Go Local!

Our incompetent government has already announced the date for local elections and we are all excited that we will finally have our own folks representing us in the villages, wards and municipalities. 

It's been a long time since we had our sarkari wallahs heading our local offices and our civil servants are good at doing nothing while making sure that the so-called all party mechanism continues to loot the funds meant for the people.

Yes, we know that the looting will continue even when we have our own mayors and ward chairpersons but at least we can hold them accountable and kick them out come next election. But with the civil servants, we have no choice but to bear their incompetence and lack of will to do what's right. 

Local elections are not easy. It is much easier to win the general election and be a MP than win the local election and be a ward chairperson. Local elections are tough because first you have to be a local. You can't just be a person from Rolpa and then show up in Dolpa and contest election from there like our parasites do during the general elections. 

Look at our Emperor! The man contested from Kirtipur and Siraha and somehow was lucky enough or managed to make a deal to win from Siraha by a meager 900 votes.  And the funny thing is the man doesn't even live in any of these two places that he stood up for election. 

I think we need some kind of a residency law that only allows a person from the same area to fight all elections instead of having a guy from Lamjung win the general election from Lalitpur.

Second, you need to have some experience working for the people be it as a tole samiti member or be involved in social service or be a political parasite to fight local elections. You have to know your neighbors and be in touch with other influencers in the ward or municipality. 

Twenty years ago, a former mundrey became our ward chairperson. Yes, you can be a mundrey gunda and if you can scare most of your opponents and charm the rest of the folks then you too can be a ward chairperson. 

Yes, money and muscles work hand in hand when winning elections in this land. No wonder, most of our mundrey gundas are affiliated with our major political parties. Some who are not that lucky get killed by the police, some who are lucky go on to be netas and even mantris and use the police for their own personal gain. 

Twenty years ago, we used to make fun of Bihar. Now, the Biharis make fun of us because our politicians and criminals are now working day and night to make this country disappear while the Biharis seem to be doing much better when it comes to building infrastructure and steering their state in the right direction.

Yes, we will all be lining up to cast our votes come May 14th.  But it seems that our political parties are not yet ready for elections. It seems that this country is being held hostage by our so-called big three political parties. The three stooges just want to share power and enjoy the loot. 

Our three circus companies need to be on the same page and should address the demands of our Madhesi and Janjati parties. Finally, the House has been able to hold deliberations on the seven-point amendment bill but we all know that if the bill is not passed with revisions then local elections will not be possible in the plains and the hills.

Our government will spend billions of Rupees to hold the local elections. And then we have the state and general elections as well. As usual our chors will spend most of the capital budget in the last month of the fiscal year and we, the people seem to be not interested to speak up and stand up to the mismanagement of funds by the folks in power.

King Deuba is the man under pressure this month. He really wants his man from the Far West to be our police chief because the local leaders from his region have asked him not to come back if Chand does not get the kurchi to head Nepal Police. 

Our Supreme Court is taking its time to figure out if the cabinet decision to appoint Chand is right. Currently, we have a doctor heading the police force. While he is the acting chief, it would be nice if he introduced a fitness test for most of our police personnel. And there should be a no drinking on the job and 'wash your mouth with soap' before interacting with the public campaign as well.

Our security agencies need to be prepared and be able to maintain law and order during elections. We know that it's a difficult task because you also have deal with political pressures and whoever is in charge of Home Ministry tend to use our security agencies to somehow help his or her own political party in such times. 

It’s about time we had a separate Police Service Commission and made sure that our political parasites stop interfering with the transfers and promotions of our police wallahs. But of course, our netas don't want to do what's right for this country. It's sad that the real patriots are silent while traitors get to be in power while slowly selling out this country to the highest bidder!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Low-Life Loafers

Our Emperor should learn a thing or two from Amriki President Trump when it comes to coming up with new nataks every week. The man in the West has been coming up with new tricks every week even if it pisses the rest of the world. 

Of course, most of the stuff is against what Amrika stands for but he is busy making sure that he keeps his voters happy and is already thinking about another four years in office. 

