of them and build new buildings so that our netas, civil servants and contractors can make some dough. 

We celebrate the day our Shree Paanch left the building but instead, we now have hundreds of mini-maharajas who are having all the fun. Yes, we had one person ruling the country with the help of mandaleys. They did their best to hold on to their 'panchey' formula but it just failed after three decades of cutting down our forests and exploiting our resources to keep the system alive. 

Then, our late King Birendra decided to give multi-party democracy a chance. We saw our netas, from Girija Babu to others, who showed up in Kathmandu, skinny and wearing old soggy clothes. In a decade ,their cheeks were rosy and their near and dear ones made more money than what the Pancheys could dream of.  We have no one to blame but our 'democratic' leaders for destroying our state enterprises. Wouldn't it be cool to go around the city in our trolley buses?

Our Sajha buses used to be go all over the country then. Our national carrier used to fly to Tokyo, London, Frankfurt and if all had gone well, it would be flying to New York as well. 

Whatever happened to our brick, paper, tyre factories in the country? It seems that our 'new' netas were surprised that they would be given the chance to govern so easily. And then they forgot how much they had sacrificed over the years to fight the 'Panchey' system.  Instead, our Kangaroos destroyed our state enterprises, gave us a bloated and weak bureaucracy and engaged in massive corruption which must have even surprised the souls of the Shree Tins wandering around the valley. 

We though our mandaleys would go away but we were wrong as usual. Instead, the pancheys even became our Prime Monsters as our political parties needed help to form and topple governments. Then, we had our comrades and their 40-point demands. Yes, it was the same guy who now lives in Baluwatar who was having all the fun then as well. 

We had ten years of so-called civil war and thousands were killed by both our comrades and the security forces but what did we get? We got nothing. Our comrades were expecting less than a dozen seats but they were shocked when they became the largest party in this land during the first Constipated Assembly elections. Like our Kangaroos during the 90s, our comrades also forgot their sacrifices and instead engaged in corruption at all levels. 

Today,  Baidya Ba is at least right for once when he tells us that our comrades are not communists. Like most of our politicians in this land, they are opportunists and they have become a part of the system they had earlier sworn to break apart and make a 'New Nepal' for you and me. 

Instead, our comrades are the new 'Pancheys'. They will be a part of the coalition governments of tomorrow again and again and will get to be mini-sinisters and Prime Monsters as well. Don't be surprised when our mandaleys get the top kurchi too. Yes, folks like Kamal Thapa and Deepak Bohara continue to be mantris in 'New Nepal' and nobody is worried. 

One day, Kamal Dai will be our Prime Monster too because our so-called democratic netas would rather make deals with the 'old' chors so that all chors can continue to loot us all and have all the fun.

And now, thanks to our political parties, we can officially celebrate 'Gunda-Tantra Diwas' as well. We have seen our byaparis pay big bucks to be our lawmakers but now we are witnessing a new era of Nepali politics where mundrey gundas and so-called Dons finally come out and become politicians for good. 

Yes, everyone has to climb up the ladder and when it comes to politics, it's about time our mundrey gundas aim higher instead of just flexing their muscles for our netas. 

We have seen our political parties use folks like 'Chari' and 'Ghaitey' for their own self interest and when they were getting too big for their boots, they were shot dead by our brave police wallahs. Yes, our cops call it 'encounter' but everyone knows the real story. Our mundrey gundas are involved in abduction, extortion, loan sharking and other criminal activities. 

Our politicians need them because our mundreys can provide them muscles as well as money. And it would be a little difficult for our cops to shoot you if you are an elected member of our provincial assembly or the federal parliament. But would our cops have the courage to kill our politically affiliated criminals without the approval of our netas? Now that is the question!

We talk about our beautiful country going down the drain but now, it's all over. The country is already in the gutter. The Shree Tins lasted a little over hundred years. Our Pancheys played their music for three decades and time has come for the so-called 'Democratic' netas to step aside. 'Gunda-Tantra' is here. 

In this land of ours, folks like Dr KC are called crazy and needs to be jailed for trying to prevent our netas and byaparis from making some dough. Let us all welcome our dons and pickpockets to politics. 

We have no one to blame but us for staying quiet, for not taking a stand and for not having the courage to fight against our chors because we are more worried about a few Rupees while these buffoons loot billions from all of us. Gunda-Tantra Jindabad!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com 

No More Constipation!

We are done with our local elections and as usual, it was the crooks and the corrupt who managed to win big with their muscles and money. It seems that we, the people are still not ready to elect honest, hardworking folks to represent us. 

We just want to be safe with the same old thieves from the same old corrupt political parties because most of us do want to make sure that we have people who will waste our taxpayers' money on chiya kharcha to near and dear ones instead of having someone who will work to save us a few Rupees.

We thought our local representatives were going to be a different lot, better than the usual bunch of pickpockets who are our Constipated Assembly (CA) members but they seem to be more greedy than our lawmakers. Our Mayors want to ride around in luxury vehicles that will cost us more than a Karod. Our ward chairperson want smart phones and other perks. 

The Mayor of Kathmandu has failed us miserably. He can't even clear the garbage from the streets of Kathmandu and yet he dreams of making our capital a smart city with all the metro rail and what not.

Maybe, we just need to make our capital, a walking city and instead of giving preference to vehicles, let us give priority to our pedestrians and promote cycling. We will be a lot fitter and we will save billions in fuel and even medical cost as we might at least be able to minimize pollution inside the valley to some extent.

We now look forward to our provincial elections at the end of November and then we will have to elect our chors who will represent us in the parliament on the first week of December. Why can't we have both of the elections on the same day instead? 

Our Election Commissioners are more interested to ride around in luxury vehicles and waste hundreds of millions of Rupees for their own benefit instead of saving the government a few Rupees. It seems that every hakim saheb and neta just want to find ways to waste money from the national coffer. 

I think we need someone who is a saver who can save this country, save our economy, save us a few Rupees and save the game of politics before it becomes a playground for only murderers, kidnappers, robbers and mundrey gundas.

Our Constipated Assembly wasted billions and billions of Rupees to feed our hungry, starving lawmakers for nearly a decade. And what did we get so far? We got nothing but a half-baked constitution which once again happens to be the best in the world. 

Our CA will cease to exist but we can't be happy that we will save billions of Rupees because now, we will spend even more when we finally get our Chief Ministers and his or her courtiers in our provinces. Then we will have to feed our Prime Monster and his mini-sinisters at the federal level as well.

Our Mayors want vehicles worth more than a Karod. Now, a Chief Minister would want something more luxurious and expensive than what a Mayor is driving around in. So, let's get him or her a Range Rover. Yes, we should keep the status of our VVIPs in mind. 

If we checked our nation's bank accounts then we would not be able to afford even a cycle but who cares about balancing the books? So, let us not hurt the dignity of the office of the Chief Minister. And our provincial ministers will need a nice ride as well. Our provincial Houses will have as much members combined as we had in our Constipated Assembly. All lawmakers there will need a nice paycheck, chiya kharcha and other perks.

Then, we move up to the federal level, where we will have 275 eggheads at the Lower House and 59 snobs at the Upper House.  Do we really need to have PR seats? We have seen how our corrupt political parties sell their PR quotas to byaparis and other con artists for Karods of Rupees. 

It would be nice if the PR seats had a eligibility requirements like at least have a Masters degree and have held a job for at least five years in their life or if you are a byapari then your audit report of your business should be updated and not be in the black list as someone who has not paid his or her bank loans for years.

We cannot change this system by just writing about it. Our media has been doing a good job writing about corruption, abuse of authority and what not. Our incompetent government fires Gopal Khadka and the Supreme Court reinstates him at his old job because our government failed to follow due process. 

Maybe, our government should also look the other way and act like it didn't get the Supreme Court's directive like they have been doing for those who have been found guilty of murder and are yet to be arrested by our government. But Gopal Khadka will continue to find ways to make millions for himself, our netas and other government officials.

Our politicians and civil servants really don't care if you call them names, shame them or protest against them on the streets. They have turned out to be much worse than the all the previous regimes combined when it comes to showing at least an ounce of empathy for the people.  

Where are we heading? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? The answer is a big No!  Our politicians would rather make a quick buck and will not hesitate to sell this country to the highest bidder. This is what happens when traitors run the country while patriots have to run out of the country in hopes of making a few Dinars more.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

All Communists Unite!