We don't know how the Trump administration will deal with the courts, intelligence agencies and the federal civil service. Some say, he will be Nixon XXL. But I guess Trump is now learning that it is hard to destroy the temple when you are inside it. 

It is much easier to attack the government from the outside. Our Emperor has his experiences doing that but once you are part of the government, it is difficult to destroy it from the inside. Our Emperor also knows how that will turn out as well.

Our Emperor must have lost touch with his magic skills lately. He is busy trying to keep the Madhesi netas happy so that they can all agree whether to hold the local and general elections this year. 

We all know that it is easy to announce the date for the elections but will the government really hold the elections on time?

I think our incompetent government seems to forget that they must pass the constitutional amendments to pave way for elections in the country. King Deuba is already itching to get to Baluwatar and begin his rule of  'Pajerocracy'. 

Yes, our lawmakers will love him for he is known to be a very generous man when it comes to looting the state funds to provide perks and benefits to the folks in the House.

If Oli was still hanging out at Baluwatar, he would have at least pledged to build a wall and make India pay for it. If we had made Baidya Ba our Prime Monster, he would have gone a step further and declared war against India. 

If our comrade Biplab had his way, we would be fighting a new war not against the state or the people or even India but against business houses. No wonder, they seem to want to blow up towers and what not and extort money from our byaparis.

It seems that our politicians are not interested to rebuild the homes and the lives of the folks displaced by the earthquake. Hundreds of thousands of children are affected because they have no schools to go to and our government is least interested to begin any projects to rebuild the schools. 

Our politicians don't care about the children, women or senior citizens. If they did then our kids would not suffer. They would have at least a building to go to attend their classes. 

They would receive their textbooks on time and our public school teachers would show up for work and on time instead of just receiving their paychecks while playing cards and drinking local raksi. Yes, most of our government teachers in the rural areas are known for their great work ethic. They spend most of their time indulging in extracurricular activities in the villages rather than teaching our kids in the schools.

If our government really cared about our women then our CDO sahebs would not hesitate to give citizenships to our kids in their mother's name. This is probably the only country in the world where government agencies refuse to follow the ruling of the Supreme Court. North Korea doesn't count because Lil' Kim is everything there. When he says your time is up then your time is really up!

Our senior citizen get a few thousand Rupees but most of it goes to our village and ward secretaries who embezzle the funds meant for the poor, needy and the old. Most of our politicians, especially the so-called top loafers are senior citizens but they don't need to worry because they get free medical treatment abroad at the expense of the taxpayers.

This so-called 'transition' phase has been great for our politicians, civil servants and con artists. We, the common folks just have no opportunities and do not receive any help from the government at all. Our young folks have lost hope in this country. All they want to do is go abroad by any means and are ready to face harsh inhumane conditions to make a Dinar or more.

Our Emperor tells us that his government will follow international laws and practices of transitional justice. Our politicians should learn a thing or two from Amriki President Trump. 

Just go out there and tell us what you really think and not the opposite. Our politicians do not even follow the laws of the land and yet they tell us all that our peace process in unique. No, it's not. 

Look at the partners in the ruling coalition today. The man who put a price on the head of the other man is now enjoying drinking sessions with the same person. So what was the so-called civil war all about? 

Thousands killed and disappeared both by the state and our comrades and what did we get? We got the same two crooks shaking hands and enjoying the power game. 

Our government does not want to empower the commissions formed to investigate the conflict-era cases. More than 60,000 complaints have been filed and it will take another 60 years with the current human resources to go over all the complaints and forget about investigating anything due to lack of legal framework, resources and interference from the political parties and the security forces.

Our politicians are a lucky bunch. Trump's National Security Adviser had to resign because of his 'love talk' with the Russians. Here in this land, our politicians meet with foreign agents every other day and nobody has to resign. 

We get to watch or even listen to tapes of our politicians asking for Karods from bideshis  or boasting about fudging the numbers to embezzle billions of Rupees from the state and nobody has to resign. 