Let us hope all of us had a wonderful  Dashain and we will have a good Tihar as well. It's hard for most of us to manage our budget during the festive season.  It seems that most of us consume more masu in a week than we do in a year.

It's about time we think about going vegetarian during Dashain not only to cut down family expenses but to also make sure that we are eating healthy instead of gorging on masu and fatty and fried stuff!

It would be better if we just combined Dashain and Tihar and made it a week-long holiday instead of spending twice in less than a month and going broke.  

We are still waiting for the day when our government will finally realize that people matters most and will be more than happy to provide us at least a few kilos of meat for free to each family or some veggies if you are a vegetarian during festive season.  

But for now, only our VVIPs receive a few hundred liters of petrol for their free vehicles. We will know that we have made it when we get the same perks as our VVIPs in the future. That day will come when folks like Dr KC head our government instead of the same bunch of pickpockets who have been playing politics for the past three decades.

Well, our netas and hakim sahebs don't have to worry much because this is the time they get free raksis, free khasis and boras of cash from fake-VAT bill byaparis, shady contractors and other con artists. And what about the rest of us? Well, we have to ask for loans from near and dear ones and even ask for credit from liquor and meat shops in one's neighborhood to manage the festive season!

It seems that our communist netas were busy playing politics while the Kangaroos and the other folks were busy playing cards and drinking tons of whiseky this Dashain.  Our United Mundrey Leaders, the Meowist and Dr Saheb and his 'New Power' wallahs now tell us that they plan to form an alliance to contest the provincial and federal parliamentary elections and hopefully unite and be part of a one big communist party in this country.  

And our Kangaroos plan to form an alliance with other Madhesi parties and the former Pancheys just to make sure that the communists don't take over and have all the fun!

If we do have a one big communist party by next year then we will have five former Prime Monsters in the same party. Then our clowns will fight amongst themselves to be the Chairperson. And if our communist do manage to win the majority then our Bam Dev uncle will certainly be our Prime Monster. After all, he is the one who is running around trying to get all comrades on board. 

It seems that Dr Saheb has realized that his 'new power' stuff didn't have any buyers. Our Emperor knows very well that his party will just be another third or fourth party in town and the only way to make some dough would be to join another coalition government, bag a few ministries and make a few Rupees and that’s about it.  

Oli knows very well that his party alone cannot win any majority and it would be better to bring the Meowist on board and not worry about our Emperor making deals left and right. But the question is how will all of our comrades get along?

We all know that our communists are not that good at staying together. Well, let us not only blame our commies. Most of our political parties have factions within and they battle it out to get tickets for the elections or have their own near and dear one as ambassadors, justices and hakim sahebs. The Kangaroos did split once and so did our UML. 

The Meowist could  have been a lot stronger if they had stayed together but Baidya Ba had other ideas and Dr Saheb thought he could start a new party. Our Madhesi parties are good at breaking up as well. So let us not have high hopes on our comrades staying together for long either.

So the comrades will be on the left and our Kangroos and their friends will head the right. But who will be at the center and find the middle path to peace and prosperity for this land of ours. 

We all know that our political parties are the most corrupt in this land and it is because of the that our civil servants would rather offer boras of cash to the netas for promotions and lucrative postings instead of  facing the corrupt clowns and telling them to take a hike. No wonder, our shady contractors can carry out shoddy works and get away with it. 

Do we need two big parties in this country to take turns looting us all or do we, the people form a new political party to battle the left and the right? We have seen enough of the communists and socialists. These clowns have shown us that they do not care for the people and only want to exploit them to make some moolah.

Maybe, what Nepal needs for now is a capitalist party for a change. Yes, it's about time Binod Chaudhary and his fellow 'Udhyogpatis' fund a new party that advocates free market economy, transparency and accountability not only on paper but in action as well. 

Yes, Mr Chaudhary , you have done pretty well selling Wai Wais.. why not start your own political party and we can say 'Bye Byes' to our chors. We can even come up with a new slogan, "Hami Timi Lai Wai Wai, Yee Chor haru lai Bye Bye!'…. and no MSG please!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com