We seem to live in a completely different world. We, the people have resigned ourselves to the fact that our politicians will not change and we leave it to them to take this country down the drain. What this country needs is a good sewage system to flush down all the waste and trash that seem to block this country from peace and prosperity!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

The New Chiefs

Our Nepal Police and the Armed Police Force (APF) will have new chiefs next week as the current ones retire.  These two security agencies have a thirty-year service period. We are losing capable professionals due to such provision. The current IGP and eight AIGs will retire on the same day next week as they complete their thirty-year service in Nepal Police.

Why on earth do we need eight AIGs?. We had two earlier in the 90s. Then, our successive Home Ministers decided to add more along the way to promote their near and dear ones. 

We now have so many DIGs and SSPs that they don't even have much to do. Decades ago, the departments headed by SPs are now headed by DIGs and in the future don't be surprised if we have a SP heading a police beat in the capital. 

It think it's about time our incompetent government amend the Nepal Police Act and also increase the retirement age to at least 60. It will save us billions of Rupees in benefits and pensions as well.

But of course, our corrupt government does not want to end the thirty-year service period because they want to promote their near and dear ones without any regard to merit and seniority. And we all know that boras of cash change hands when it comes to appointing folks at top positions in our government agencies.

The Kangaroos and the Meowist had earlier agreed that one would choose the Nepal Police chief and the other one would get to choose the person to head the APF. 

Yes, our politicians set aside quotas for everything, be it Supreme Court Judges, Ambassadors, Hakim Sahebs and anyone who wants to head any of our public agencies. Yes, our political parties need their near and dear ones at the top positions so that the appointees can help the parties when it comes to funds and misuse of state property and more.

The Meowist have already decided whom to appoint to head the APF. But our conmen are fighting amongst themselves when it comes to the new Nepal Police chief. Our Home Minister who did not get along that well with the current IGP wants DIG Silwal to head the Nepal police while our King from Dadeldhura wants his man DIG Chand.

Our Home Minister Nidhi has interfered in promotion and postings of police officers repeatedly. Well, most Home Ministers do interfere regularly but Nidhi has topped the charts when it comes to only focusing on transfers and promotions and nothing else. 

But when it comes to the 'IGP' game, DIG Silwal is the most senior officer whereas DIG Chand is third in line. Both are competent police officers. Well, all our police wallahs are competent folks but they have to play the 'power' game and bow under pressure to our mantris and politicians now and then.

And due to the thirty-year service period, our IGPs rarely get to serve for three years. Our current IGP got lucky. But the ones after him will get to serve a year or two and go home. 

We all know that our police officers who are promoted to DIGs and above need close connections with our politicians. Only merit will not carry you that far and when time comes, you need to be prepared to offer boras of cash to our mantris to get the top job as well. 

It's sad that our Nepal Police, despite performing well without any adequate resources, is now nothing but a playground for corrupt cops to climb the ladder while competent and hardworking cops retire early. 

The APF is busy protecting foreign embassies, INGOs and our mantris. And yes, they are at the border as well but they too have learned the tricks and are engaged in smuggling and allowing illegal activities in the border areas. 

Our Nepal Police does not have a good image at all. The public is more scared of the police wallahs than the mundrey gundas. Not much has changed since the 90s. Our police wallahs continue to use the laathi and boots to harass the public. So far, we have yet to get a Home Minister and a Police Chief who get along and want to reform the police force. 

First, we need to get rid of the 'Police Mero Sathi' campaign. Nepal Police is not our friend. Even the constable at the check point can swear at you, act like he owns this country and threaten to take you to jail and beat you up if you dare to question his attitude and policing. 

If Nepal Police really wants to be our friend then they must first learn how to speak like civilized folks.  Yes, they have sworn to protect the public and not to loot the public. Why do our police wallahs be it constables to senior officers use vulgar words when it comes to interacting with the public? 

Why can't our police wallahs address the public as 'Sir' and 'Maam' instead of 'Tailey Khojya Ho?' when the public reminds them that we, the taxpayers pay their salaries and their job is to help us and not the mundrey gundas, con artists and our politicians?

Nepal Police is not going to change overnight. It will probably never change. It's been the same since the days of the Pancheys. Yes, they have changed the color of their dress from Khaki to Blue but the attitude, policing and brutality continue to remain the same. 

And at the end of the day, it's the government who gets to amend the Nepal Police Act and reform the police force. Until the day our politicians change and work together to make our police wallahs professional and public-friendly, we will continue to be scared of our cops. Our police wallahs should not forget that they are public servants and their main job is to fight against injustice.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Fake Student Union (FSU)

Tribhuvan University (TU) plans to hold the Free Student Union (FSU) elections on February 25th.  It has been eight years since the last FSU election and we never know if this one will also be called off at the last moment when one of the student unions of our major political parties decides to do some dhunga-muda and padlock TU offices to show their so-called strength. 

If you are studying at any of the TU-affiliated colleges, please be advised that it is better not to be seen around the campus vicinity until the elections are over. 

If you need to go then get ready to be swarmed by cadres of student unions of our major political parties asking for votes and promising you everything. Just tell the so-called student netas that you will vote for all of them and accept the offer of free chiya every time they meet you for their vote-begging nataks. 

And come election time, our student unions will hire mundrey gundas and battle it out inside the campus premises using rods, khukuris and some will even try to use pistols to scare each other. 

But of course, first you need the notes to win the votes and also use muscle power to disrupt the voting process if you figure out that you are going to lose anyway. 

Our student unions are now busy sending out 'voluntary donation' letters to businesses across the country. It seems that when it comes to fundraising, our political parties and their sister wings only know how to extort from the byaparis instead of asking common folks to help them. 

And our byaparis have no choice but to fudge their books, evade taxes so that they can make a profit after paying off mundreys and politicians. And if you are engaged in illegal activities, then put aside some chiya kharcha for our cops as well.

This time, TU has announced that candidates who are older than 28 years cannot contest the elections and some of our student unions are not happy about it. After all, most of our student union netas are folks in their thirties and forties while the real students at TU are below the age of 24.  

Maybe, our student leaders just love TU and want to continue to do triple Masters or complete a decade in the same program because he or she fails to pass the exams.

Even the UN wallahs tell us that youth are people from the age of 15 to 24. But here in this land, you can still be a youth leader of any political party until the day you become a mantri. Yes, fifty year old nautanki netas still go around calling themselves youth leader.  It seems that 40 is the new 20 in this land of ours! 

Our student unions are used by our political parties for their protest programs. Most of the protests during price hikes of essential items are organized by our student unions. 

Our student netas and their cadres may number less than a dozen but when you add mundreys for hire then the protest gets rowdy, and you burn tyres and throw stones at the police and do whatever it takes to be on the news. 

Our student leaders get to be mantris in a decade or two if they continue to be in the good books of the old fogies who run the parties. It’s about time we had age limit for our politicians as well. 

Yes, you have to be 25 to contest general elections in this land but why not have a cut-off age at 65?  But of course, the House is not going to pass any bill that prevents our current batch of thieves from enjoying the loot. 

Our incompetent government tells us that we will have local elections soon. It's been more than two decades since we had local representatives in our wards and municipalities. 

I think it would be better if our politicians sorted out the province natak first instead of just wasting billions of Rupees on another election. We all know that the banda season will begin soon once the government finalizes the dates for the local elections. 

Let us continue to enjoy the dhulo mulo on the streets of Kathmandu until the Nepali New Year and then we can all stay home and watch our political parties shut down the country for their own self interest.  Why not hold the local, state and general elections at the same time? 

Yes, please save us billions of Rupees and it will be easier for our fake-VAT bill byaparies to set aside their voluntary contributions as well. We all know that our lives will not get better even once we are done with the 'province natak'. We will pay more taxes while our politicians will use the taxes to fund their own perks and benefits. 

Yes, we need student unions in our campuses but they should work together with the administration to provide better facilities and resources for the students. 

But our student unions and their netas only know how to shut down the campuses, padlock the offices of the administration and use their time to practice giving speeches to fool the students so that one day, they can become netas in the national scene and continue to fool us all with their hawataris speeches and nautanki nataks.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com